Jump to content
eldiablo311

Is sharing your wife with another a way to validate that they are attractive?

Recommended Posts

Just had another conversation this weekend with my wife about my fantasy of seeing her fuck another man, and she was a little bothered that it may be because I want to prove she is desirable, and she felt a little insecure that I was not that into her looks or our sex life. I reassured her that that was absolutely not the case and that I just have a fetish/fantasy to watch her get fucked. I told her I think she is very attractive and our sex life is great and I am absolutely not bored with our sex life or her! I told her I like to watch her receive pleasure and I think it would be a huge turn on to see her getting pleasured from another person. I am a voyeur/exhibitionist I feel. I also told her I think it would be very hot to see how turned on she would get from another person and to watch her cum with another person. All of that having been said, in all honesty, I think there is an aspect of validation and knowing that other people wants something you have.

 

What do you all think? Is that part of the reason you swing? Do you like to know someone else thinks your wife/partner is hot and wants to fuck them....so therefore it validates the way you feel about your partner. Is that a bad thing?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Well, as a voyeur and exhibitionist who enjoy's watching my wife get fucked by others, I think I enjoy it because I find it really hot. :)

 

Yes, I do get a thrill out of other guys (and ladies) thinking my wife is hot and wanting to fuck her. I don't feel that it "validates" my feelings toward my partner. I feel the way I feel about her regardless of what other people think. I just get a thrill out of other people appreciating her as much as I do.

Share this post


Link to post

I agree Lionheart72, I told my wife the same thing, that I don't need anyone to validate that she is an attractive, desirable person...I have always felt that way about her! I just think that it may be a small part of the thrill of sharing your partner.

 

When I think about it, I think for me there are 2 basic reasons why sharing my wife turns me on;

 

1) The voyeuristic aspect; watching how much my wife and the other person get off on each other. The excitement of seeing how much another person wants your partner, and how much your partner wants that other person.

 

2) The taboo of doing something that is not supposed to be done in "normal relationships" makes it exciting.

 

The 1st reason is the one that I feel might contain a bit of validation in that it is proving how desirable your partner is to someone outside the relationship.

Share this post


Link to post
Well, as a voyeur and exhibitionist who enjoy's watching my wife get fucked by others, I think I enjoy it because I find it really hot. :)

 

Yes, I do get a thrill out of other guys (and ladies) thinking my wife is hot and wanting to fuck her. I don't feel that it "validates" my feelings toward my partner. I feel the way I feel about her regardless of what other people think. I just get a thrill out of other people appreciating her as much as I do.

 

For me, It's just like what Lionheart said. I'd also add, that on wife's behalf, her being with other guys has made her feel great about herself. She knows she's still attractive to others which has been great for her self confidence.

Share this post


Link to post

I can't buy into the "someone else wants her" validation theory... I don't care what others think, I share her because she's hot TO ME and I am a voyeur.. plus, if I wanted to use that as a validation method, then I'd have to take it personally if she were turned down, and I don't take it personally. I just figure someone missed out on a great play session, shame on them.. She knows she's hot to the one that matters... LOL

Share this post


Link to post

I've said it before. Watching your wife go at it with a new lover BLOWS any porno film you've ever seen out of the water. It is incredibly hot. I guess the voyeur aspect of it wins for me too.

Share this post


Link to post

When i see other men checking her out i know its obvious they want to fuck her, likewise when i see a married woman who i would love to fuck but i cant because her man won't allow it or they simply are not into sharing. I'm not like that, I'm in the frame of mind of why not let her and the other guy express their attraction for each other? he wants her, she wants him, we all have these urges with people we find attractive so go for it do the deed get the urge over and done with - you only live once. A lot of couples cant handle it basically because they are scared of losing them romantically/emotionally. Some of us are pretty good though of knowing when to draw the line between sex and love.

 

Seeing her have sex with another men is just a turn on - pure and simple.

1) From the moment they first lay eyes on each other, observing the level of lust in each of their eyes with lots of smiling going on that you just know they are in for a good time later once they depart from the bar and then go to a room after all the small talk is done.

