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Karrah

Do you think he wants to be cuckolded?

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Hi :-)

 

Okay, where to begin...well, my husband and I have been married for two years, together for three overall. In all that time, I have known him to be the most vanilla man I have ever met. I am pretty kinky...but even though our sexual natures haven't matched, we still have great sex.

 

The thing is, I have always leaned toward wanting to do the hot wife/cuckolding thing. I am not new to it, I have experience with an ex who wanted me to cuckold him and I did, happily. (When I say cuckolding, I mean having sex with other guys either in front of him or separately. If separately then he would want to hear all about it afterward). I am the type of woman who likes to dress up very sexy and flirt with other men...I have always fantasized about cuckolding my husband, but I never even dreamed of bringing it up, because he is so reserved and buttoned-down. I have pressed him several times to tell me what his sexual fantasies are, and he has always maintained that he does not have any (which, I found hard to believe).

 

Well lately my sexual urges and fantasies about cuckolding my husband have gotten more intense. It isn't that I just want to cheat, I want it to turn my husband on. I have been dressing increasingly sluttier when I go out to bars (to the point where an acquaintance recently said to me "Your husband lets you go out of the house looking like that??") and then mentioning to him whenever other men flirt with me. He never acts jealous or even seems to pay attention to how I look...

 

Well, the other night I had a very, VERY unexpected experience. I went out by myself for a little while to see a band. I came home and we were both slightly drunk and horny. We began to fool around, and as we were, my husband started to ask if I thought his penis was too small. At first I thought he was being self-conscious, so I assured him that it was perfect. But he kept going on...about how his penis was probably too small to satisfy me and I had probably had much better and bigger sex partners in the past. I slowly started to realize what he was getting at...much to my shock. He wanted to know what was the biggest cock I ever had, and wanted me to describe my past sexual experiences in detail as we were having sex...I was BLOWN AWAY because he's never said anything or acted this way before. I played right along although I held back a lot, since I was a little bit in shock. But he seemed SO turned on and kept encouraging me to talk about other men I'd been with. I have never seen that side of him before, not even close.

 

But then as soon as he came and we were done, he instantly seemed ashamed and embarrassed. We didn't talk any more about it and just went to bed. I can't stop thinking about it, though...does it sound as if he secretly fantasizes about being cuckolded?? And how do I proceed with this? Do I bring it up again, or just wait for him to bring it up? He definitely seems uncomfortable with his fantasies, and I doubt he ever would have started talking like that if I hadn't been acting the way I've been. I am so turned on by the fact that it turns him on, and I am in awe...how do I cultivate a cuckolding relationship now (if I can?)

 

Thank you :)

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Welcome to the forum, Karrah! I don't have any advice for you as we've never been interested in cuckolding. I think you and your husband really need to have a heart to heart talk about communication...being able to talk openly about fantasies and desires is really at the core of this issue. Maybe he will be interested, but until he can open up and talk to you about it, there's little point in exploring a cuckolding relationship or any kind of non-monogamous activities.

 

Perhaps the conversation could start like this: "Honey, remember the other night? Our sex was phenomenal and I really would like to know what tripped your trigger - I want to talk about it in depth, no holds barred. I think it's important for us to explore this, our open communication is important to me."

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I agree with Angelkin, which is not surprising... she's pretty smart!

 

Still, be forewarned that many men can abruptly change their minds from lust to chastity after a climax. Be careful here.

 

I apologize to long time members who have heard the following advice from me so often they are probably bored. But since this is your first post here:

 

My late wife and I made an agreement early in our relationship that we would never become angry when a question was asked and would always talk it out completely no matter how long it took. "I don't want to talk about it!" was never allowed. Develop your communication first.

 

There are a lot of posts on "Cuckolding" on this board. Do some research on what others have said.

 

:Welcome: from Oklahoma, Karrah! We're glad you've joined us!

 

Alura

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I came home and we were both slightly drunk and horny.

 

angelkin is right that there isn't any use to try to seduce your husband into the cuckolding/hotwife relationship until the both of you are comfortable communicated about each others' desires, wants, fantasies, etc. If you try to manipulate someone without their knowledge and consent...then they find out, things will not turn out well. It is best to be on the same page together. However, I wanted to highlight the above sentence in your post about the both of you being drunk. Being under the influence of alcohol, drugs, etc. can lead you to think that someone is more open to something than they really are. I find that a good yardstick to measure a person's true interest is if they are still 100% interested when sober. All you have to do is search on the forum for bad experiences that are partly due to people being under the influence of drugs or alcohol. You and your husband really need to be honest about what happened that night to clear up any misunderstandings there might have been.

 

Also, are you more interested in embarrassing and demeaning your husband (true cuckolding) or just hotwifing?

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However, I wanted to highlight the above sentence in your post about the both of you being drunk. Being under the influence of alcohol, drugs, etc. can lead you to think that someone is more open to something than they really are.

 

I personally have to disagree here, I think being slightly intoxicated allows for some people to be more true to themselves as their inhibitions are lowered. Many times, we've had extremely useful and insightful conversations and/or tried new things together as a couple sexually when we are intoxicated. Of course, this may vary by experience and the person, but I don't think it's true of everyone.

