Left out of a Foursome

[bear_and_babe]

We had a situation at the club the other night that has us confused.

We had been talking to this couple for about 45 minutes, a little flirting, but no other contact. Then the guy asks if we would like to go upstairs (to the play rooms). We said sure. And after some awkward questions; what do you guys do, what don’t you do… My husband and the other woman start going at it hot and heavy. But the other guy and I had a rocky start. I could not get him to kiss, touch or anything. So I think he is just shy. I started giving him oral. He seemed like he was getting into it. Mean while my hubby is giving oral to the other woman. The guy told me to lie down. I thought he was going to do oral, but no, he went over to his wife and put his dick in her mouth. Ok, fine. So the other woman and I start blowing her husband. I thought everything was ok. She was kissing me, and both of us blowing her husband. Then she kind of pushes me out of the way. So now she has my hubby doing oral on her and her hubby in her mouth. She switches places, gets on her knees, starts blowing my hubby and her hubby starts fucking her from behind. Then she asks my hubby if he has a condom. He says yes, and gets up and puts it on then lies back down. She looks at her hubby and says, “Can I fuck him”? And he says “NO”. She says “Sorry, but we have a rule that we can stop anytime”. Without another word they got up, got dressed and walked out. We have no idea what happened. I am not sure if the guy just changed his mind about me. I am a BBW and maybe he lost interest when he saw me without clothes. But the guy saw that I was a BBW before we headed up to the room. Or maybe he was intimidated by my hubby. My hubby is on the large side, and the he was not.

So, my questions are; If you are in the middle of play, what would cause you to call a halt to it? And what do you think the problem was here? I guess the reason we are confused is that THEY are the ones who asked us to the room. They seemed like they really wanted to play. I have been working very hard on building up my self-esteem and this has really pushed it right back down. But I don’t know what else to think.

[confunktion]

This is exactly how I looked after reading your post. Not because of you, but because of the actions of the other couple. Yes, it's good to have a rule that you can stop at any time, but I can't personally fathom getting up and walking out like that on another couple. I know it happens, but that doesn't mean it's a good thing.

The best that I can tell is that the husband freaked out seeing his wife with your hubby. He couldn't handle it, and that bastard "Jealousy" reared it's cold ugly head. That can happen to both guys and girls - the flirting part is great and fine and good, but when the heat gets turned up, the insecurities come flying out.

From my vantage point, I don't think it had anything to do with you. I do hope that your self-esteem hasn't taken too big of a hit, and that with some healing time, you both can give it another shot and find a couple who's ready to revel in the lifestyle with you. Best of luck!

Mr. Funk
"Ooooooh, Jealousy" - Natalie Merchant

[SexhoundDog]

Babe,
Don't be too hard on your self esteem. It sounds to me like you just ran into some extremely rude people, and the other wife was selfish. I also have a feeling that perhaps the other wife thought she might have wanted to try a MFM and perhaps her hubby thought he'd be OK with it initially, then changed his mind. I also kind of get the opinion the other hubby may have had small balls about his wishes too, or maybe he was just shy like you say.

Either way, the whole thing seems to me like it was ONLY about her satisfaction, so I figure you're better off without them anyway.

Again, be easy on your self esteem. I wish I could preach this to all BBW women. I'm sure Bear wouldn't have you any other way, right?

[RMRx2]

From what you have written, whatever happened, happened on thier end, not you or your husband. In the lifestyle you will meet sooooooo many folks and so many different approaches to it. The relationships between the other cpls will be varied. There is much you don't know and may never know about them or thier situation or just what caused them to up and leave. For them it sounds as though it was just play with strangers, with different attractions and interest in why they were there in the first place. So much is unknown so as hard as it is, I would do my best to not over think it and let thier issue with that night be "thiers".

I DO understand how situations like this play out and how they can work on your mind and with self esteem. We have had a few that have left us wondering "what was wrong with us" In a few cases where communication continued after the fact, we often found out how little it had to do with us,,,,,,which is most often the case.

At the most, I might say, maybe you and hubby can discuss this some and reset a few rules of your own. For us , both of us need to be having a good time and be able to participate and if that isn't the way it is working out then we know to make some effort to change the situation. Failing that, we pull out, and move on.

As for being BBW, I was married to a larger woman and the entire time I was married to her I did my best to reassure and prove to her that there exists a large segment of the male population who prefer a larger woman. It wasn't without merit. Take some time and search the BBW sites and take comfort in the numbers of men who support these sites. Not everyone prefers skinny mini. Sexy is in the mind and self confidence anyway. Take comfort in the knowledge that we're all made different and there are a equal number of different attractions.

Hopes this helps some, We have been there.

the rmrx2's

[Denver2some]

Originally Posted by SexhoundDog

the whole thing seems to me like it was ONLY about her satisfaction, so I figure you're better off without them anyway.