2) I love watching what she's like with other men compared to when she's with me

3) seeing the pleasure on her face, how her body reacts to different things with different men

4) seeing them kissing with such passion while grinding and ploughing into each other like there's no tomorrow

5) you know she's having a real good time when you see his cock slowly turning more white from her being more and more turned on by him

6) its even more of a turn on if he isn't using a condom and then cums inside her. Its an increased level of intimacy for both of them, its risky and its extremely naughty, especially with a black gent.

7) i like knowing that if it wasn't for me he wouldn't have been able to fuckher in any other "normal" circumstance. I allow her to be as much of a slut as she discretely desires, as you know its still not "cool" for women to sleep around.

8) I find it amusing when we meet up with our parents/family seeing how "normal" and innocent and everything she is around our parents, they would absolutely disown us in a heartbeat if they knew what she had been up to sucking other men's cocks, swallowing their loads and hearing how she talks when having sex she has such a dirty mouth she is a completely different person sexually.

9) There is nothing more of a turn on than when she orgasms, be it with me or some other man, the more repeat orgasms she has the more of a turn on it is for me.

 

Its like watching porn, you see the couple having sex and you just really want to fuck that girl. Experiencing that with your wife is so much more fun, not only does she get pleasure from yourself when you are alone together but also you are allowing her to have more sex if she wants it. A lot of men enjoy seeing their wife pleasuring herself but for me that is boring when compared to seeing her pussy being penetrated by the real thing instead of some dildo.

Share this post


Link to post

I agree, that is what I was telling my wife, that I am not trying to validate that she is an attractive person...I am just a voyeur and the thought of seeing her pleasured by another man, or woman, turns me on greatly!! I think she just got a little sensitive because I have been bringing up this fantasy to her a lot lately and maybe she feels I am getting bored with her, which is absolutely not the case! I love our sex life together, just the 2 of us!

Share this post


Link to post

I don't think watching my wife was ever on my favorites list. I really liked fucking the other lady. My most favorite was making love with Laura after we'd played with another couple.

Share this post


Link to post

My wife has asked me why I enjoy seeing her with other men and it's the most difficult thing I've ever tried to explain.

 

The first time I had the pleasure I was only 25 and she was one of the sexiest 21 year old gals around. So, no, it certainly had nothing to do with validating. Heck, I knew and she knew that every guy we knew wanted to fuck her.

 

I just thought that watching her with our friend was totally hot. And, of course, the seconds I got was the most fantastic fuck of my life. I just wish that now we have shared my bisexuality that we could do it again so I could experience a creampie from her, and maybe share a lover with her.

Share this post


Link to post
My wife has asked me why I enjoy seeing her with other men and it's the most difficult thing I've ever tried to explain.

 

The first time I had the pleasure I was only 25 and she was one of the sexiest 21 year old gals around. So, no, it certainly had nothing to do with validating. Heck, I knew and she knew that every guy we knew wanted to fuck her.

 

I just thought that watching her with our friend was totally hot. And, of course, the seconds I got was the most fantastic fuck of my life. I just wish that now we have shared my bisexuality that we could do it again so I could experience a creampie from her, and maybe share a lover with her.

 

 

I agree it is totally hot to think about seeing my wife with another man or woman and I think the main reason is voyeurism. I love to see her get turned on by someone else and also her sleeping with someone else would provide her a super exciting, new experience, and it would be amazing to watch/participate in that experience! I do feel that there is a small aspect of the situation, though, in seeing how turned on your wife makes another person and seeing how sexually and otherwise enticing she is to another person, is validation for both me and her. In other words, it simply reinforces what I/we already know....she is a beautiful, desirable woman and it would be thrilling to watch the reaction of another person with her unfold before my eyes...I feel.

 

In the same way, I think no matter how good looking a person you are, it is always flattering to have somebody hit on you. Same idea...validation, of something you may already know in some cases.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest sandraandalex

A testimonial:

 

Sandra: I have never thought that my husband watching me have sex was to in some way validate my desirability or attractiveness.

 

Alex: It NEVER has occurred to me that watching my wife have great sex was because I was uncertain of how amazing she is, physically or sexually. That would be silly.

 

We think your wife doesn't understand your sexual goal and is trying to rationalize some other goal that makes sense to her.

Share this post


Link to post
A testimonial:

 

Sandra: I have never thought that my husband watching me have sex was to in some way validate my desirability or attractiveness.

