Experienced Swingers: Would you swing with newbies?

Here is the question , how many experienced swingers will consider meeting with a couple

that is new to swinging ?

I want to see if the responses here corrolate with our experince so far

Marv & Sue

We've only played with inexperienced swingers. It was not planned that way, only happened by chance. Some were good times; some were not. We have no objections to folks who have never played before. Our interests run more to those who have a solid, committed marriage and know what they want.

In fact, we've enjoyed "easing" new couples into playing. We're working on a couple now. They don't know it yet, but the friendship is progressing nicely. Maybe by the time cooler weather rolls around and the spa is more fun, we'll be able to broach the subject.

Alura

"In fact, we've enjoyed "easing" new couples into playing."

That is very nice of you two to take your time and being patient with a new couple, Alura! I mean it. Maybe you should change your name to "walurya".

We would have answered the poll if we could have understood the question! Having said that we are experienced swingers who do most of our playing with a group of eight couples we have known for many years. That does not prevent us when we go to parties at a swing club or when we are on vacation from swinging with newbies. Over the years we have met several couples who were new to the lifestyle and where there was a mutual attraction between us. In such cases we have been quite content to let things develop at their pace, starting with flirting and sexy dancing, then soft swinging and in most cases ending up with a full swap of partners. Easing another couple into the lifestyle can be a very rewarding experience for all concerned.

Ill try an have Julie remove the poll quickly , that was called , dip shit ( me ) goofed up it was

meant to be a question the first time . Thanks for the replies , it gives us encouragement

Marv

Well, Cisco, ol' friend, that sounds like a really good name. Does it have a meaning or is it like the poll?

Alura

Alura,

I guess that only sounded right in my head. I will clarify as I should have the first time.

You two wrote: "We're working on a couple now."

Your name almost resembles "we'll-lure-ya"......Many thanks for you guys being patient and easing the newbies such as ourselves!

It's our pleasure, Cisco! Believe us.

Alura

We have met with new couples before but it never seems to go anywhere. Always seems to be that the couple isn't ready or that while the hubby wants to play he is pretty much just dragging his wife along.

We would play with a new couple if we knew for sure that they were ready to go. Even experienced couples can have issues they are still working on.

If this was through a contact ad then we wouldn't bother.

If we had met at a club and the vibes were right--i.e. we believed both of you were sincere and whole-hearted about playing--then your lack of experience wouldn't matter.

Well im certainly getting an education , Julie i know what you are saying , when you have been married 24 years most of your personal issues are clarified but things can still come up . We are going to our first club party on the 17th , we sure hope it is less of waist of time then the internet ads have been . I do see where it could be more productive then looking at ads of would be swingers on the net . This party should be swingers rather then internet fun seekers having a cyber fantasy .

Marv

Gotta go with both Julie and Frisson on this one. If it's a couple who I run into at a club or more specifically a party, if they appeared ready (both wife and husband), yeah I'd help to ease them in to the sexual activity and make sure that before the sexual activity I included them in the chit chat and socialization. But as Julie said, in many circumstances it's the man who's ready and the wife is being dragged into something she doesn't particular want to get into.

Like frisson, I don't do ads either. It's way to time consuming having to wade thru the bullshiters and those that are truthful. Kinda like the old saying, You gotta kiss a lotta frogs to find the one that's a prince, that can definitely be applied to ads. I have no problems meeting people so that's another reason I don't do the ad thingie.

If you're lucky and become friends with a swinging couple you can enlarge your circle of swinging friends thru that couple. What started out many years ago being four couples, a single male and me, a single female who befriended each other for sex and socialization, has grown into a circle of 30-40 couples with a few more singles.

Quin

Congrats to Quin , it appears to me you have your head on about as straight as any one i have met . you know who you are and what you want and appear to be a very straight forward and honest person , hey i think i like you .

I agree men start this swing idea and drag the wife along , but in our case i started and am running like hell to keep up with Sue . after her first experinece she is gunho . I have not changed my mind at all but am very surprised and pleased how her interest grew . We as a couple are growing fast and learing quick , im also glad to say there has not been one disagreement on any issue so far . that perhaps is the result of 24 years together .

Marv - marvsue

This is Amy, and I have a question for the couples here who have been involved with swinging for a while and are very comfortable with it, especially for the women.

How willing would you be to get together with couples who are brand new to swinging? Especially if those couples might be somewhat limited in the types of activity they want to try?

