What is your ideal swinging outcome?

If you could have exactly what you wanted from the lifestyle, what would it be? What is your ideal type of swinging?

Our ideal goal in this is to make good friends that last a lifetime. That's not as easy as it sounds. After over 2 years in the lifestyle though, hopefully we have found some that will stick around.

I recently found this poll and thought it asked a good question - I was surprised to find that while 24 had clicked an answer on the poll, only one response had been posted. So I am bumping it back up, hoping to get feedback from more folks.

I would think that this is a question that every couple [hopefully] has discussed and agreed upon. And also a consideration every single has thought through as well.

Variety.

I had asked that question but never expanded on my answer.

I answered a select few over the duration. While we really don't have any expectations, we enjoy the company of others in the lifestyle but don't necessarily swing with each of them.

At one point in time the "find one couple that we were compatatble for long term" sounded ideal but we are always meeting new people so we keep an open mind with respect to new play couples.

We take the friends with potential benefits route.

Annette

Hard to choose between options 3 & 4 - both represent strong positives to our philosophy. Guess either puts us squarely within the majority.

I always thought oregano was the spice of life!!

Gotta love the Variety tho! :claps:

Laura

We just think you should try to go with the flow so to speak. Trying new things is part of the expierence for us, some we like, some we didn't, but you never truly know untill you are at that point.

It would be great to find a select few - but that is tough. I tend to think that we will head that way, but there is something to be said for the process of looking

Variety is what we are getting - but not where we hope to end up.

Spoomonkey

I guess Variety is our answer... making a few long lasting friends would be great, too..but we move frequently and it's easy to lose touch sometimes.

Variety.

Unlike a lot of you, we're specifically not at this stage looking for friendships or ongoing relationships of any kind. In fact, we're afraid of getting too friendly with any playmates, given that we had bad experiences in the past with some who got emotionally involved--very uncomfortable situations, and we lost some good friends, too, as a result. We don't want that to happen again, and because we know ourselves and realize that we too are human, there's always potential we could be the ones to get emotionally involved. Better to dabble and move on, we say, to minimize the risk.

As we get more comfortable with swinging, I could see the possibility of repeat performances with a select few couples--though we'd still want to dabble--but even then, we'd be doing frequent gut checks, ready to drop anyone with whom we felt we were getting too close. Maybe we're chicken, but our relationship is too important to risk.

We'd rather save the close steady relationship with each other & not get stuck with a "regular" partner or couple -- that being said, we have some really close friends that were just vanilla friends (now live in another state) and it has recently been put on the table that we are all into this lifestyle, so they might well be the exception to the idea.

For us we love meeting new people, so variety is one of our goals.The other goal is to make friends with a some nice couples in our area and have a inner circle or friends to always have close by for those weekend booty calls

I chose select few. Right now, that's exactly how things are turning out for us and it is great. We've got 4 couples that we play with and that suits us just fine. We know them all well enough that we know what the other couple likes, etc., but we're not "exclusive" and all the other couples are the same way. If we find another couple or two to add to the mix, that's cool, but it's not something we're actively pursuing. This is just right.

When we voted in this poll many moons ago, we chose the “always seeking new partners” option. Surprisingly, last month we decided to change our swinging style and concentrate on playing with a core group of couples we already know. Although we won’t turn down a new couple if one happens to fall in our laps (figuratively or literally), we have decided to give up the grind of cruising for new couples, which can often be an exercise in frustration. Besides, we already have a number of friends in the lifestyle that we don’t see often enough. Between Denver and Colorado Springs, we know eight couples that we can see on a rotating basis. That provides us with good variety, and gives us plenty of people to invite to a party should we ever host one.

The thrill is often in the chase... But it is also nice to play with people you know and trust...

Variety

So, I see we're in the majority. Great poll by the way.

We had some experiences in the late seventies and early eighties with five couples over a two or three year period. Mostly enjoyable..., some not so. I would have gladly continued our once or twice a year explorations but my wife really had misgivings so we ceased. I really think that we, and our relationship, was just a little too young at the time.

