Broken Hearted - Bad Experience with Single Female

[KittKatt]

in our opionion there are a few things not really being said here

1: alchohol does not create an alternate personality that is not already there
yes, it may help in showing true colors, but a good person is still a good
person when they are drinking
a controling abusive person is sick and needs help rather they drink or not

2: it sounds like when he told you to " sit down " he being your "master "
as you said in your post, he knew what he was planning and wanted
all of the CONTROL over the situation, as any Master would
yes it also sounds like he does love you, he didn't want the other woman
to dominate you in a bad way, men that abuse their wives also say they
love them and will protect them in most situations
BUT THEY STILL NEED THEIR CONTROL

3: what about the issues not mentioned
what if she gets pregnant
what if she was really a married woman
what if she has VD

4: if he is at sea, we suggest start writing letters asap, this isn't going to be
easier in time when he gets home,
you are stuck at home untill then with all this going through your mind
and heart, if ya'll can write to each other it's still at least COMUNNICATION


Maybe we are way off here, and sorry if this upsets you, but something doesn't sound right to us.

good luck to you both
xoxo Mr and Mrs TnC

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by Daddy'sGirl

...Please I would love to hear from any men who may read this what do you think maybe going on his head....

Daddy'sGirl,
Here is one mans take on this. I have been following this thread with great empathy toward you, I must say that I think that intuition897 has already covered many of my own intuitions and musings about what happened. There is a key part of the puzzle missing.

As we walked out I saw her parked in a car.My husband said she was giving us a ride.

At some point, your husband and this woman had to have agreed and planned, without your input or consent it appears, to have you both go with her. Who's idea was that? Your husband, or hers?

Some observations:

If you only see each other a couple of times a year, I find it difficult to see how the brief period of time you two had to reunite would have been enough for you two to reconnect as a couple. I am thinking this played some role.

Boundaries and limitations play a huge part in both the swinging world, and the D/s world, yet it is striking how they seem completely absent in this event. How much alcohol was a factor in that is difficult to gauge, it was surely huge, but not the whole story.

It is obvious to me that this other woman had less than zero respect either for you two as individuals, or for your relationship. Your description of her role has a palpable malevolence to it. In addition to your mistakes as a couple, and regardless of your husbands role, it is my thinking she victimized, and took advantage both of you and your intoxicated states. The unfortunate inclusion of this person into your private life not only amplified any existing underlying difficulties between you two, but created new ones. No self and other respecting person, swinger or not, would have agreed or suggested to include themselves in that encounter.

Your state that you made your wishes know, you wanted to walk home, not go with her...etc. Yet your husband willfully ignored you. You said stop. He did not. A violation in both D/s and swinging.
In my mind, this is a way bigger issue between you two than the fact that he fucked her, and probably underlies how he could come to do that. This mental stance, in that moment, of disrespect for you combined with her disrespect for you both set that up.

Of all the transgressions, it seem to me yours was minor compared to your husbands and that womans. I feel you have a right to be pissed.

Yes, I can very much understand that for you, him being in her is a horrid, painfull thing to go through. But he says otherwise.... baffling. I would seem that any issue this painful for you would HAVE to be one for him too., weather he understood why it was or not, weather he 'gets it" or not. His blowing this off would not fly with me.

What is going on in his head. I do not know, but this is what I hope: Fear.

He knows he screwed up, and he may well be down on himself, so much so he cannot right now face his own transgression, or take responsibility, as you did for your transgression of physically flirting with that other woman to begin with. This fear and shame could be very amplified in him, since he failed to protect you, as a good Master must. It is my guess he knows this. That he let himself fall victim to this other woman maybe even further amplifies this.. making him feel he cannot even take care of himself. I think he is in denial about everything. It is also my hunch that intuition897's hunch about using her as a weapon is correct... a very alcohol infused mix of jealousy, anger, fantasy, sex and domination combined in such a way he was prey to his own demons and this...bitch.

Daddy'sGirl, you will get past this, remember that. Bide you time.. trying to make sense out of this will be imposable until your husband is ready to face his part in this.

Usually I think communication and processing needs to be immediate. But, your husbands refusal to look at his actions with this women makes me think this is a situation that needs another option.

