Hurting and Confused - Male in threesome forced anal

[curiouscouple4f]

Originally Posted by Sweet_Candy

As for the sodomy...sever ties with this sick bastard. If during the heat of the moment you pull out and end up there that can be overlooked as an honest mistake. But to go back there again, that's a crime.

Dito This bordered very close to attempted rape, if you say NO! then any pressure or attempt against your wishes is rape! anal or not! I am a woman who was unfortunate enough to be raped, by a person I had been dateing for a long time. NO MEANS NO NO exceptions. My husband would have dismembered him on the spot. I don't blame you for running and hiding, it was very easy to say that I would fight if anyone messes with me, but when it happened I just wanted to curl up and hide. It took me a long time to deal with it, and I must agree with everyone who has said THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT Don't deal with him anymore. I feel sorry for his wife/girlfriend, this guys is an asshole.

"The Mrs."

[Jamie&Kieth]

One you are not a slut, two you did the right thing ... what you & your husband do next is up to you but I would read and take in what everybody has said.

Rule #1 is "NO" means just that NO DO NOT DO THAT or "STOP" means stop. There have been situations where events do get carried away but because we do know each other we understand and respect everybody.

I/we never swing with "singles" who are married, we have had situations where usually the husband wants to join us, but the wife does not know about it and yes vice versa. That is rule #2.

Occasionally we have gone to swinger clubs and hooked up with people on line and unfortunately the experiences have not always been that great. This is why we only swing with "COUPLES" that we know.

A couple of years ago a bunch of us went to Hedonism III, while we had fun, with lots of sex, games and drinking I did have an unfortunate experience where a group of guys thought they could have there way with me. Part of it was my fault as they had witness me in a foursome with three men from our group. The three strangers simply thought that I would do it with them to. Yes it did turn ugly.

My advise, if you still enjoy swinging, do it with a couple, besides having another woman around is nice ... and fun!

[JnCC]

You've played with this guy before. The question seems to be "What happened this time, and why did it happen?" The problem with answering that is that only you know the guy involved, and even you're not sure why he did what he did. But I did pick up on a few things from your Swing Lifestyle profile that could lead a person to misinterpret your interests and desires.

"He would love to watch her be gang-banged"

To some guys, a GB implys the total, complete objectification of the female. It's an act in which her body is to be used solely for their pleasure, and vice-versa. It also describes the attitude of a "slut" towards sex. If your male-friend thinks that this is what you want, then it's understandable why you'd feel he treated you like a slut. He probably thought he was doing you a favor.

(BTW, the above definition of a GB is what I always thought it meant, until I read the numerous posts on the subject in another thread. I was wrong. Apparently, to many couples, it can also mean a group of carefully chosen males. Make sure your profile is clear on what it means to you)

"Also thinking about trying DP"

Again, some guys are going to read that as an invitation to "use the back door" at will. There IS such a thing as "too much information" in a profile. Things that you may be "thinking about" become "agendas" to the people who read your profile.

A couple other thoughts occur to me here;

1) The fact that he's this rough with you probably explains why "his wife wont let him do [anal sex] with her" either.

2) There IS such a thing as "bedroom mishaps caused by friendly fire" When it's dark, you're with somebody you don't know well, and the action gets hot and heavy, it IS possible to get your "aiming coordinates" mixed up. It would be nice it it never happened, but it does.

3) For the same reasons, in some situations it's possible for a man to be in the "wrong" place and not know that he is. However, because you said this was very painful to you, I doubt he was just "confused" about where his dick was.

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

Couples don't play with single guys because for most of them, sex is a male/female, "Yin/Yang" sort of thing...it takes equal parts of both. Adding another "Yin" without a corresponding "Yang" throws everything off balance. Even if the "Yin" is nice, polite, "respects all limits," and has a big dick, it still throws things off balance. Most single guys have NO concept of that, and think that they're not accepted by the swinging community because of guys like the one you described. It's not the only thing they have no concept of.

[good times]

I agree with what the others had said here, and you did nothing wrong.

If this had happened to Mrs. GT I can tell you that after she got through showing him the error in his ways, I would follow up and beat or break any of the SOB's body parts she missed.

[Carol_Danny]

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

We have had a 3some with this guy on several occasions. So last night was no big suprise until while we were having sex, he intiated anal sex with me, with out permission if u get what I mean, with no lube or anything. I told him to stop and that he was getting way too rough. Then we began playing again, I thought that maybe it was an "accident". Then he did it again.

When you told him to stop, did you specifically mention the anal sex, or just the rough sex in general? Did you have anal sex in the past? (That wasn't mentioned) Did he truly understand what he did wrong before he attempted anal for the second time?

I just like to understand situations before I comment on them. I know that the consensus is "damn ignorant single guy showing no respect", but I can't say that, not knowing the history of your relationship, and the way you have played in the past. If he did try and take untoward advantage of the situation, you should have stopped it right then and there, and not go any further.

Originally Posted by arcpl4mfm

I just needed to rant a bit, but I am curious if this has ever happend to anyone else and if this is why most couples dont play with single guys.

We have had guys go a bit further than they should have, and a quick talk usually sets them straight. We usually discuss limits before we even start, so that there is no ambiguity in what may happen and what is acceptable.