Great question!!

We are 'seasoned' swingers and really do enjoy newbies from time to time. We are not blood suckers like some who scower the internet looking for the first posts of newbies just to take advantage of them and make 'em bed post marks.

I especially like to meet with bi woman who are a little more than curious. I think women who are just begining to explore their sexuality are very sexy. It's a challenge to me too to find the way to help them learn about themselves.

Deb

I don't have a problem with it. We are well aware that people move at different speeds and it is better for everyone if EVERYONE is comfortable. If they want to keep it at as soft swing activities that's okay too... or if they aren't sure yet how far they want to take it.

If I think one partner is trying to push activities on to the other that they aren't comfortable with ... I will usually pull the reluctant one aside and say... you know... I'm getting mixed messages here, what is it that you DO feel comfortable with?

I would sooner swing with a nervous novice couple than an experienced one that thinks they know everything and doesn't hear what you are saying.

But swinging with another couple where everyone is on the same page mentally regardless of experience is the most important thing. Communication. right?

Since I think we'll be perpetual newbies, I always wish we could find an established couple to show us a little more of what's going on out there.

On the other hand, our last meeting was with a brand new couple, and it was fun for both us and them to be not at all jaded

Originally posted by naughty A

If I think one partner is trying to push activities on to the other that they aren't comfortable with ... I will usually pull the reluctant one aside and say... you know... I'm getting mixed messages here, what is it that you DO feel comfortable with?

yuck. My wife and I ran into this scenario. It is no fun. And ruined the night for my wife, which ended up ruining the night for all of us, because we ended up going home early, and it cause bad feeling between the couples. Hopefully next time (if there is a next time) it will be different.

My experience as a single person is limited so I'm not far past the newbie category myself. However, my experiences have been with other newbie couples and I prefer that. Of course, it takes quite a bit of talking...getting to know each other...but for me, I think it can be the very best. I'm somewhat intimidated by those that are so much more experienced than I.

So I say...go for it...and communicate. - EBF

Although many experienced couples feel differently, we simply don’t have the patience to guide newbies into the Lifestyle. We are a couple that likes to play without complications, so it’s not fun for us to deal couples that are still trying to figure out what they want from the Lifestyle. Also, it can be pretty unnerving to be present at the moment a couple discovers that the Lifestyle is not for them. Nothing can ruin a swinging encounter faster than nervous, unsure or bickering participants.

I was just catching up on my new nighttime routine of reading through the usual witty posts and responses on the Swingers Board when a frightful idea popped into my head. And now I can't sleep until I ask...There are so many swingers here who have had loads [i love puns] of swinging experiences. Mr Honey and I have had "a few".

Frightful idea: What if experienced swingers don't want to meet or play with us because we're "inexperienced"?

Granted ... we didn't just fall off the back of the VanillaSex-R-Us delivery truck but .. honestly .. I have more toes than swinger-notches in our bedpost.

I've heard of people being wary of "newbies" because they maybe haven't ironed out all their rules and boundaries. Or they're not ironclad sure yet they don't have jealousy issues. Or whatever other baggage they could bring with them to sandbox.

We have been in this lifestyle off and on for 7 years so we're pretty clear what we want and what our rules are. Regardless..... If we put in our profile or in an ad that we have only had a few experiences, does that automatically make people click the "aww too bad/thank you for playing" checkbox?

We're a couple that's half-experienced, half-newbie. So far it hasn't been an issue and we've mostly got any little quirks or problems ironed out. We're both very comfortable with each other and we know what each other likes, what our limits are, etc. It all just seems so natural when we swing.

We have no problem with newbies. More than willing to be one of those first notches on the bedpost. But we're both good at reading people and we can pick up potential jealousy or conflict before it gets out of hand. So, if the other couple really isn't ready to swing, we'll back down and seek their comfort level.

I guess it all depends on the swingers. Some of the swingers I've known over the years are only interested in adding another "notch". So if you're not ready to swing, then they will feel you're wasting their time. Other's are looking for something a little deeper and enjoy the process of going from new acquantances to being swinging partners. Just have to find your category.

jaybee

I was just catching up on my new nighttime routine of reading through the usual witty posts and responses on the Swingers Board when a frightful idea popped into my head. And now I can't sleep until I ask...There are so many swingers here who have had loads [i love puns] of swinging experiences. Mr Honey and I have had "a few".

