The Younger and Prettier the Crowd the Less Likely to Swing?

There have been a few posts here that make me wonder if the proportion of pretty people/young people corresponds to how much playing actually occurs at a party/club. If the majority are extremely beautiful people would there be little to no playing...just looking? If the majority of those attending is a diverse crowd, is there a lot of play? Our one and only experience of attending a swanky, expensive party was full of beautiful people standing around and talking but little else. If there was any playing, it was just same room (no touching, no swapping). We played in a bedroom but everyone who came by had to use the bathroom and apologized for "interrupting"! We didn't stay much longer after that and went to another party.

Thoughts? Similar experiences?

They're too occupied watching themselves in mirrors to make sure they're "lookin' good" while "doin' it" to have any fun. We recently got an eyeful at a swingers' club.

Seriously, I think it's more to do with years of age. The young and beautiful are still trying to figure the whole thing out.

We have noticed this too. We do attend a party where most of the attendees are in there 20's and 30's. We attend the parties for the themes, because we have known the host for a while and to show our support as we do for other house parties in our area. At these parties though, there does seem to be more standing around, socializing, and dancing than anything.

@ Tia: Do you think this is because it's a younger and therefore less experienced crowd or do you think older more-attractive people would be less likely to engage with others?

I would say that yes this is what we've been noticing the last few years.

I, personally, mark it up to the "bi-fem" fad. It started in vanilla clubs, and now they've moved into the swinger clubs. We've noticed with the clubs that advertise towards being full of hot/attractive people that if you read the profiles, you find that 60% or more are looking ONLY for a female for HER to play with (he can do nothing but watch). Another 10-20% are looking only to go out where they can dress provocative and flirt and dance. Then you have a very minute group that's actually looking to play but can't quite manage to find the other 2 couples that are also looking to play (or if they find them, there's no match).

This group/attitude is starting to meld over into what were once "real" swinger venues. We started seeing this several years ago where (here and elsewhere) we were seeing more and more of the "we just want to go to a swinger club and watch... is that ok?" questions started coming up. Many of the more experienced swingers likened it to being treated as if we are animals in a zoo. You want to pay your entrance fee and stare at the animals in their natural habitat. Over time the "real" swingers got tired of being treated like caged animals on display and found new places to play (most likely their homes) leaving the clubs to become full of more and more of those who just want to watch, and very few animals left to observe.

Reminds me of a recent Futurama episode where a human couple would pay to stay at a private resort place that was just for that couple. They would stay and have as much sex as they wanted. They wouldn't have any idea that they were part of a human mating exhibit on a monkey/ape/gorilla world.

There are two different things going on here, potentially.

The pretty, want to be seen, girls can touch each others boobs and flirt but they don't seem to swing is a real thing we have seen as well.

There is also the, "They don't fuck me, and I don't see them fuck, therefore they are not really swingers." thing too.

When it comes to play room style play, and more public sex, its funny but from what I've seen the less attractive the couple the more likely they will be doing it in the open. This is NOT a hard and fast rule by any means, but for example on our cruises, you didn't find the hotties on the group beds for the most part. That also doesn't mean they were not having sex with others either.

Maybe its in part age, (most were 35 or younger) and being comfortable "doing it" for an audience, but I think a lot too was that when you are younger and hot, watching, shall I be blunt, "Old people fuck" isn't sexy.

I think I've gotten pretty good at picking out the two different groups at a glance. Hard to say exactly what it is, but they give off a different vibe.

When it comes to play room style play, and more public sex, its funny but from what I've seen the less attractive the couple the more likely they will be doing it in the open. This is NOT a hard and fast rule by any means, but for example on our cruises, you didn't find the hotties on the group beds for the most part. That also doesn't mean they were not having sex with others either.

Chicup, that's a good point, especially when considering cruises and hotel takeovers. I only have my one little experience to go on and we made the rounds to all the play rooms (no private rooms) and no one was in any of them. The only one that was used was the darkest room that was tucked away and a few couples were in there but not swapping and no where near each other. It just seemed to be a party for all the "cool pretty" people to eye each other and call each other swingers. Maybe it was just a dud of a party but we aren't willing to shell out a lot of money to go to another dud of a party like that when there are a lot of other parties where people aren't putting on airs or pretenses.

