our 3some went very wrong help

[driveme2000]

so we took for ever to ever go to meet anyone cuz i was in charge of picking the chick and i didn't know really how to go about the task. after turning down several woman i met "the one" she was my speed and could handal my personallity as i'm a person who it totally brutally honest, my feeling is it not mean if its honest. so she and i met alone and it went great, a few days later she came to our house we were both set and ready i thought. we have a 3 year old who big suprise wouldnt go to sleep. i left the room to attend to our daughter and get her to sleep, while gone he and the other chick started without me. as she started giving him head and he had the presents of mind to stop and say we have to wait. he didn't remove himself from the situation and of course they started again and this time they didn't stop, i walked in on the seen and just played it cool i was not mad seeing him with her i was mad about the fact that i wasn't playing to. i had to leave the room one last time to makesure the baby was out, but they did miss a beat. i just so jealous not of her mind you but of the fun i was missing. i stood for awhile mad enough i almost left the house but i forced myself to go on with the night, uncomftable is an understatement but fun was had by all. after all the action slowed down we sat naked and talked for about 10 to 15 mins we started to dress and i left the room to get a drink and my hubby the sweetheart that he ask her to scrump before she went. he was waiting for me to leave to be with her, and true to me i walk in just as the deed is about to insue. i made a commint that it was not right and i let him know i was mad at him. her back was to me so she could not see what i was saying or doing but i looked him in the eye and told him to stop, and he didnt so after she had dressed and gone the war insued full force. its now been 2 weeks and i'm mostly over it buti feel like he cheated because ive told him from day one do what u want as long as your honest and i lived by those words still. am i wrrong in my feeling and how do we prevent this from happening again

[driveme2000]

i should also ad when it comes to sex for the past 5 years i was the one who chased him around for it, he never got things started and i found out that night he was the on chasing her. i feel like that night he was a pussy warrior and with me he's just just a pussy

[LikeMinds321]

Originally Posted by driveme2000

...i walked in on the seen and just played it cool i was not mad seeing him with her i was mad about the fact that i wasn't playing to. i had to leave the room one last time to makesure the baby was out, but they did miss a beat. i just so jealous not of her mind you but of the fun i was missing....

If you want to be assured of no interruptions and being present when your husband is playing, don't play at home with a child in the house.

Get a babysitter and go to a hotel and play.

In your second post you sound like you're unhappy because the playmate is getting something you aren't. If you aren't comfortable with seeing your husband turned on by being with another woman, then take a break from swinging, talk about how you are going to view his being a "pussy warrior."

I think you have lots of talking to do before you continue to swing. You need to make some changes in how you proceed. Couples have to review how they swing and how they can improve their approach to make it most enjoyable and workable.

And then sometime, it just isn't meant to be.

LM

[intuition897]

What is "scrump"? Is that sexual intercourse? Just not familiar with the terminology.

I agree with LikeMinds' opinion about avoiding playing with a child in the house. I realize she may be very young, but IMO, if they're old enough to get out of bed themselves, they're too old to be in the house while their parents are swinging.

However I got a different impression from your second post than LM did. It seemed to me that in the past, his disinterest in you was a problem to begin with? Now there's this hot babe in the picture and he's suddenly all over her like a dog. I can understand how you'd be feeling a little put out! But again, I'll agree with LM that this is an issue that should've been cleared up before you tried swinging. Or at least now it should be cleared up before you try it again.

I think there is still plenty for both of you to talk about. He needs to understand that he can't not include you. If you asked him to stop and he didn't, or if he was obviously waiting until you left the room to have his fun, trying to keep something from you, then that says to me that he is not grasping the real idea of swinging. If he's getting off on the idea that he's pulling the wool over your eyes, or keeping secrets from you, then he's cheating. Yeah, I'd be mad too! You've offered him freedom to have sex with another beautiful woman and be happy about it (not just tolerant) and he's gone and taken advantage of your generosity. I wouldn't stand for it, myself.

[iamorpheus]

it sounds to me like you guys chose to swing because the sexual spark in your relationship was gone. ok not uncommon but careful cause you are not guaranteed that the lifestyle will bring that into your relationship. I too dealt with this issue i did work out all my jealousy issues shortly after our first encounter. it sounds to me like you and your husban both would enjoy the lfestyle better if there were more of an understanding between you both .....swinging is an enhancer not a substitute this will have to be worked out asap or else you might have otherr problems later on it's better to bring every thing out in the open tell you spouse how you hurt and why , if they love you back they will stop doing what ever it is that hurts you . good luck let us know what happens.......

[driveme2000]

we have been together for almost 6 years and in that time our sex life left alot for me to desire, after a separation(geo only) the last 6 moths have been the best ever. im pretty sure thats where my anger comes from cuz it just got so goooooooooood!