 

Frightful idea: What if experienced swingers don't want to meet or play with us because we're "inexperienced"?

 

Granted ... we didn't just fall off the back of the VanillaSex-R-Us delivery truck but .. honestly .. I have more toes than swinger-notches in our bedpost.

 

I've heard of people being wary of "newbies" because they maybe haven't ironed out all their rules and boundaries. Or they're not ironclad sure yet they don't have jealousy issues. Or whatever other baggage they could bring with them to sandbox.

 

We have been in this lifestyle off and on for 7 years so we're pretty clear what we want and what our rules are. Regardless..... If we put in our profile or in an ad that we have only had a few experiences, does that automatically make people click the "aww too bad/thank you for playing" checkbox?

Why would you put in your profile that you've only had a few experiences? Besides, with 7 years off and on experience, we'd hardly consider you newbies. I think you're assuming that everyone else has a long, long list of conquests and it's probably not the case...at least not with everyone. Don't sweat it.

Pepper

I myself would have to wonder about someone who was THAT concerned about your experience level. We recently got together with a couple at a party who were there for the first time. I also was recently with a single woman who was making her first foray into the lifestyle. In both instances, we did our best to make their experiences a positive one. That is something that experienced swingers can do for "newbies".

I have met the kind of folks you describe and they come off as too snobbish for my tastes.

we did our best to make their experiences a positive one. That is something that experienced swingers can do for "newbies".

there you go . . .

I look at being with someone who is new as a way to make the experience a positive one and try and stay very sensitive to their shifting boundries.

For me, it's no different than introducing someone to any activity that you're experienced in. I wouldn't put a novice rider on a horse then slap it on the ass and watch it take off with them nor would I refuse to ride with them just because they'd limit where we could go. I just adjust to what their comfort level is.

Double diamond slopes aren't for the uninitiated, but with time and positive experience, they can get there!

I wouldn't put a novice rider on a horse then slap it on the ass and watch it take off with them...

Hmmm.....slap the newbie swinger on the ass and watch them go...Sounds Hot!

Kidding...I was just kidding!! :slam"

We have been at it for a little over 3 months now and nobody has had a problem with our newness. In fact, we play with a couple who has been swinging for years and until we quantified our experiences for them, they thought WE were the experienced ones. I have to think that their comfort level with you will depend on your comfort level with swinging, them, and each other.

We have played with 1 brand new couple ourselves. (Does that make us not newbie's anymore since we "broke them in"???) They are obviously in love, comfortable with each other, and were mutually interested in getting naked with us. It was a great experience.

Have fun!

T- Mr.

We recently experienced the opposite effect from our experience. We met a single woman who has very little experience and had all sorts of questions for us about the lifestyle. When she found out about our variety of partners she felt as if she may be inadequet for us. We assured her she wouldn't be and welcomed the freshness in her.

Frightful idea: What if experienced swingers don't want to meet or play with us because we're "inexperienced"? [/Quote]

There may be some experienced swingers out there who would be turned off by inexperience, or infrequency, or whatever you consider your situation, but you're probably better off without them anyway. If you are in the lifestyle to experience new things and HAVE FUN, you don't need people who may be rating you on your level of expertise. (Besides, there are some people who LOVE playing with newbies. )

 

And I'll ditto some of the comments above. There are people that don't care, as long as YOU are sincere in what you're interested in and let them know. Back to the old communication thang.

 

We have been in this lifestyle off and on for 7 years so we're pretty clear what we want and what our rules are. Regardless..... If we put in our profile or in an ad that we have only had a few experiences, does that automatically make people click the "aww too bad/thank you for playing" checkbox?

Again, you'd probably get that reaction from people you wouldn't really enjoy playing with anyway because they are picky or simply because they don't want to put up with n00bs. And if that's not true, I think you'll have plenty of other interested parties looking your way anyway if you are honest about who you are and what you want.

 

At this point in your "swing career" I think you can leave the newbie-ness out of the ads. However, once you start seriously communicating with interested couples or singles, you might want to bring out the fact that you have been trying things out for 7 years, or whatever, but your actual experiences may be limited. The folks that are okay with that are in the "consider" category.

