Sex with SO after Swinging, Aftermath of Play

Currently as a married couple we have never shared.

My question/fear is, how do the dynamics change after you have played with others?

I enjoy our sex life now, but of course we could use a little spice, too, hence me being here.

Do you guys find that 'regular sex' at home with your SO is different now? More boring? Not as fulfilling?

Also, I need someone to tell me real answers - how likely is it that we will run into jealously issues? We aren't a particularly jealous couple at all, we have discussed boundaries/limits and lines not to be crossed...

But I'm wondering if people find the aftermath to be more than they imagined...

Thank you for helping out.

I can only tell you how it affected my late wife and me.

We found sex together after playing with another couple to be more loving. We expressed the feelings we had for each other, those we could not express during the (admittedly) more athletic sex with the others. Sex with others was also more fun, in that we laughed and joked. Mrs. Alura enjoyed "playing to her audience." When we made love, there was usually no audience. With each other, it was all about love.

Your likelihood of experiencing jealousy is directly related to your fearless communication. The more you reassure each other of your love and devotion, the less likely y'all experience jealousy. If you can talk about any subject, including your feelings while fucking someone else, the more secure your relationship will be.

The more "rules" you set, the more likely they'll be broken. We ended up with one rule: Don't make love with another. Of course, that was easy because it was impossible.

Less boring; more fulfilling. Yes, the expression of our love together was much more than we imagined.

Welcome to the lifestyle. I hope it enhances y'all's relationship as much as it did ours.

We've experienced a deeper, more intense sex life since beginning to share. Having sex with others is recreational and fun - but there's nobody that can satisfy me like my husband. He knows my desires and needs so completely and having fun sex with other people has really magnified that for me.

Has there been twinges of jealousy - of course, and I believe that's natural. We talked through those times, holding nothing back. Often, on the way home or after a meet up with another couple or single, we will discuss the encounter in terms of what we liked and what we didn't like. We get those reactions and feelings out in the open right away and then most often go home and reconnect by making love to each other.

I think most people feel at least a bit of jealousy at some point. Neither of us have much, but there have been things that we have specifically not done to prevent jealousy (for example - cuddling with others is something we did not do for quite a while just in case it would have triggered one of us).

Our sex got better. It tends to be much more loving and intimate immediately following any swinging activity, but other times it is much, much crazier since we have more sources of inspiration.

Let's see, taking things in order...

We've found sex after swinging to be much like sex before swinging. The big diffenence for me, personally, is that swinging is a kind of extended foreplay. I really enjoy remembering what happened the "night before" and talking to my wife about her experiences. It turns me on and leads to passionate, enthusiastic sex.

I do not find regular sex to be at all unfullfilling. We've learned some new things from swinging, expanded our personal sexual horizens and explored new areas... but sex is still sex. It was good before and it's good now. That said, I personally am a little hooked on swinging. We only do it about once a month, sometimes less and I've found if a long times goes by without one I start to crave a swinging experience. It's sometimes a challenge, but I work through it.

As for jealousy, some folks will tell you it's inevitable but I don't think I've ever been jealous during swinging. I enjoy watching my wife too much to be bothered. I think the only time I would be jealous is if she played without me and didn't share the experience... which, for us, would be "cheating" not "swinging." So, I don't think jealousy is an inevitable issue.

That said, my understanding is that there is a biological compenent to "jealousy" which actually contributes to my enjoyment of swinging. I've heard of studies which show that men having sex with partners who have had sex with another man will produce more sperm and basically be more passionate... in order to "reclaim" their sexual partner from the "competing" male and ensure the propogation of their own DNA. That passion, that biological rush, is IMO part of thrill and joy of the "sex with your wife after swinging" experience. I think part of what I do is seperate that biological urge from the negative emotional experience of "jealousy."

I only remember one time when I experienced jealousy. It was after swapping. Mrs. Playmate was next to me on the sectional. Mrs. Alura had finished Mr. Playmate orally, his soft cock was still in her mouth, her head resting on his thigh.

The thing that set off my feelings was when he started running his fingers through her hair, very much like "Loving Hair" as we called it when we did it between ourselves and our children. After Mr. & Mrs. Playmate left, I explained my feelings. She assured me she wouldn't let it happen again, and she didn't.

If either of you feels jealousy, talk about it and fix it.

I agree with Lionheart72 in that for us, playing with others is our foreplay. Sex afterwards is AMAZING and after 24 years of marriage, has never been better. As for jealousy, it's never been a problem because what we're into more than anything else is each other and we make it a point to show each other this daily.

Alicia

Thanks for these answers, guys! I feel better hearing it a few times. That's probably one of the only reasons I've been anxious and hesitated so long. I know if I had a boyfriend I didn't care for so deeply it wouldnt' bother me, but my husband is my everything so I felt like I needed to gaurd our relationship closely as possible.

I agree, the little sweet things like the hair loving would be different. funny when you really think about it, huh?

Now what are some rules/good ideas as far as communication outside of parties/clubs?

I feel like I would be upset if I found out hubby was texting after playing with someone??

Thanks for these answers, guys! I feel better hearing it a few times. That's probably one of the only reasons I've been anxious and hesitated so long. I know if I had a boyfriend I didn't care for so deeply it wouldnt' bother me, but my husband is my everything so I felt like I needed to gaurd our relationship closely as possible.

With respect, that's not a good attitude to have going into this. My wife is everything to me. I care for her deeply, love her absolutely and trust her completely. That is what allows us to swing successfully. Without that relationship, we couldn't do this. If you feel like your relationship is under such threat that you must guard it "as closely as possible" ... maybe you shouldn't do this. (Now, I don't know you or know what you mean by that phrase, but it's ringing alarm bells in my mind.)

