Scratching my head at this one, LOL!!

[sensuality]

I am stumped right now.We had found a couple hubby was comfortable enough with that he even agreed to let me have some fun with the husband.But, we ended up having to turn them down, because the husband of this couple was just flat out lazy to me. He was just too eager to "go back to the hotel".Plus,on the second "date" we had, he told my husband when his wife and I went to the bathroom that they have a no kissing rule,which,while I can respect that,I think kissing is essential and refuse to spend time with couples who have that rule.Then while he and I danced, he was all stiff and looking around and I swear, it was like I was supposed to worship his ass or something! I mean, the guy had a nice physique, but come on! He didn't even make any effort to sit by me,no flirting or anything...meanwhile, his wife was just the sweetest thing.Mind you, his e-mails and etc. said otherwise and like I said, he kept wanting to go get a room... :rollseyes This guy was just so arrogant!
Ladies, how often do you run into this problem? Is this normal behavior for the men in this lifestyle?I would think the guys would at least pay some attention and make some effort.I know my man was.The wife was just loving my man and he was just being awesome and attentive all night{I was so proud of him } I encourage him to be a gentleman and flirt with our lady friends...even coach him and give him pointers.
Isn't it the wife's responsibility to make sure hubby treats the other lady right?I mean, shouldn't this be like a date and am I wrong to want to be woo'ed?Is this whole wham bam thing what I can expect in the future?

I am just scratching my head at this one.

[northindycpl]

I personally think you happened upon a dud. Like you, I expect to be treated like the princess I am, and my husband is all too accomodating. Mr. Indy is a very suave man in his own right, and I do encourage him to be with all women.

I think most wives do, too. Atleast the ones we know. Flirting and wooing is part of it do a degree in my mind. I wouldn't want to spend time with a man that didn't.

I think the longer a couple is in the lifestyle, the more the men open up to flirting and attention paying. I have noticed that newbie men are sometimes not as outward in their attentiveness as others. Maybe it is a comfort thing. I have noticed on occassion that newbie women (myself included at the start) seemed to have a difficult time with having my hubbys attention on another woman. It was kinda like, "sure you can f**k her everyway but Sunday, but don't you dare hold that door open for her!" I guess it was odd to me to see him in that light with another woman. We discussed it and I am now very comfortable with it. In fact the opposite is true, now.

I guess it just depends on the guy and on the couple. I think what you experienced was rare and you should look forward to better times in the future.

[sensuality]

Thank you for confirming what I feel to be true.My hunny is very attentive and I know what you mean about it being okay for hubby to screw the lady,but he better not hold the door the next morning for her. I don't mind door holding, but no snuggling... At first I thought maybe men are supposed to act that way as a loyalty to their wives,then I realized that if that is the case, maybe they shouldn't be swinging...or perhaps just hire a hooker?Because that is exactly how he made me feel...and the hell if he was getting anything from me after that! I think even hookers deserve some respect and wooing...damn it!

[Vespertine]

I couldn't just meet someone, say hello and then move off to another room to fuck. :rollseyes

NIC's right, that guy was a dud!

There needs to be a little element of seduction for me. A little cat and mouse game going on. I like being flirted with and I like to flirt... a lot. Mental stimulation is absolutely required for me to get in the mood. I need to be having fun with my partner, that's part of foreplay for me.

I also, like you two girls, encourage my husband to be attentive and flirtatious. I enjoy watching him work his charms.

[sensuality]

Want to know the sad thing about all of this? I feel so bad because the wife is so sweet and I really liked her as a person.Not necessarily for the play,but as someone to have as a friend.I have a new rule, and that is to not allow my thoughts to go in that direction just in case, because when there's no 4 way connection, I literally feel like crap, Isn't that crazy? head bang

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by sensuality

I have a new rule, and that is to not allow my thoughts to go in that direction just in case, because when there's no 4 way connection, I literally feel like crap, Isn't that crazy? head bang

No. That's not crazy at all.

It's hard to get a four-way connection. That's why I like threesomes so much. It's hard find four compatible people. I think there's always going to be an issue or two if you tend to over-examine the situation.

[sensuality]

True.Amen!

[GAcpl]

I am wondering if this is one of those man-woman differences? I say that b/c I like woo-ing too. But, my husband doesn't seem to want too much woo-ing. Sex is sex is sex, according to him. And thats what we are there for. *ponders* BUT, we are new...so maybe that explains it. We are still sorting our "rules" out. But, btw...I agree with you on kissing. If I don't kiss first, I will never be tempted to go to bed with you!!

~*C*~

[lovefest04]

I think there is a difference between the men and the women. Men don't need a lot of foreplay, however, seems like women do. So, to all of us guys out there, get it, woo them, don't be lazy. It's in our best interest as illustrated with this post.

I think you just met a guy that's maybe a little too into himself and his needs. He probably would have been a terrible F**k.