 

Have fun and good luck,

Thrax

Being inexperienced in swinging would not be a turn-off for us. In fact, Mrs. WS commented the other day that we seem to be the "gateway drug" of swinging. LOL

Mr. WS

Being inexperienced in swinging would not be a turn-off for us. In fact, Mrs. WS commented the other day that we seem to be the "gateway drug" of swinging. LOL

Mr. WS

Could you please ask her if she wants to help a guy who already has a habit?

Thanks,

Thrax

You probably have a lot more experience at this moment than we do, considering that our first experience was almost a year ago, and then not again until this fall. But we are to the point now that we don't feel like beginners anymore.

We were incredibly lucky to meet a couple that we felt right at home with early on, and although they weren't all that much more experienced than we were, they really have been our mentors. Sometimes I feel as if we have gone from 0 to 70 in a heartbeat, but it has been a work in progress.

One couple we met early on was VERY experienced (more than 20 years) and they kinda scared us. We felt a little like "new meat." They really liked newbies! Suffice it to say, we didn't play with them just to get more experience. And we are pleased we made that decision.

So, I think that the bottom line is compatiblity and communication, no matter who you are talking to as potential playmates. Don't worry that you are turning some potential person off. You are being who you are from the get-go, and you want to meet the couples who have similar outlooks, right? From my impression of your posts, it sounds like you have your head on straight, so just hold the course and you will do fine!

You might find this interesting....Wolf and I are a little "put off"...for lack of a better word, by couples who are attending a TON of parties (listed on their profile)....and have a TON of validations from other swingers. They post on every topic on the forum within the site, they are involved in the monthly photo contest, they are on the "Who's Hot" list because of all the "sizzles" their profile gets (which is really a popularity contest). From all appearances, it seems like these people know everyone, and have "done" everyone. We tend to think they are a little TOO experienced. Hmmm. That might be a good topic question.....is it possible for swingers to be TOO slutty? LOL We just really don't want to be THAT popular....we want to meet a lot of people, but be selective about who we play with, and not have a million validations. I mean, really....once you're validated, you're validated and everyone knows you are real. What's the point of having 82 validations?

We recently got together with a couple at a party who were there for the first time. I also was recently with a single woman who was making her first foray into the lifestyle. In both instances, we did our best to make their experiences a positive one. That is something that experienced swingers can do for "newbies".

 

I have met the kind of folks you describe and they come off as too snobbish for my tastes.

Most of the people that we have met behaved like Deptydog. It imight be pure luck or maybe that's just how the majority of serious couples in the lifestyle are. They remember their "earlies" also.

Some may be looking for something that you are not comfortable giving, like to hit the sheets 20 minutes after hello. As long as you are absolutely clear about where you are and what you want it should be easy for both couples to decide if there is any fit. If they are the rare pushy ones who just won't take no for an answer.... repeat NO! and move on.

We think, from our own early preferences and now from the reaction of real new couples to us now that we have a bit more experience, that if there is a bit of prejudice it more likely goes the other way. Newbies often shy away from really experienced couples and may not even consider them.

Well I'm quite surprised at the responses. And relieved.

You know ... I am continually surprised at the variety of interests/beliefs/rules/etc among swingers. It seems like every single person or couple has a teeny weeny different spin on an idea, desire or rule. I love it! And I'm so pleased I found this board.

Btw, what does a "validation" mean? Do I have a girlscout patch I have yet to earn?

Btw, what does a "validation" mean? Do I have a girlscout patch I have yet to earn?

A validation on one particular site is proof that you are "real." Another member can "vouch" for you, if they have met you in person. Once someone validates you, then there is a "Validated Real" symbol on your profile. It lets other members know that your profile is not a fake one, and that you are seriously pursuing the lifestyle because you are out meeting people.

The only problem with validations is everybody knows who you "know".

Mr. WS

The only problem with validations is everybody knows who you "know".

 

Mr. WS

We have really started to like certifications/validations because by seeing the kind of people that one has been with it gives us a much better idea of whether we would be compatible or not. Keep in mind that just because someone certifies you as genuine it doesn't mean you have actually had sex with them. In our profile we have a couple of certifications from people that we have met but didn't find the chemistry right between us to have sex.

We have gone through periods where we avoid "newbies." By newbies, I mean people who are thinking about swinging, and are unsure about whether they actually want to walk the walk.

This usually comes after a round of meeting first-timers. We meet folks on neutral ground for the first time, with no intention of playing. Playtime for us is set after that initial meeting - it's what works best for us. We are very laid back, low-key, not pushy at all. We want everyone in the room to WANT to be there; we don't want anyone taking one for the team, or feeling like they are put on the spot.

