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View Full Version : Strip Clubs as a first step



J&BinNJ
11-17-2003, 07:52 AM
This is my first post other than our intro. This my be a stupid question, but here goes. I had seen in other places couples going to strip clubs or being told to try strip clubs when starting out in the lifestyle. Aside from it being erotic, what is the purpose? Or is that the only purpose?
Five years ago my husband and I went to New Orleans for our 20th anniversary and went into one of the strip clubs. It was the first time I'd ever been in one soI found it kind of exciting and scary at the same time. My strict catholic upbringing and all !:D
While we were sitting there having a beer and watching the show, a half nakes man came over and asked my husband and I if we wanted to come to the back for a "private" show. Well we said no because we were not sure what he meant by that! Of course we were too shy to ask what he meant by a "private" show. Now, 5 years later we are kicking ourselves for not finding out.

Elusive BiFem
11-17-2003, 08:23 AM
Good morning, J&BinNJ! I don't have a single answer to your question, but really laughed at the part about "now 5 years later" and your continuing curiosity about what the stripper meant by a "private show."

Sounds so much like me...only I can be much slower. As in almost 20 years. Then, like...slap myself across the forehead. Oh! Now I get it! :eek:

Suggestion...as it is now time for the 25th anniversary...why not another trip to New Orleans? Go find out! "We decided to take you up on that private show offer."

Have a great day! - EBF :)

J&BinNJ
11-17-2003, 08:34 AM
LOL!

It's taken YEARS to stop thinking like a good catholic couple! We're getting there tho! ;)

Tom & Bonnie
11-17-2003, 09:24 AM
Many couples go to strip clubs as a lot of couples start off in the lifestyle searching for the "Elusive Bi Female"

LOL.
(There are a lot of jokes I could put in here about our very own EBF but I will pass....)

As many couples learn, finding the Holy Grail would be easier than finding a single, bi female playmate. But, they do notice other couples in these very same strip clubs and soon form a friendship. That and the fact that a lot of strippers are bisexual and enjoy giving the ladies attention as well as the men.

Hope this helps...

EternallySingle
11-17-2003, 10:56 AM
I had a friend who worked at a strip club (we used to sing karoke together on Thursday nights) and she was sitting with a couple. Every ten minutes or so she would send one of the waitresses over to my table to deliver the lyrics to some song, telling me in code what they were talking about. After two hours of not being able to watch the girls on stage for laughing at her notes I went over to the couple and said jokingly "What, you're trying to keep my girl away from me?"

The two dancers nearby laughed, but the husband actually looked scared and said that he and his wife were thinking about going to a swing club but the wife had never been around naked women with him present. So a friend suggested they come to the club and have her buy him lapdances to see how she would react afterwards. My friend later cursed me out because she said she nearly had them ready to ask us to join them later.

Learned two things. One, some couples go to clubs to get used to seeing their S/O in a sexual situation where nothing is going to happen before taking the big step. Two, always let your girlfriend/wife do the talking when there's a possibility of having sex with another couple, especially if they approached her first.

hotcpl4unfla
11-17-2003, 05:55 PM
Initially, when my wife and I decided to try the lifestyle, the idea of a "gentleman's club" appealed to both of us, since she had a curiosity about being with other women, and I had a voyeuristic approach to the whole thing. I think we were hoping that this would be the catalyst that would get her to find the "elusive bi female" so many refer to. In all honesty, that is a unrealistic approach (in retrospect- we never tried it in the end). Most strippers are working girls who want money. Many are not looking to "hook up" with couples unless there is some monetary (read prostitution) compensation involved. Now, I don't know about you, but I am not going to risk all I have to pay some woman to be with my woman! Furthermore, those few that are willing to do that may have some diseases that I would like to stay away from. Not to mention some have some seriously skewed emotional issues neither of us want to deal with. As far as the "take the girl to the strip club" for a lap dance and get her hot and bothered about another woman rubbing on her, SURE! For a woman who is bi curious, that might be the thing that makes up her mind one way or another. But beyond that, don't think about a relationship or one night stand coming out of it. I'm sure it can happen, but that's probably a road better left untraveled, IMHO.