My wife totally needs flirting and attention. Not that she can't just have sex, she can. For her, I know because we've discussed it, the sexual attraction needs to be built, dinner, dancing, drinks, flirting, some touching this is what the yellow brick road to her hot box is paved with.

Persoanlly, I love an evening of flirting, building the steam, building the excitement. When we haven't taken the time with a couple the sex has often been less satisfactory.

Swinging for us is not about having sex, its about experiencing erotic pleasure and the longer we can enjoy it the better.

[Dynamar]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

Swinging for us is not about having sex, its about experiencing erotic pleasure and the longer we can enjoy it the better.

This is going into my "Quotes" journal. Thanks lovefest!

[GAcpl]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

Swinging for us is not about having sex, its about experiencing erotic pleasure and the longer we can enjoy it the better.

*runs off to get husband to read this!*Very nice quote!! I'm gonna have to remember that one!

~*C*~

[Crawdad]

As a newbie, I don't think I'm qualified to be trying to dole out advice to anyone but, also as a newbie, I can pretty much relate to the guy IF he was also a newbie.

The few times the wife and I went to our local club, I could have been that guy. The wife and I weren't too sure about how far we could go with anything so we did what normally new and shy couples do...nothing.

I think we were both too afraid of pushing the wrong buttons on our spouses if we were to pay too much attention to another person of the opposite sex. Which is really a shame because we both like having that kind of attention spent in our direction.

Maybe it happens to be normal newbie jealousy issues we're going through so hopefully in time we will be able to look back on these days and laugh also.

Until then, we apologize in advance to any couple out there that won't get our full undivided attention in our first few months of 'looking' into the lifestyle.

sensuality, I hope this helps.

[sensuality]

[Until then, we apologize in advance to any couple out there that won't get our full undivided attention in our first few months of 'looking' into the lifestyle.

sensuality, I hope this helps.[/QUOTE]


How sweet! But, no,this couple has played previously in other relationships and in the one they have together so, I think he was just really into himself and probably would have been a terrible f**k! And, not that my pussy is lined with gold ,but if I'm going to share myself with another man,he better damn well make it worth my while.At least treat me like a human being...in hindsight though, I think this guy had the wrong impression of me and labeled me as a whore.{Nevermind that I haven't even been with another man,yet}.A few months ago,we had seen them at a club and he made a comment to my husband that I was WILD...which irritated hubby ,but I told him he probably meant well.Then, this last time we went out ...he did dance with me...but was looking all around to see who was watching and was all stiff.And when we walked back to our table, he tells my husband he has his hands full{I dance very erotically}.Then, when he finds out we've never done full swap, he kept saying he found that very hard to believe !Meanwhile, his wife was out on the dancefloor sandwiched between 2 guys... He just made me feel cheap and I was insulted and disgusted with his behavior.Thank you everyone for validating my feelings and lending your support.Everytime I have ever had a question or an issue,whether I want to hear it sometimes or not..someone here always lends me their thoughts and advice and I appreciate it!

[lovefest04]

sensuality,

I think you're done with the "other guy".

Re: The whore word.

I have called my wife a whore on many occasions and I say it with absolute love and admiration. I guess that's not how he used it.

Here's an example of my wifes activity that some may label whorish, but make me love her as a GODDESS.

We were recently at a "vanilla" bar listening to a band and dancing. Oh ya, one of our male lovers was with us. So, we're dancing, she's strutting and shaking it and I tell you she looked FANTASTIC!!!!

The bar wasn't very busy, maybe 25 people and I'll tell you while we were dancing NO ONE took their eyes off of her. Best part of the night was when a younger man tried to pick her up and she said to him without missing a beat "Sorry, I'm here with my two lovers, but maybe some other time" He just stood there processig what he had heard, asked for clarification to which she replied, "Oh, well I'm going to spend the night with these two men." Then she flashed her sexy wide smile and just looked at him. I'm sure he's still trying to figure out if she was lying or not. She wasn't lying, the evening was orgasmic for all.

Enjoy yourself and bask in your "whore-ness" (is that a word?) I'm only sorry I'm not at your club so I could worship you during your wild times.

S

[sensuality]

Originally Posted by lovefest04

sensuality,


Enjoy yourself and bask in your "whore-ness" (is that a word?) I'm only sorry I'm not at your club so I could worship you during your wild times.

S

Thank you so much,I will bask in my whore-ness! He didn't out right call me a whore,but his actions spoke volumes that he felt that way about me.I think he's one of those guys that wants a "lady" as his wife and a whore as a playmate,but just doesn't know how to treat a lady. :rollseyes.Just my opinion! Bravo to your wife!I've been known to tear up the dancefloor myself...ahh, a kindred spirit!! facelick
And who knows?You may have worshipped me and not known it! We do live in the same state.Hmmm.