 

Alex: It NEVER has occurred to me that watching my wife have great sex was because I was uncertain of how amazing she is, physically or sexually. That would be silly.

 

We think your wife doesn't understand your sexual goal and is trying to rationalize some other goal that makes sense to her.

 

I think you are right, my wife just felt a little insecure about what my sexual goal is and why I keep bringing it up. She says she understands now and was just insecure at the time. I feel on my part I just need to not bring it up so much when we have sex.

 

It is not her fantasy. She says she doesn't like to think about other people fucking her...maybe with the exception of women though. I think she may feel a little uncomfortable admitting to me that it would be a big turn on to be fucked by another man. I think she feels that it is not as big a deal to admit that she would like to sleep with another girl sometime again.

Share this post


Link to post
It is not her fantasy. She says she doesn't like to think about other people fucking her...maybe with the exception of women though. I think she may feel a little uncomfortable admitting to me that it would be a big turn on to be fucked by another man. I think she feels that it is not as big a deal to admit that she would like to sleep with another girl sometime again.

 

Or maybe she's honestly not interested in having sex with another guy. I know people who are strictly monogamous and have no interest in having sex with anyone other than their partner (fantasy notwithstanding). I know people who are bi-curious and wouldn't mind exploring that, but otherwise have no interest in having straight sex any anyone other than their partner. I know people who will fuck anyone, any where, any time.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, unless you have good reason to believe your wife isn't being honest with you for some reason accept her at her word. Maybe she just isn't interested.

Share this post


Link to post

For me too, the voyeur aspect wins out although as we both get older knowing that other men (and women) find Jo to be sexually attractive is somewhat re-assuring for both of us. Watching Jo with another partner is a huge turn on for me. I will never forget the first time I watched her with another man. That was over 30 years ago and it is as exciting now as it was back then. I just love to watch Jo being pleasured by her partner, to see and listen to her responses as she is being licked or fucked, to see the look on her face as she approaches and then experiences her climax. I especially enjoy watching her with another man - the moment when he penetrates her pussy with his hard cock and begins his thrusting is undoubtedly one of the most erotic sights I have ever seen.

Share this post


Link to post

Lionheart is so right.

Only go ahead with it if she really wants to and not doing it only for your sake. Otherwise she will just lay there with little interest with the other guy, you'll find the whole experience not what you expected not even half as good as you thought it would.

 

Maybe try getting her to feel ok with checking out other men. Because you know its normal for a wife to believe its right to not look at any other man in a certain way other than her husband. So ask her more often what kind of men do it for her, what features of a man are sexy, then when you are out around town pass comment to her of does she think that guy over there is attractive. At first she might not be bothered, but give it time and always come across as though you really dont mind if she lusts over other men. If she has a low sex drive then she's a lost cause with all this and best if you forget the whole idea or else you might end up losing her.

Share this post


Link to post
Lionheart is so right.

Only go ahead with it if she really wants to and not doing it only for your sake. Otherwise she will just lay there with little interest with the other guy, you'll find the whole experience not what you expected not even half as good as you thought it would.

 

Maybe try getting her to feel ok with checking out other men. Because you know its normal for a wife to believe its right to not look at any other man in a certain way other than her husband. So ask her more often what kind of men do it for her, what features of a man are sexy, then when you are out around town pass comment to her of does she think that guy over there is attractive. At first she might not be bothered, but give it time and always come across as though you really dont mind if she lusts over other men. If she has a low sex drive then she's a lost cause with all this and best if you forget the whole idea or else you might end up losing her.

 

I know she doesn't have low sex drive, she is just like any other normal person if she worked a long day she needs sleep more than sex, but when she gets rest she is all about sex.

 

I know she really liked when we recently went to a strip club in Vegas and I bought her a private dance from a male stripper. He ended up dancing for about 1/2hr for her with me right there next to her and he was kissing her neck, he had her breasts exposed and was kissing her nipples, and eventually she let him play with her pussy. I felt her pussy at one point when he removed his hand and she was dripping wet! I asked her if she wanted to feel his dick and she said "yes" and she ended up stroking his hard cock under his g-string for awhile. She seemed to really enjoy that and she says she would like to go back and to that again.

