View Full Version : A few Questions about body image

11-08-2003, 07:25 PM
Long post...sorry....

Ok here goes....my husband and I are very open people with each other and want to meet other people with the same wants and desires......Here is a problem for me.....I have issues at the thought of being totally naked in front of anyone. Husband included....Long history that I can't go into...Not to be evasive just bad memories. This is also not a feel sorry for me post...just an issue I am trying to resolve within myself and just wanted to ask opinions. Does it bother the men when they are with another couple if the woman is modest but having fun? I love having sex with other people and having a great time as long as it's a safe environment and all parties are of the same mind.
He and I share the same wanting...to meet other couples for fun first then if things click then anything goes.
This is my concern.....Please don't laugh....I am wanting to meet people and it seems the best place that has been suggested is maybe a Meet and Greet....Sounds great. We have been to a few meetings of people but they all turned out to be young, "pretty people" I felt very uncomfortable. I am wondering if any other women out there have this problem, and if so how do you get over it?
I am by NO means a Barbie type...but not a Ma Kettle or Minnie Pearl type either. I am not badly over weight...but because of a foot surgery I can't run or walk very much any more so very little exercise. I am what I call SMAK...stretch marks after kids...breast that arenít perky anymore...not to the knees yet but they sure don't poke you in the eye anymore and thank god for under wires.
I am very subconscious about not being 20 and built like a brick ...well you get the idea. But at age 20 I was too involved with raising my children to live out my fantasy's and now that they are grown and out of the house I feel I am too old...Early 40's isn't old by any means but not a spring chicken to say the least.
My husband is wonderful...he has been so attentive when we have been with other couples, with soft lights, candles, even arranging a swim with some friends at midnight with only the moon for light. But that was with friends that we had known for a long time and not new friends.
Ok enough about me being very modest. I guess I really don't have many questions just more curious about the people that post here. Does age, weight, ect., matter that much to you?
My first priority is to click with people....to have fun...same interest...then go from there. We have not met but one couple from our area since we moved here and then we found this site and everyone seems so nice, honest, up front and to the point. I like that in the people I associate with. So I just thought I would post here to get some insight as to what is thought about being too modest. I don't think I am the only woman out there that feels this way...at least I hope not and wanted to see what they did to get past this issue.


11-08-2003, 07:53 PM
LOL NO 40 isnt old i am almost there! and after 2 kids! well got the marks to prove it. Being modest is fine if you ask me.

I guess I really don't have many questions just more curious about the people that post here. Does age, weight, ect., matter that much to you?

Well to us not really. Most of our playmates are 10 years older than we are. And we have a great time!!!!! As for weight...i am built small (5'6" and 120lbs) but...my hubby likes it if the woman has, as he puts it "some meat on her bones!" That doesnt mean too much weight but geez none of us are 17 any more. HE also looks at stretch marks as a sign of something to be proud of. HE feels having children is a wonderful thing and you should be proud of your body after the fact! I havent ran into any woman yet who's boobs didnt sag some (if they were real). which turns my hubby on. He says they need to sag some! I dont have enough boobs to sag to much so...(this is one of the things that has always bugged me since i am always the smallest chest in the room between us women) Perky fake boobs is fine but we both prefere the natural feel of real ones!.We both find all sorts of body types in women attractive. No one that i have meet so far has ever been a "10" .

But the most important thing to us is personality!!! We have meet women that were drop dead gorgeous and the minute they opened their mouth....it was hell no! We do look for attraction but not ken and barbie types...fake is no fun! If you have a personality and can actually hold a conversation...well ya never know! lol

I wish you lots of luck and dont worry about being modest! If people are looking for ken and barbie well you dont want to play with them anyway!! I dont think you have anything to worry about, we girls come in all shapes and sizes which is the fun of it all....always something different!

and Welcome to the board and dont apologize for posting a long post it gives us more info to go on..feel free anytime! s

11-08-2003, 08:31 PM

Don't sweat it girl. Real women have curves and are soft and warm, and I am starting to digress already LOL. Just be yourself and relax, natural is sexy. Don't worry about the Barbies, they are way in the minority. Mrs Fun is your age with the same self imagined foibles, they don't matter squat to most of the rest of us. Besides when you reach our age group, no matter what the other guys tell you, women that are built for comfort are a lot more popular than the ones that are built for speed. I have no intention of starting to carry a defibrillator in our overnight kit so I can take a run at the young stuff. LOL

11-09-2003, 11:12 AM
Naw, don't let it worry you! Like Mr. Fun says, real women have curves and I, for one, love 'em. We look for people who enjoy themselves and like to have fun. What you look like isn't all that important. :)

We don't like to have the bright lights on either and make love by candlelight all the time (you ought to see how many candles we have in our bedroom!) A little groping in the dark can be fun too ;)

Just relax, have fun and I'm sure everything will be fine.


11-09-2003, 01:01 PM
As long as you stay away from the folks who think Ken-and-Barbie beauty is important, you'll have a good time.

We'd love to have y'all join us for November in Tulsa, and several folks, much like you, are coming from farther away than Houston. Read about it in the "Meet Up!" forum.


11-10-2003, 01:19 AM
I can totally relate to what you are feeling. When I first met my husband to be, the first thing I told him is I do not have a barbie doll figure....He told me if he wanted Barbie he would go to Toy's R Us....LOL That was comforting to know. I also know not all men like barbie type women, but the feeling you have when you are around new people always makes you wonder how they will accept you.

