I'm new here and need help, want to watch wife have sex

Hi, I'm new here. I would love to watch my wife have sex. But she is not into it yet.

Any ideas how to help

Help? Every situation is different. Have you read the Curious About Swinging forum? Good information there as well as people who had asked your same question.

WELCOME

Welcome. In addition to the active forums, there is a wealth of information in the archives, including a number of threads on talking about swinging with your partner.

Why don't you tell us more about you and your wife. How is your sex life together? How long have you been talking about the idea of swinging?

Our sex life is about zero, I have had this fantasy for about 8 years. I have dreams about it. But she is not interrested. I'm really horny because I'd like her to be excited when we have sex and see her enjoy it. But I don't know what to do. Maybe we need a councilor.

She does not have a desire for sex and she thinks it's wrong.

She does not have a desire for sex and she thinks it's wrong.

You need more help than we can give you. If your wife has serious psychological issues about sex, and your sex life is nil, than you are a long, long, long, long... long way from being able to include someone else. In all honestly, my suggestion would be to set aside the idea of watching your wife with another man and focus on your own relationship and sex life. I would strongly suggest marriage counseling and therapy to get to the root of your wife's issues and find solutions.

It's been said before and bears repeating often: swinging is not a cure for problems in a marriage or a sex life.

You need more help than we can give you. If your wife has serious psychological issues about sex, and your sex life is nil, than you are a long, long, long, long... long way from being able to include someone else. In all honestly, my suggestion would be to set aside the idea of watching your wife with another man and focus on your own relationship and sex life. I would strongly suggest marriage counseling and therapy to get to the root of your wife's issues and find solutions.

 

It's been said before and bears repeating often: swinging is not a cure for problems in a marriage or a sex life.

Thanks, I feel your correct. I'll do exactly that. I really appreciate the help you have all given me.

Could you for now then please remove me from this site.

See ya!

When I was trying to talk my wife into it one of my ideas was to buy a dildo for her that was noticeably larger than mine. I would blindfold her and hold the dildo next to mine as I got between her legs and put it into her. I told her to imagine it was another guy. She wasn't used to something that large at first but she got used to it and began to enjoy it. I asked her if she had fantasized about anyone she knew having sex with her and she admitted that she did. From then on I gave the dildo his name and persuaded her to say his name as I worked the dildo in her. My fantasy, and hers, was getting closer to a reality.

You need more help than we can give you. If your wife has serious psychological issues about sex, and your sex life is nil, than you are a long, long, long, long... long way from being able to include someone else. In all honestly, my suggestion would be to set aside the idea of watching your wife with another man and focus on your own relationship and sex life. I would strongly suggest marriage counseling and therapy to get to the root of your wife's issues and find solutions.

 

It's been said before and bears repeating often: swinging is not a cure for problems in a marriage or a sex life.

After reading this again I think I mislead you a little. What I meant when I said: (She does not have a desire for sex and she thinks it's wrong.) She thinks sex with another man is wrong and she would feel guilty about it. Sex with me would be fine except she has no desire for sex at all. She used to get excited about sex when we were younger. She would let me bury my tongue in her pussy, she even gave me blow jobs. but none of this has happened for many years. I'm very horny, but I don't want to do something that will hurt her feelings. I love her very much and want the best for her. Some times when we "would" have sex I would say to her jokingly: When I get our log bed built I'm going to blindfold and handcuff you to the bed. Then I'm bringing in a guy with a 10" cock so I can hear you moan with excitement as he enters you and you can feel the friction and deep penetration. She would say bring him on. I said this of and on for a few years. Sometimes she would say you have been saying this for along time and I haven't seen anything yet. So I would get all excited but nothing has ever happened. The closest I ever got was when I told her while seducing her, I was getting her a Male stripper on the 4th of January this 2013. She said if your going to do it, I don't want you there. I said ok that's fine. A few days when by and I told her to pick a guy out from the pics on the web site. She said I already have it under control. I immediately got so excited my whole body was shaking. After a while I asked about it again and she said: I can't believe you want me to do this. I said so do you really have someone lined up she said no, and I'm not going to either. I was really let down. So like I say I'm needing help! Do you know of anyone else that has been in a similar situation and came up with an answer that helped? Your probably right that I need a councilor. I don't know how to get her to go.

Steve have you pointed her to this site? I know that has worked before, let her read and discover for her self that 1) you are not alone in wanting to see her with someone else and 2) that having sex with someone other than your SO is not wrong.

Sometimes you need to step back and leave things be, Like fine wine and whisky it takes time to get the best stuff but in the end it is worth it.

K

Steve have you pointed her to this site? I know that has worked before, let her read and discover for her self that 1) you are not alone in wanting to see her with someone else and 2) that having sex with someone other than your SO is not wrong.

 

Sometimes you need to step back and leave things be, Like fine wine and whisky it takes time to get the best stuff but in the end it is worth it.

 

 

K

No I she does not know I'm into this site. I think if she did she would be very mad. What would be the best way to introduce her to it?

This site I a fairly safe way to introduce her to the lifstyle, since it's not a hook up site, the ideas are not thrust into her face. If you have told her of your wish to see her have sex with others then pointing her here should not make her that mad.

