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I contacted a couple a couple of weeks ago based on their location, profile, and a picture of the wife. I thought Mr. Sunbuckus would find her attractive and at the time, I really liked how they had worded their profile. We've exchanged emails and all of our correspondence has been friendly and nice. However, it wasn't until last night that we finally got a picture of the husband...and I'm not attracted. I wouldn't mind being friends with them (which is what they are looking for) but I don't know if it would go farther than that. I asked Mr. Sunbuckus about his attraction to the wife and he said, "I could have sex with her."

 

They would like to meet us next weekend but with the lack of attraction, would it be worth our time? Another concern is that since we were the first to contact them, I am not sure if they are attracted to us. The wife claims that the husband doesn't care about looks at all...which kind of makes me wonder if it's really true or if she's just saying that because he saw our pictures and doesn't find me attractive. *throws up hands* In either case, it doesn't really fuel the fire if the male counterpart doesn't find me desirous.

 

What is the deal? And what should we do?

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The wife claims that the husband doesn't care about looks at all...which kind of makes me wonder if it's really true or if she's just saying that because he saw our pictures and doesn't find me attractive. *throws up hands*

 

Why are you making this harder than it has to be? :)

 

 

If he's not attractive to you, then leave it at that, and turn down the invite.

If it's possible that it could just be a bad picture and if you're willing to give the benefit of the doubt until meeting in person, then set up the date.

 

Just make sure the date is easy to escape if needed. Dinner at a steak house is not an easy escape once you've started. Coffee at your local shop is. ;)

 

Stop trying to read other people's minds. It's a waste of time and will only make you throw your hands up. :)

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You don't know if he finds you attractive or not. What matters now is what you think about him. If I was on the fence about a picture I might go to see what happens. It doesn't mean you can't have a good time socializing. If it was obvious that there was no way anything was going to happen I'd pass. You may be setting yourself up to where you are the one to say "no". After all, they are there for the possibility of sex and if you already know nothing is going to happen then your just leading them on.

 

You guys are new so IMO there's no such thing as being too picky. Take it slow and don't take one for the team.

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If he's not attractive to you, then leave it at that, and turn down the invite.

If it's possible that it could just be a bad picture and if you're willing to give the benefit of the doubt until meeting in person, then set up the date.

 

Just make sure the date is easy to escape if needed. Dinner at a steak house is not an easy escape once you've started. Coffee at your local shop is. ;)

 

Agreed... and you have no idea what he really looks like in person. I would agree to the coffee thing instead of dinner.

 

I'm not sure how you're wired, but looks can be secondary for me. They may be nothing special to look at, but once the conversation gets going and you start to laugh, talk and get to know each other, he might just get better looking. ;)

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two4youinswva and lovinher, thank you! My gut was telling me to pass but my "nice side" was telling me to give it a chance. After all, we had exchanged a lot of emails but I didn't want it to see like we were turning them down once we saw a picture of him. What is a good way out of the whole contact (emailing/correspondence) situation?

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Agreed... and you have no idea what he really looks like in person. I would agree to the coffee thing instead of dinner.

 

I'm not sure how you're wired, but looks can be secondary for me. They may be nothing special to look at, but once the conversation gets going and you start to laugh, talk and get to know each other, he might just get better looking. ;)

 

We're new to this so I'm probably being too superficial about it but can't a woman want both looks and personality? Besides, I'm at the point where I just want it to be about sex. I don't know if I want that friendship aspect that this couple is looking for. And if it's just for sex, I would want him to be attractive to me. All I can picture is his teeth in the picture and I get turned off.

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We're new to this so I'm probably being too superficial about it but can't a woman want both looks and personality? Besides, I'm at the point where I just want it to be about sex. I don't know if I want that friendship aspect that this couple is looking for. And if it's just for sex, I would want him to be attractive to me. All I can picture is his teeth in the picture and I get turned off.

