Swinger friend coming over - how do we handle this?

[misterbates]

That sucks big time...been there done that and it really really puts a damper on you outlook towards swinging.

I would say that they must have discussed the possibility that they would be sexually involved with the two of you and set limits as to how far they would go....and apparently your friend decided that he didn't want to respect those limits. So guess what?...It's his mistake and he has to deal with it...as for not returning your calls ..give it time,if he was that good of a friend before her then he will be in touch with you.
He will see that his actions caused her to freak out and it had nothing to do with you.
If he never contacts you again..he wasn't that good of a friend and you are better of without him...

Either way..it's not your fault he has no self control ...

[xxoticangel]

doing anything sexual together is something that should be put on the back burner, but I bet you already know that....

Yes. We figure that even if they work things out and she relents to getting together with us it will be pure vanilla. My big concerns are 1) If they stay together will he sacrafice our friendship for her (I don't know how I would react if given that ultimatum, luckily it will never happen) and/or 2) if they break up how much will he blame us for it and will we still be as tight as we were before?

[WesternSwing]

Wow. That went terribley wrong. But don't beat yourself up over it, and your wife shouldn't either. Your friend definately had no respect for the boundries you had discussed prior to them coming to stay at your house, and you even reitterated the boundries when he was there. He also had no respect for his new wife's boundries.

If I was you I'd be less worried about how he feels and be pissed at him for doing what he did in your house. He crossed the line with you, your wife, and his wife, IN YOUR HOUSE! And you are feeling bad about it? It wasn't your job to police him. His true colors showed. And to top it off, from how you said the evening went up to his deciding to try to get it on with your wife, his wife had such a good time she might have got into the lifestyle more and more. But he screwed that up too. In my opinion he owes you a HUGE apology. I can't believe he would even be pissed-off at you.

Mr. WS

[SexhoundDog]

I definitely wouldn't blame myself for this one. Although things may have looked hot enough due to the girls doing a little playing, obviously HIM and HER didn't discuss this well enough between themselves. I also question why HE had to go behind the closed door of the bathroom to perform oral on Angel instead of right there on the bed. Although you were OK with it I assume, he was obviously trying to hide it from M, indicating to me that he hadn't covered this base with her. What a dumb shit! Sorry if he is your friend, but he really wasn't too bright of a bulb on this one.

I think about all you can do at this point is write them a joint letter. If M knows that D and Angel have been play partners before, about the only thing you (or Angel) could try is to apologize, but also say that from the indications you two were showing, we figured HE had covered this base with YOU, Ms. M, since you knew we'd played before you all met.

I'm sorry it turned out this way, but it was your friend who lost control of his urges without communicating with his spouse.

[Vespertine]

I'd be pretty irritated with my friend, if I were you.

You mentioned that earlier in the evening, you and he discussed his wife's comfort level and he let you know that swapping was not something she was into.

It sure sounded like ya'll had a wonderful night up until the point that your friend crossed the line and broke his word to his wife. His wife has every right to be angry! Her FIRST experience in a swing type of activity and he blows it. Poor girl.

It is a shame his wife will probably associate his actions with you and Angel. There's probably no chance on rebuilding a couple's relationship.

Don't waste anymore time trying to contact your friend. He should be the one calling YOU- to appologize.

[xxoticangel]

I know that logically I should not feel guilty about what happened because I didn't "do" anything. Its like I said in the begining. I know D. We are as close as brothers and I know his personality. There was no doubt in my mind that he would try to swing despite his insistance on nothing happening other than same room soft swap. Since I know him so well I should have know that he could not do what he and his wife had agreed to and taken steps to prevent the situation. Looking back there are a million things I could have done to prevent it. We should not have gone to the bed room, I should not have put a porn movie in, I should have left the dogs out to roam the house. Of course if I had picked different numbers for Friday's lottery I would be retired now.

I really do appreciate the advise and counsel of everyone here. It does make me feel better to be able to vent to others that have a similar mind set.

[JustAskJulie]

I have a feeling everything will work itself out. Your friend (D) is the only one who screwed up here and he screwed up big. Chances are tho that if all else is good in their relationship that they will be able to work through it, hopefully with your friendship intact.

Question: How much had SHE been drinking that night? I ask this because I am wondering if she may try to use that as an excuse for what she was ok with (same room/ girl/girl). If so, it may increase the risk of problems.

Just don't beat yourselves up over this. It's up to him to apologize to her and make amends.