 

Also we have spoke many times about her possibly having sex with another girl. She was with a girl for 3 years before we met. She has said many times she misses eating a girl out. I

 

I think you are right, I should ask her when we are out what guys she finds attractive in the bar we are at, once in awhile and get her more comfortable talking about this stuff. I also think I should encourage her to go out for drinks the next time she goes on a business trip by herself. She did that last year and I was texting her, encouraging her to go out and talk/flirt with some guys and have fun at the local bar and the hotel bar. She was fine with going out and even talking with some guys once I told her that. So I feel there is something there with her, I just need to be careful about how I approach all of this with her.

 

I think the sex with another girl idea and the male stripper idea are 2 things she can get down with right now. Sex with another man, maybe not just yet. What do you all think?

Share this post


Link to post

I had the same conversation with my wife only not exactly the same as you are describing. I felt that she was so awesome and enthusiastic when she was having sex with me that I had an irresistible urge to watch her from a different perspective. I tried to talk her into video recording us but she refused to be photographed or filmed. The only way I could watch her is if she had sex with someone else. Another man having sex with her didn't bother me. She was worried that I didn't love her anymore. She couldn't understand why I would let another man have sex with her. Not only was I trying to fulfill my selfish desire to watch her having sex but it was because I loved her that I wanted her to feel free to have sex and have experiences with other men. Knowing another man wanted to have sex with her and seeing how hard he was in front of her made her feel good about herself but it was just as devastating to her when a man couldn't get it up. I tried to reassure her that it had happened to me before with other women. That it had more to do with him being nervous than anything to do with her. The more experiences she had the more confident she became to the point where she was inviting men on her own.

 

I think there is an aspect of validation and knowing that other people wants something you have.

 

Do you like to know someone else thinks your wife/partner is hot and wants to fuck them....

 

My wife fell in love with the first person I talked her into trying it with. I was happy that she liked it, LOVED it, so much that she looked forward to doing it again and again with him. I LOVED watching them having orgasms together. It was an odd feeling for her to feel love for both of us but I was willing to share. He wasn't. He tried to posses her for himself and she was disappointed but chose me and our marriage over him. After a few more experiences with other men she was able to detach herself from the emotional aspect of having great sex with someone.

Share this post


Link to post

For my wife, she doesn't look at it as a validation of her beauty. She looks at it as another way increase our orgasms. She loves the fact that I love to watch her and another guy. We share our fantasies quite a bit doing foreplay. My wife loves bareback and while I'm pumping her pussy from behind she like to moan about having the "Other" guy watching and awaiting for his turn to get on top of her and pump her pussy too. So she also fantasizes about another guy as much as i do.

Share this post


Link to post
For my wife, she doesn't look at it as a validation of her beauty. She looks at it as another way increase our orgasms. She loves the fact that I love to watch her and another guy. We share our fantasies quite a bit doing foreplay. My wife loves bareback and while I'm pumping her pussy from behind she like to moan about having the "Other" guy watching and awaiting for his turn to get on top of her and pump her pussy too. So she also fantasizes about another guy as much as i do.

 

I want to get my wife comfortable with the idea of fantasizing about another man, she still says the idea of someone else fucking her is hard to think about. I think she can be a lot more comfortable with the idea of another girl fucking her though.

 

Interestingly my wife came home from work today and told me SHE recorded a couple of shows last night and watched the 1st one. The 1st one was about the swinger lifestyle and follows 3 different couples around and the 2nd one she didn't watch yet was about S&M bondage stuff. I wonder if she is getting a little more comfortable with the idea of swinging and a little curious? ;o) Maybe this is a sign she will be down to fuck another person, guy or girl in the near future? What do you think?

Share this post


Link to post
I want to get my wife comfortable with the idea of fantasizing about another man, she still says the idea of someone else fucking her is hard to think about. I think she can be a lot more comfortable with the idea of another girl fucking her though.

 

Interestingly my wife came home from work today and told me SHE recorded a couple of shows last night and watched the 1st one. The 1st one was about the swinger lifestyle and follows 3 different couples around and the 2nd one she didn't watch yet was about S&M bondage stuff. I wonder if she is getting a little more comfortable with the idea of swinging and a little curious? ;o) Maybe this is a sign she will be down to fuck another person, guy or girl in the near future? What do you think?

