He didn't use a condom. What would you have done?

[HotCoupleGnS]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

Brings to mind the fella that stuck a vial of "Rush" under my nose while placing his hand over my mouth knowing I'd have no choice but take a deep breath in of the stuff. I was "at the moment of truth", head back, eyes closed and he timed it to be just that, thinking it would be some huge thrill for me.

That is a crappy thing to do to someone!

[Alura]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

Brings to mind the fella that stuck a vial of "Rush" under my nose while placing his hand over my mouth knowing I'd have no choice but take a deep breath in of the stuff. I was "at the moment of truth", head back, eyes closed and he timed it to be just that, thinking it would be some huge thrill for me.

That's not just wrong, WR, it's criminal! I don't even know what "Rush" is but it sounds like a drug of some sort. There is no way he could have done this accdentally, either. In this case, you're absolutely right to have shown him the door. If someone did that to Mrs. Alura, I really don't know what I'd do.

Mr. Alura

[wrnakedru]

Mr. Alura -

Yes it is a drug which, similarly to amyl nitrate, dilates the blood vessels. Using it in conjunction with orgasm is supposed to make the experience more intense.

Not only was the experience not one I had expressed any desire for, but the fellow had no idea what my "heart health" might be. From the reaction the large whiff of it caused to me, I can imagine that it could be an extremely risky venture for a person with any sort of heart condition.

Didn't John Derek die as a result of his heart condition and use of viagra?

While I recognize[d] the intent of the fellow was that of providing intense pleasure, I really don't think the intent makes a darned bit of difference. It is as wrong to have done what he did as it would have been to give me that "date rape" drug.

I think to go against the agreed upon "rules of play" without knowledge and consent is equally wrong.

WR

[Brit_Pair]

By taking his condom off, this man chose to disrespect both you and your husband, in the selfish pursuit of his own pleasure. No wonder you felt aggrieved. I'm surprised he survived the experience with his manhood intact.

But even before you expanded on the events of that meeting, I still didn't accept the 'caught up in the heat of the moment' argument. All that would have meant was that at some point, prior to entering you, the man would have experienced a train of thought akin to:

• I'm so horny.

• She's hot.

• I want her.

• Damn, I wish I didn't have to wear a condom.

• Hey, don't wear one. She probably won't notice.

• How can she fail to notice?

• Ok, she probably won't care, she'll probably even like it, I've gotten her so turned on.

• She's always insisted on condoms before though.

• I don't care, I want to feel what it's like to be inside her without one.

There would have been a conscious decision - no matter how fleeting - to enter you bareback when he knew that was explicitly against your wishes.

And now that it's done? Well, I wouldn't give him/them any second chances. This sort of offence is an instant third strike in my opinion. And were I your husband, there's no way I'd have anything to do with this couple again, even if you were willing to forgive.

[Spoomonkey]

Originally Posted by Brit_Pair

But even before you expanded on the events of that meeting, I still didn't accept the 'caught up in the heat of the moment' argument. All that would have meant was that at some point, prior to entering you, the man would have experienced a train of thought akin to...

And now that it's done? Well, I wouldn't give him/them any second chances. This sort of offence is an instant third strike in my opinion. And were I your husband, there's no way I'd have anything to do with this couple again, even if you were willing to forgive.

Dito and BRILLIANT Brit Pair! This is a great perspective.

Spoomonkey

[jcbicouple]

Originally Posted by SexhoundDog

Although I usually think EBF shows great wisdom, I can't agree with her at all on this one. I'll probably get flamed, and that's OK, but the blame rests equally with both of you. You both got caught up in the moment of pleasure, and while I'd certainly guess he knew he didn't have a condom on, you knew it too and didn't IMMEDIATELY do something to stop it.

I agree 110% with Mr. Alura on his answer. His last paragraph says it all. If for some reason they take exception to the condom rule after you've had a direct discussion about it, no more swingee with them, but I'd bet they'll respect it.

