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Question on wife fucking another guy and jealousy.

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Do any of the experienced people have any advise for us if my wife fucks another guy? I told her I am 95% sure I want to see it happen, and she seems down with it now too, but I told her I might feel jealous, especially when she is flirting with the other guy. Like I said, we have discussed this a lot now, and I feel we are both about as ready to make it happen as can be. Any words of wisdom of how to approach this?

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Jealousy is a sort of hind brain reaction. It can happen. I had it happen our first time but luckily it was a full swap so I felt "even". It took me a couple of weeks to get over it completely. Now its a non-issue.

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I think it's a good idea to start with couples rather than singles. It's more of an even playing field. I think there is less potential for emotional involvement, feeling left out and jealousy when you play with another committed couple than a single.

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I wanted to see my husband with another woman more than I can describe--very very hot fantasy for me--to the point where we did it. I didn't feel badly during the event (flirting was nothing)--SEX is something else. I felt very strange to the point of twilight zone the next day and definite feelings of strong sadness for weeks (it's been about 5 or 6 weeks at this point). We survived but it definitely wasn't easy. The thrill wasn't worth the pain for me.

 

However, going back to monogamy after all of that high adrenaline excitement isn't easy, either (even though we have what I consider fantastic sex lives for a married couple). So I'm not sure where the answer lies. I am still struggling with the answer; hubby is content with monogamy, which is probably the right answer for us. But nothing is written in stone anymore...

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Do any of the experienced people have any advise for us if my wife fucks another guy?

 

The first time I watched my wife fuck another guy, I didn't enjoy it much. Other times since, I've enjoyed the experience immensely. Something significant changed. The later times, the times I enjoyed it, my wife and I were together. I don't mean in the same room and I don't mean an MFM (though we've done that). I mean that, even though she was fucking another guy and I was watching, it was a thing we were doing together. The experience was about us, as a couple, sharing something... in this case, the experience of her being fucked by another guy. I didn't feel any jealously, because there was nothing to be jealous of. Even with the other guy fucking her, she was still with me. If anything, I guess the other guy should have been jealous.

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I think it's a good idea to start with couples rather than singles. It's more of an even playing field. I think there is less potential for emotional involvement, feeling left out and jealousy when you play with another committed couple than a single.

 

I would be fine with a full swap situation, and that probably would feel more like an even trade off, but the thing is right now my wife is not okay with me doing anything with another woman and I am fine with that. I told her if she does fuck another guy though, that I would probably want to be involved during in some way...like an MFM type thing or something.

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She unexpectedly starting flirting with this one guy that worked at the resort we just stayed at in Playa del Carmen one night at the club, and it caught me off guard and made me jealous. Later the next day we were talking about it and she said she thought I knew it was this one guy she liked and she was doing it because she thought I would like it, after she explained that to me I felt turned on by the situation and I said I understand and next time I think I would feel better if she gave me a heads up of some kind like "I'm going to go flirt with this guy for awhile". I told her also I think I would feel better about it if I was next to her when she does it, instead of being across the room by myself.

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.......but the thing is right now my wife is not okay with me doing anything with another woman and I am fine with that.....

 

We've had a lot of couples on the board over the years that have said the same thing. She's not OK with him playing with others, but he's OK with her playing with the guys or the girls, and he doesn't mind. Some of the other long timers on the board may be able to correct me, but I can't recall a single couple where this worked out in the long run. Eventually the guy wants more and she isn't interested in changing the setup, leading to resentment, or the communication breaks down, and he "thinks" he's been given the green light to play, but as it turns out, he wasn't, and now the relationship is in jeopardy, or in some rocky territory at the least. I don't recall any of these couples walking away from the board "happy".

 

My point: It sounds good to be OK with this, because you're OK with it right now. At some point it's not going to be as fun for you as it is her, you're probably going to want more, and she's probably going to balk at the suggestion. I really worry about the future for couples that have this kind of setup. Are there rare exceptions? Yeah, but that's just what they are; rare exceptions.