 

At least he has more than one tooth. :D

 

I totally know where you're coming from though. I'm not really the "I want to be friends first" type of gal. I just want low down and dirty sex. You go home and I go home and we're all happy. Is that so wrong?!

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We're new to this so I'm probably being too superficial about it but can't a woman want both looks and personality? Besides, I'm at the point where I just want it to be about sex. I don't know if I want that friendship aspect that this couple is looking for. And if it's just for sex, I would want him to be attractive to me. All I can picture is his teeth in the picture and I get turned off.

 

If his appearance is a turn-off (stronger than not really attracted, in my opinion) you should pass. I ask for face pics of both in my initial email or chat so you don't waste someone's time if you are not at all attracted.

 

It is fine to want looks and personality. As others have said, sometimes their personality does make them more attractive. In my opinion it is very hard to get past bad teeth (also crazy mustaches and very overweight guys). So I would just tell them after talking more with your husband you don't think the 4 of you would be compatible. That kind of makes it less obvious that it's the guy you're not attracted to. Rejection is part of this and they can handle it.

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We take a different approach when meeting people for the first time. We just want to meet for coffee, not dinner, this way it is still very informal. Most swingers realize that the "four way hook up" is one of the most difficult to achieve in the Lifestyle and that nothing sexual is expected from all concerned. The fact that we don't "hook up" doesn't necessarily mean that we wasted our time. We got to meet people in the lifestyle, they may know other people or events that you may be interested in attending and get you in the front door. The rule we always apply is "It's nice to be nice".

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At least he has more than one tooth. :D

 

I totally know where you're coming from though. I'm not really the "I want to be friends first" type of gal. I just want low down and dirty sex. You go home and I go home and we're all happy. Is that so wrong?!

 

lol, I never thought I'd have a problem with teeth but for some reason he just isn't doing it for me. Maybe it's the teeth and maybe it's the smile. Mr. Sunbuckus doesn't like to smile naturally but when he does, I love it. :)

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If his appearance is a turn-off (stronger than not really attracted, in my opinion) you should pass. I ask for face pics of both in my initial email or chat so you don't waste someone's time if you are not at all attracted.

 

It is fine to want looks and personality. As others have said, sometimes their personality does make them more attractive. In my opinion it is very hard to get past bad teeth (also crazy mustaches and very overweight guys). So I would just tell them after talking more with your husband you don't think the 4 of you would be compatible. That kind of makes it less obvious that it's the guy you're not attracted to. Rejection is part of this and they can handle it.

 

I'd hate to pass the buck like that when it's clearly me that has the problem. And I know rejection is unavoidable but I don't want it to be so obvious that I'm not attracted to the male half.

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We take a different approach when meeting people for the first time. We just want to meet for coffee, not dinner, this way it is still very informal. Most swingers realize that the "four way hook up" is one of the most difficult to achieve in the Lifestyle and that nothing sexual is expected from all concerned. The fact that we don't "hook up" doesn't necessarily mean that we wasted our time. We got to meet people in the lifestyle, they may know other people or events that you may be interested in attending and get you in the front door. The rule we always apply is "It's nice to be nice".

 

Hmmm, maybe we can just meet for some drinks and then later Mr. Sunbuckus and I can go and have fun at a party or club afterwards. Then we can email about how we don't think we're compatible that way I can relieve this need to be "nice" about it.

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It really sounds like coffee is in order.... I have received pics of guys that I thought UGH but when I meet them and chat I get into them. Something about their mannerisms, the pic brought out really bad features, and the chemistry was good. I have met men that were totally gorgeous and have walked away with a limp dick. Poor eye contact, no conversation, weird mannerisms-- they became very homely to me. Have coffee and see if you gel!

There has to be a certain something there for me also. I like to feel some sort of alignment with the guy-- it isn't no carnival ride to me, it's a person- and although just fun sex it isn't fun if there isn't any connection or draw-- then I would rather be home reading.

Let us know!