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I personally have to disagree here, I think being slightly intoxicated allows for some people to be more true to themselves as their inhibitions are lowered. Many times, we've had extremely useful and insightful conversations and/or tried new things together as a couple sexually when we are intoxicated. Of course, this may vary by experience and the person, but I don't think it's true of everyone.

 

Yes, being slightly intoxicated does lower inhibitions...which might lead to experiences they might later regret. I prefer to know that if someone is comfortable enough talking and doing something sober then there is less chance of drama afterwards. In the case of the OP, they need to be able to talk about what they want without the need of alcohol, the umbrella of satiation after sex...we tell newbies all the time that they need to be able to talk about what they want outside of the bedroom--not just before, during, and after sex. Being clear-headed during discussion can also mean that they can be more sensitive to the other person's reactions and know when to back off or be more tactful. When we're drunk, angry, sad...we can be brutally truthful to the point of hurting the relationship instead of helping it.

 

I know what you mean, angel but personally, I don't know if some couples might end up using alcohol as a crutch to be able to be "open and honest" with their partner. If they have to drink every time they want to be open to new experiences, I think it's a clear sign that someone isn't comfortable with the idea.

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I know what you mean, angel but personally, I don't know if some couples might in up using alcohol as a crutch to be able to be "open and honest" with their partner. If they have to drink every time they want to be open to new experiences, I think it's a clear sign that someone isn't comfortable with the idea.

 

I completely agree with you there, but think there can be something to helping us to let our guard down in the beginning conversations with our own partner. I guess I see both ways...now if someone has to be stumbling drunk to do new things, that's a clear issue. I guess I was thinking about my own experiences and your post in terms of us instead of the OP. Good call!

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Going by my own personal experience, alcohol has never caused me to do something I didn't want to do. I think the opposite, that it allows people's true desires to come out.

 

I guess I am in a checkmate situation, because I honestly cannot imagine bringing this topic up to my husband in the light of day. I know he is very uncomfortable with it, and I don't want to make him feel awkward. I guess I feel like I should let him lead and see if things ever head in that direction again.

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Going by my own personal experience, alcohol has never caused me to do something I didn't want to do. I think the opposite, that it allows people's true desires to come out.

 

I guess I am in a checkmate situation, because I honestly cannot imagine bringing this topic up to my husband in the light of day. I know he is very uncomfortable with it, and I don't want to make him feel awkward. I guess I feel like I should let him lead and see if things ever head in that direction again.

 

I think what most folks mean about alcohol making you do things you wouldn't otherwise do... it lets your inhibitions go. So you are kinda right in that people do what they really want to do when they are drunk... but they would never do in the light of day (that's what people mean about alcohol making you do things you wouldn't do otherwise). As long as you aren't comfortable bringing it up in the light of day, you are right you are at a stalemate. However, if you really want something sometimes you have to get out of your comfort zone to get it.

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I guess that's why I cover these issues BEFORE I'm in too deeply to get out easily... lol.

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Hi. I really think this might help you. IMHO before you begin any sexual adventure, you absolutely must be 100% comfortable talking about anything and everything sexual, including all forms of fantasy and everything else.

 

Also, my husband is *extremely* reserved, private and conservative when it comes to sex (like--as far on the right side of the private sex continuum as you could get--or at least he was). I started wanting something more from our sex lives so we ordered sex ed videos (not porn). They all start by talking about the importance of communication before, during and after sex (like all different videos start with the same message--you need to talk about sex). Then they would show couples talking about sex. Those videos started our conversations about sex, which led to discussions during and after sex about fantasies. This led to some very VERY sexy encounters (like hundreds of them) just between us. We fantasized about being swingers, having affairs, him joining waitresses (!), sex with friends, sex in crazy places, and all sorts of other stuff. I also became much more open about what felt good, what didn't, what I specifically wanted from him in bed, etc. Now we can talk about absolutely positively *anything* related to sex. Anything. But I took an incredible leap myself in just forcing myself to open up to him--about whatever related to sex--and was surprised to learn that he was open to those discussions (and/or he slowly became more open over time). I also started by talking about his enjoyment of the fantasy. Of course, I have it a little easier (my fantasy turns him on) because my fantasy is seeing him with other women.

 

But I think the same thing should apply. We are just now considering swinging, just had our one and only FFM, and I can NOT imagine having survived those experiences without the 2 years of serious communication about sex that preceded our "opening up" to these experiences.

 

I like the Sinclair Institute (no affiliation) and would recommend a few of their videos followed by forcing yourself repeatedly to speak your mind about sex! He's your husband!! That's how it should be!!

 

Good luck. :)

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You can reduce the pressure on him by focusing on how great the sex was when he brought up your previous partners. It's kind of the opposite of the story that you usually hear, where the guy wants to figure out how to get his wife to play.

 

But the method is exactly the same: go along with the fantasy of it and let it evolve, while emphasizing that you love the fantasy but don't need the reality. And you have to MEAN it when you say it. Initiating something beyond fantasy has to come from him and not you. You have to move at his pace and not yours. That's your best bet for getting where you want to go and for him to feel comfortable with it.

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