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We've had a lot of couples on the board over the years that have said the same thing. She's not OK with him playing with others, but he's OK with her playing with the guys or the girls, and he doesn't mind. Some of the other long timers on the board may be able to correct me, but I can't recall a single couple where this worked out in the long run. Eventually the guy wants more and she isn't interested in changing the setup, leading to resentment, or the communication breaks down, and he "thinks" he's been given the green light to play, but as it turns out, he wasn't, and now the relationship is in jeopardy, or in some rocky territory at the least. I don't recall any of these couples walking away from the board "happy".

 

My point: It sounds good to be OK with this, because you're OK with it right now. At some point it's not going to be as fun for you as it is her, you're probably going to want more, and she's probably going to balk at the suggestion. I really worry about the future for couples that have this kind of setup. Are there rare exceptions? Yeah, but that's just what they are; rare exceptions.

 

I completely agree with this. I wish i could like it more than once!

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two4you, thank you for writing that. I've been trying to think of a way to say that this type of situation is really a red flag, for me anyways. Whenever there's an imbalance of who gets to do what and someone can't do the same, it makes me uneasy...especially when it is something big like the male having sex with another woman but the woman can't have sex with another man or vice versa. Technically, I'd hold off until both of you are comfortable with soft swapping and go from there.

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I wanted to see my husband with another woman more than I can describe--very very hot fantasy for me--to the point where we did it. I didn't feel badly during the event (flirting was nothing)--SEX is something else. I felt very strange to the point of twilight zone the next day and definite feelings of strong sadness for weeks (it's been about 5 or 6 weeks at this point). We survived but it definitely wasn't easy. The thrill wasn't worth the pain for me.

 

However, going back to monogamy after all of that high adrenaline excitement isn't easy, either (even though we have what I consider fantastic sex lives for a married couple). So I'm not sure where the answer lies. I am still struggling with the answer; hubby is content with monogamy, which is probably the right answer for us. But nothing is written in stone anymore...

 

Then why are you still here?

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I would be fine with a full swap situation, and that probably would feel more like an even trade off, but the thing is right now my wife is not okay with me doing anything with another woman and I am fine with that. I told her if she does fuck another guy though, that I would probably want to be involved during in some way...like an MFM type thing or something.

 

You need to slap that down right fucking now, or put the whole idea of swinging for both of you aside. That's a TEST. If you submit to that, she'll have zero respect for you. Her respect for must already be failing or she wouldn't be like that in the first place.

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You need to slap that down right fucking now, or put the whole idea of swinging for both of you aside. That's a TEST. If you submit to that, she'll have zero respect for you. Her respect for must already be failing or she wouldn't be like that in the first place.

I was the same as her, i didnt like him doing things with other women. But now i dont mind if he wants to play with other women, it just isnt a turn on/off for me. Since we have been together ive probably been with 100 men to every 1 woman he has been with, so its beyond fair that i dont mind him playing with other women.

 

Though he isnt interested about other women, he gets more turned on seeing me with or knowing im with another man.

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You need to slap that down right fucking now, or put the whole idea of swinging for both of you aside. That's a TEST. If you submit to that, she'll have zero respect for you. Her respect for must already be failing or she wouldn't be like that in the first place.

 

Here is the thing, first off my wife has 100% respect for me and I for her! We are life partners and will not part until death! She and I have NO doubts about our commitment to each other!! Also, I honestly don't care about sleeping with other women unless it turns her on. If something doesn't turn her on, then it doesn't turn me on...the thing for me is it is a HUGE turn on for me to see my wife get really turned on! I loved watching her with another woman, on our recent trip, and me and the other husband felt so lucky to be there and be able to watch it all go down! It was such a turn on for me and the other guy to watch our wives together. The thing is my wife would NEVER have had sex with the other girl if I was not completely on board with it! She would NEVER do anything without me in 100% agreement and present when it happens.