About five years ago I began writing erotica and we shared some fantasies with each other through these stories. Really had me excited again and we even exchanged some very hot emails and photos with some nice people. But, it seems that I connected much better with the other wives than she did with the other husbands. So, she quickly lost interest and not I'm feeling very let down and disappointed.

If we could only find that 'perfect' other couple? If only the husband would recognize my wife's apprehensions and go slowly and seductively. If the other wife would reassure my wife and be careful not to flirt with me too quickly or too often. If's..., so many if's.

I guess we all have different ideas about what that perfect 'other' couple would be. For me they'd be late forties or fifties, drinkers but non smokers. Professional, educated, fun loving and nice folks that nobody would ever suspect harbor a desire to explore sexuality outside of their marriage. The husband would need to be a little extra attractive but the wife wouldn't necessarily need to be. I look more at a woman's attitude and personality than aesthetics. .

Hey, this is sounding like an ad isn't it? Sorry about that. LOL! But, really thoughtful poll!

Rich

As a single male answering the poll, I went with finding "the" couple to play with long term. It was between that or a "few" over an extended period of time. If I were to meet a couple and we clicked, I'd like to continue that as long as the fun/attraction is still there. I understand people like variety and I like to change things up once in a while but as long as its not broke, I wouldn't try to fix it......at least in my personal situation.

Obviously if the couple I was with extended the party to other couples for some group play, I would not object at all And if they wanted to continue that, I wouldn't have a problem with that either.

My goal has been to find a couple who's similar to me in their likes/dislikes and wants a partner for semi -long term play. Thats what I'm comfortable with....

Our $0.02 here.

We fit into different catagories in the poll. On one hand we would love to have a core of 2-3 couples and 1-2 single men that we have a good time with in and out of the bedroom. Someone that we could call on those nights that the kids suddenly have a sleepover or afternoon birthday party. The more you are with someone the more you learn what buttons to push and the more relaxed you become.

On the other hand we like the thrill of the chase. Meeting new people, new smells, new taste, etc.

We don't think exclusive is the answer for us, nor many many. We may just want a few couples who fit in with our attitude on life......live fun and explore with zesto!

That being said, it is difficult enough just finding one couple as you may have read from our other posts........

Mr. and Mrs. Sweetdelite...yum.....naive.....boaters!

It would be nice to have a number of select friends with whom you could have sex but that you don't have to have sex with every time you get together.

Catherine was saying recently how nice it would be to have friends you could talk with, that you could comment on the gangbang you just experienced without them running for cover or running for your bedroom. Just people who think as you do and if the situation arose, could make the evening sexually exiting too.

"We have no expectations from the lifestyle."

The journey into the lifestyle for us is taken with eyes wide open and with no expectations. We have each other for everything else.

We are still so new here. We don't know what we want. So curious and so excited with all the possiblilities and resposibilities it's kinda overwhelming. We know that we want to make some new friends and we want to experience so me new things. We are both very flirty and sexual in our own ways. We love sexual or sexy conversation and flirting. We like to watch each other flirt. Beyond that and some sexy dancing we are newbies. Everything has just been conversation and fantasy. But as soon as he said he was ready to go to a club my little pandora's box started creeping open and my mind is now focused on this ... finding out if this for us. I don't know if it is but we are GOING to have so much fun trying it out. ( you see my empahsis on going.. we are stapped in now no going back). We will take it slow though. All of you are great here. I love how there's a topic for almost any question we have ahad so far.

We are looking for a few long lasting friends that understand us and our choice of lifestyle as well as the option to play without having to go through those awkward first initiations all over again.

Angel

I guess we are Leftcoasters. We are not looking for a lifestyle relationship. We already have friends and are just looking for a party. A big part of this is to do something outside our "normal life". Might make us elitists, so what?

We seem to look for select few couples. We haven't seemed to have seen more than 3 couples during a period of time (usually for a year or so) before we find new couples - if that makes sense.

Oddly enough so many people answered and so many haven't. I suppose its due to the fact that most SWINGERS want that discretion in thier lifestyle yet enjoy the fun of the hunt for the elussive "right" couple or single".