Dani&Drew
11-17-2003, 07:41 PM
I used to work at Deja Vu in Kzoo. That's pretty much soured me towards strip clubs in general.

Even before I worked there, I didn't really see the point. Overpriced drinks and overloud music, all to look at and talk to girls who wouldn't be coming home with you anyway. Feh.

Tom & Bonnie
11-17-2003, 08:30 PM
Originally posted by DrewnDani
... I didn't really see the point. Overpriced drinks and overloud music, all to look at and talk to girls who wouldn't be coming home with you anyway. Feh.

AMEN! That's why we don't frequent them either... That, plus having girls giving us lap dances free for years because they wanted to, sorta spoiled us..

hoistsail
11-21-2003, 09:01 PM
In Raleigh, NC there used to be strip clubs that would have dancers for an hour or so and then let the couples dance for 1/2 hour. Used to have great times there with 3 or 4 other couples.:D

Miss_Piggy
11-21-2003, 09:32 PM
On the topic of strippers,
I once went to see male strippers. Anyone else ever been? I was struck by the fact that the men encouraged touching. They were extreemely interactive - getting women to help them take their clothes off and touch their chests and stuff... What a fun time ;)

~Piggy

JustAskJulie
11-22-2003, 06:07 PM
The only real reason I can see for going to a strip club as an early step in swinging is just to see each other's reactions to the nudity/ lap dances / etc.

Especially if there is

a) fear that she might be jealous of you getting attention from another woman (get a lap dance in front of her and see how she reacts).

b) possible interest on her part towards other women (have her get a lap dance and see how she likes it).

I've seen some posts where people have the idea that they can go to a strip club and take a stripper home. That's about as far from the truth as things come. The girls are there to make money and while they may see overly friendly to you, chances are they just want your money.

BiCoupleNJ
11-22-2003, 09:04 PM
Originally posted by JustAskJulie

I've seen some posts where people have the idea that they can go to a strip club and take a stripper home.
...
The girls are there to make money and while they may see overly friendly to you, chances are they just want your money.

Oh Julie... you can not be more accurate about that one!!!

We know several active and former dancers, as well as quite a few former waitresses from a now-closed Hooters that was in our area. They will all very readily admit to being little more than a big tease while on the job. They also will admit that the primary goal for the night, outside of making money, is to make you feel as if you are the only other person on earth that matters to them... and that they will be coming home with you. Once they have that seed cultivating in your head, the typical person will think nothing of dropping $50-75 on the girl.
We know of girls that make easily $500 in a night on slow nights and upwards of $2-3k on a good night on the weekends during the summer.

Jerry & Liz

NotsoNew
11-22-2003, 09:41 PM
We went to a few strip clubs together before we started to swing. For us, it is something we still enjoy a few times a year (especially with another couple). Sure it is expensive, but it is also a bit erotic. Problem is, he buys ME the lap dances!

After thinking about it, guess it isn't a problem!! <EG>

Sparkysweet
11-28-2003, 08:48 AM
Being a newbie, the Strip Club we went to, was a great safe way to see how I would react to someone being sexual with my husband and I ended up knowing how I would respond to a Woman being sexual with me. We had an exotic very personable young lady sit down and chat with us, but needed to go to prior commitments. Well she is one of the most popular dancers there, little did we know. It took about a half hour before she was to come back to our table. In the meantime, I had gone to the restroom and when I came back, she had started the lapdance with my husband, I was shocked, and extremely jealous much to my surprise. I then tried to get out of my lapdance, but my husband told her to take my face in her hands and make sure, I was further shocked to find this extremely erotic and sensual. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually, but it opened sexual, erotic sensations I had not experienced before. We have gone back a couple of times and I know that I am totally cool with another woman pleasuring my husband, and I am exploring that possibility myself. This Strip club is very classy and not totally nude, and although it is a financial transaction, there are woman who enjoy pleasuring and we watch to see who enjoys what they do and those who are just looking for their $20. I am always up to new ways to pleasure my man, and the good dancers are in awesome shape and in my opinion earn every single penny. I watched one dancer last weekend who knew how to work that pole and had gymnastic skills that would make Mary Lou Reddin Cry, and the most sexual face and a body to kill for. I enjoy the music and food is awesome and cheap. But it is not an every day or weekend thing, It just is an erotic time and has been a great safe way to expand into soft swap swinging. Newbies, I reccommend this, find a classy, erotic, great music place. I always dress to kill, and tease my husband also, sometimes we barely get out of the parking lot.