K

. . .

It's been said before and bears repeating often: swinging is not a cure for problems in a marriage or a sex life.

This site, or attempting to get your wife to swing, isn't going fix your issues as a couple. Listen to what Lionheart and SW PA Couple have said. Go seek counseling and possibly medical help for your wife's lack of sex drive.

After reading this again I think I mislead you a little. What I meant when I said: (She does not have a desire for sex and she thinks it's wrong.) She thinks sex with another man is wrong and she would feel guilty about it. Sex with me would be fine except she has no desire for sex at all. She used to get excited about sex when we were younger. She would let me bury my tongue in her pussy, she even gave me blow jobs. but none of this has happened for many years. I'm very horny, but I don't want to do something that will hurt her feelings. I love her very much and want the best for her. Some times when we "would" have sex I would say to her jokingly: When I get our log bed built I'm going to blindfold and handcuff you to the bed. Then I'm bringing in a guy with a 10" cock so I can hear you moan with excitement as he enters you and you can feel the friction and deep penetration. She would say bring him on. I said this of and on for a few years. Sometimes she would say you have been saying this for along time and I haven't seen anything yet. So I would get all excited but nothing has ever happened. The closest I ever got was when I told her while seducing her, I was getting her a Male stripper on the 4th of January this 2013. She said if your going to do it, I don't want you there. I said ok that's fine. A few days when by and I told her to pick a guy out from the pics on the web site. She said I already have it under control. I immediately got so excited my whole body was shaking. After a while I asked about it again and she said: I can't believe you want me to do this. I said so do you really have someone lined up she said no, and I'm not going to either. I was really let down. So like I say I'm needing help! Do you know of anyone else that has been in a similar situation and came up with an answer that helped? Your probably right that I need a councilor. I don't know how to get her to go.

What's good in fantasy, while you're in bed and banging away, is not always good in the clear cold light of day. It may be that she enjoys the sexual fantasy of being with another guy but has no desire to act out that fantasy in real life. It may be that she enjoys your reactions to that fantasy with in bed but it isn't a fantasy of hers and so she has absolutely no desire to act it out in real life.

Really, I think your "clarification" only supports my original point. Swinging isn't a solution to problems in your sex life. Let me repeat that for clarity: Swinging. Is. Not. A. Solution. To. The. Problems. In. Your. Sex. Life.

You need to work on solving the problems in your sex life. This cannot be done here. We can't do anymore more than guess. You need to talk to your wife and perhaps get the help of a counselor.

No I she does not know I'm into this site. I think if she did she would be very mad. What would be the best way to introduce her to it?

Don't.

Ask yourself, why would she be mad if she knew you were on this site? Ask yourself, why are you on this site if it would make her mad?

Again, you need to address the problems in your relationship. Clearly, if you merely being on the site would make her mad, this site is the place to find answers to those problems.

It sounds like your wife has either a physical or mental issue with sex. That needs to be fixed first. Can you imagine what it would be like to have no sex yourself and all of a sudden she's enthusiastically banging the sh*t out of some other guy? How do you think you'd feel? Perhaps rejected?

Get yourselves back on course and then start exploring fantasies.

Some of the recent suggestions are unhelpful. Let's rewind to what Lionheart recommended. There can be either biological or psychological reasons for a lack of desire. A darker interpretation might be she desires sex but simply not with you. If that is the case, introducing her to the idea of sex with others might backfire in a big way.

Thanks for your ideas. What should I do!

Thanks, Some say this site can't help me and you say it can. How can it help me? I've talked to her about seeing a doctor but she hasn't yet. I'd like to thank everyone for your help in trying to help me. It sounds like you guys think it won't make her mad to tell her I'm on this site. Any ideas of how to approach her?

"Honey, I found a weird site today, but it kinda fits what I've been wanting to tell ya'.. care to take a look?"

You are the best one to know if it would make her mad to know you are on a swingers website. I know many many women who would be livid.

I think you need to sit down and explain that sex is important and that she needs to see her Dr within the next month and you are making an appt for a marriage counselor. If she is not willing to do that, you need to consider how your marriage is going to progress over the next months and years.

Leave swinging out of it completely until things are great between the two of you.

Thanks, I'll do that. What do you mean by: I know many many women who would be livid.

You are spending several days avoiding the issue. Make an appt. with a marriage counselor. Tell your wife you'd like her to go with you, but you recognize that y'all have a problem so you are going with or without her. Hopefully, she will go with you. If she doesn't go by yourself.

The rest of this is just fluff....You have to get help for the problem, and it's not help that this site can do for you.

While indeed this site is a good choice for exploring the ideas and concepts of swinging ( and much good information about sex generally ) this is NOT where she needs to be at present.

The mandatory requirement for exploring this lifestyle is strong communication. The other very common dynamic is already having a sex life that is above average with the two of them.

You need to start with a complete physical ( with the Dr knowing the problem of low sex drive ) to address any physical or hormonal problems. Then you need to work with a councilor who is sex positive ( or at least not anti-sex ).

After you two are communicating , and doing reasonably well with your own sex life together , you can if you wish start discussing adding extra people.