Then again, exclusivity usually results in a poly relationship for some and for others the thought of that scares them the other way.

Some dont like the stereo-type givin to those who are "BED HOPPERS or POST NOTCHERS" weather they appear unsafe or just to loose.

That being said I would say that T and I fit into a multitude of brackets on your poll and fittingly enough would have to answer "We have no expectations" because we are here for our own enjoyment and be it with 1-2 couples or 5-6 thats just the way it would be at that time.

-C

We like the variety that this lifestyle has to offer. That is why we first got into this to try new things with different people. We do however meet some coouples on a regular basis, but we are always looking for something new.

We are still so new here. We don't know what we want. So curious and so excited with all the possiblilities and resposibilities it's kinda overwhelming. We know that we want to make some new friends and we want to experience so me new things. We are both very flirty and sexual in our own ways. We love sexual or sexy conversation and flirting. We like to watch each other flirt. Beyond that and some sexy dancing we are newbies. Everything has just been conversation and fantasy. But as soon as he said he was ready to go to a club my little pandora's box started creeping open and my mind is now focused on this ... finding out if this for us. I don't know if it is but we are GOING to have so much fun trying it out. ( you see my empahsis on going.. we are stapped in now no going back). We will take it slow though. All of you are great here. I love how there's a topic for almost any question we have ahad so far.

Wow, these are my exact feelings with a twist. I answered - Have no expectations - It's really true! It's fun and exciting and something I look forward to too If I have "anything" in mind it is to make sure the Mrs. has the best time of her life with whatever "WE" decide to try out. I must be in the same room, will watch or participate with FMF, MFM, OR ANY GROUP situation. I don't need another woman than the Mrs. I don't desire any other woman than the Mrs., and will turn down any invite that isn't specifically intended for both of us or any invite that does not include her with me as the primary act and that it's discussed and accepted by both of us. I enjoy seeing her pleased, pleasing her, and traveling the lifestyle road together. I enjoy her company and being near her for the long haul even when we are Not "swinging". I am pleased by pleasing her sexually. I would be pleased by watching her be pleased by another. When she is in tune (sexual mood) and in her "world" we are a sexually explosive bomb of continuous orgasims. We have explored sexuality together butt the "swingers issues" are dificult to discuss. I believe the Mrs. is a bit reserved by not wanting (verbally) to come accross with her desires. I'm a bit slower adjusting to the lifestyle butt NOT any slower sexually when with the Mrs. exclusively. I'm open and non-judgemental and accepting butt still, believe she's holding back and thinking I will love her less or view her in a negative manner. I have never met a woman like the Mrs. and she has never met a man like me. We've come from two different backgrounds (mine previously govern by sexual rules, taboos and limits) has made the transition for me slower than the Mrs. butt we ARE on the same page. I love her. This probing dance we are doing is bothersome. Getting the Mrs. to understand is difficult. I'm ok with the lifestyle. I'm ok with exploring all it has to offer with the One" rule: being honest & when exploring a desire that, whatever we get into there is an emotionally safe and immediate way to get out. I can't tell you I wont be the one to call timeout. If I do, I would hope that it is understood and only means "I" need time to regroup and adjust. That's it!! The Mrs. is also a very good photographer of the erotic, sexual, or sensual female form. She has the gift of an excellient artistic eye for photo composition. Any women out there who would like some "pictures" for her hubby? She IS the gifted one. GOSH I'D LOVE TO LICK HER CLIT RIGHT NOW!!!!!

My S.O. and I are still in the exploring phase. We both recognize that couples who swing are exploring a whole different aspect of their inside self with each other, a part of themselves that vanilla couples rarely get to explore together. We want to have that openness and closeness in our relationship and at the same time be able to explore our fantasies with no limits as far as 'this fantasy is ok and this fantasy is not ok'. We haven't discussed our specific rules yet as far as what the other feels comfortable with as far as other people go, but we are definitely leaning toward mfm as our primary style. He has no desire to be with another woman and I have no desire to see him with another woman (and I'm not bi) but bringing another man into our bed is hot for both of us lol. Not sure if the Mr. is more comfortable with having a variety of partners or would just rather have 1 or 2 to play with on a regular basis. Not sure how I feel about that either hmmmmm.......