Chicup, that's a good point, especially when considering cruises and hotel takeovers. I only have my one little experience to go on and we made the rounds to all the play rooms (no private rooms) and no one was in any of them. The only one that was used was the darkest room that was tucked away and a few couples were in there but not swapping and no where near each other. It just seemed to be a party for all the "cool pretty" people to eye each other and call each other swingers. Maybe it was just a dud of a party but we aren't willing to shell out a lot of money to go to another dud of a party like that when there are a lot of other parties where people aren't putting on airs or pretenses.

I know the type you are talking about and we've seen it as well. Whenever a new hot couple shows up on SLS local there is a 80% chance they will be looking for a female only. Its quite frustrating.

@ Guy1964- I think it does have something to do with them being younger and inexperienced. I also agree with some of the other post here that speak about the male can only watch, but the females are allowed to play.

Our experience - doesn't matter if they hot or young.... newbs are shy and boring in a big group. Drown 'em in booze, and you get dramatic party crashers. Newbs alone one on one is a coin toss. If the newb girl is in horny and in charge, you stand a chance. Otherwise more boring dramatic bullshit.

Oh hey here's another weird fact - the more we pay for parties, the less action we get. The best parties i've been to were free.

Oh hey here's another weird fact - the more we pay for parties, the less action we get. The best parties i've been to were free.

When we first started, someone said that same thing. I think there's something to that as well.

@ Guy1964- I think it does have something to do with them being younger and inexperienced. I also agree with some of the other post here that speak about the male can only watch, but the females are allowed to play.

Thank you.

In my opinion that younger females are more open to the lifestyle but their male counterparts can not handle the jealousy factor.

I guess we're at an age where we have become our own parents complaining about the current generation, since we agree a lot of these young "swingers" are more into the trendiness of the LS rather then what it actually entails. This is one of the reasons we have been hesitant about the club route since we have came back into this since most of the people we see sign up for events seem to be mostly the younger "looks" crowd and as mentioned most of them have become indistinguishable from vanilla venues. For us to drive a considerable distance and put out a not so insignificant donation just to watch people talk and ignore us is a waste as well as the feeling mentioned by others, of being part of the entertainment if we do find someone to play with. There's a big difference between a little bit of exhibitionism and feeling like your fucking in the middle of a nightclub.

In my opinion that younger females are more open to the lifestyle but their male counterparts can not handle the jealousy factor.

Our experience as well for a great many younger couples.

That said, we have had a lot of hot, young playmates. My wife and I are in our 40s and have never really been rejected that much. However, we don't "go for the kill". We take our time and get to know them.

Here is the funny part... the fantasy is always better than the experience. It's great to look at those pretty and young girls and guys... but they are usually just bad in bed. It is also why we have found over the years that younger couples that we have met in the lifestyle usually end up divorced later. At 44, a girl in her 20s will have sex that she never ever expected with me. The same goes for a guy with my wife. The guys are done in under 15 minutes. The girls tell me later that I blew their mind and they never had sex like that and blah blah blah.

If you look back at my posts you will see that we had a 26 year old girlfriend for awhile... She was easily an 8-9 out of 10. A real girl next door hottie. It was great fun for about 6 weeks because she was enthusiastic and she could easily handle us both - she was a flat out nympho. I could literally give her 10-15 orgasms in an hour of sex. It was a great ego boost, lol.

Then she started texting me all day long and telling me that she was falling in love with me. The idea from the beginning was that we would ALL be involved in this relationship... it didn't work out that way. While she was texting me... she would never text my wife. I was very clear with her from the beginning that it wasn't that kind of party. We were interested in sharing her as a girlfriend... but we were committed to each other and that was that.

I think I've gotten pretty good at picking out the two different groups at a glance. Hard to say exactly what it is, but they give off a different vibe.

I've noticed this and actually remarked on it to Hubs. The venue we go to has the swingers, who go to have fun and play, and the pretty people, who go to be seen, and flex their muscles, and flirt, and make much of themselves. Never saw the pretty actually fucking, but they did take get naked and take over the pool.