Now what are some rules/good ideas as far as communication outside of parties/clubs?

I feel like I would be upset if I found out hubby was texting after playing with someone??

Openness, honesty and trust. In my early swinging days, a wise man said to me: "If I can watch my wife suck another man's cock, I can talk to her about anything."

I share communications outside of parties and clubs with my wife and I expect her to share the same with me. It's not a rule so much as basic assumption. We share everything. We talk about our day. We talk about our hopes and dreams. We talk about our friends. If someone from a club messaged me, I would say "hey, guess who I heard from?" or something like that. The important thing is, it's not a big deal to me. The fact that I may have had sex with that person at a club or party doesn't give any extra weight to them contacting me. We just fucked once and might again at another party, or not. It doesn't make them a girlfriend, lover or even a friend. Other things might, but fucking them at a swingers club/party doesn't. I love my wife. She is the one I go home with, the one I always want to go home with. She doesn't have anything to fear or be nervious or jealous about... she couldn't get rid of me if she tried.

We are fairly new to swinging and I was very nervous about this exact thing, I was very worried about how I would feel about us after we swapped. What I have found is that I really can't wait to get back in bed with my wife after we swap. We talk about what we each did and then it usually turns into something crazy....The reconnection is incredible for me and it is what I like most about swinging.

I wrote a description of this in a thread a couple of months ago here: I really like this...

The time I spend rediscovering Mrs. D&D after an evening of fun is an intense experience for me. I love sex with with her after we swap. I'm very close to being addicted to that feeling of reconnecting.

Now what are some rules/good ideas as far as communication outside of parties/clubs?

I feel like I would be upset if I found out hubby was texting after playing with someone??

We never actually outlined rules but I always tell Michael whenever I text, talk or email someone. I wouldn't even think about not telling him. So I think the rule would be full disclosure.

Alicia

D&D said:

I love sex with with her after we swap. I'm very close to being addicted to that feeling of reconnecting.

Yes! It's pretty special, isn't it?

Lionheart72 said:

With respect, that's not a good attitude to have going into this. My wife is everything to me. I care for her deeply, love her absolutely and trust her completely. That is what allows us to swing successfully. Without that relationship, we couldn't do this. If you feel like your relationship is under such threat that you must guard it "as closely as possible" ... maybe you shouldn't do this. (Now, I don't know you or know what you mean by that phrase, but it's ringing alarm bells in my mind.)

 

Openness, honesty and trust. In my early swinging days, a wise man said to me: "If I can watch my wife suck another man's cock, I can talk to her about anything."

 

I share communications outside of parties and clubs with my wife and I expect her to share the same with me. It's not a rule so much as basic assumption. We share everything. We talk about our day. We talk about our hopes and dreams. We talk about our friends. If someone from a club messaged me, I would say "hey, guess who I heard from?" or something like that. The important thing is, it's not a big deal to me. The fact that I may have had sex with that person at a club or party doesn't give any extra weight to them contacting me. We just fucked once and might again at another party, or not. It doesn't make them a girlfriend, lover or even a friend. Other things might, but fucking them at a swingers club/party doesn't. I love my wife. She is the one I go home with, the one I always want to go home with. She doesn't have anything to fear or be nervous or jealous about... she couldn't get rid of me if she tried.

Yes, I can see why you got that idea after rereading my post...we do.all that, too. I think I worded it poorly. What I meant is, I just didn't want to open Pandora's box. I do trust him and I want to make all his fantasies come true… As I know he feels the same for me. It's just that, it's only been the two of us for so long… I can't imagine anything else even though it does sound amazing and I'm eager. gone to clubs and parties as a single woman, & I shared those experiences with him, and he likes the idea. We have been talking about this for 9 months or so. it's just a matter of finding time and putting together a plan to get our feet wet ?

Yes, I can see why you got that idea after rereading my post...we do.all that, too. I think I worded it poorly.

I thought that might be the case, but swinging for the wrong reasons is bad for you, bad for your relationship and bad for the people you swing with. So, I thought it wise to put forth the concern, just is case. If naught else, we're in Indiana too and I'd hate, by some random chance, to be part of a bad experience for you.

What I meant is, I just didn't want to open Pandora's box. I do trust him and I want to make all his fantasies come true… As I know he feels the same for me. It's just that, it's only been the two of us for so long… I can't imagine anything else even though it does sound amazing and I'm eager. gone to clubs and parties as a single woman, & I shared those experiences with him, and he likes the idea. We have been talking about this for 9 months or so. it's just a matter of finding time and putting together a plan to get our feet wet :-)

The thing about Pandora's box is that all that's left inside is Hope.

If you trust each other, love each other and are comfortable with sex together and with sex in general, swinging can be a wonderful experience.

Establish your ground rules. Be open and honest with each other. Then go out, find a club or a party or a likely couple you've met and dive in. Then, talk openly and honestly about it afterward. You can't plan for everything and it won't always be perfect. My wife and I have been doing it regularly for about 2 years now... usually it's great but we've had some bad experiences. We enjoy the good times, talk through the bad ones, learn from everything and keep having fun and loving each other.

For us, sex is the same as before, sometimes better. It definitely hasn't made it worse.

As for the jealousy, that really depends on you individually and as a couple. You could both think you don't have a jealous bone in your body and then run into something that really bothers one or both of you. Or, you could swing for years and never have an issue. Everyone is different.

. . . Do you guys find that 'regular sex' at home with your SO is diff now? More boring? Not as fulfilling? . . .

Different, yes. "Those other girls" have taught me things about how women react -- mainly that every woman is different in how she reacts. This has made me want to explore my own wife's reactions in ways I would never have thought to explore before. And I have learned a lot about her.

Short form of answer: sex between the two of us has become more "interesting". Also more frequent but don't ask me to explain that one.