Dito
You knew and chose not to do anything about it immediatly for your own pleasure (your own words). You were wrong, and if I were your husband I'd be pissed. Getting caught up in the moment is NO excuse for not doing the things you and your SO argeed to. The guy was wrong, but you had time to realize it, reach down and confirm it, and frankly, in his defense, He may have thought it was ok to cum in you because you just confirmed he had no rubber on and didn't stop him. Who's to say that he and his wife weren't ok with him being bare?

[HotCoupleGnS]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

Dito
He may have thought it was ok to cum in you because you just confirmed he had no rubber on and didn't stop him. Who's to say that he and his wife weren't ok with him being bare?

Ok first, in this type of stuff you should never assume anything. They both did some wrong in this situation. He shouldn't have broke the boundaries that were set up & she should have stopped it as soon as she realized. But he never should have assumed that b/c she confirmed that he had no rubber on that it was ok to cum in her.

Second, his wife may or may not have been ok with him being bare. But if wasn't ok with it, then he should have never stuck it in with no condom on.

Like I said, they both did some wrong in this situation. He should have never stuck it in with no condom, based on the bounadries set up. She should have stopped it as soon as she realized it. He should not have cum inside her. She should now just move on & look at it is a learning experience. SHe can't do anything to change it now, she can only be sure that it won't happen again.

As for the friendship, that is for her & hubby to decide. If they feel that it can be saved then that is cool. If not then ok.

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by jcbicouple

Dito
You knew and chose not to do anything about it immediatly for your own pleasure (your own words). You were wrong, and if I were your husband I'd be pissed. Getting caught up in the moment is NO excuse for not doing the things you and your SO argeed to. The guy was wrong, but you had time to realize it, reach down and confirm it, and frankly, in his defense, He may have thought it was ok to cum in you because you just confirmed he had no rubber on and didn't stop him. Who's to say that he and his wife weren't ok with him being bare?

Catherine's first post...

and he entered me and after a few thrusts I began to realize that he didn't have a condom on. I put my hand between my legs to verify this and I couldn't feel the rubber so I began to move my body so I could expell him out but to my regret I didn't tell him to verbally stop. I'm starting to sit up (we are in the missionary position) when he has his orgasm and releases sperm into me. I am horrified and immediately get up and start yelling at him

Her only mistake was in not verbally saying something, but I've been in that position before where I was simply speechless and/or as said before, the facts that one part of my brain are seeing don't register in another part of my brain, leaving me unable to really comprehend what might be occurring. 1 + 1 is not coming out to be 2. She was trying to physically extricate herself. Doesn't that count for something? Shock and surprise can cause some of us not to be able to utter a single word. Even me.

And what difference does it make if he and his wife were OK with not using a condom? The apparent agreed upon rule was the use of condoms. He had one on prior to the oral sex, but removed it without her knowledge prior to penetration.

-EBF

[GirlieZ]

Originally Posted by wrnakedru

And now to my two cents worth on the topic matter of this thread.

Brings to mind the fella that stuck a vial of "Rush" under my nose while placing his hand over my mouth knowing I'd have no choice but take a deep breath in of the stuff. I was "at the moment of truth", head back, eyes closed and he timed it to be just that, thinking it would be some huge thrill for me.


I don't know if it can be put behind you, and things return to former levels. I can only say that in the instance I told about, I couldn't and wouldn't play with him again. I didn't trust him anymore.

OHMIGAWD! What kind of person does this? The hand over my mouth would have caused me to bring my knee into his groin.

That being said...

Catherine,

The man betrayed your trust and it is up to you whether you can play with him again. The most important thing to do right now is to communicate your feelings to your hubby and then you both sit down with the other guy ask him why he did what he did and explain to him how you felt and the reasoning behind your decisions. This should be in a non-threatening and calm manner. Temper, temper

I know that sometimes people forget what they are doing and they lose their heads in certain situations. We all make mistakes...and maybe if you can trust him again (which I'm not sure if I would totally be trusting of this fellow) you can all learn and grow from this experience.