My thought is that when you have sex your hair gets mussed, your makeup sweats all over your face, you grunt, possibly a fart slips out, there's facial twitching, and lo and behold you're not so 'pretty' anymore. I say 'pretty' because it's all in the eye of the beholder. Nothing more gorgeous than two (or more) people enjoying each other!

The two groups pretty much don't mix with each other lol!

In my opinion that younger females are more open to the lifestyle but their male counterparts can not handle the jealousy factor.

I think both sexes can exhibit jealousy at any age.

my experience...

the younger and prettier the total crowd = less playing

no question. they want to party and think that flirting, touching and an occasional flash of boob makes them HOT. or that a girl kissing a girl makes them WILD.

mention swapping, and they look at you like you're a disease ridden insane person.

We've seen many a 'poser' in our time and they are easy to pick out. We now make sure the parties we attend are for serious players and also a demographic that suits us. At the end of the day, if you focus on what your needs are and ignore what those 'party pash' people are doing (or not doing), then you're fine.

I've never been to any swinger party, young or old, hot or not, where people were just hanging out and dancing. There's always plenty of action. I really don't think it has to do with age or attractiveness.

Wow what a topic ...

For those of us who are returning to the scene ... how do we flush out the "pretty parties" and find the "normal" lifestyle couples?

J

I've been to clubs in just two cities, but here was my take. One in a metropolitan area had a good mix of people, mostly attractive. It was an off premises club, but we had the chance to leave with another attractive couple, and I think many people of all appearances did as well. The other club I went to, in the Midwest, had only 1 or 2 couples that I would have gotten with. One of them, we did. Wife and I take care of ourselves, we were mid thirties then. Plenty of people lined up outside our little public room to watch...and I was flattered. One woman got on her cell phone, called her husband on the other side of the club, and said, "Get over here, Ken and Barbie are naked and fucking." Anyway, very flattering. I guess my point is that just because we swing, we still want to be with people we are attracted to. Some swingers are hot, some would not get a second glance on the street, and some I'd prefer to not see with their clothes off. I know I'm rambling, but in this business I'd imagine rejection is part of it for every couple occasionally. In addition, I would not blame my wife for not wanting a guy way over weight climbing over her. I mean, he's free to hit the gym himself if he would like a different reaction. The whole key is for people to feel sexy, and if that means they only choose to swap every other time or even every tenth time they go to a club, that's kind of their call, I believe.

We probably break the mould. We are 30 and 32 and recently had our first club visit, We had a choice between 2 clubs, one that caters to the younger hotter crowd or one that caters to the more mature swinger. We went to the latter and had a great time with people at least 10 years older than us.

They remarked that the other club is for young couples were only the lady plays with other ladies and the guys watch, no real swinging takes place. We made the right choice.

There also seem to be growing numbers of hot young couples on our local swingers site looking for a single lady or exhibitionism and voyeurism and maybe soft swap. So now we only look at couples in the 35 plus age bracket.

From what I'm reading here, my husband and I would probably be considered young and attractive. I'm 30 and he's 31. We both have jobs that require us to be in good shape physically. I'm thinking maybe this has something to do with why many people, not all, ignore us at the clubs. I really wish people would be more open-minded. I am actually more attracted to average guys, with or without a little flab. The people, guys and girls, I see at work are all ridiculously fit and muscular, and I'm just really not into that at all. We have done full swap before, but my husband is still kind of iffy on me being with other guys as far as full intercourse. It has to be "the right kind of guy", his words. I'm not as picky. Neither one of us is very picky with females, as long as our personalities all seem to mesh well, and there's some kind of attraction, it's on. However, most of the times we've been to an on-premise place, we've just been with each other because we either didn't find anyone we were interested in or no one seemed at all interested in us, even though everyone seemed to really enjoy watching us. Which tells me that they saw something they liked, but for some reason didn't want to see if we were interested in them.

We have had a different experience. We have, I would say, "moderate" club and party experience - probably 25 times at 4 different clubs. We have very often seen older crowds were there was very little playing. We have also seen young people eager to participate fully. I would say new and younger people can be more hesitant to jump right in, but I think this is completely natural.