I think that perhaps NO communication for a while may be needed for you both to honestly reflect on what happened, and perhaps clearly, calmly and dispassionately analyze the events only... not their meaning, or causes. Who did what, when where, and in what timeline... as many times as I read your posts, those things are not that clear to me. The first thing you need to do to break down denial is to be convinced of the fact... he is trying to make that fact .."go away." There so many things going on here, it is hard to sort out. Picking at this sore right now may not be a good thing. He needs to untangle some things for himself before he is ready to to deal with your relationship I am guessing..

If it is any consolation to you, and if you KNOW you love each other, what I would be sure of is that he is not fantasizing about that event, comparing her to you.. unless it is to sadly ponder how much better you are than she could ever be and what a mess he made, he is most likely trying very hard to block out the whole thing, if he is a good man it probably is very painful for him. But his pain is about his failure on all levels...which may be why he is minimizing his sex with her and your pain about that.

But at some time when you are both ready, (a week perhaps) you will have to resolve all of this, and he will honestly HAVE to take responsibility for his part...including what he did with her, why he did... and how that affected you.
Take care.

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

Daddy'sGirl,

If it is any consolation to you, and if you KNOW you love each other, what I would be sure of is that he is not fantasizing about that event, comparing her to you.. unless it is to sadly ponder how much better you are than she could ever be and what a mess he made, he is most likely trying very hard to block out the whole thing, if he is a good man it probably is very painful for him. But his pain is about his failure on all levels...which may be why he is minimizing his sex with her and your pain about that.

But at some time when you are both ready, (a week perhaps) you will have to resolve all of this, and he will honestly HAVE to take responsibility for his part...including what he did with her, why he did... and how that affected you.
Take care.

Thank You so much for Your post..it somehow is a healing balm on a very painful and open wound...I am crying but these feel like better tears somehow...I am too overwhelmed to speak..Thank You doesnt seem quite enough...but thank You..I will talk with Him tommorow he will be in port..I will let You all know how it goes...thank You all again sooo much

[intuition897]

Originally Posted by Daddy'sGirl

Thank You so much for Your post..it somehow is a healing balm on a very painful and open wound...I am crying but these feel like better tears somehow...I am too overwhelmed to speak..Thank You doesnt seem quite enough...but thank You..I will talk with Him tommorow he will be in port..I will let You all know how it goes...thank You all again sooo much

I must apologize. I had meant to include something in my post that reflected what Sunswept so sensitively said. He is absolutely right. In the end, the pain you feel is in your own mind, and you are the one who will ultimately control it and heal it. I'm sure your husband is a decent man, a man with a conscience. Even if he's not facing it right now, I'm sure he knows he screwed up royally. Try to look at the situation objectively and see that he is reacting to his bad behaviour in his way, and you are reacting to it in your way. Rest assured, any sexual experience with another woman - even if she was his type to a T - would pale in comparison. You have more to offer him than just sex, and he knows it. You have substance. You're like a diamond in a sea of cut glass beads. They all sparkle in the light, but only you have the beloved flaws that he knows so well, that make you the genuine article and infinitely more valuable to him. These other women do not know him nor do they love him the way you do. There's no sense of 'home' and 'safety' with anyone but you. For Mr. intuition and I, this is what makes our lifestyle so great.

Originally Posted by Sunswept

What is going on in his head. I do not know, but this is what I hope: Fear.

He knows he screwed up, and he may well be down on himself, so much so he cannot right now face his own transgression, or take responsibility, as you did for your transgression of physically flirting with that other woman to begin with. This fear and shame could be very amplified in him, since he failed to protect you, as a good Master must. It is my guess he knows this. That he let himself fall victim to this other woman maybe even further amplifies this.. making him feel he cannot even take care of himself. I think he is in denial about everything. It is also my hunch that intuition897's hunch about using her as a weapon is correct... a very alcohol infused mix of jealousy, anger, fantasy, sex and domination combined in such a way he was prey to his own demons and this...bitch.

BTW, Sunswept, those were some very astute observations. I'm hoping that Mr. Daddy'sGirl might possibly add to this thread if he gets the chance. I would be very interested in hearing his point of view.

[starlinn]

Daddy'sGirl,
Here is one mans take on this. I have been following this thread with great empathy toward you, I must say that I think that intuition897 has already covered many of my own intuitions and musings about what happened. There is a key part of the puzzle missing.