 

 

 

Based on what your saying it sounds like she is getting more comfortable with the ideal of swinging. I would say let her slowly become more interested in swinging (In her own way) and also encourge her to talk about some of her fantasies especial during foreplay or even while you two are having sex (Orgasms can be very intense when talking about fantasies and having sex at the same time) and be supportive of all her fantasies and then pretty soon she will start wanting to take hers and your fanstasies to the next level, and possibly act them out in real life. What ever you do, don't push her or get to extreme to quickly or it will kill the entire ideal of swinging.

Share this post


Link to post
Based on what your saying it sounds like she is getting more comfortable with the ideal of swinging. I would say let her slowly become more interested in swinging (In her own way) and also encourge her to talk about some of her fantasies especial during foreplay or even while you two are having sex (Orgasms can be very intense when talking about fantasies and having sex at the same time) and be supportive of all her fantasies and then pretty soon she will start wanting to take hers and your fanstasies to the next level, and possibly act them out in real life. What ever you do, don't push her or get to extreme to quickly or it will kill the entire ideal of swinging.

I think she might want to watch the documentary on swinging that she saw with me, she did not say 'watch it without me I already saw it' so I am hoping this weekend we can sit down and have a few drinks and watch it together and maybe discuss it a little bit. I know she liked the Playboy channel "Swing" series last year. We had the playboy channel for a few months and were recording all of those shows. She said she liked watching those episodes.

 

I am trying to take it slow for both our sakes, and I feel that all my talk about my fantasy has made her a little curious and like you say 'in her own way' she is slowly starting to think about it more and more. I have tried to get her to tell me what fantasies she has and she always tells me she doesn't really have any fantasies...however, last week she finally said she thought she could try to fantasize about this one guy, in this Erica Lust porn we have, fucking her while I fuck her with this realistic dildo we bought awhile back. So we did that. She seems to be slowly opening up to the idea of some other guy fucking her. Like I said though, she has always been open to having sex with another girl.

 

Like I had mentioned, it went pretty far with that male stripper in Vegas. The guy was basically fingering her, or playing with her clit with his hand and she was jerking him off! She was so turned on by the whole situation! I really think there is something there with my wife, I just need to give it some time to develop.

I think this is a pretty big step, and a lot to consider so she is just trying to figure out where I am coming from with this fantasy and sometimes she gets a little worried that I am not into her and I want to validate that she is an attractive person...which is not the case. The reason I want to do it is mainly because of the voyeur aspect of it all. I am thinking eventually why would she not want to do it? It seems like, as long as you know you love the person you are with and have no intentions of ever leaving that person, why wouldn't the idea of having sex with another person turn you on? If my wife told me it was her fantasy to see me fuck another girl in front of her that would blow my mind and I would be super turned on by that! I would just want to make sure that she wouldn't be mad at me and want to leave me afterwards...I would never want to lose her for anything.

Share this post


Link to post

I think that for some there may be a certain level of that. I don't think it's as much about proving that they are desirable, but that it's nice to know that others desire your partner. It makes you feel good to know that you have something that others want... whether it's a spouse, a house, or well-behaved kids. If your partner is desirable then you are desirable by proxy... you become the Joneses in a way. Knowing that someone else finds your mate desirable likely makes them all the more desirable to you. I think that can actually be very good for a relationship. Too often, we take our mates for granted. We just see them as a fixture in our lives. Over time couples may "give up" a bit and she may forget to put on make-up or may just decide that that old torn up tshirt is just fine for going out. Putting ourselves in situations where we are forced to see that others find our mates attractive forces us to take another look at them, from a new point of view. Perhaps it is then that we throw out the ratty shirt or put on make-up just because he's home from work. In the end, as much as we may get some level of validation by knowing that others find our partners attractive, we get the most validation when our partners show us that they find US attractive.

 

I said all that to say this... the fact that this has emerged as your wife's worry makes me question whether or not she is feeling that you think she is undesirable and that you NEED to validate that she is still attractive. It's time to take a step back and spend some time showing her just how hot you think she is. Take some time to do things just for her. Dress up and take her out (just because). Do some things around the house (without being asked). Bring her flowers (or whatever she may prefer in place of flowers). Doing these things validates to her that you still find her attractive, and you'll be amazed at how well you may find yourself rewarded for these simple acts.

