A lesson learned too late

[Dr Jekyll]

WOW... What a wonderfull insight into your own situation. It's an incredibly rare and beautiful quality in a person. I admire you for that DragonHeart.

I agree with the gist of what everyone said in their responses... Nothing to add there...

Good luck in working through this incredibly hard time...

[SexhoundDog]

I gotta feeling this fine young lady is gonna find her a fine young man before too long at all. And at some time, she'll share this bad experience with him and really find out what he's like, whether they ever choose to try swinging or not.

Don't settle for anything but the best of what you want, Heart. I don't think you'll even have to go looking, the smart ones will come looking for you!

[midnightpassion]

Sorry you had that happen to you. from what the others have said. is right on the money. and we all are here to help you anyway we can. i would just like to add one more thing. dont let that turn off the lifestyle. in many cases you might find it better being single and swinging. what i mean we know of many couples that just look for single ladies to play with, and they treat them with with the most respect and class.

[Rett]

Hi DragonHeart,

I don't think that I can properly express my sympathy for what you have just been through.

I know it's hard breaking up , but in this case I think it is to your benefit. The man you date should always make every attempt to make sure you are in a safe, comfortable , and enjoyable situation whatever your physical and mental state are at the time. In this case he failed in every way. He apparently just took you deep into the dungeon of dispare without first communicating fully with you. He also showed no remorse and was extremely callous after the happening by just walking away implying that your emotions were a problem that would not be an issue with a new partner. The true nature of his other side came through. Unfortunatelly there are many men that are true womanizers and play the game for all it's worth to get personal satisfaction. Unfortunately for you , you've learned too late.

I'm sure you will find a better partner - one that will always in every situation try to treat you with honesty and respect. Communicate openly with the person you partner with and really get to know them inside and out. You should always feel as if you are the one person that comes first in his heart.

I surely hope you can get over the deep scars that this must have left in you.

[lizandtom]

Dragon, while I agree with most of the advice posted previously, I have to question one point which may be worth a re-look. Most posts above have pretty much burned your ex bf at the stake, but a comment made by you I find worth re-examinging. You stated that he chooses to walk away because he wants to avoid EVER going through such an awful night as seeing you crying to such extreme. While this may be a cop-out to find someone new, if true it shows concern for your feelings.

Although relatively new to the scene, the main rule I (male) have abided by since day one, and reading through this site to know what emotions to deal with, is that you go at the pace of the slowest partner. Number two is set your rules and limits from the beginning and stick by them, and three is always keep the lines of commuication open.

Considering you were interested in swinging to start with and he obviously was, it may be worth considering some communication again between you too, if you care about him (being together for such a period as your has to say something...). Only you can know what type of communication that may be...maybe he's called you since then, or written a short note, etc?

If you perceive his statement of, "don't want to ever make you cry again so I'm breaking up with you" to be BS, then forget him and get yourself someone new. ONLY YOU could have perceived if he was truly hurt by his actions, or if he was just trying to dodge the relationship.

All the best in whatever happens.

So many opinions based on one side of a tale. I enjoy the energy that has gone into helping Dragon heart. She is a wonderful, beautiful lady and I love her very much. We have been together for 1.5 years. I'm glad she has found an outlet for herself.

There are rules in swinging....at least there should be.
We had solid rules set in place.
3 pinches and game over. No questions asked. No need for explaining.
We have gone over these each and every time we went out to "play".
I did approach a lady and tell her she was beautiful and for her and her boyfriend to come join us when her boyfriend returned. (I made a point of including them both).
I did this because Dragon heart finally got to sit down. Her feet were killing her from dancing with me all night. (Something we share). I asked her permission prior of course. That's how it should be.

They did not join us at that time for whatever reason.

Dragon heart and I went into the play room. I tied her up to this wall, blindfolded her and started playing with her. This other couple showed up and I asked Dragon heart if it would be cool for them to play with her. She agreed by saying "yes". I held her hand so she could give me the signal if she needed to. This should be an easy way "out". No signal. After 3 of us were playing with just her for over 15 minutes....The "other" girl put my penis in her mouth. I told Dragon heart that she was doing this. Again I held her hand in case there was a problem. Still no signal. I thought things were cool.

We untied Dragon Heart and went to a private room. I asked Dragon heart if she wanted to go down on her. She told me that she would rather I go down on the "other women", which I did. I thought things were cool.

The rest ot the story is pretty much on track.

In this lifestyle communication is a MUST.

This is not the first time Dragon heart has failed to communicate her needs, wants, desires.

I always seem to hear about them after the damage is done.
We have had many awesome experiences together; however this last one killed both of us and left an awful experience in both out minds, hearts and souls.

I believe you have both sides of the story now.

In case any of you are still reading this epic.

I still love you Dragon Heart... always will.

[JustAskJulie]

To DragonHeart's (ex)boyfriend:

I would be very happy if you would register to share your side of the story. There are always 3 sides to any story and we'd love to hear yours. There was another thread started here by DragonHeart, which (in my eyes) makes you look worse than this particular thread did.

[LaStrata]

I am glad you chipped in your side of things. I do not believe that it makes dragon heart the bad guy but I also know there are always two sides to every story. I can relate to your view because I also have a partner that refuses to communicate no matter how hard I try to talk things out - and I repeatedly get slammed after the fact - when I had no idea before. Some of the problems that I have run into in swinging is that many are open minded enough and have the desire for the experience but really don't have the emotional and communication skills it takes to be stable and happy in the lifestyle. Swinging requires both partners' skills to be exceptional - both in knowing who you are, what you want , what you don't want and how to communicate that effectively - and kindly. Good luck, it is sad that it was such a painful experience for the both of you.