Quote:
As we walked out I saw her parked in a car.My husband said she was giving us a ride.
I have to say double dog Dito on this one. It seems like there was something going on that you were not aware of. When did they make these plans?
You also showed your reluctance and asked to walk...right there should have been the end of the situation for me. You have every right to feel the way you do. Putting everything aside, if your husband voiced his objections to you kissing and fondling this woman's breasts, because he was unconfortable with it, would you have stopped? Wouldn't you say the feelings you have about seeing your husband with this other woman is the feelings of being cheated on? In my book, that is exactly what happened. He was going to experience someone else regardless of your feelings.

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by starlinn

[ Putting everything aside, if your husband voiced his objections to you kissing and fondling this woman's breasts, because he was unconfortable with it, would you have stopped? .

Yes..he asked me after I kissed her and touched her"What is going on..what do you want to do here?'I told Him I only wanted to be with Him.From that point on I sat by his side and we never mentioned it again..nor did I speak to the woman again.It is obvious to me however that they continued to speak.I really need to talk to HIm.I was sharing the blame with him 50/50 and yet in my heart I really felt he had acted on some other impulse that even though he said he was"Giving me what I wanted" did not include me.I need for Him to tell me why did he go foward with having sex with her.Even if the answer hurts.We have not discussed this at all.He wanted to have sex the following morning..like nothing happened..I couldnt bring myself to look at his d*ck never mind touch it.He said "what you dont want it any more??" He tried to pull my hand down and said"Its still yours" I refused I asked him if he had used a condom which I knew he hadnt because we dont use them..he said no.He said I will get tested..and I cried again.he held me but I couldnt bear the thought of letting his d*ck touch me.We spent the day together talking about it over and over but never about the sex part but about him trying to give me what I wanted...He said he didnt stop when he saw me in the hallway because he thought I would like to watch Then he kept talking about how crazy she was and about the police and thank God I was there as a witness..blah blah blah..I felt embarrassed somehow to ask Him about the sex..He kept saying I had started it...but in my heart I knew anything I did not HAVE to end with Him f*cking her and yet I stayed silent because I felt ashamed.I know now I have to ask Him why he chose to do this..really I cant move on until he takes responsibility for this..I know I am rambling and really YOu cant know how much this helps..he wanted me to leave it all in Seattle when I came Home to forget it..I was trying so hard and I couldnt...I googled the question 3some and regret and found this board..and Thank God for You all and Your patience with me.....The advice and the caring....Thank You so much.

[midnight hour]

I have followed this thread with some interest...and finally will post a few of my thoughts..
I do not think that any couple who only sees each other a few times a year for brief periods should even consider swinging in any shape or form. There is no way you have enough time to reconnect with each other least of all put another person or more into the mix...someone would have to move closer to the other...phone sex or not...that is not a healthy relationship for swinging..
I don't think she was a stranger. That to me is too handy. I think she knew about your relationship..hence her screaming she wanted to *dominate you*...she knew how your relationship worked.
You guys need some serious talking....serious about where you are going with this whole relationship..
His *it still belongs to you* would get Mr. Midnight kicked out the house after a stunt like that...maybe with Mr. Happy still attached, maybe not..
But I would sit and think very hard about this whole relationship, marriage or not if it is going somewhere healthy you want it too. Because I would see repeat performances of this if it was me.
If he is the dominate one, the I say all do all type, and you are the submissive one..and you don't want to be..then you need to think about where it can all end up at.

midnight hour

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by Daddy'sGirl

...but thank You..I will talk with Him tommorow he will be in port..I will let You all know how it goes...

Daddy'sGirl, you are most welcome for your kind thanks, i hope it is deserved, please do keep us informed. As you have seen, there are many thoughtful and insightful and experienced people here that will listen to you,

Originally Posted by intuition897

.... those were some very astute observations. I'm hoping that Mr. Daddy'sGirl might possibly add to this thread if he gets the chance. I would be very interested in hearing his point of view.

Thx, jeez..I sure hope so, but there is such a complex of confusions here, I am making an assumption that Mr. Daddy'sGirl is basically a good guy, and wants to be a good Dom, and knows what that means. I am just putting down how I have felt in the past when I have been a damn fool. I too would like to hear Mr. Daddy'sGirl's point of view. That he made a mistake, and in my view he did, is not important compared to his willingness to own it and deal with it.