 

The fantasy of seeing her fuck another guy is MY fantasy that she is slowly coming on board with...it is not HER fantasy and she has NEVER requested to do that. She would only do that if I 100% wanted it to happen and only if I was in the same room either participating or watching and then fuck her afterwards. The whole idea of playing with other people for us is, it is all about US. The idea is centric on OUR relationship, and really the other person doesn't matter, only our marriage and our fantasy...though at the time, of course we would respect the other persons feelings as well.

 

My wife is not a jealous person, she has bought me lapdances many times in the past. The strippers have even freaked out on how "not jealous" she was. Last time in Vegas we bought a couples dance from a hot female dancer and I was touching the strippers breasts and pussy right in front of my wife, and she was completely fine with it. In fact, the fact that my wife is not okay with me fucking another woman right now, this may change in the future based on things she has said. She has said a couple of times now, that she might be okay with me fucking another girl at some point...though as I said before, I honestly don't care if I do! If it ever gets to a point where my wife playing with other people makes me feel bad, or her, then we will cut it off in a heartbeat!!! That is our agreement!! This is about us and making each other feel good!!

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I was the same as her, i didnt like him doing things with other women. But now i dont mind if he wants to play with other women, it just isnt a turn on/off for me. Since we have been together ive probably been with 100 men to every 1 woman he has been with, so its beyond fair that i dont mind him playing with other women.

 

Though he isnt interested about other women, he gets more turned on seeing me with or knowing im with another man.

 

 

I completely understand where your husband is coming from, I feel the same way! Although it is a HUGE turn on for me to watch my wife with another woman, she now has been with one since we have been together, it is even MORE of a turn on in my mind, the thought of her fucking another man!

 

I think some people assume that this is my wife pressing for this, it is not! It is ME who wants to see it, and the only reason my wife would even entertain the idea is because she knows that it turns ME on so much. So I feel that even if eventually she does sleep with another guy, the situation will be equal because, of course, for her she gets to get fucked by another person and feel physical pleasure and maybe come...whereas I will derive psychological and later physical pleasure from watching the whole thing go down...seeing my fantasy happen before my eyes!

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Another bit of information about us; I bought my wife a private lapdance last year in Vegas, from a male stripper. This stripper was very respectful and always asked me if it was okay before he did anything to my wife. Well 5-10mins into the private dance he had his hand inside my wifes panties rubbing her clit, her breasts were out and he was kissing them and her neck and I encouraged my wife to grab his hard dick, which she did and she was jerking him off...though not to completion. This was super hot and exciting for me to watch, but what made it better is that I joined in and when he would remove is hand from her pussy for a minute I would place my hand down there and continue what he was doing, same with her breasts when he stopped kissing her breast for a bit, I would take over. I was also making out with my wife also!

 

In this experience I had no jealousy during or after! We had intense sex the next day and for probably the next month because of that experience! The cool thing about it, was that it was centric on pleasuring my wife! Me and the stripper were focused on her and making her feel really really good!! We will do that again for sure.

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We've had a lot of couples on the board over the years that have said the same thing. She's not OK with him playing with others, but he's OK with her playing with the guys or the girls, and he doesn't mind. Some of the other long timers on the board may be able to correct me, but I can't recall a single couple where this worked out in the long run. Eventually the guy wants more and she isn't interested in changing the setup, leading to resentment, or the communication breaks down, and he "thinks" he's been given the green light to play, but as it turns out, he wasn't, and now the relationship is in jeopardy, or in some rocky territory at the least. I don't recall any of these couples walking away from the board "happy".

 

My point: It sounds good to be OK with this, because you're OK with it right now. At some point it's not going to be as fun for you as it is her, you're probably going to want more, and she's probably going to balk at the suggestion. I really worry about the future for couples that have this kind of setup. Are there rare exceptions? Yeah, but that's just what they are; rare exceptions.

 

LOVE THIS^^

 

Can I add one other real life scenario?

 

The wife wants more.

 

She saw how turned on I was by this and was actually a bit jealous. She wanted to experience that “rush”.

 

It got to the point where she was done doing anything until I did! :lol:

 

At first, she didn’t like the idea of being married to a “cuck”, but then, afterwards, she got the idea, and we came to the conclusion that we both are “cucks” and everything has to be 50-50 now. :lol:

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Then why are you still here?

