Broken Hearted - Bad Experience with Single Female

[twoplayful2]

Telling her not to be a doormat, to stand up for herself in the future, but advising her not to seek revenge is hardly a contradiction. If the problem is that you didn't get any and feel like you were cheated out of some fun then it seems pretty reasonable to work towards getting some of that fun. But if the problem was the feeling of betrayal, you either feel your SO isn't really being honest about being sorry or about the possibility of doing it again, in which case you leave him/her, or you do believe them and you forgive them and move on together. Anyway, if you're going to "even the score" in a situation like this then you need a serious surprise betrayal that the SO didn't expect and actually feels betrayed by, not some planned out thing between the two of them. But this evening the score thing could be applied to every mistake a married couple makes and you'd be going back and forth with every little thing, doesn't sound like a healthy game plan to me.

[TeamSoBe]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

Anyway, if you're going to "even the score" in a situation like this then you need a serious surprise betrayal that the SO didn't expect and actually feels betrayed by, not some planned out thing between the two of them.

True, but all of her talk of getting even has been in the context of her having some fun for herself, rather than her hurting him out of spite. So I think it's perfectly healthy.

[Britcouple]

Sorry for you Daddy,s girl and all that you have experienced , having read through all the replies there is nothing of importance i could add that has not already been said other than you are surrounded by some loving caring people that will help you deal with your experience , and you need to take some credit as well for being so open an honest.

Good Luck xxx

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by Britcouple

Sorry for you Daddy,s girl and all that you have experienced , having read through all the replies there is nothing of importance i could add that has not already been said other than you are surrounded by some loving caring people that will help you deal with your experience , and you need to take some credit as well for being so open an honest.

Good Luck xxx

Thanks BritCouple and good luck on your adventure

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by twoplayful2

. If the problem is that you didn't get any and feel like you were cheated out of some fun then it seems pretty reasonable to work towards getting some of that fun.

This is how I am feeling.At least on my most conscious level.I mean Pandora's box has already been opened.W/we have experienced the worst case scenario possible.We have opened the door so now why should I be allowed to walk through it?Thats how I feel about it.

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by TeamSoBe

Daddy'sGirl, you ever go to a strip club with your man? The women at a strip club are under your complete control so there's no need to be jealous. Your man can dominate you by picking girls to lap dance you. You can tell him in advance that you want all of the dances and he can just watch since it's your turn, then he can feel free to dominate you under those rules. The other men in the club are under the control of the bouncers and your husband doesn't need to be jealous of them. It's a safe way for you to get some girl sex action and not feel totally left out of the fun adventures.

Yes W/we have gone several times.Maybe you are right this could be a mild way to get some of what I feel I am missing.And your example of Disney is so spot on!I feel like ok somehow we stumbled into the amusement park.W/we bought our tickets and stood in line,but only he got to ride.I realize the "ride" made Him a bit sick and maybe he would want to sit down for awhile and let his stomach settle down.But why should he drag Me out of the park now?I mean for God's sake we are already here!~pouts and whines~

[Daddy'sGirl]

Just to clarify.Ok yes i am in a D/s relationship.I have found some to be a bit critical of that sort of power exchange in general and as it relates to swinging.Now I understand that D/s isnt for everyone but niether is sharing one's spouse sexually.The relationship my husband and I share isnt what some may be picturing.I dont walk around in a leash and collar and I am not chained to the bed(well not all the time ).I have my own mind and my own thoughts.He asks me for advice,my opinions and cares about my desires(most of the time).O/our relationship is more like the traditional marriage model where the man is the head of the family and although he wants to please me and frequently defers to me.His is the final word.Again that may not work for everyone but it works for U/us.My submission to Him is far more formal than his Dominance of me if that makes sense.I have been in D/s relationships before and have explored my limits and boundaries and fantasies.He is just a very Dominant male.So I agree with the advice that was given that perhaps I have willfully given over more of my power than He can handle.I agree that I need to take some of it back especially as it relates to "swinging".I just wanted to clarify for the thread that I am not a doormat.I am intelligent and articulate and a strong woman wo chooses to submit to an even stronger man.My husband loves my brain as well as my obedience and the last thing he would want is a mindless robot who says nothing but "Yes Master".Things went horribly wrong that night wierd and potent combinations of mis-communication,mixed signals,liquor,desire and yes to some extent D/s but that is just the minor part.My husband does not feel he had the right to do any of those things and he has stepped up to the plate and admitted his fault in this and begged me to forgive Him.As we move on from this "experience" we are also re-evaluating the nature of O/our relationship.But for the record I do enjoy submitting to my Husband.Pleasing Him gives me so much pleasure.Having his guidance keeps me on my feet and in return he pleases and loves me right back.I have freely shared all of the phases of acceptance and forgiveness one goes through when they have been wronged ,each level less intense then the other until finally true healing has occured.I thank You all for your thoughts and opinions through this process.