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If you've EVER seen pictures of some of the hollywood "hotties" without their makeup people or wardrobe folks, you realize how much pictures don't tell the whole truth.

The candid photos that most use are completely amateur, no touch up, no professional layouts, bad lighting, etc etc.

A photo only tells about 1/3 of the story in my experience. I used to see some ladies at our club that were knockout sexy, and then see a "photo" of them in civie life... uggggg!!! Couldn't believe the FOX I played with the night before could ever be the same lady and the ugger in the photo.. different light, different clothes and DIFFERENT ATTITUDE than in the club.

I can certainly rule out some folks by photo, but until I see them in person, it's all speculation on my part..

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If you've EVER seen pictures of some of the hollywood "hotties" without their makeup people or wardrobe folks, you realize how much pictures don't tell the whole truth.

The candid photos that most use are completely amateur, no touch up, no professional layouts, bad lighting, etc etc.

A photo only tells about 1/3 of the story in my experience. I used to see some ladies at our club that were knockout sexy, and then see a "photo" of them in civie life... uggggg!!! Couldn't believe the FOX I played with the night before could ever be the same lady and the ugger in the photo.. different light, different clothes and DIFFERENT ATTITUDE than in the club.

I can certainly rule out some folks by photo, but until I see them in person, it's all speculation on my part..

 

Right, but sometimes you look at a pic and you just know it's not going to happen.

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It really sounds like coffee is in order.... I have received pics of guys that I thought UGH but when I meet them and chat I get into them. Something about their mannerisms, the pic brought out really bad features, and the chemistry was good. I have met men that were totally gorgeous and have walked away with a limp dick. Poor eye contact, no conversation, weird mannerisms-- they became very homely to me. Have coffee and see if you gel!

There has to be a certain something there for me also. I like to feel some sort of alignment with the guy-- it isn't no carnival ride to me, it's a person- and although just fun sex it isn't fun if there isn't any connection or draw-- then I would rather be home reading.

Let us know!

 

I'll see if we can do cocktails (not much of a coffee drinker here...it has to be full of sugar and milk for me to guzzle it down) and go from there. I'll be honest though, he doesn't hold a light to Mr. Sunbuckus. :)

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If you've EVER seen pictures of some of the hollywood "hotties" without their makeup people or wardrobe folks, you realize how much pictures don't tell the whole truth.

The candid photos that most use are completely amateur, no touch up, no professional layouts, bad lighting, etc etc.

A photo only tells about 1/3 of the story in my experience. I used to see some ladies at our club that were knockout sexy, and then see a "photo" of them in civie life... uggggg!!! Couldn't believe the FOX I played with the night before could ever be the same lady and the ugger in the photo.. different light, different clothes and DIFFERENT ATTITUDE than in the club.

I can certainly rule out some folks by photo, but until I see them in person, it's all speculation on my part..

 

I know men in Hollywood also use makeup but I don't think it's to the extent that women do. I personally almost never wear make up and if I do, it's very light stuff because I can't stand how it feels on my skin. Make up definitely can do wonders to a woman's facial features. But yesterday, I saw a picture of Snooki without makeup and I think she is 1000x more beautiful without it.

 

I will really try to hold off any final judgment until we set up a "date" just to keep our options open.

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We don't commit to dinner on a first meeting anymore. If there's no attraction then we've tied up a whole evening that leads to a dead end. We prefer to meet for a drink and usually specify we have "other commitments" but an hour to meet & greet would be fun. We don't go so much by a photo unless it's a turn off. We don't have to have 10's but there needs to be an attraction. Sometimes that attraction is based on the "total package" of looks, personality, interest in common, etc so a meeting is good ! We're not 10's nor arrogant. We've met some great people - some proceed further and some don't proceed at all.