Originally Posted by Daddy'sGirl

It is obvious to me however that they continued to speak.I really need to talk to HIm.

Daddy'sGirl, I know all this must hurt like hell, I am hoping you can set aside all that hurt for a bit, gather your strength, and construct a list of Who was Where and When. What were they doing. Where were you sitting? Where was he sitting? Where was she sitting. etc. moment by moment. You need to gather the facts as you remember them. It sounds like you do not know the answer to the question I asked, "who's idea was it for you both go with her. Who's idea was that? Your husband, or hers?" You need to find this out, or at least ask this, you can see why this such an important question.

Here is a little trick, sometime when negative emotions are so strong they cloud my awareness, I imagine I am in a movie theatre, and I am just sitting there watching what happened as if it was on a screen, I see myself and the others in my mind as if "they" were just actors, as if I am just watching a movie. That allows me the "emotional room" to see things I would be too upset to notice, it allows me to see the whole story.

This whole "I was just giving you your fantasy" deal. You already see how selfserving that is. You already see the paradoxes that arise if that was actually the case. How can that be if you were nearly.. or were passed out?
Think of this as an onion... this story is just the skin that covers the layers of what is really important here. And what is important is for your husband to acknowledge that what he did hurt you, his motivations, be they good or be they subverted by the situation, are irrevelant until he can own his actions.

midnight hour brings up a disturbing thought but it may be important.

Originally Posted by midnight hour

..I don't think she was a stranger. That to me is too handy. I think she knew about your relationship..hence her screaming she wanted to *dominate you*...she knew how your relationship worked.

This is definately another question to be answered. Also, was this woman in the service? Exactly where were you, where was she and where was your husband immediately prior to, and during the time she came up and started talking to you, and exposed herself to you. What were you two talkng about?? Did it seem like she somehow knew you? What did you feel when she first approached you?

DaddysGirl, perhaps you can put together a list of questions and write them down, so when you discuss this you will have a guide to get some important answers when you talk to your husband.

I have a few questions. You say you have always had a D/s relationship. Were you trained as a submissive, was your hubby ever trained as a Dom? How did you get into that lifestyle? Did you do that together... or come from other D/s relationships? What is your understanding of what it is to be a submissive? What is your understanding of what it is to be a Dom? Is your relationship Master/Slave or TPE or Dom/submissive? I assume the latter from your nickname, Daddy'sGirl? How M are you? How S is he?

Do you have a way to take a "time out" from that power exchange and return to equal power? I really feel now is a time you must take your power back. No matter how or why it happened, your Dom, Him, has misused the power that you have given him. The D/s framework has been broken here, and is just another confusing layer at this point, and is a barrier now in repairing the damage that has been been done. Have you asked about this on any BDSM boards?

Daddy'sGirl, believe in your own strength. Remember you have choices. A submissive merely gives away her great power to her Dom as a gift, you can always take it back in an emergency... or at your will at any time. You need to do this, process everything and rebuild trust. I am sure all the people here would be willing to answer not only your questions, but your husbands too.
Take care, I so hope your talk with your husband goes well.

[womenman6]

"we only see each other 2 times a year" !!! Do u think he didn't do that before while he is far from u?? I Doubt any man can stand whole year without having sex !!! Just my opinion.

I too have been following this closely and i have a couple of questions before i add my 2 cents................... how old is he, how long have you two been seperated geograpgically and finally how long has he been in the Navy / Marine Corps ? I ask these as i have been both a single sailor and a married sailor for a number of years and know that there are some underlying factors that are unique to our brothers in arms abroad.

Mr. newoneshere2 (1%er)

P.S. hang in there you are headed down the right path...it just isnt easy but you will not believe how strong you will be in the end !!!

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by newoneshere2

I too have been following this closely and i have a couple of questions before i add my 2 cents................... how old is he, how long have you two been seperated geograpgically and finally how long has he been in the Navy / Marine Corps ? I ask these as i have been both a single sailor and a married sailor for a number of years and know that there are some underlying factors that are unique to our brothers in arms abroad.

Mr. newoneshere2 (1%er)

P.S. hang in there you are headed down the right path...it just isnt easy but you will not believe how strong you will be in the end !!!

