Swinger friend coming over - how do we handle this?

[xxoticangel]

I got a call from an old friend yesterday. He won tickets to a show Saturday night and will be coming into town. He will be bringing his wife asked if he could stay at our place rather than make the 3 hour drive back. We have no problem with him or his new bride (never met her). The problem is before we moved and while he was still single we had numerous MFM's with him and did full swap with a bi-girlfriend he was dating for a while. He and Angel are great "fuck buddies" and the sex has always been awesome. He has told his wife about his expolits and she is not into the lifestyle at all. While we have no problem just hanging out with them and doing vanilla things I know his personality. My concern is that he will try to coax his wife into doing something I'm not sure she wants to do. He and I are as close as brothers and I'm not sure how to handle this situation if it occurrs.

[fun_pairTX]

I know you are only anticipating the situation arising, but just handle it as it comes, don't attempt to solve problems that do not yet exist. If it does come up just give your honest answer, whatever it may be. No still means no, even with old friends.

[EvilMJ]

Dito .

If you get the sense that he is going in that direction just speak to him alone and let him know how you feel. Anyone in the lifestyle is used to fact that everyone has their own set of rules and you have to respect them.

[Greg & Sheryl]

Just be direct with him and let him know that unless his wife is 100% okay with the idea, you won't feel comfortable doing anything sexual with them. If he is as good a friend as you describe, he will understand and respect that. Have fun at your show!

[knicum2]

I had a similiar problem once and the best solution is not letting him get his way. If his new wife does not like swinging you should help her out and tell him it is not right. You will gain her trust in the end and in the near future if she decided to enter the lifestyle she will probably want to encounter her first time with you. Because you gave her respect.

I'm curious...
Does his new bride know that he use to swing with you guys and He and Angel are (or were) great "fuck buddies"?

That alone has potential to make for a very uncomfortable situation.

[SexhoundDog]

Mr. Naughty beat me to exactly what I was going to say. It could indeed be very uncomfortable.

I hope his new bride takes to you two OK, but if she doesn't, maybe Mrs. XXoticangel can take her aside and say "Hey, please don't feel uncomfortable around us. What us and your hubby did was fun and special for us and it was before your time, but we don't want you to ever think that this is the only reason we invited you to stay. We just want to make sure neither us nor your hubby makes you feel pressured, OK?"

Then it lays it all out on the table. Maybe she'll take to Mr. XXoticangel and bring it up and say "Hell yeah, I've changed my mind, let's play! (Lickface, but I did a quick reply)

[xxoticangel]

Thanks for all the advice. As long as we've been in the lifestyle we've never been confronted with this situation.

Does his new bride know that he use to swing with you guys and He and Angel are (or were) great "fuck buddies"?

That alone has potential to make for a very uncomfortable situation.

Yes. From talking with him on the phone and via email I know that he has told her most of the nasty details of our relationship. I'm sure he left out somethings especially the one time he and I expieremented with bi during a MFM (we haven't mentioned it to each other since then either). Her reaction is something else I'm concerned about. How is she going to react when she actually comes face-to-face with us? From what I know about her she is very open and sexual with him about some things but very reserved in others. For instance she loves to be nude and will stay naked whenever her kids are visiting their dad but will not allow him to take nude photos. Loves to go to strip clubs but is not interested in bi. Also remember we have never met her. The only things I know about her are what he has told me.

We talked about it last night and we're just going to treat it as a party weekend. Meet them after their show, hit some of the sleazier strip clubs and honky tonks. At some point the girls will have a chance to chat and we'll play it by ear after that.

By the way I got the date wrong. They are coming in on the 9th not tomorrow. I'll update you and tell you what happens.

[JustAskJulie]

Please let us know how it goes...

[xxoticangel]

He emailed me again last night. He wanted to know about the local swinger clubs and strip clubs. Strip clubs I can understand but I'm not sure how she/they will react to a place like trapeez or 2risque. Should I try to steer them away from the swing clubs until she is more comfortable? At this point it seems to me that going to a swing club would probably be a little pushy. On the other hand, a strip club would be sexy in a nonthreatening way. Ideas, thoughts, opinions appreciated.

[EvilMJ]

I think you should leave your options open and then kind of leave it up to her buy presenting her with a couple of different places that you could visit and let her know that you will do what ever she is comfortable with.

Give her some non swing options so that if she doesn't feel comfortable at a swing club then she can agree to something else without feeling the pressure. I know that tatic would definately make me feel free to be honest.