[Sunswept]

Hi Daddy'sGirl,
Seems to me you have been learning a lot! And as you know, I am not critical at all of people that want to have a D/s relationship, have done that myself although that was a while back, and I do understand. You know, as I look at what happened to you two...it was not swinging.. it can be better thought of as a type of D/s scene, one that went wrong. There is a large BDSM community here where I live, and within that community, sex with others is really not thought of as swinging.. it is a BDSM "scene" that includes other people. Your "Dom" chose the "scene", chose the play partner, and set up the whole scene. BUT something was absent. Usually even in those types of BDSM scenes, the people involved set up safe words, "negotiate" the scene up front, etc. Sort of like what happens in swinging. But that did not happen in your case.

Originally Posted by Daddy'sGirl

....My submission to Him is far more formal than his Dominance of me if that makes sense.I have been in D/s relationships before and have explored my limits and boundaries and fantasies.He is just a very Dominant male.So I agree with the advice that was given that perhaps I have willfully given over more of my power than He can handle.I agree that I need to take some of it back especially as it relates to "swinging".

Yes, I had this feeling your submission to your D is far more formal than his Dominance to you. You have been in D/s relationship before, but it seems that although your D is naturally dominant, he is not experienced, and I get the impression he has no or little formal understanding of D/s... he really needs to get up to speed.. even for the D/s thing to work you two in the long run. After you get the dynamics of your D/s relationship more balanced, and you husband gets a more formal introduction to being Dom, then maybe you can go to on to sex with others. But I am wondering if sex with others within D/s scenes is a better fit for you two rather than swinging.. they are two different things!

I just wanted to clarify for the thread that I am not a doormat.I am intelligent and articulate and a strong woman wo chooses to submit to an even stronger man..

Ummmm... you know, it seems to me you are already emotionally far stronger than your husband, and I say that not to take anything from him. He may be very strong in many areas of life... but it seems to me he is over his head with the power you have given him. And that your pouting, annoyance and impatience with him is an expression of you wanting to take some power back. Think of it this way, you are dissapointed in him because you were/are willing to give him the power to make your "scene" happen for you, and he does not know how..and he is not emotionally ready! You are becoming aware of his limitations as a Dom! And I am thinking you are a position of having to "train" your Dom! Just because someone has a dominent personality... it does not make them a Dom! See what I am getting at here?

There seems to be a misunderstanding of D/s ...on his part... in your relationship. So work on this, forget about swinging. Instead of thinking about strip clubs, or swing clubs... check into places like we have here in Seattle like "The wetspot": www.wetspot.org/..
I urge you tho check that site out.

Put the sex with other people way on the back burner and you two work on your D/s relationship first. Also you might want to check out the threads below on this site, they deal with BDSM and swinging... you may get an insight into why BDSM and swinging is not such a great fit, even though they share many similarities and common skill sets.

BDSM and General Swinging
http://www.swingersboard.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38

Daddy'sGirl, let go of the idea "he got his".. He did not! He messed up his own scene as much as he messed up yours... jeez, it ended with him having to GIVE HIS POWER over to the cops! Not a strong thing IMHO. It was an amature mistake.. your role it is that you gave him more power than he knows how to deal with.

I really hope you guys can work all this all out!

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

Daddy'sGirl, let go of the idea "he got his".. He did not! He messed up his own scene as much as he messed up yours... jeez, it ended with him having to GIVE HIS POWER over to the cops! Not a strong thing IMHO. It was an amature mistake.. your role it is that you gave him more power than he knows how to deal with.

I really hope you guys can work all this all out!

YOu know sunswept I have been very encouraged by all of your posts and especially this one.Its too bad I didnt come to this board before ,my hubby is stationed very near Seattle~Yes yes yes you are right,I think thats more what was happening.And actually he gave up his power before the police arrived because the woman went psycho Domme on Him .Telling Him He was too weak to handle me and that she would take me from Him.It is coming into more into focus now.Thanks a bunch sunswept!