He is 34 I am 39..he is a Career Sailor..second marriage for both..he has been a Geo for 2 years and 3 months..we have been together for 7 years..married 11/27/04..I have a career and didnt want to move.For the record in my gut I really trust my husband has been loyal to me.He has the ability to turn off his sex drive..when he in underway he has no contact with women for long stretches so this isnt so new..I will be talking to Him tonite and will update.

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by intuition897

Rest assured, any sexual experience with another woman - even if she was his type to a T - would pale in comparison. You have more to offer him than just sex, and he knows it. You have substance. You're like a diamond in a sea of cut glass beads. They all sparkle in the light, but only you have the beloved flaws that he knows so well, that make you the genuine article and infinitely more valuable to him. These other women do not know him nor do they love him the way you do. There's no sense of 'home' and 'safety' with anyone but you. For Mr. intuition and I, this is what makes our lifestyle so great.

Those words are so beautiful..I come back to this thread all the time just to read them again and again....

[Daddy'sGirl]

Originally Posted by Sunswept

I have a few questions. You say you have always had a D/s relationship. Were you trained as a submissive, was your hubby ever trained as a Dom? How did you get into that lifestyle? Did you do that together... or come from other D/s relationships? What is your understanding of what it is to be a submissive? What is your understanding of what it is to be a Dom? Is your relationship Master/Slave or TPE or Dom/submissive? I assume the latter from your nickname, Daddy'sGirl? How M are you? How S is he?

l.

i have been trained as a submissive....my husband is just naturally Dominant...i have called him Master but most often Daddy and this is the way we interact mostly again this has happened naturally nothing formal....i have no safe words with my husband he loves me and takes care of me i trust him with all that i have..i am his slave in my heart but i dont think he would agree that he owns me,This is the first time we have been together that he has ever pushed anything this far especially if i have resisted it....he was very drunk also..because we werent driving he really let loose....at this point i need to talk to him to piece together the rest of that night..it happened Friday..I left Saturday/travelled through Sunday and he got underway on Monday..so we now have had 3 days alone to digest this seperately.I honestly thought i could leave it behin in Seattle as the plane took off it would stay..but as you can tell it is still unresolved.

[Sunswept]

Originally Posted by Daddy'sGirl

i have been trained as a submissive....my husband is just naturally Dominant...i have called him Master but most often Daddy and this is the way we interact mostly again this has happened naturally nothing formal....i have no safe words with my husband he loves me and takes care of me i trust him with all that i have..i am his slave in my heart but i dont think he would agree that he owns me....

Daddy'sGirl,
As a trained submissive, and that you are giving him so much of your power..slave.. which amounts to TPE, (no safe word) surely you can see that he needs to have a very solid understanding of power exchange to be able to 1) accept and 2)shoulder the responsability you have given him? He does not agree that he owns you.. but you are giving him ownership..do you see the unbalance in the power exchanges here? I would invite you to consider stepping back to submissive.. or to a level that matches his understsanding and commitment to D/s?? This is not about love, this is about power exchange. You gave him your power. Even though you objected, you obeyed him, and he ended up misusing that. I am not sure it is wise for a sub to give her Dom any more or her than he can handle. Yes, he ended up physically protecting you physically from that woman... but do you see how he totally failed at protecting you emotionally? And that if he can not see or understand how important that is, that he has much more to learn before you can be slave (or even sub) to him? Just as in swinging, in D/s there needs to be clarity, communication, trust, and you must be on the same page. Also do you see an experienced Dom would never allow himself to become incapacitated to the point he could no longer protect, in every way, his sub? Everyone can make mistakes, what counts is how you both move forward to clarify and correct the issues you have discovered.
My best wishes on this to you and your husband!

[Daddy'sGirl]

Thank You All for your kindness and supprt throught a very difficult time in O/our marriage.I spoke with my Husband yesterday.I was going to continue to gloss over the sex part of what happened between Him and that other woman until I came to this board.So many of you emphasized that the only way to truly get beyond this event was to talk about it.Thanks to great advice from this board I approached my husband and first just asked Him to fill in the blanks for me.Through this initial discussion I was able to see clearly(like a movie) the events of the whole evening and several missing pieces of the puzzle.