Share this post


Link to post
I think she might want to watch the documentary on swinging that she saw with me, she did not say 'watch it without me I already saw it' so I am hoping this weekend we can sit down and have a few drinks and watch it together and maybe discuss it a little bit. I know she liked the Playboy channel "Swing" series last year. We had the playboy channel for a few months and were recording all of those shows. She said she liked watching those episodes.

 

I am trying to take it slow for both our sakes, and I feel that all my talk about my fantasy has made her a little curious and like you say 'in her own way' she is slowly starting to think about it more and more. I have tried to get her to tell me what fantasies she has and she always tells me she doesn't really have any fantasies...however, last week she finally said she thought she could try to fantasize about this one guy, in this Erica Lust porn we have, fucking her while I fuck her with this realistic dildo we bought awhile back. So we did that. She seems to be slowly opening up to the idea of some other guy fucking her. Like I said though, she has always been open to having sex with another girl.

 

Like I had mentioned, it went pretty far with that male stripper in Vegas. The guy was basically fingering her, or playing with her clit with his hand and she was jerking him off! She was so turned on by the whole situation! I really think there is something there with my wife, I just need to give it some time to develop.

I think this is a pretty big step, and a lot to consider so she is just trying to figure out where I am coming from with this fantasy and sometimes she gets a little worried that I am not into her and I want to validate that she is an attractive person...which is not the case. The reason I want to do it is mainly because of the voyeur aspect of it all. I am thinking eventually why would she not want to do it? It seems like, as long as you know you love the person you are with and have no intentions of ever leaving that person, why wouldn't the idea of having sex with another person turn you on? If my wife told me it was her fantasy to see me fuck another girl in front of her that would blow my mind and I would be super turned on by that! I would just want to make sure that she wouldn't be mad at me and want to leave me afterwards...I would never want to lose her for anything.

 

It sounds that you are half way there! She seems to have a little "Raunchiness" already in her. I say keep encourging her to act out some her fantasies. Just be patient and also really show you love her and she is the only one you fantasize about and don't her or you get hung up on the small stuff! enjoy each other and have fun. But once again let her control the tempo. Because you are already there sexually you just want to get her on the same sexual level as you.

Share this post


Link to post
It sounds that you are half way there! She seems to have a little "Raunchiness" already in her. I say keep encourging her to act out some her fantasies. Just be patient and also really show you love her and she is the only one you fantasize about and don't her or you get hung up on the small stuff! enjoy each other and have fun. But once again let her control the tempo. Because you are already there sexually you just want to get her on the same sexual level as you.

 

 

Sounds like great advice. I will continue to let her take the lead and try to balance that with still telling her about my fantasy.

 

Funny thing happened this weekend! We were talking over dinner together about hanging out with her friend sometime soon, a cute blonde girl she used to be roommates with when we first met. So this blonde girl has not had a boyfriend or any sexual encounter in the 5+ years I have known her, and my wife even suspects she may still be a virgin...this girl is 34. She is good looking, nice body, friendly and pretty face...we don't understand why she hasn't been getting laid or dating anyone.

 

The last several times we have hung out with her she, and we, all kind of flirt with each other in a playful way. So over dinner this weekend my wife was saying that this girl needs to get laid and that I should eat her pussy like I eat my wife's! She said I am a really generous lover and that is what this girl needs, especially if it is her 1st time! She said, "I don't know if I could watch it, but I could have a couple of beers in the next room while you guys do it". I was shocked! I told her I would never want to do anything that would make her feel bad. She said she was shocked that these words came out of her mouth, but I could tell she was kind of getting turned on by talking about this! She said she thinks this girl would want to fuck me more than her and that she thinks I am attracted to this girl also.

 

I just kept stressing that I have a fantasy to see HER fuck someone else, and I am not trying to fuck other people and would never want to hurt her or do anything to make her feel bad about us. I did admit that the thought of fucking her friend was a turn on though. She said "well I think you should take the lead the next time we hang out". I asked her what she meant and she just said "you know buy us some drinks" and I think she meant for me to flirt with this girl more next time also!