After meeting 4 or 5 newbies, I - the Mrs. - get a bit tired of feeling like "Exhibit A: female bisexual swinger." A lot of the newbies we meet want to hear about what it's like to be a swinger - which is fine, except spending the evening explaining our lifestyle to people who sit there with that "deer in the headlights" look of terror gets a bit old.

The last newbies we played with had issues that got a bit messier than we're comfortable with. Playtime itself was fine; Mr2 and the other lady hit it off extremely well. Although the other guy and I were less compatable, it was still a fun evening. The problem I had with him was more in his attitude. Being a swinger does NOT mean that I'll do anyone, any time. And, he was somewhat possessive - as though agreeing to swing with him made me his instant new girlfriend.

He had what I think of as a typical newbie take on it - pictured himself with 2 women, and put the idea that my husband would be there also right out of his mind. He also was very unhappy with the fact that at the local M&Gs, the women in the group were not lining up to play with him. After all, we were swingers. He didn't like the attention his girlfriend got - mostly because he didn't get the same.

Obviously, not all newbies are like these examples. It just seemed like all the ones we met last summer were ROFL. If you've been swinging for 7 years - or 7 minutes, for that matter - you know what you want, you know what works for you - then I wouldn't call you newbies.

Some experienced swingers might have an aversion to playing with first timers, possibly out of concern that newbies will behave awkwardly in bed, or are prone to emotional insecurity and drama.

How do you feel about taking newbies on their first test drive?

The couple who broke us in have since become very good friend and should we ever have the chance to break in newbies, we'd be more than happy to do so.

E

We were all Newbies once. Besides it's fun to be the leader on occasion and we have met some Newbies that sure had a lot of pent up excitement and were ready willing and able not to mention hot hot hot.

We just want to know that both partners are up for the "test drive".

Steve & Terri

We are a little leary of newbies although if we felt you were ready for this we wouldnt say no. But with our experiance 99% of the time some drama always seems to happen(not that all newbies have drama just the ones we have agreed to meet..lol). But hey we were all new once and someone gave us a chance. our first was the most enjoyable time ever!! The first time with any couple is very nerve racking to start with...the first time ever is even more so. I wouldnt say No...but would have to have alot of talking time before the nekkid time to make sure this is really what they want to be doing.

Dito biblonde

We've played with newbies and we used to think, "no big deal" - but the truth is, newbies can be flighty. Some aren't sure what they want, will leave the lifestyle right away, and could even be a little weird in the play room.

We much prefer couples who are comfortable with the situation they are stepping into. Because if I am going to kiss someone's wife, I may not see the punch coming

That said - the right newbie couple, the right chemistry, the right "vibe"...

Spoomonkey

I'd consider it, but they would most likely have to contact me first to see if I'd be interested. I don't actively search for newbies.

And there would have to be a lot of talk beforehand.

And I would probably require that they do a lot of research, mostly on this Board, so they have a better idea of what they're getting into.

Then, after the financial disclosures, shots, and reading/comprehension tests, I think we could give it a try.

Thrax

We much prefer couples who are comfortable with the situation they are stepping into. Because if I am going to kiss someone's wife, I may not see the punch coming

Too funny Spoomonkey! :-) Well, if you were here and at our first ever swap.... if you kissed my wife, I have to tell ya..... I'd be hard as a rock in a second! :-)

Mr. C

Sounds like we are similar to most of the people who have answered here so far. We take the cautious approach with newbies because they often have unresolved issues that sometimes they don't even know about. Don't know why though, but lately we have been with a lot of first timers. Three out of the last four couples we have hooked up with, it was their first time. Two of those were great experiences. The third? Well, lets just say it ended a bit early.

if you kissed my wife, I have to tell ya..... I'd be hard as a rock in a second! :-)

Me too

Spoomonkey

what's wrong with newbies? nothing.. get naked have sex and don't take all this so serious..

have a good erotic time and get on with life.. there is more to life than worrying about the feelings of newbies.. they're there for the same reason.. If they want backyard BBQs with soccer moms there are a whole lot of them here to snack on the chips and salsa.

Some experienced swingers might have an aversion to playing with first timers, possibly out of concern that newbies will behave awkwardly in bed, or are prone to emotional insecurity and drama.