But this is not the reason most couples don't play with single men, that's a whole other kettle of fish

Danny & Carol

[starlinn]

I have to agree with most everyone that posted here. I do not agree there is any reason for it to happen. You gave him a chance the first time, (some would not have), and since you had swung with him before, I am sure that he knew his limits. I have a fantasy to have DP, but, when it came down to it, and I was not confortable with it, should someone keep trying, they are stepping over the limit! I also think that a woman knows when a "direct hit to the south" and "misjudgement in aim" happens. I am sending you a virtual hug for what you have went through. I hope that you will reconsider meeting and swinging with him again.
Truely, is this a direct attack against single males? I dont think so. Any male, single or married, could have done the same thing. Women also. I am sure there are things that males don't like done to them. I think it is about stepping over the limits.

[tribbles]

My first thought is not to beat him up....but to grab a dildo and show him the error of his ways...no lube, of course, and without asking.

Fair is fair, right?

(and it can't be any more illegal than what he did...where as beating him up CAN lead to legal crud).

[BodyScape02]

Originally Posted by tribbles

My first thought is not to beat him up....but to grab a dildo and show him the error of his ways...no lube, of course, and without asking.

Fair is fair, right?

(and it can't be any more illegal than what he did...where as beating him up CAN lead to legal crud).

WOW and you guys think I'm harsh...lol...OUCH!

[Tempest419]

I just wanted to thank you and Body and everyone else who posted here with their thoughts... first, I'm probably going to change some wording on my profile! Second, even though our "single guy" was so nice, respectful, etc we will still be having (which I was planning on anyway) a repetitively frank conversation on the rules and what he is and is not allowed to do--and the possible consequences of... I am also glad Husband is much bigger than him anyway and there is no "friendship" to complicate things from beating his ass straight out the door!

I'm so so sorry this ever happened, but so thankful for all of your openness on your own experiences. I hope that part of your healing includes remembering that by sharing your pain, you are helping so many others!

Tempest

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by JnCC

Again, some guys are going to read that as an invitation to "use the back door" at will. There IS such a thing as "too much information" in a profile. Things that you may be "thinking about" become "agendas" to the people who read your profile.

I think a lot of couples (and I've seen singles do it too) put their "fantasies" in their profile. Or things they would like to "try". That doesn't mean you can assume if you get invited to play that you can just initiate that fantasy.

We usually talk to couples and singles before play and discuss what everyone likes and doesn't like. And, although DP is something that is out there for a someday maybe thing it doesn't mean we're going to do it ever.

If she has this in her profile and he was interested in being the one to help her fantasy happen then it should have been discussed. Assuming if that is something she is interested in she may not have had anal sex before and even if she had it's not something that you just jump in and do. There needs to be some preparation (lube!!) and easing going at first.

Also, regardless of the meaning of a gang bang and her interest in trying it, doesn't give him the right to "assume" anything. If I want to be treated like a "slut" I'll tell my playmate before hand and what I mean by that.

So back to the original issue..... this guy is lucky he was able to "walk" out of the house!!

Mrs Spoomonkey

[curiousagain]

arcpl4mfm, I'm sorry to hear this happened to you and I think you've gotten some good advice from a lot of different angles here.

What can I add? Irregardless of marital status or any of the other issues here, the guy was intentionally or unintentionally doing wrong. He doesn't have the self control to have sex much less swing.

OK, MY rant will commence now.

HOW MANY EFFIN' TIMES DOES THIS HAVE TO BE EFFIN' REPEATED??? The female has to feel safe and secure to enjoy herself and if she isn't enjoying herself, bucko, we ain't gonna enjoy ourselves understand????

This guy isn't/wasn't a "single male" and I really wish everybody would stop referring to him as such.

He's a male, period. OK, guys of all marital/swing status, think about it. You're about to climb into bed with a couple of women who for whatever reason, you WANT to put things in orifices of your body. But, this time they outweigh you by 100 lbs apiece and are 10 times as strong as you are. Do you want them to be drunk/high/out of control, or do you want to feel like they have nothing but your safety and pleasure as their goal?? Christ, I just don't have the energy for the rest of this.



Good Lord, everybody be safe and be careful out there.

[Carol_Danny]

Originally Posted by curiousagain

This guy isn't/wasn't a "single male" and I really wish everybody would stop referring to him as such.

He's a male, period.

I like that! It is so simple, yet so true. Single or Married, without respect, it all just does not matter.

Carol xoxoxo

[Mrs Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Carol_Danny

I like that! It is so simple, yet so true. Single or Married, without respect, it all just does not matter.

Carol xoxoxo

Dito Respect must be there regardless of status. Although this guy is a double asshole ..... he doesn't respect his wife (cheater) or his playmates.

Mrs Spoomonkey

[Carol_Danny]

Originally Posted by Mrs Spoomonkey

Dito Respect must be there regardless of status. Although this guy is a double asshole ..... he doesn't respect his wife (cheater) or his playmates.

Dito Exactly!

[WesternSwing]

It sounds like you are playing with a married man that is cheating on his wife. He is being honest that he was trying to do something with you his wife won't, that is why he is cheating.

BUT, the fact that it wasn't okay'd through you first is wrong. Mrs. WS is always up for anal with the right guy, but the point there is that has to be the right guy under the right circumstances, which means he has to ask her, or more appropriately let her know that he really, really wants to do her that way. It makes her feel special.

So, no... you aren't wrong in feeling that this guy was stepping beyond the bounderies, because he was. It doesn't sound like you were opposed to doing it, just that he didn't show the proper respect or appreciation that he should have. You are totally in the right, he is totally in the wrong. If you want to continue playing with him then discuss it, if not, move on.

Mr. WS