11-10-2003, 08:40 AM
One's attitude is far more important that a little excess weight.

11-29-2004, 10:54 AM
Hi to all ! I have been reading threads and posts for 2 days now as I have a lot to learn. Dusty, your post inspired me to register so I CAN post on this topic. I am totally new to the forum and to the lifestyle.

I feel SO MUCH like you do ! I am open to new experiences and have, in fact, had a couple of experiences already with a female friend of my husband's - that involved the 3 of us. However, I often am very self-conscious for all the reasons that you mentioned. I am no Barbie, although my husband tells me that I'm beautiful. And I know that HE believes it, but I don't believe that I am a main-stream beauty and have no idea if I'd be appealing to other swingers. Our female friend finds me attractive as well, but she's no barbie either. I don't see any... "not skinny" ... swinger avatars, btw !

I'm 31 (my husband is 32) and am a women's size 20 and I'm 5'7 or so. I am a 44D. Never considered it sexy, although my husband definitely does. My husband is not skinny either. We are not grossly overweight but I have never particularly found my size to be attractive in myself OR others.

This is the first thread that I've encountered that addressed this issue.
Am I wrong in thinking that most swingers are probably a lot more confident overall (than me, especially) or does everyone have reservations about their own attractiveness ?

Looking forward to all of your responses...

11-29-2004, 11:17 AM
Ok, granted, I did some more research and found a similar thread about self confidence that's around a year old. But I could still use some fresh ideas. Thanks .

BTW - I can't seem to find the area on the site that I saw mentioned about in an earlier thread. About searching for local "meets." Can anyone help me find it ? I did find the local Club Listings, but it sounds like there is a different area for this.

11-29-2004, 12:16 PM
The Meet Up! Forum is here:


Dusty, there are lots and lots of folks in swinging just like you. Heck, if anything, couples in their 40s are in the majority. So you won't be alone, and you *will* make friends if you go out and try to. :)

11-29-2004, 12:38 PM
I'm 31 (my husband is 32) and am a women's size 20 and I'm 5'7 or so. I am a 44D. Never considered it sexy, although my husband definitely does. My husband is not skinny either. We are not grossly overweight but I have never particularly found my size to be attractive in myself OR others.

B is size 20, and 44DD, so very similar to you. We wish we were still 31, however! :)

Even at 50, she's the most beautiful woman in the world, to me, and just getting prettier all the time. But that's what you'd expect a 31-year husband to think, right? Well, let me tell you a bit more.

Go click through to our profile on SLS. It's in our signature at the bottom of this post. Check out her pics. I'll wait.

Back? Pretty hot, huh? :D Yeah, *I* think so, but you know what, a whole lot of other guys, often younger, also think so. She was like you, she didn't believe me when I told her how beautiful she is. Well, you know what? Every single email we have received on those pics was complimentary, and we got a lot of them.

Are there folks out there who only want Barbie? You bet! Are they all there is? Not by a long shot!

Try it and see. Get some good, flattering pics made. Not "glamour" pics, but just nice, candid, good light, flattering. They don't have to show your face. Put them up and see what happens. See what comments and "suggestions" you get. :D

Am I wrong in thinking that most swingers are probably a lot more confident overall (than me, especially) or does everyone have reservations about their own attractiveness ?

Many swingers are probably more confident, simply because they've overcome that same hurdle already. But they didn't start out that way.

Yes, ALL of us have reservations about our own attractiveness, including (maybe especially) the Ken & Barbie types. But the proof is in the pudding! Do cool, attractive people find you attractive? Any of them? Well, there's at least one, right? Your husband. And I'm willing to bet he's no idiot, and has good taste. So put on your logic hat for a second and realize that if he finds you attractive, there are *guaranteed* to be other folks who will find you attractive. He's not crazy just because he's crazy about you.

When it's idealized sex in fantasies, we can all be pretty picky. But for people who come down out of the fantasy world, and have real sex in real life with real people, well, you soon find out that real people aren't like fantasy people. They come with warts and complications, but they're also *way* more exciting and satisfying when things go well. And it's often the case that the people you find most fun in bed are *not* the ones you'd pick out of a picture. Real life ain't pictures. Real life swinging is with real people - and people are like a book in that you can't judge much about the contents from the cover. :)

Mr. DBStPete

11-29-2004, 01:28 PM
You make a lot of excellent points Mr. DBStPete ...logical points. I try to keep my head in logical mode all the time, but I often, lately, slip into that dark self-doubt mode.

Thankyou for your post !!!

Miss Redd
11-30-2004, 01:01 AM
OK, i have the same problem and im a little over weight and i have also had kids, im very sefl concious about my body, my husband tells me everyday that im beautiful and that he loves me the way i am. I think thats why im a little shy to meet other couples i dont want to turn them away. But im sure there are more people out there like me and you. So dont worry about it and i will try not to worry about it either.

11-30-2004, 09:40 AM
For the women who have posted here may I suggest that you go over and read this thread.


I think and hope that once you have you will see that "sexy" is in the mind, not the body. As women we are always more critical of ourselves than others are. What I have learned is it's what you think and feel on the inside that shows on the outside.

A woman who smiles and lets that inner sex goddess show through is always sexy, no matter what size dress she wears.