Zgirl

[Alura]

Originally Posted by Elusive BiFem

He had one on prior to the oral sex, but removed it without her knowledge prior to penetration.

-EBF

I agree this has to be the case, EBF, but I've racked my brain on how it can be possible. Here's what I've decided:

1. He could have lost his erection, allowing the condom to be pulled off. This scenario gives him no excuse for having removed it since he obviously would not have been "overcome with lust."

2. He could have shaved genitals which would have allowed him to roll the condom off. When I've not been shaved, genital hair gets rolled up in the condom, making removal almost impossible.

3. He could have violently torn it off his erect penis. Now, I'm not a big guy, as you know, and am certainly not hung, as you don't know, but I find it impossible to grasp the tip of a condom and pull it off.

This part of the story has been a real mystery to me.

In the end, though, I would say Catherine is to be supported regardless of her decision on the outcome of this situation.

Mr. Alura

[HotCoupleGnS]

I think he took it off on purpose. Why eles would he have looked "sheepish?" Everytime my kids or hubby has a sheepish look, they did something wrong & knew it when they did it!

[Alura]

Originally Posted by GirlieZ

Catherine,
...ask him why he did what he did...

Zgirl

Yeah! Ask him how he did it, too. "Inquiring minds," y'know!

Mr. Alura

[Alura]

Originally Posted by HotCoupleGnS

I think he took it off on purpose. Why eles would he have looked "sheepish?" Everytime my kids or hubby has a sheepish look, they did something wrong & knew it when they did it!

I think he took it off on purpose, too, HotCouple. I just want to know how he took it off.

Mr. Alura

[Elusive BiFem]

Originally Posted by Alura

I agree this has to be the case, EBF, but I've racked my brain on how it can be possible. Here's what I've decided:

1. He could have lost his erection, allowing the condom to be pulled off. This scenario gives him no excuse for having removed it since he obviously would not have been "overcome with lust."

2. He could have shaved genitals which would have allowed him to roll the condom off. When I've not been shaved, genital hair gets rolled up in the condom, making removal almost impossible.

3. He could have violently torn it off his erect penis. Now, I'm not a big guy, as you know, and am certainly not hung, as you don't know, but I find it impossible to grasp the tip of a condom and pull it off.

This part of the story has been a real mystery to me.

In the end, though, I would say Catherine is to be supported regardless of her decision on the outcome of this situation.

Mr. Alura

OK, Mr. Alura!!! You finally got me!!!! Surrender I have no response on this one. I haven't the foggiest idea how a man takes off a condom. (But I don't think he would have violently torn it off his erect penis." )

- EBF

[OhioCouple]

Mr. Alura does have a very good point. During my single years, I insisted all men that I slept with, wear condoms. No two penis' were exactly alike and I can tell you that getting those babies on and off were quite difficult for each of them. A correctly fitting condom is snug and is not going to easily come off of a fully erect penis. Perhaps there are some pretty adept one-handed guys out there, but my guys needed two hands to peel it off when even still semi-erect after ejaculation. And they seemed to be pretty cautious about doing so.

As for Catherine's situation. I found myself in a swing situation in which I did not verbally say no correctly. I don't know what happened to me as I could have made my point by a firm knee to the crotch, but I didn't. I did the pushing back and said things like 'don't', 'stop', however this was seen as a sign of encouragement to the male half. This was a couple that we knew well enough to have had multiple encounters with and everyone was aware of the boundries. The end result for me/us, was that I no longer felt that I could trust this person and that ended the relationship, then and there.

Perhaps some people can feel the need to talk about it and try to rectify the situation, in my case, this was akin to date rape...pure and simple. However, I fault myself for not taking the appropriate actions that I should have, therefore I had fault also. We stopped swinging altogether for nearly six months due to this one incident.

The boundries were clearly violated and it is up to Catherine and her husband as to what they are comfortable in doing regarding this situation. There is however fault on both ends, to a degree. IMO.