We voted undecided....

She said...

Not that we haven't discussed not wanting to be too free - but it is next to imposible to find the unattached "clean" femme who is willing to just go with a couples whims. Especially a young woman. The women in their 20s are dating guys even if they are bi. So now we just hope to find some good friends (couples) to enjoy going to some clubs with us occationally and perhaps helping each other out!!! finding that rare gal!! So..

Yeah - chicken vote!!

He said...

dito - we've had a grand total of 2 experiences in our 3 month venture. One with a single attractive female, and one with a georgeos couple.

I voted for variety, maybe Fem D will cast her vote later.

There was not an answer we fit into so I wanted to mention how I think we view things.

We want to see a lot of different types of people. It secures our belief that we can all get along and don't want to be locked into anything. That said, I know we want to know our playmates. That usually only happens in an LTR as time passes and everyone becomes more comfortable with each other. I figure we will end up with 2-3 couples who we really click with and the search will be over, but until that happens it has to be fun and variety will help that cause.

Male D

Dog has said a couple of couples that are close. Friends and playmates. That sounds good. But I am guessing the process of finding that special couple could be alot of fun.

We are goal orientated people, I sure we will research this lifestyle fully before trying to make that one bond.

Your friend,

Prettylady

What's our ideal outcome? Tough to say really. Sometimes Disco and I just want to find one great couple and play with them only. Things that factor into this are things like disease prevention, getting to know a couple well enough to ensure pleasing them, things like that.

However, on occasion Disco is known to want to go to a bar and test herself, see if there's a guy/girl/couple she could reel in.

Me, I never really care. If all we get out of this is making some new friends without sexual side effects, so be it. Sure, I'd like to get my hands on a hot mama and have my way with her. I'd like to see Disco get her hands on a stud and have a lot of fun - I care less if the guy has fun (it seems to be a given he will), I just want her to have fun. Sometimes I feel like I've robbed her of an incredible sex life by tying her down with me. Before she met me she did her share of exploring and then some, and then CUT, it's only me.

I suppose there's no good answer for us.

we needed a differant option to choose........

we will continue to meet new folks, yet keep our old swing friends, and if poly happens it happens

variety has always been key to me. I'm not talking to the point of bed-post notching but I don't see ever just choosing one playmate forever.

variety has always been key to me. I'm not talking to the point of bed-post notching but I don't see ever just choosing one playmate forever.

I am the same way. Why try non-monogamy with your spouse only to be monogamous with another couple?

Spoomonkey

I am the same way. Why try non-monogamy with your spouse only to be monogamous with another couple?

 

Spoomonkey

Great quote, Spoomonkey! It would be a great signature line!

Sarah

Great quote, Spoomonkey! It would be a great signature line!

Want to go steady?

It is all yours, Sarah! You don't even have to give me credit (I have a nifty little pay as you go plan ).

Spoomonkey

The poll doesn't have enough options. For us it is to tick the boxes so to speak. We have a few fantasies we want to try and we are both of the view that once all the boxes are ticked we are done. It's not a lifestyle for us just a bit of fun right now and something to smile about when we get older.

You are the type of couple we would be wary of...of course we probably wouldn't know that we'd been had till you were long gone into your old age and memoires.

We like variety too and have things we want to do with another couple or couples, but we wouldn't think of quitting when the list has been satisfied. We haven't stopped eating or drinking. We haven't said, "Well, we've had steak now. We can forget about having that again."

I hope you don't feel like I'm singling you out but you are so different from us that I had to respond. It would leave us feeling very creepy.

Male D

I'm single, but if I were married, my preference would be that we have a select few friends. I prefer to have a closed circle of lovers, that were regularly tested, that we could go bareback with. I'd especially enjoy watching her with a very well endowed and skilled male lover. Also, I would enjoy watching girl/girl action. Then, lastly I'd enjoy fun with the wife of the other couple.