[stoutgatte]

Just give him what info he wants. It is his life and his wife. I really believe you are taking too much of this onto yourself. As long as you're not pushing them into something, and keep a keen eye over her reactions (even speak to her about it), you can't be blamed for anything he does.

Tough situation if he's pushing her into it, good luck xxoticangel

[xxoticangel]

Follow-up
Well Saturday night came and went. It started out great but ended in a big stinking mess. I knew I should have said "NO" from the begining but was thinking with the wrong head. Here's what happened

Saturday evening D (my friend) arrives with his wife (M) at about 6 pm. They brought take out and a 12 pack to go along with the margarita's i had made. We are introduced to M and everything is great. He and I quickly fall into our old patterns, talking, catching up, within minutes its like we are still neighbors. Because I don't know what is going to happen I limit myself to 2 beers over the next two hours. Around 8 it is decided that they want to visit a strip club and the girls dissapear to get ready. When the girls are gone he restates that his wife has never done anything "wild" before and pushes the issue that nothing will happen. Finally the girls are ready. They walk out of the bedroom looking like highclass hookers or pornstars. Angel is wearing a black micro mini dress that barely covers her ass standing and 4" heals. M is wearing a see thru lace top and sheer skirt that cut diaginally across the bottom from mid-thigh to her waist. Both obviously have nothing on under what little they are wearing. I drive with him in front with me because he is uncomfortable in the back seat due to his height. On the way to the club I can see the girls in the mirror chatting quietly and sharing the occasional kiss. At the club they keep the tension up by tipping the girls, and discretely touching each other and us.
After 2 hours the sexual tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. The girls are openly flirting with the dancers, lingering to look when giving tips. When we decide to leave the girls are hand in hand. They sit close in the back and there are long periods of silence while they get more intimate with each other.
Back home we are all nude, on the king size bed, with porn in the dvd within minutes. It is still me and Angel and D and M. So far there has been no cross partner touching except for the wives and all they have done is kiss and light breast touching. We have a great same room sex expierence watching the other couple and the tv. The problem started after the second round.
After things have calmed down and everyone is in the giddy post glow. I sat up leaving Angel on her back with her legs slightly spread. They both get out of bed and M heads for the bathroom. No sooner does the bathroom door close than D starts performing oral on Angel. Angel moans, I stand up, the bathroom door opens and M freaks.
The whole thing happened in a matter of seconds. I barely had time to recognize what was happening before M saw it. There was no chance to stop things before she saw what was happening. M flew into a rage and there was much yelling and cursing before we were able to get things calmed down. M wanted to leave right then but there was no way I was letting either of them drive in their current state of mind and intoxoication level. Angel was able to calm her enough to get them to sleep in seperate rooms. They left a few hours later without waking us.
When I talked to Angel about it yesterday she said that she was still in that dream like state and didn't even realize who was going down on her until M screamed.
Now I've lost a good friend. If his marriage survives I have no doubt that she will not let him talk to me anymore. Even if they break up I doubt he will contact me again as we will carry some of the blame for the break up. He won't take my calls and hasn't responded to my email. I knew this was a bad idea from the begining.

Thanks for letting me vent.

[EvilMJ]

you're right, it probably was a bad idea, but how many of us are guilty of doing something stupid in the heat of the moment! I know I am. I mean she was clearly into things and instead of freaking out at him, she should have been a little bit more mature. Lets face it ...everyone in that room shares in the reponsiblity for what happened.

It doesn't say much for him being your friend by not allowing you to contact him. Some of my friends have done some stupid things and I still give them a chance to talk about it...

[akamgaxoxo]

Oh my god guys, I am sooo sorry that happened. I wish I could say something really meaningful and insightful right now for you!! The only thing I can suggest is maybe letting things cool off for a few days and try again with the calls and or email and just tell them that you are sorry it happened this way. I had a bad fight one night with my girlfriend because she started coming on to my "male friend" and he came on to her as well, but no one asked my hubby and I how we felt about all that before it went down. The only thing I can say is that if he is a really good friend, you both will work it out in the end. It may be uncomfortable sometimes, but I am sure it will work out. And well those two need to talk it out as well and air out the issue that they may not be ready for any play directly with you guys, but stick to a same room sex situation. But really IMO doing anything sexual together is something that should be put on the back burner, but I bet you already know that....