 

Still very curious. Still a huge fantasy that turns me on. Still wondering if pain would decrease with repeat performances. But I still have vague but negative feelings about what happened. And I didn't actually enjoy the experience although the memory still turns me on and fantasy has stayed the same. And I'm not sure sexual monogamy is sustainable WITH excitement. We are considering same room sex with your partner only + just going to be in the atmosphere of clubs. But I'm not sure that will deliver on the excitement front and I think once you put yourself in that environment, progress might be difficult to avoid. Pain only comes later. Also wondering whether soft or full swap might be better or worse for us. Hubby says he doesnt want me with others and I'm not craving others but he might change his mind in a club with a beautiful woman in front of him willing to have sex. Wondering how that would affect him and I. So lots of Qs still looming. Plus reading about swinging is more interesting than much else on the Net, no matter what we do.

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LOVE THIS^^

 

Can I add one other real life scenario?

 

The wife wants more.

 

She saw how turned on I was by this and was actually a bit jealous. She wanted to experience that “rush”.

 

It got to the point where she was done doing anything until I did! :lol:

 

At first, she didn’t like the idea of being married to a “cuck”, but then, afterwards, she got the idea, and we came to the conclusion that we both are “cucks” and everything has to be 50-50 now. :lol:

 

My wife has hinted in the recent past towards the idea that seeing me fuck another woman might be a big turn on for her!

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Do any of the experienced people have any advise for us if my wife fucks another guy? I told her I am 95% sure I want to see it happen, and she seems down with it now too, but I told her I might feel jealous, especially when she is flirting with the other guy.

 

Imagine how you might feel if they are doing more than flirting.

 

If you watch her having a good experience with him you are going to feel a little envious that it is not you making her feel that good. You might feel the urge to prove to her and him that you are the best. Jealousy is a normal natural feeling when you are watching the woman you love enjoying having sex with someone else. Its how you handle the jealousy that is what matters.

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Imagine how you might feel if they are doing more than flirting.

 

If you watch her having a good experience with him you are going to feel a little envious that it is not you making her feel that good. You might feel the urge to prove to her and him that you are the best. Jealousy is a normal natural feeling when you are watching the woman you love enjoying having sex with someone else. Its how you handle the jealousy that is what matters.

 

 

Thank you for that! I feel like you nailed it on the head, it is a normal, natural feeling...and I'm glad to hear that that is the case with more experienced swingers also. I just need to make sure I handle and direct that energy the correct way and understand that she is not "in love" with this guy and that I am not going to lose her because of this experience which to me is the root of jealous feelings. I feel jealousy comes from the primal thought that you could possibly lose something that means a lot to you to somebody else.

 

I will continue to talk with my wife a lot about this, and make sure that if or when we do it we are both 100% on board with it and in complete understanding of what is about to happen before it happens.

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Guest Dede

You have to be 100% committed don't do it if you have any doubts that 5 % could be the thing that ruined your relationship

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Guest Dede

I agree with that last post. I love my husband very very much and he loves me and has no jealously issuse with me getting fucked by another guy he finds it a huge turn on and once he's there watching that is good we have done mfm before and I think it the most erotic thing a husband can share with a wife while I was been fucked doggy style hubby was playing with my cliot while I was sucking him off he then spent over 2 hours fucking me he said afterwards the more he heard me been fucked by guy the more it turned him on

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I agree with that last post. I love my husband very very much and he loves me and has no jealously issuse with me getting fucked by another guy he finds it a huge turn on and once he's there watching that is good we have done mfm before and I think it the most erotic thing a husband can share with a wife while I was been fucked doggy style hubby was playing with my cliot while I was sucking him off he then spent over 2 hours fucking me he said afterwards the more he heard me been fucked by guy the more it turned him on

 

 

I agree, you are right, we won't do it until we are ready to commit to it...both of us! The thing is that I don't believe we could be 100% sure of how we will feel about the experience until we actually do it, which is why I feel it is important that we talk a lot about it and make sure we never do it again if we didn't like the experience, and be willing to stop at anytime during the experience. The other guy would have to be on board with stopping at anytime one of us didn't feel good about the situation. So it would have to be a pretty understanding guy. He would have to appreciate our situation.

