Hurting and Confused - Male in threesome forced anal

[arcpl4mfm]

OK, here is the situation....
We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again. So I got up and went to the bathroom and stayed there till he left. My hubby had no idea what had happened, just thought that maybe he had gotten a little too rough. When he came into the bathroom I ws crying and he wanted to go rip this guys head off. Of course I told him not too, but now that I am ripped all to hades and so very sore, I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.
Anyway, he had the nerve to call this morning and act like nothing had happened. My hubby asked him what the hell he was thinking and the guy said that he was sorry and that he was just excited and not thinking. I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.
I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.

I really don't want to be accused of being the morality police, but I do have a question to ask here...

And the only reason I do is because it may be a bit of an insight into the type of guy he is.

I assume he is married - does his wife know that he is playing with you guys? The reason I ask is that if he is a cheater, then his honesty and character is suspect. If he is a cheater than your assessment of him being a "pig" is probably right on the mark - but you knew that when you invited him into your bedroom.

If he is not a cheater - and you guys had his wife's blessing... Well, he is still obviously a pig; disrespectful and a complete ass.

What he did was horrible and I would have been just like your husband - I would have wanted to rip his head off.

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

This is why most couples play with SINGLE guys... This is why most couples are very cautious and picky about the character of the singles that they choose... This guy was not a single - he was simply alone - for whatever reason.

I can't speak for his character, because I do not know if he was cheating or had permission, but I can say that it is guys like this who make it tough on everyone.

Spoomonkey

PS - Please note, this is written from the "angry husband" perspective. Mrs Spoomonkey is posting right behind me and, knowing what she is going to post, I agree with her. It is NOT your fault.

[arcpl4mfm]

The wife of this guy does not know what he was doing and I know that is wrong. I have issues with that as well, but we played with him before he got married as well and he never tried anything like this. And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

[two4youinswva]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.

You do only what you want to do. Nothing more. End of discussion.

What he did was just plain fucked up, wrong, and deserving of an ass whipping.

We don't want to play with anyone that gets "too excited" and "doesn't think". I get excited when we play, but I still have enough sense to not play ramrod where it's not wanted and especially without lubrication.

In retrospect, did you see any red flags prior to playing? Don't feel bad if you didn't, because there may not have been any. But, it's worth looking back at in order to help you avoid such a prick in the future.

And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

I would suspect his title can now be changed to "former friend of the hubbys".

And for further reassurance, Spoo is right, This is NOT your fault.

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.
I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

First let me tell you not to let this guy make you feel like a slut or that you did anything wrong!!!! I recently had the male of a couple do something to me (yes he/they are on our no talk, no play list now) that made me feel dirty/used ...... and it's hard but they are the ones that are in the wrong not you or me. He is an ass and quite frankly needs a sign around his neck stating such so everyone else is warned not to play with him.

I am a little confused as to his status. You say here that you think he is wanting to do things that his wife won't let him do and then you ask why couples don't play with singles Which is he married playing alone or a single? I won't address that right here there are plenty of threads on married's playing alone and I don't know if he had his wife's permission.

The real issue here is what he did to you.... single or married it was WRONG! I don't care if it's a new guy or one you have played with a couple of times (as you stated) unless you gave him permission or he asked about it first he had no right to do what he did to you. If it had been me I have to say he wouldn't have gotten as kind a response as you gave this guy. I tend to swing (as in my arm and fist) with various WTF to you think your doing and get the F off before anything else. At that point Mr Spoo would have realized what was going on and ....... well if he was able to walk out the door after that, he would have known for certain that not only would there never be play again..... we wouldn't even want to run into him on the street!!

Sound harsh? I don't think so. We swing to have fun, and to meet people for sex and friendship. I respect myself and Mr Spoo respects and protects me. No one has a right just because I have chosen to have sex with them to treat me any other way than with the utmost respect. This guy is a selfish ass and if he is married I feel sorry for his wife because it expresses how he must treat her. If he's single......he probably doesn't get many repeat dates from single women!!

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Chicup]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

The wife of this guy does not know what he was doing and I know that is wrong. I have issues with that as well, but we played with him before he got married as well and he never tried anything like this. And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

Karma is a bitch sometimes. This guy doesn't respect his wife, why should he respect you? Character matters in all things and he wanted to do you anal, you said no, and he didn't care, its about him after all not you. Most swinger males have a GREAT deal of respect for the womans wants, and the few times I've been told not do do something or do something different, I just do what she wants because for me, its about her. This is especially true in a MFM.

[EmpyreanPleasur]

This guy doesn't respect his wife, why should he respect you?

That says it in a nutshell!

This man is a pig. Hell, if my own husband did that to me I'd come up swinging. Let alone the lack of respect that he showed by doing it a second time. Anal isn't something you "just loose control over" as you well know it can be damaging if it's not done right.

ANYTHING that you do not want to do should not be done. Anyone who is selfish or immature enough to "lose control" doesn't belong in the lifestyle. I can't even imagine what my husband would have done to anyone in this situation so your husband's anger at this guy is well within reason!


I think this has nothing to do with him being a single man, married playing apart or even married playing together - this guy would likely be this thoughtless and crude no matter what his play status was. However, everyone has a good point about the character of a man who is playing without his wifes knowledge and what it says about him. Still this does not mean it's YOUR fault or anything you did wrong. It's just something to think about - live and learn!