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We don't commit to dinner on a first meeting anymore. If there's no attraction then we've tied up a whole evening that leads to a dead end. We prefer to meet for a drink and usually specify we have "other commitments" but an hour to meet & greet would be fun. We don't go so much by a photo unless it's a turn off. We don't have to have 10's but there needs to be an attraction. Sometimes that attraction is based on the "total package" of looks, personality, interest in common, etc so a meeting is good ! We're not 10's nor arrogant. We've met some great people - some proceed further and some don't proceed at all.

 

No dinner on a first meeting is definitely a good rule. Trust me, we're average and we aren't looking for 10's but usually, you're focusing on the face and the expressions during sex and if it's not a face you want to gaze at.... But like I said, I will try to keep an open mind if we can meet for cocktails. :)

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Sunbuck, This thread is a great example of why we won't contact couples with no pics of him on their profile! Live and learn.

Since you're into SRS, it's not a total disaster if you were to meet and just have SRS (you don't have to touch them, just look, lol!). We notice that you're new to SLS, take your time and don't jump on the first couple that returns your email. It's exciting in the beginning, and easy to overthink things.

It's almost human nature to fall for the first couples that contact you or return your emails because you're vulnerable, ie, you're new to this, and you're happy someone else finds you attractive (everyone is insecure in the beginning). Take is slow and follow your gut instinct. Don't get caught up in a lot of emails back and forth, no good can come of that. You will never know if there is attraction until you meet in person. M&G's and parties are a great place to meet people in a safe, no pressure environment.

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Sunbuckus I feel ya. As much as I love MFM and get turned on by thinking about it I have a hard time being turned on by another man. We get several offers from other men but nothing seems to click. It's like..next..next..next..lol Of course then the hubby is asking..."what are you looking for?" and I am left responding "i dunno..I am hoping i know it when I see it".

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Sunbuck, This thread is a great example of why we won't contact couples with no pics of him on their profile! Live and learn.

Since you're into SRS, it's not a total disaster if you were to meet and just have SRS (you don't have to touch them, just look, lol!). We notice that you're new to Swing Lifestyle, take your time and don't jump on the first couple that returns your email. It's exciting in the beginning, and easy to overthink things.

It's almost human nature to fall for the first couples that contact you or return your emails because you're vulnerable, ie, you're new to this, and you're happy someone else finds you attractive (everyone is insecure in the beginning). Take is slow and follow your gut instinct. Don't get caught up in a lot of emails back and forth, no good can come of that. You will never know if there is attraction until you meet in person. M&G's and parties are a great place to meet people in a safe, no pressure environment.

 

Yes, you are correct! We're in it for the couple so if they don't have a picture of both of them upfront, I think we'll pass. As you said, live and learn. Why do a lot of couples do that though...just post a picture of the female half???

 

I think we're definitely going to try some meet and greets and parties. From what I saw in the "Newbies Mistakes" thread, clubs, parties, meets and greets are the place to find other couples.

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Sunbuckus I feel ya. As much as I love MFM and get turned on by thinking about it I have a hard time being turned on by another man. We get several offers from other men but nothing seems to click. It's like..next..next..next..lol Of course then the hubby is asking..."what are you looking for?" and I am left responding "i dunno..I am hoping i know it when I see it".

 

lol, I am the same way...I'll know it when I see it. Unfortunately, the guy that I was really thinking about having a MFM or couple swap (if he found a g/f) in the future with backed out.

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Guest sandraandalex

I have this gal pal who is stunning. I mean, movie star, modeling career gorgeous. One problem: She photographs like hell. We cannot figure it out: could be lighting, cheekbones, something, but she has never taken a photo that gave you any indication of how great she looks in person.

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I have this gal pal who is stunning. I mean, movie star, modeling career gorgeous. One problem: She photographs like hell. We cannot figure it out: could be lighting, cheekbones, something, but she has never taken a photo that gave you any indication of how great she looks in person.

 

Pics or it didn't happen. ;) Just kidding. lol Maybe it's a case of the camera adding 10 pounds, an extra ear, and a dollop of acne.