 

This was a big surprise for me!

Share this post


Link to post

Never say never , etc , but the husband using the wife's attractivness to valadate him is kind of a double reverse thing , and is not a frequent motavation. The idea of her having pleasure , and watching are much more common. As to wether as a side effect it would give a confidence boost to the woman I'll leave to our female members to kick around.

 

But once again , you need to put the specific goal of MFM/ FM watching on the back burner now. You need to work on communicating generally. Work around to what she finds interesting to contemplate. Explore the idea of playing with other people generally. Maybe she is most open to some other combination. Maybe this is an idea that works best as fantasies or role playing. Maybe as her horizons expand it will look different to her later.

Share this post


Link to post
I just kept stressing that I have a fantasy to see HER fuck someone else, and I am not trying to fuck other people and would never want to hurt her or do anything to make her feel bad about us.

 

I've been wondering something since I first read this. Is it possible that you're so focused on your own fantasy that you're not really listening to your wife? You want her to fuck another man but, when presented with a possible opportunity with another woman, you say you'd "never want to hurt her or do anything to make her feel bad, etc." Even if she didn't already have that fear that being with another man would cause you to feel differently about her, you introduced the idea that outside sex might potentially cause bad feelings within your relationship if you did it.

 

In addition, she appears to be giving you the opportunity to be sexual with someone else and yet the two of you don't really talk about it enough for you to know precisely what your wife means.

 

I wish this all didn't raise red flags, but it really does. I know how persistent fantasies can be, but the pursuit of them can't be a driving force within a healthy relationship unless the fantasies are shared. Is there any chance you can just let your fantasy of your wife with another man go for now and work instead on really talking together about what turns you both on, what scares you and how far you're both willing to go?

 

In answer to your original question, my wish to see Mr. Doe with other women approaches the level of a kink, but it has nothing to do with his being desirable or having his desirability validated by anyone else. Until I read "Sex at Dawn," which I would recommend for both of you, the closest I could get to an explanation is that it made me happy to see him with others and turned me on. The book and its research clarified a lot for me and maybe it will do the same for the two of you as well.

Share this post


Link to post
I've been wondering something since I first read this. Is it possible that you're so focused on your own fantasy that you're not really listening to your wife? You want her to fuck another man but, when presented with a possible opportunity with another woman, you say you'd "never want to hurt her or do anything to make her feel bad, etc." Even if she didn't already have that fear that being with another man would cause you to feel differently about her, you introduced the idea that outside sex might potentially cause bad feelings within your relationship if you did it.

 

In addition, she appears to be giving you the opportunity to be sexual with someone else and yet the two of you don't really talk about it enough for you to know precisely what your wife means.

 

I wish this all didn't raise red flags, but it really does. I know how persistent fantasies can be, but the pursuit of them can't be a driving force within a healthy relationship unless the fantasies are shared. Is there any chance you can just let your fantasy of your wife with another man go for now and work instead on really talking together about what turns you both on, what scares you and how far you're both willing to go?

 

In answer to your original question, my wish to see Mr. Doe with other women approaches the level of a kink, but it has nothing to do with his being desirable or having his desirability validated by anyone else. Until I read "Sex at Dawn," which I would recommend for both of you, the closest I could get to an explanation is that it made me happy to see him with others and turned me on. The book and its research clarified a lot for me and maybe it will do the same for the two of you as well.

 

The reason I told her 'I would never want to do anything to hurt her or make her feel uncomfortable' is because we have discussed this in the past, me being with another woman and she has told me that she would not want that, it would make her feel too jealous...so I have always told her that is fine, I respect that and I don't have to do anything with another girl, I am okay with that. She has said, in discussions we have had, that it IS a turn on for her to think about fucking another girl and recently she has admitted the thought of fucking another man would be a turn on also though it would be a little weird she thinks..."might feel like cheating". This last weekend she admitted that it was getting her wet to think about having another person in our bed. So I think we are discussing all of this more and more in our own way and it was a big surprise to me, and to her, to hear her say she wanted me to fuck her friend. The fact that she said she 'wouldn't want to watch and would have a couple beers in the other room while it happened' made me think that this is something that would make her feel bad or jealous if it were to actually happen, that is why I was telling her I wouldn't want to do anything that would make her feel uncomfortable. If she truly would enjoy me doing that, then I would have no hesitations.