Exactly! It's all about them.

Don't be hard on yourself ... you and Bear just ran into the wrong couple. It happens to all of us at some point. Focus on the fun experiences you've had, forget this one ... and have fun jumping back on the horse (or more appropriately, the Bear.)

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by Denver2some

Don't be hard on yourself ... you and Bear just ran into the wrong couple. It happens to all of us at some point. Focus on the fun experiences you've had, forget this one ... and have fun jumping back on the horse (or more appropriately, the Bear.)

Dito

I agree. The problem is with them, not you. Try not to over think it. And like the others have said, we've all had an experience that left us puzzled before. Sometimes, there just aren't any explanations for someone's behavior.

[northindycpl]

Yes... It was them that missed out on a hot time. It has absolutely nothing to do with you at all. Your specific quesiton of what makes a couple leave in mid-evening?

Well, I can tell you that, although we haven't ever left, we have said no on occasion. I think it does go back to every =ones individual comfort level at the time.

I can be perfectly comfortable doing something with couple A on Friday night. Come Saturday with Couple B, I may be doing the exact same thing, and completely become uncomfortable. No reason, just cause.

Even fantasizing about a situation, thinking I am certain of every action/reaction I am going to have with it.. can completely change in an instant when we are actually doing it.

I would have to agree that clearly the man felt threatened and therefore he said no and left.

[bear_and_babe]

Thanks everyone for your replies. Bear and I are far from newbies, but this was the first time this has happened to us.

Usually I don't let the fact that I am a BBW bother me when we are playing. I have had BBW women tell me I don't even fit that catagory anymore, now that I am loosing some weight. But it is funny, most of my play partners are average size men who would rather play with larger women, so I don't lack for play partners. But if anything goes wrong I am quick to blame it on my size. I guess that is what the vanilla world has done to me.

I guess Bear and I have a different way of playing. If Bear and I agree to go to a room with someone, we have already made our decision to play with them. We don't wait till we get there and start play, then decide if we are going to continue. The only reason I would stop play is if someone did or said something that hurt someone.

Guess we just got hooked up with the wrong couple. Live and learn!

[Vespertine]

Originally Posted by bear_and_babe

Guess we just got hooked up with the wrong couple. Live and learn!

That's the right attitude to have!

Still, I'm sorry you had to go through an experience that left you feeling badly. Rejection, in any form- warranted or not- still hurts.

[DBL D]

Sorry about all that, Babe.

Did the couple leave the club or go on to play with others?

This is just unfathomable to me. Rude doesn't begin to express how I feel about people who do this type of thing.

Male D

[bear_and_babe]

DBL D-

We saw them hook up with a couple that we happen to know. We don't play with this couple, but we always talk with them when we are there. I almost ran up to them and told them that if they wanted to have a good time, they should just go to a room alone, because that is what was going to happen anyway! But I am not that rude. Bear saw them later and he wanted to talk to them and see if anything was said about us, but I really did not care at that point. And we both think that would have been rude too.

[JustAskJulie]

I am confused as well. I mean WTF?!

Initially it sounded like maybe they prefer MFM to 4somes and when they got to the room you just became a spare wheel.

Her asking her husband if she could fuck him I even understand, just as I do him saying no. But I guess I'm unclear as to where that lead to stopping everything altogether. It's possible that her asking that is a code they have and when he says no it means that everything has to stop...

The whole thing is just weird to me.

[bear_and_babe]

I am so glad that I am not the only one who is confused about this.

What I REALLY don't understand is, if the guy was not going to let his wife fuck my husband, why didn't he say so BEFORE my husband put a condom on? I mean, what a waste of a good condom!! If the guy was going to say no, then when my husband got up to get a condom, that would have been the perfect time to say that it was not going to happen.

The more I think about this, the more confused I get.

[billigan6]

Obviously I'm new here, but is there a possibility that they were entertaining some kind of master/slave thing between themselves? I mean, he let her get hot, but then they 'had to go' and ended up with another couple later.

I've been in some minor master/slave situations (not with others, however) and can actually see that as an almost plausible 'game' - though it would be at your expense.

Anyway, i've been 'lurking' here for a couple of weeks or so, and just wanted to say hi to the locals and offer another possible scenario. The good people here will kindly and promptly let me know if it's not condusive with the lifestyle. (like i said, I'm new here and to the lifestyle.)

Thank You! to all for the insight you provide to those that seek the honest truth.

[bear_and_babe]

billigan6 Welcome to the boards. Make sure you go to the intro page and introduce yourself. You will find a lot of info on these boards.

I did have the same thought, that maybe it was some type of master/slave thing and he was showing her just who was the master. But they really did not seem the type and nothing they said before hand sent up any red flags. But, then again, I just don't know what the deal was.