So, a select few that fullfill my voyueristic side, along with some joining in towards the end. That is what I prefer.

I also, prefer friends with benefits, and would consider a polyprimary relationship where her and I are commited and live together, but she has secondary lovers. I might consider one woman as a secondary (a woman somewhat older than myself).

I could also see including some one new, or a new couple a few times over the duration to fullfill certain fantasies. Some people, for what ever reason, are specific fantasy material. In this situation, I'd like to be upfront and let them know that things would not be long term, but we may meet again. Also, with new partner, safe sex would be a must.

I picked a select few over the duration, but I can't say that's "our" goal, since I never asked Mrs. Bird what our ideal outcome is. I mean, if we met and had fun with three or four couples and a couple singles over five years, that would be fine with me. I don't think I'd be comfortable shooting for 52 new couples or singles per year. But one or two couples or singles per year would be pretty comfortable. At least for me, Mr. Bird.

Maybe Mrs. Bird feels different; I'll have to ask. Because while variety may be the spice of life, communication is the, um, er... wheat flour(?) of life. No! The potatoes of life. Wait, rice! Hmmm. I think I'm onto something. A little help here?

This is K (the male)

S has already voted in the poll so I can't but if I could I would have to choose two answers. First I would prefer a couple that are like us in some way. A couple we could become long term friends with, play together at lots of things not just sex and could go forward with on this journey building a network of a few select like minded friends.

For us at least with a small child at home another couple with a small child would be ideal. Getting together through the day, letting the kids play together, fish, boat, whatever then once the little ones are out for the night the mommies and daddies could play . A couple that were also good friends outside of any swinging could actually ease the problem we have with finding a sitter and someone to let the dog out and would not attract undue attention from the neighbors.

On the flip side I would like to visit a club or attend a house party. Meet new and exciting people, you know the drill. While these things might keep the fun and excitement up they would be for just a few times a year.

So my answers -

#1 Find "the" couple to play with long term.

#2 Variety is the spice of life, we will always be seeking new partners.

@DBL D: That's fine...different strokes for different folks. We are all about exploration and experimentation. There's nothing wrong with that just as there's nothing wrong with the way you choose to live your life. We all have in common the fact that we are open-minded when it comes to sex and fantasy exploration. It's just the extent and method that differs. As I said in another thread, we aren't looking for friends. We are looking for good, recreational sex that is helping us fulfill some long-held fantasies that me and my partner share.

It would be great to find a select few - but that is tough. I tend to think that we will head that way, but there is something to be said for the process of looking

 

Variety is what we are getting - but not where we hope to end up.

 

Spoomonkey

Couldn't have said it better, so, why try?

@DBL D: That's fine...different strokes for different folks. We are all about exploration and experimentation. There's nothing wrong with that just as there's nothing wrong with the way you choose to live your life. We all have in common the fact that we are open-minded when it comes to sex and fantasy exploration. It's just the extent and method that differs. As I said in another thread, we aren't looking for friends. We are looking for good, recreational sex that is helping us fulfill some long-held fantasies that me and my partner share.

Hey there crazycatz,

"I will defend with my life your right to say what you want"...I heard that somewhere and thought it was pretty cool. Whether it's realisitc is another discussion.

I do love you as an American though...you are an American, no?

I'm not saying that your choice is wrong. It usually is for us and hence my reply. Not to say that it couldn't happen, say down at hedonism III. I would say you should expect that any encounter just might be your last with any particular couple. My point is: As long as you are very clear and its well understood that your experience with a couple is will be a one-nighter then I don't see a problem. Just be clear in your communications.

And you may call me Male D...no sense in bringing my wife in on this. She's Fem D. We are DBL D when we sign that way.

We have found two couples that we enjoy hanging out with and having sex with. We have all agreed that the sex is good and would like to keep meeting up now and then. The six of us have not gotton together yet. Because the sex is so great, i think that the six of us would really enjoy each other. A six way booty call. That would be the ideal outcome for us.

The ideal for us would be a few couples that we got to know with the occasional club fling. Finding different couples all the time sounds like too much BS and too time consuming.