Sparkysweet
11-28-2003, 09:09 AM
Call the strip club, sure is cheaper than flying somewhere you have been when you can visit somewhere else, say Desire in Cancun and have an erotic, sensual, time within your boundaries! www.desirecancun.com
We had a great time when we went at the end of September, hope to get back maybe in the spring.

J&BinNJ
11-28-2003, 12:42 PM
Thanks for all the responses. I would like to try this. I agree it would be a good test to see if I'd be jealous. My only thought would be, if I (or any woman) wasnt jealous with this (lap dances) is that any guaranty that I (or any woman) wouldn't be when you see your mate acutal having sex with another woman?

I've never seen a lapdance in person, however from what I understand, the customer is not allowed to touch them is that true?

If that is the case, I know I wouldn't be jealous of that, I'd probaly laugh the whole time. :lol:

fun_pairTX
11-28-2003, 01:21 PM
Strip clubs have never done much for me, oh well. When I was single however I used to keep my eye out for clubs that were featuring male strippers. I would head down to the clubs parking lot around 11 or so and wait for the partially intoxicated, and definitely horned up ladies to head for their cars. Even as big and uglee as I am I never left alone.

Sparkysweet
11-28-2003, 04:02 PM
I thought you could not touch them either, just ask the club what the rules are, each one is a bit different. I thought I would laugh and be embarrassed, but I closed my eyes and felt the sensation, the music, and was surprised the different level of sexuality and eroticism (sp) it brought. About seeing my husband pleasure another woman, I have had to visualize this big time, however if we swing (we have not to date) we are starting verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry slow, many dates and first time will be watching and being watched. I may never get to the full swap, I am going to continue as long as I and my husband are enjoying the sexual horizon and not one little bit more. I am finding that I go outside of a prior non comfort zone let hubby know I am okay for another step and then opps, he has to process that, some things he thought he was okay with, we have changed our rules boundaries and where I was the last one in on stuff, we reevaluateing to both our comfort levels, and I'm no longer last to be ready on everything (just most everything!) Heh keep in touch, being a newbie, I am watching the other newbies for help.

BiCoupleNJ
11-28-2003, 04:24 PM
Originally posted by Sparkysweet
Being a newbie, the Strip Club we went to, was a great safe way to see how I would react to someone being sexual with my husband and I ended up knowing how I would respond to a Woman being sexual with me...
I was shocked, and extremely jealous much to my surprise...
I was further shocked to find this extremely erotic and sensual. I have never been attracted to a woman sexually, but it opened sexual, erotic sensations I had not experienced before.

Sparky,

Great advice for a couple new to swinging. Strip clubs weren't quite as comfortable and well accepted when we started out in swinging about a dozen years ago... you still had to go to the really seedy side of town and the places were filled with bikers for the most part. Now that they are an accepted entertainment option, it is a lot safer and much more pleasant to visit.

Your comment about being jealous when you first saw your husband getting the lap dance isn't really odd at all. I would think that pretty much every woman in here can attest to feeling at least a little jealous, if not a lot, the first time they saw their husband or partner with another woman. The way you went about it, in a strip club, was an awful lot safer than how most of us go about it... with actual swinging being the first time I saw Jerry with another woman.

And I think that most women would also agree that they were pretty shocked when they first found out that another woman could make them aroused and get them horny... I know that I was totally shocked at first! The first time I did bi, Jerry had a friend of his from his Air Force days come to visit for about 5 or 6 days. Each day that she was there, plus most nights, she did something sexual to me. And that's how it was for the first 3 days - she would do something sexual to me while I would just lay back and appreciate it. It took me until the 4th day... and Jerry telling me that this would be the best and safest opportunity I would ever have to reciprocate... for me to actually do something to her. I don't know if you have actually taken the step to do something sexual with another woman, but my advice is, now that you know from your feelings at the strip club, by all means, act on your desires! The only question you'll have after you actually do it is "Why did I wait so long?" :)

Liz