Difference between reality and expectations at first club visit

Hello all, been quite a while since i posted here.

I just have a simple question for all you club veterans, .

In your first club appearence what were you looking for and what actually happened? I'm not actually looking for stories just a look into how your first time in a club worked it's way out.

If you were looking for soft swing, basically just wanting to watch and play with your spouse or did you end up getting more than you expected?

Just curious. My wife and i are thinking about attending Trapeze in Ft. Lauderdale next month but we have never been to a club before. Just looking for some feedback on everyone's adventures in there first club experience.

Well we really remember the butterflies we had in our stomachs during the day of our first club visit. All we hoped for was:

That we wouldn't find the club to be a "seedy joint", which it definitely wasn't.

That the people wouldn't be pushy, they wern't.

That we'd enjoy the disco part - better than any vanilla club, but then this club had over 300 people in it, almost everyone under 40, we couldn't believe it.

We wanted to see if we could have sex with people watching, we could;)

Thanks passion8 for your reply.

So in that first club experience did you initiate conversation with others or did alot of people approach you?

Plus where did you guys first go? Did it happen to be Trapeze?

Thanks again.

No it wasn't Trapeze, it was in Belgium! That made conversation a little more difficult, but the first thing we did when we got there was to sit down to dinner and we were joined by probably the oldest couple there! They said they didn't swing and we enjoyed their company as they explained what the club was like and what we should do/expect.

Our first time in a club was the Red Rooster in Vegas. We went on a slow night, everyone was nice. We were a little unnerved by the attention of the single males. When we told them no, they respected our decision though. We went back later in the week, and stayed in the couples area. We didn't hook up that night either, we were still a little nervous.

So, what I consider our first real time was at Trapeze in Atlanta. We of course had the butterflies, but soon felt comfortable. There was a lady there who wanted to get everyone in a partying mood. She was coming out and taking people out onto the dance floor. We gradually made our way back to the "no clothing allowed" section, and felt comfortable. In the lockerroom, we met 3 other couples who were there for their first time, so we kind of stuck together and ended up in the group room for a little bit of fun. We clicked with one couple and went back to their motel room with them and partied for a few more hours.

The club met/exceeded our expectations. Not seedy at all, the buffet was nice, the staff very nice and accomodating, great music, small but adequate dance floor. We'll most definitely be back.

Enjoy your first time!

My first time at a club was in Dayton, Ohio in I think 1999 or 2000. I was very nervous but the people there made me feel very welcome. I met a nice couple, we chatted for about an hour, but nothing more happened. I was then invited into a private room to watch another couple. Later in the evening, I met two girls who were there together and had a FMF 3some with them. It was a wonderful experience. I found out the best thing to do when going to a club for the first time is just be yourself.

Thanks guys for all your responses. It's really appreciated.

So for the most part i guess the first time everyone is mainly an abserver. I guess that's the category that we'll be in unless something or someone just has that certain appeal. Is this the case with most of you? Or did you go in with a basic open mind that what happens will happen?

This is a timely thread for us! We are visiting our first club next month, Club Colette in New Orleans. We are hoping for some mfm playing our first visit, not to just observe. Can anyone give suggestions on how to let a gentleman know we are interested? Also, if anyone has been to this club and can give input, that would be great too! Thanks!

Hey NY

Colette is the classiest club Ive ever been to. I dare say it has to be one of the nicest ones in the country. It attracts a fairly upscale group of clients.

I met a couple there that was very nice. The approached me as I sat on one of the couches having a drink. If you see a guy you think you'd like, go up and talk to him. After all, we all know what we're there for, right?

Good luck and have fun.

Rob

Question for you club veterans, do you see alot of single bi women approaching couples? Or are there more single males within these clubs.

Originally posted by Titon

Question for you club veterans, do you see alot of single bi women approaching couples? Or are there more single males within these clubs.

Now ya are REALLY fishing. There will always be a ratio of 20+ single males to every single female attempting to try out the lifestyle. If there is a single bi female in a club expect to find her at the center of what appears to be a Busby Berkley hollywood production number from the 30's. We play with a couple of different SBF's, the only way to find one is the old fashioned way, time and patience. There is no quick route.

Ah yes, the quest for the ever so popular Bi-Sexual Single Female......

Here are some of the reasons why you are going to have difficulty finding one.....

1) Guys are looking for single girls.

2) Couples are looking for single girls.

3) Girls are looking for single girls.

So, they are "snapped up" very quickly.

4) Most single girls don't frequent sex clubs, because they might be unsafe.

5) Most single girls don't frequent sex clubs, because of the social stigmata of being considered a "slut".