 

When my wife fucked the other girl, recently, I don't think either of us knew for sure how we would feel afterwards, but we went into it both agreeing and wanting to try it. We ended up LOVING IT! I think it will be the same with another guy.

 

We have "tested" the waters a little bit with that Vegas stripper (male) that was all over her last year. We both LOVED that situation, and I was completely fine with it during and afterwards. In fact I was more than fine, I was super turned on!! It did not affect our relationship negatively one bit, in fact we had some very intense sex with each other afterwards!!

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The thing is that I don't believe we could be 100% sure of how we will feel about the experience until we actually do it, which is why I feel it is important that we talk a lot about it and make sure we never do it again if we didn't like the experience, and be willing to stop at anytime during the experience.

 

I agree that you can never be 100% sure unless you actually do it. When we first started, we talked and talked until we were going in circles. We both decided to jump in and see how we would really feel once we swapped. There's only so much you can do with hypotheticals. But the important thing is that both of you want to do it, you are both ready to make that plunge, and you both are willing to be honest about your feelings about what happened and working through any issues that may arise.

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I agree that you can never be 100% sure unless you actually do it. When we first started, we talked and talked until we were going in circles. We both decided to jump in and see how we would really feel once we swapped. There's only so much you can do with hypotheticals. But the important thing is that both of you want to do it, you are both ready to make that plunge, and you both are willing to be honest about your feelings about what happened and working through any issues that may arise.

 

Yeah that makes total sense to me. There is only so much you can resolve in your minds with talking, eventually you have to make the leap of faith and try it out I think. We did that when she fucked the other guys wife on our recent trip, that was a first, and honestly we both weren't 100% sure of how we would feel afterwards. We just agreed that if we didn't like it we wouldn't do it again and that we would talk about it afterwards...and we were both willing to call it off at any moment, even after it started.

 

So I think my wife and I are pretty much at the point that we can try her fucking another guy, its just that I have to really keep my emotions in check and understand that she loves me and will never leave me for anyone.

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Hmm... i stare into my crystal ball and see the future for one sided jealous swingers. You're going to get dressed up exactly twice. Once to swing, and once for divorce court. Don't bring it up ever again unless she does first and her new rules include equal play. Got it?

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Hmm... i stare into my crystal ball and see the future for one sided jealous swingers. You're going to get dressed up exactly twice. Once to swing, and once for divorce court. Don't bring it up ever again unless she does first and her new rules include equal play. Got it?

 

I don't think this is true. Depends on the couple. Seeing my husband with another woman hurt but I was the driving force so certainly wouldn't divorce him over it. It was also very exciting and something that I can't stop myself from wanting to do again.

 

At the same time, I have ZERO desire to be with another guy; doesn't excite me at all.

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Hmm... i stare into my crystal ball and see the future for one sided jealous swingers. You're going to get dressed up exactly twice. Once to swing, and once for divorce court. Don't bring it up ever again unless she does first and her new rules include equal play. Got it?

 

If I am the one who has the fantasy, how can I get mad at her for making it a reality and trying it out once? Makes no sense for me to get mad and want to divorce her!!!

 

Besides, aren't there all different types of "swinger play activities" as in soft swap, full swap, MFM, FMF? Aren't these are all common swinger activities in the lifesyle?

 

Let me get what you are saying straight. I let my wife fuck another guy = us getting a divorce. If I let my wife fuck another guy + I fuck the other guy's wife = blissful happy marrage! LOL

 

And honestly YOU are playing with fire and possibly risking divorce also by engaging in the lifesyle...in my opinion. My crystal ball says anytime you invite other people into your bedroom, there are some potentially bad outcomes to that kind of activity!!! Kettle calling the pot black!! You got it pal!?

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