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In person is almost always different than in picture. If they are mainly looking for friends and you feel like that's a real possibility then what do you have to lose. If you really aren't into them then take a pass and don't try to make it more than it is.

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In person is almost always different than in picture. If they are mainly looking for friends and you feel like that's a real possibility then what do you have to lose. If you really aren't into them then take a pass and don't try to make it more than it is.

 

To be honest, it seems that they are looking for a couple to be friends with and if it does lead to playing then it does but I get the vibe that if it stays as friends they are more than happy for that.

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Just wanted to put an update to this thread...a month ago, we didn't see this couple's profile on SLS anymore. Makes me wonder what happened and perhaps glad that we didn't meet up with them.

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I'll see if we can do cocktails (not much of a coffee drinker here...it has to be full of sugar and milk for me to guzzle it down) and go from there. I'll be honest though, he doesn't hold a light to Mr. Sunbuckus. :)

 

he ain't suppose to hold a candle to mr sunbuckus!!!!!! lol. i KNOW what you mean though. i wish i was more like a guy and i could get a hard on cuz i was gettin'

me some new dick. there is just *more* to it to me. yeah, so i know what you mean. hey??? where do you live???!!!! o, i see Arizona. i was hopeful there for a minute. LOL. just meet them for drinks and see. let me know what transpires gurl!!!

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Just wanted to put an update to this thread...a month ago, we didn't see this couple's profile on SLS anymore. Makes me wonder what happened and perhaps glad that we didn't meet up with them.

 

i think folks sign up for sls and then get scared. or one of the part of the couple signs them up. lol. and then they disappear.

jillaroo

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i wish i was more like a guy and i could get a hard on cuz i was gettin' me some new dick. there is just *more* to it to me.

 

Not to hijack the thread, but as a guy, I would just like to say "Hey!" We aren't all walking boners just looking for the next new piece of ass you know. :)

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They had some certifications but they were a b/f-g/f couple that had only been together for 2 years. They had a pretty good profile but the female did state how she had a hard time connecting with another male that enabled her to want to have sex with. As stated earlier, I wasn't attracted to the male half and he was a bit arrogant in one of the chats/emails saying that he could put a female at ease so he wasn't worried about him and the other female connecting.

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      In my head, the fact that he and I developed deep feelings for each other doesn't change anything. I would never leave my husband for anyone and he has said the same. They're just that....feelings. So, my question is...what are we to do? This is so scary to leave this in the hands of one person. I really thought we were all on the same page and moving along very well together, but now we've hit this roadblock. I can only hope it's a temporary one and that the wife will come to realize that I really want nothing from her husband and there's no way I'd ever leave mine. I'm completely happy where I am. I'm of the mindset that people can love more than one person at a time, but I realize that not everyone is like me.
       
      Do we just wait for her to make a decision or do we just call it quits? It would be very, very difficult for me to do so, but I don't want anyone to get hurt in this situation.
    • By NotnewNotpros
      As a couple we are somewhere in between swinging and poly. I don’t need full on love but enjoy the playfulness of the “crush” and boyfriend/girlfriend crush feelings.
       
      We are slowly proceeding with this with a new couple. Who is also new to the LS. We’ve been there in the past and really enjoyed this type of thing.
       
      My “issue” is that the female is very playful and chatty. But her and my husband talk more sexy and more often than she and I do. It doesn’t make me jealous at all, I just would love it too!! The male half is great in person but the chatting and flirting has really slowed down since we’ve played a few times. He seems to be cautious when it comes to sexting. So much fun for my husband and I feel like a little blah...bland. I just want a little more fun and excitement (chat wise) considering we aren’t able to see each other often. She and I can hang out but they want to stick to the “rule of 3” for now.
       
      So it’s hard to get to know him more without having some alone time and minimal (slightly bland) chat.
       
      We really like them and it’s been a long time since we’ve found such good 4 way chemistry.
       
      Any advice? And how often do you chat and what is your expectations?
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