6) Most single girls don't frequent sex clubs, because they can get laid anywhere.

So there aren't many to begin with.

7) You may not be attracted to the single girl you find.

8) Your partner may not be attracted to the single girl you find.

9) The girl may not find you attractive.

10) The girl may not find your partner attractive.

11) She might be STRAIGHT.

12) She might be a LESBIAN.

Provided you find a single girl, personal chemistry and how you all present yourselves will have a lot to do with it.

This doesn't mean you cannot or will not find one ...EVENTUALLY. But you are unlikely to just walk in and there she is, HOT, READY, AND WAITING JUST FOR THE 2 OF YOU!

With all of that being said, there are Single Bi-Sexual Women in this lifestyle, most of whom are fabulous people. Best of luck to you and enjoy yourselves and each other no matter what you find or where you are.

Our first club experience was... hmmm... unexpected?! We were in Australia on holiday (hubby is Aussie) and we decided to check out a club that was listed on this site. We were prepared in every way... excited... happy... ready to go. Then we walked in the door and the gentleman at the door said - here is the key to your locker and here is your towel. I said, "towel?" and he said - yes everyone in the club wears only a towel. I immediately freaked out - I mean... gosh... it just seemed too fast for me (silly I know but...) if he had told me - here is the key to your locker and dress down to your undies or change into your lingerie - that would have been OK - but a towel?! So we thanked him and left.

Is this normal for clubs in the US? We are going to New Orleans next week and we were thinking of checking out Club Collette but now I'm a bit nervous about the TOWELS! hehe

So my first club experience didn't get past the door... *sigh* oh well!

On-pre-mise clubs come in 2 varieties (and I am not talking about the building type) European style and American style.

The "towel" is part of the American Style club culture. Meaning that the rules of the club dictate that to enter the areas where intimacy are allowed you must disrobe, and the towel is the maximum amount of clothing allowed. In some clubs the towel is also used as a surface/barrier on which you can be intimate without the staff having to then come and change linens. Many clubs feel that the mandate to disrobe is an equalizing factor, and many clubgoers like it because you can more effectively "window shop". (From personal experience I will say that, parties in which the attendees start with less clothing do become sexually active quicker.) There are variations on the american style club that do things such as allowing clothing until as certain time and then you must disrobe. Contact the club in advance to find out what there rules/expectations are.

European style clubs allow you to remain clothed wherever you would like for as long as you like. A European style club is often less intimidating to newcomers.

It sounds like you went to an American style club that happened to be located in Australia. Most likely there is a european style club closer to home.

Say what? I've been to a few American clubs but I've never heard of the towel thing.

R

In most clubs in the Netherlands you can wear your clothes until a certain time and then you have to change to lingerie. Totally naked is nowhere asked for.

Well it sounds like the best rule is to contact the club ahead of time regarding expectations - I thought that I had done that by checking their website, etc. - but obviously not enough. We are heading to New Orleans next month and it looks like Collette's allows patrons to keep their clothes on, etc. but I will take lingerie just in case... I definitely know that the 'towel' thing is NOT for me... I may be a horny girl but I do have a bit of modesty in me!

Mrs. B - I think I will have to visit the Netherlands!!

Then I am guessing that you went to European style clubs.

From your response I would say that you find the "towel thing" to be a bit odd. I assure you that I didn't just make it up. It is one of those things where the truth is stranger than fiction (at least to my mind, I run a european style club). Ask around a bit, I think you'll find a great many people who have heard of this.

This "story" is not about our first club experience, but it is about a visit to a club that caught us a "bit off guard".

We were vacationing in Florida in the Spring of 2001, and planned on visiting a few different clubs while there. One night's visit was to the (I think now defunct) Taboo club in Tampa.

Taboo was a sister club of Colette's in New Orleans, and Venus in Atlanta.

Anyhow we go into the lobby area where we are greeted by a nice looking young lady. We fill out the paperwork and such, and pay the fees, and she then gets out a hand held metal detector. This is all well and good, and actually makes us feel a bit more secure.

Another couple has come in by now and are waiting behind us. After going over us a time or two with the metal detector, (and getting no beeps), she then asks us to raise our shirts/tops, and our slacks/skirt....Still ok I guess...but then she makes us drop our underwear.

Having to do this really didn't bother us in the sense of being naked in front of anyone, but we did find this just a tad intrusive, and unreasonable.

We've been to at least a dozen on premise clubs in the Southeastern U.S., and we've never encountered anything even close.