Personally, and this may not be popular, I find this thread has a pretty strong hostility toward the pretty and the young. One of the things I love about swinging is the non-judgmental atmosphere.

When we were on the Brilliance, we had a younger couple with us, long time swing friends (36M/28f) and so our group on the ship was a bit mixed, we had about three other couples in their age range (mid twenties to mid thirties) and about three others in ours (mid 40's) and we blended very well. We would be dancing and getting frisky on the floor but the groups that were all young, seemed to amplify the core traits they all shared in common where as those that were in our group, adapted to ours.

I guess the point is that when you put a lot of people that think similarly then it's status quo but when you join a friskier group, they ventured outside of their norm.

We have had a different experience. We have, I would say, "moderate" club and party experience - probably 25 times at 4 different clubs. We have very often seen older crowds were there was very little playing. We have also seen young people eager to participate fully. I would say new and younger people can be more hesitant to jump right in, but I think this is completely natural.

 

Personally, and this may not be popular, I find this thread has a pretty strong hostility toward the pretty and the young. One of the things I love about swinging is the non-judgmental atmosphere.

There is the don't play vrs don't play with you difference. Some definitely don't play beyond GG on the dance floor and some are just "not with you".

People get defensive about the "not with you group" which is where the hostility I think comes from. No one likes being told they can't join a "club".

To the last couple points above by M&S and Chicup.

Chicup - There is the don't play vrs don't play with you difference ... No one likes being told they can't join a "club".

M&S - I find this thread has a pretty strong hostility toward the pretty and the young.

There is always a 'not with you' group almost everywhere we go. They have the 'fuck off' stamp across their foreheads but MD and I have equally been accused of having that same stamp

So that brings questions to mind: how much of our observations are conclusions we have drawn based on nothing other than impressions and have no real merit (such as in our case) - how much of what has been described in this tread by others is indeed factual - is there somewhere in-between?

My bet is somewhere in-between.

We most definitely have our own Not-With-You stamps on our head. I think a lot of us do rather than deal with having to say no later. Some may even think we don't play based on we will simply leave a club early if we run into only people not interested in us or we are not interested in them.

Still based on what I've seen SOME of that pretty crowd don't act like swingers even in their own group. I saw it on our first cruise with a group that was brought in for some of those sexy promo photos. It's a drinking, girls dance, guys stay by the side vibe. There is more to it than that but I think by now I'm pretty good at IDing the real swingers.

Still based on what I've seen SOME of that pretty crowd don't act like swingers even in their own group. I saw it on our first cruise with a group that was brought in for some of those sexy promo photos. It's a drinking, girls dance, guys stay by the side vibe. There is more to it than that but I think by now I'm pretty good at IDing the real swingers.

absolutely agree!

I have to be fair, and say that most couples I have met are mid 30s and over. I have met a few younger, but not many.

I am 22, my previous partner who introduced me to swinging in his late twenties. He had previous experience, but in another couple. His previous partner went to amuse him, but didn't get the fantasies and reasons behind him wanting to be at a swingers club.

The first time we went, I told him not to get his expectations too high. I wasn't sure what I was getting myself in to. Turned out what I was getting myself out of was my clothes!

I am not unattractive, average height, slender build and the blessing of blonde hair and blue eyes... But does that mean I like to look at myself in a mirror? No. I love the dark room, or being tied down and blindfolded and get carried away. If it is a couple swap, I enjoy watching reactions and finding out which buttons turn people on. I am very much the sub in the relationship, and take orders and direction.

Last weekend I went on my own for the first time. I enjoyed it, though not as much as a couple. The two men Enjoyed the company of were over twice my age, both fit and charming. I didn't hang around on the side lines.

On the flip side, I have seen groups of middle aged women, that turn up like clucking hens because their book night was cancelled, tease the men, may give them a half hearted hand job then walk away and leave the guy, ha, standing.

I have also seen older couples come along and sit and watch, or enjoy the buffet and drinks... Always thought that was slightly bizarre.