Share this post


Link to post
Never say never , etc , but the husband using the wife's attractivness to valadate him is kind of a double reverse thing , and is not a frequent motavation. The idea of her having pleasure , and watching are much more common. As to wether as a side effect it would give a confidence boost to the woman I'll leave to our female members to kick around.

 

But once again , you need to put the specific goal of MFM/ FM watching on the back burner now. You need to work on communicating generally. Work around to what she finds interesting to contemplate. Explore the idea of playing with other people generally. Maybe she is most open to some other combination. Maybe this is an idea that works best as fantasies or role playing. Maybe as her horizons expand it will look different to her later.

 

We are communicating more and more about this, outside of the bedroom. She seems to be opening up to the idea of having someone else in our bed more and more. She had a dream about it a couple of weeks ago, where another guy was fucking her and I was watching and she said it turned her on and she was wet when she woke up. This last weekend she said the thought of inviting another person into our bed was making her wet, when we were talking about her friend. She was actually trying to hit on this one really hot blonde at the bar this last weekend, she bought her a beer. It didn't work out but she told me she really wanted to fuck her. So I think we are getting to the point of actually doing something.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By KatrinaandDriverX
      For me, it's not about having sex or sex acts or multiple partners. It is about 'feeding' different aspects of my personality, occasionally, in diverse ways with sex. It transcends role playing, it's a sexual moment as I'm giving, yielding, engaging and driving my partner(s) into an exquisite moment. To build them up, for the men to enter me in a pure moment that thrills or kissing a woman with tongues plunging deeply. I love it when someone I may have just met can surrender to me and I to them. Then, once we're done that it's perfectly alright to go to the next partner and, who knows, have that same person again later that night (or not). Or, if it's simply to play with another couple, have the sex with the husband be so great that the wife thanks me. Then, of course, there's the knowledge of my husband having another girl, whether it be a wife  or innocent bystander, knowing she just might be asking herself if watching me fuck means my husband must be amazing (he is). 
    • By English Flames
      I have a fantasy of being pegged by my wife at say, a swinger house party, with the door open or some how on display for passerby’s to watch. My only concern is whether this would be considered disrespectful or against an unspoken etiquette? I can understand it’s not for everyone.
    • By enjoyingfun
      It is nice to get the chance to suck another man's cock but why? I just did this for my man and wow he loved it!  Two friends came over and I did what he wanted to be the very the best I could be.
    • By bbarnsworth
      I happened across this study today, and it had some very interesting outcomes. The whole study bears reading. To tease you into reading it; "When asked whether they’d ever had various types of multipartner fantasies, just 5% of men and 13% of women had never done so" I.e., 95% of men and 87% of women in the 4k+ member study reported having fantasized about multipartner sexual relations. Wow! I expected it to be above 50%, but not that high.
       
      More reading at: https://sexualhealthalliance.com/justin-lehmiller-science-of-fantasy
    • By LovelyLynn
      I have a question for the experienced couples on the board. For quite a while I have had the desire to be in a more sexually charged environment while having sex with my husband. Now, I have been hanging around this board and learned a lot about the maturity required to swing and I must say I am impressed by a lot of you. The reason I bring this up is because I would like your opinions. I am wanting to find some couples or groups that are open and mature like yourselves to watch while each couple has sex.
       
      I am in my 20's and find that a lot of couples around my age lack maturity when it is called for. Of course for a lot of couples at any age it seems can barely keep their own relationships together. On the other hand it seems that a lot of you put respect and your relationships above all else. Other than the fact that I am not technically a swinger (yet ), I feel you people share more in common with my ideals than most groups of people.
       
      I would love to try new things but I'm not near ready for a 4some or swapping. However, I feel that being in and getting comfortable as a couple around swingers would open the door to a lot of new experiences for me.
       
      So I was curious how the couples on here would feel about having a non swapping couple around having sex in the same room as them? Does it make a difference to you if there are just 2 couples, more than 2, group sex, or swapping going on in the room? What do you think the best way to go about it would be? Is this something that Swingers in general accept?
×
×
  • Create New...