[adventureUS2]

While it wasn't really proper for them to get started with out you. I would not go as far as to call it cheating but I understand why it upset you. All of you mutually agreed you were going to play together but they knew you would be back soon. I would just chalk this up to fiquering out your boundries. My question is if they would have waited for you, would you still have been upset about how agressive he was? Sex is always different with someone new. As long as you swing you will see your spouse do things you two don't normally do together. You are going to have to get over that and move on if you want to keep swinging. Insteed of getting upset about it, tell him it would really turn you on if he were that agressive with you. If my wife does something with another man we don't normally do, I let her know to try it on me later.

Alot of issues come up when you first start out. Some of them seem pretty big at the time but after you reflect on them a while and talk about it they become a learning experience. We had some things to figuer out when we first started out. We are still fine tuning it, but now we know how to talk about things before we persue them.

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by LikeMinds321

If you want to be assured of no interruptions and being present when your husband is playing, don't play at home with a child in the house.

LM

Agree with the not to play with a child in the house, but as far as being assured you are there when the husband is playing: That's up to HIM. Sounds to me like he is was aware of their "rules" and chose to break them. The play would have stopped abruptly had that been us. Most people have "rules" of some sort, and your partner needs to be able to abide by them. I'd feel cheated on too. You two need to do a lot of talking and sorting out what's acceptable and what's not before you "play" again.

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

Agree with the not to play with a child in the house, but as far as being assured you are there when the husband is playing: That's up to HIM. Sounds to me like he is was aware of their "rules" and chose to break them. The play would have stopped abruptly had that been us. Most people have "rules" of some sort, and your partner needs to be able to abide by them. I'd feel cheated on too. You two need to do a lot of talking and sorting out what's acceptable and what's not before you "play" again.

Dito

Absolutely

[JustAskJulie]

So many issues here....

I'm gonna start with the one that really could have probably prevented so much of the others. WHY THE HELL are you playing with anyone in your house when your child is there? "oh well the baby was going to go to sleep and we weren't going to play until after the baby was asleep". Well, what happens when the baby needs water? Or when you have a night like you did and you are constantly having to check on the baby. You just don't play with the kid in the house.

That said, if you are going to play with the kid in the house, NOTHING should have happened until there was no doubt in anyone's mind that the kid was OUT (asleep) for the night.

Did you have a rule that there would be no playing unless you were together? Did you have any boundaries set? Had you expressed them to the other woman?

The fact that she started without you, he stopped her then she started again, tells me she had NO RESPECT for your relationship or your rules, if there were any.

The fact that your husband continued after you asked him to stop, tells me that HE has No Respect for your relationship or your rules.

[VegasLee]

This is how people that claim to be in our Lifestyle end up on T.V. and in court looking really bad.

Swinging is for responsible consenting adults. Ones that think about everything and everyone involved.

[hfire269]

I only have one question. If you came out of the room and saw that they had started with out you.. Why didnt you tell them to stop till you where there to stay? Even if you had to call your hubby to another room and express your desire to him. I didnt read any where that you said Stop or NO.. If you where mad enough to want to leave the house you where obvisouly uncomfortable with the situation. If you told they to stop at any point and they didnt I could see why you'd be upset.

I have to agree with the other comments. I dont think I would feel right playing at someones house where there are little ones that might walk in...I mean its one thing to jsut have company over to visit and hang out but to actually play with them... nah...

[driveme2000]

i have check response's regularly since i posted this and trust me i hear everyone loud and clear no play with the child home. in trueth i guess we thought we could slip by and she wouldn't be an issue since she would be "sleeping". Yes we did lay down the boundaries and spoke about all the issue's beforehand but my husband turned into a 3 yearold who couldn't control himself. We keep talking about the isseu's and how not to allow this to happen again. i read and make him read all that yall had had to say but i don't want to stop swinging, we have put everything on hold till we resolve this but not forever. so i guess i would like to know how to handal everything differntly. thank you everyone jenn

[JustAskJulie]

I think everyone's advice has given you really good ideas on how to handle things differently the next time around....

- make sure there are no outside influences to interupt things (kids)
- make sure everyone is present for the whole thing
- make sure that if at any time anyone wants to stop they can say so and everything will stop.
- make sure that if someone is uncomfortable and wants to stop that they DO say so.

The problem here comes from everyone involved.

If your husband isn't going to stick to the boundaries then you don't need to be swinging and whatever advice anyone can give you really won't matter because it's not going to be followed.

Find a different female playmate who actually respects the relationship that the two of you have and can stick to boundaries that are placed.

That said, you've said that boundaries were discussed beforehand but you haven't said what those boundaries were.