Mrs here

Couple_N_Ark

Wow - now I think that would really freak me out - I get really weirded out by authority figures/situations and I would have walked out and never returned.

remox

Is there a way of knowing whether a club is European or American style? Should I assume that most American clubs do the towel thing? I really don't want to do another club unless I know for sure!!

Originally posted by WA_Cple

Mrs. B - I think I will have to visit the Netherlands!!

You are very Welcome to visit the Netherlands!!!

WA_Cple.....

The only way to tell is to do your homework. The information might be listed in their website or other advertising materials, but I doubt it. You will probably need to call or e-mail and ask specifically. While you are at it consider asking the following 3 questions.

Is there a tour or orientation we can attend? (this should ensure there are no additional suprises concerning rules)

When are your doors open? (some clubs have limited arrival hours)

Are you zoned to operate a business and if so what licensing was required/obtained? (swinging is generally not illegal, but the way the club is operated might be)

A question that won't do you much good......

How many people will be there? (this cannot be accurately answered for a host of reasons too long to go into here, but suffice to say any club can have a good or a bad night for reasons beyond their control)

Questions that may be important to you based on interests should be asked as well, such as...

Are singles allowed or is this a couples only party? Are the number of singles admitted, limited/restricted/monitored in anyway?

Is bisexuality allowed for women? for men?

Are other alternative lifestyles allowed (such as BDSM or crossdressing)?

What is the smoking policy? Alcohol policy? Is there any sort of refreshment provided? Are condoms or other latex barriers (gloves, dams) is lube provided?

What provisions, if any, have been made for bathing? If bathing facilities are available, will you need to bring soap/shampoo, towels etc.....

Have any provisions been made to store personal belongings (like lockers)?

Are there overnight accomodations nearby? Where? Have special rates been negotiated?

What measures have been taken to ensure my personal safety? what about the safety of my identity?

I cannot express strongly enough the need to research the club you wish to attend in advance. Best of luck to you. If I can be of any further assistance let me know.

There is no question for us we prefer the clubs that insist on lingerie for women and either simple boxers or nude for the guys. It gets things going so much quicker. The fully clothed parties are not as sexually charged it seems and seem to take for ever to heat up. Hey if we are going to a club...we are going their to enjoy a high sex atmosphere, not a cocktail party. If we wanted cocktails we would go to a night club elsewhere in town that. Our first experience was at a club that allowed women to wear lingerie and men had to go nude. Makes for a so much more open atmosphere!

Hi I'm fairly new to this site and have been a swinger for 7 years. We actually decided to take the lifestyle up a year after we got married. I'm 29. This is the first time though I have heard about the American European difference in swinging clubs in this thread and am very surprised to hear American style is more open. Me and my husband are in the military and have been to Europe. We found Europe to be very much more open to swinging. In fact we have been to several clubs over there were all was required was underwear and more sooner than later that piece of clothing was removed as well. We found out where these clubs were at the gas stations around Europe where clubs openly advertised for couples. Since I have been back to the states I have not been to one American club where they have been so adament about taking off clothing as they did in Europe. In fact I have wanted to go back to Europe recently because of the fact it is so much more open about sex. Granted I have only been to clubs in Texas and Arkansas.. all these clubs were off premise. ... in Europe almost all of them are on premise with hotels attached to them. Am I missing a part of America that is not as prudish as where me and my husband have been ?

I have no idea about more open clubs in the other parts, but you are now in the most uptight state in the US. LOL. We moved to New Jersey from Arkansas. Unfortunately it looks that we are more than likely moving back there soon.

Well, we've been to two clubs in California, Freedom Acres and the now closed Four Palms. Never heard of the towel thing. At Freedom Acres in the nightclub area people are 99 percent clothed. Afew women will get bare on occasion but have never seen a totally naked man in the nightclub area. Now, when you go to the spa or playrooms, you get naked or may wear a towel. There is absolutely no pressure to do anything and everyone is super polite.

I have a question about the "towel thing"as well... I am also planning a first on premise club experience for me and my husband. I am looking at Trapeze in Fort Lauderdale, and have seen on other websites that they might require towel wear in the play rooms. Is this true and how does it work if so? They aren''t going to make me drop my panties at the door for the metal detector I hope. Has anyone been to Trapeze, what was the experience like? Please tell me what to expect as I really want this to be a positive experience for both of us! thanks!

Trapeze is an american style club. So in answer to your question:

YES, you will be required to disrobe in the areas of the club that allow intimacy (there are parts of the club where you may remain clothed) and a towel can/will be provided for you if you wish not to be naked in the "play areas".

I have heard wonderful things about Trapeze, I hope you have a great time.