I also can't believe he didn't realize how upset you were that you had to go into the bathroom and refuse to come out until he left! He knew! Just like he knew he had hurt you the first time he did it. I hope you both seriously reconsider this person's friendship as his character is strongly suspect in many ways now.

As for yourself...you and your husband need to talk through what happened, explore your feelings and when you are ready move on from this. This is NOT what the lifestyle is like.

I wanted to add that YOU my dear are a wonderful loving person who is sharing something special in an obviously loving and strong relationship. Do NOT let what happened in any way make you feel belittled or dirty. I know it is difficult not to but keep reminding yourself that YOU did nothing wrong and he was responsible for this situation!

[L&R]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

OK, here is the situation....
We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again. So I got up and went to the bathroom and stayed there till he left. My hubby had no idea what had happened, just thought that maybe he had gotten a little too rough. When he came into the bathroom I ws crying and he wanted to go rip this guys head off. Of course I told him not too, but now that I am ripped all to hades and so very sore, I wonder if I was wrong and should have let him. But that is not the type of person I am.
Anyway, he had the nerve to call this morning and act like nothing had happened. My hubby asked him what the hell he was thinking and the guy said that he was sorry and that he was just excited and not thinking. I think that he is just trying to do things with me that his wife wont let him do with her, or that he is a pig and just wanted to make me feel like a slut, which he did successfully.
I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

(1) Dittos to everything Mr & Mrs Spoo said it's all "on the money"

I just want to know, where was your husband? was he n the same room? same bed? was he asleep? The second he heard you say "stop" or "that hurts" he should have removed that prick and in no uncertain terms informed him ""playtime" was over...you can go home now."

[intuition897]

Man, I'm with Empyrean! ANYbody tries that kind of BS with me and they're gonna be either missing some tender body parts, or rubbing their tender swollen asshole after I dig out the heavy artillery. [in best subtitled-Ninja-movie voice] "Your puny penis is no match for my...MONSTER DONG!! Hahahaha!" Let's see how HE likes it...<EG>

I think you were bang on with your theory that he wanted to turn you into the slut he can't envision his wife being. While there's nothing wrong with a woman being the sexually voracious creatures that she is, there is NO call for anyone to disrespect her for that! His shit-head attitude speaks volumes about his general view of and lack of respect for women. The "I wasn't thinking/I was out of control" excuse is just that: a lame-ass excuse and leads me to believe that his wife didn't know. He has a habit of sneaking, hiding and saying "Not my fault!" when he is caught. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. You were abused. It happened. And there's no erasing it. My only suggestions would be to, of course, DITCH him, and then just work on learning all you can from this wretched experience. Be more careful in choosing your partners in the future. Take care of yourself, ok? This is NOT your fault.

[chastityrings]

"Your puny penis is no match for my...MONSTER DONG!! Hahahaha!" Let's see how HE likes it...

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!
I got the visual,and by the way it sounds like just what he deserves!!!

[pumpkins1970]

This is Mr. Pumpkin checking in, in our profile and before we play, we clearly state NO ANAL. If the other male(we don't play with single males to begin with) had even started that, I would have ripped his head off, no questions or excuses, you break one of our rules and thats it! Yes, you are correct, the other male is a pig and I think your husband would be justified in slugging the guy in the least. You are not a dirty slut, you are the victim of a pig,( ASSHOLE in my book) it is a shame you feel bad about yourself for what he did to you, its not your fault my dear, I hope this helps you feel better about yourself, take care -XOXO.

[wiscpl]

He should have gotten the hint the first time, and even that was more than he should have done. In our experience going there takes special permission for anyone. Anytime you go there a lubrication should be used otherwise serious injury could occur.
If someone were to try this with mrs. wiscpl he'd be walking out with a limp, if he could still walk. Of course that's after he became a unich.

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

OK, here is the situation....
. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything.
.....
I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

Ah YES, I know and feel your pain (that is on another thread that I will send you a private pm to)... and it is the reason we will never play with THAT single man again...and why next time I see the creep (or if someone else makes the same mistake as to Sodomize me)... which I pray there is not... I will ask Mr. Body to please beat the crap out of him... or hold him down so I can.

I find your "signature" rather ironic in this case... yes I know... OUCH!

~Cat of Bodyscape02

[BodyScape02]

BTW...don't feel bad about running and hiding either... I did too... I am not sure too many people realize the shock your in and how very much it hurts... you do just want to run and hide in a little corner....and cry... you especially can't really deal with the perpetrator when you are in that kind of shock... you just know ... you don't want him any were near you!

yeah I am all big and bold and I would kick the crap out of him now...but when it happend... I ran and hid and hurt.

[Sweet_Candy]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

The wife of this guy does not know what he was doing and I know that is wrong. I have issues with that as well, but we played with him before he got married as well and he never tried anything like this. And he is a long time friend of the hubbys.

Way to much drama for us. If his wife finds out...there could be serious ramifications for all involved. We don't condone cheating for whatever reason. The fact that an individual is cheating for us presents a red flag to their character. To demean the one you care for in our book implies you don't have respect for others as well.
As for the sodomy...sever ties with this sick bastard. If during the heat of the moment you pull out and end up there that can be overlooked as an honest mistake. But to go back there again, that's a crime.