Discussion Act 1
We went back over what had initiated the situation.I drunkenly(mistake 1a) responded to the kiss of a strange woman in a bar and after she lifted her blouse to show me her body I touched her breast(Mistake 1b)


1.My husband had told this woman in the bar that I was submisive to Him.
2.She stated quite clearly that she wanted to have sex with me(to my husband)
3.My husband was aroused after watching me kiss this woman and thought I was letting Him know I wanted this.We never discussed anything(mistake number 2)
4.After he told me to sit they continued to talk and to make an arrangements.
(He says he doesnt remember syaing I wanted to walk home)
5.When we were in the car we were with her friend after dropping Him off my husband got into the front seat,I was already passed out in the back.
6.They continued to clarify the roles.Discussed that they were both Dominant and who would Dominate me.My husband telling her only he would Dominate me.
7.We get home..I pass out in the bed.
8.he says he cant clearly remember what hapened between the time he left me on the bed and she started going crazy.Although he acknowledged they had sex.

Discussion Act 2

Ok so now I got mad.I said this act had nothing to do with me and yet you keep telling me this is my fault?I started the ball rolling?Did you know I was passed out when you left me?He says yes.then why did you start having sex with her if this was about me?He got very defensive and said ok so you want me to admit I made the biggest mistake of All Fiine I did!! Look I cant change what happened I wish I could but I cant I am sorry I cant.At this point I told him this became HIS experience not mine.He admitted that was true.He said he was responding to everything before....But I stopped him again and said .No at any point you could have stopped you are an adult.He admitted that was true.He was very upset at this point saying over and over He was sorry.I said I want to know what happened.He said..she said lets fuck first and then we will go to her.He says he was so aroused and intoxicated he didnt think about anything.Even when he saw me he didnt stop even when he knew I had gone back into the bedroom he was too caught up.I told Him how bad that hurt me.He started to cry.he said he was so sorry.I wanted to know every detail of the sex.Who did what to whom and how long did it last and did he cum.(This is important to me because my Husband takes so long to cum in me and I always think its because my p*ssy doesnt satisfy Him and if he came in her ...my own insecurities rearing thier ugly head)He told me everything and strangely enough that helped(and no he didnt cum he was saving that for me he said)I said so what happened after the sex?He said she completely changed personalities and said she was going to Dominate me.My husband said no that wasnt the arrangement.She said that my husband was too weak to have me.That she was going to f*ck me and I was going to be hers.He panicked when she started coming down the hall.And of course you all know the rest of the story. He says He wished He could take it back..He said over and over He was sorry he felt so guilty did I hate Him please forgive Him.he only wants me he loves our sex life and my body and our life together.You know what?I believe Him.We both made mistakes that night and now that he admitted what he did and knows how bad it made me feel we apologized to eachother and I really felt I could move on.Except the strangest thing happened.

Discussion Act 3
I got pissed again.I got pissed because he had experienced a "fantasy" and he had left me out.I got pissed because it was MY fantasy DAMMIT.and I didnt even get to experience it.I was so angry... (does that even make any damn sense?) He said no way we are doing that again. Lets not open that box.I said WTF???You already opened the box you screwed another woman.We have already "gone there" or you have anyway..so he says so are you saying you really want to try this again?I said yes except this time we will plan every detail ,every limitation, every move.I said and you will watch me being pleased by someone else.He said he didnt know if he could do that.That he was worried I might find someone and want to have a relationship with them or another Domme might try and take me from Him .I almost wanted to laugh hearing how stressed out the thought made Him.I told him about the board.He got nervous thinking I was looking for women.Yes at this poing I realize I was retaliating.I could see myself doing it but couldnt stop.I wanted Him to hurt and feel insecure just like I did.

Discussion
Final Act
We talked for hours about everything no holds barred.I told Him how much You guys actually helped me.He shared his thoughts.Talked about my mixed signals.Talked about his main motivation in all he does it to make me happy.We talked and talked and talked.At the end of the night..I felt closer to my husband than I ever have felt in our relationship.We talked it ALL out.I felt relieved I felt peace.This story will have a happy ending.
The End


Prologue
After reading so much advice on this board I am really desiring to have this experience with my Husband and doing it the right way.But I will wait and cool off a little bit because somewhere deep inside this may still be a desire to"even the score".

Thanks for everything and for putting up with me....
babygirl