Tonight is the night we lose our swinging virginity!

We will lose our swinging virginity tonight. A couple we have been talking to and have met in person is coming over this evening. Since we have never done this before we have no idea how to even start things. They will be coming over late due to work schedules so there will not be time for dinner, drinks and build up. The nerves are working overtime! We are really excited though.

 

B&B

Just let it happen. Good luck!

Well, you'll need a drink or something to loosen up. Chill a bottle of wine. I'd say it's easiest when one of the ladies initiates.

 

To the first time fellow: be sure to take care of your playmate. You may have to get creative to do so, but do it.

Hopefully, you've read some threads here that will help. It's nerve wracking going though it the first time. Just be yourself and let things go where they may. Good Luck!!

I've told the following story before on this board; please forgive me.

 

Setting: The Aluras' den.

 

Present: Mr. Playmate and Mrs. Alura; Mr. Alura and Mrs. Playmate

 

Mr. Playmate: "Do y'all know any good ice breakers?"

 

Mrs. Alura: "Kissing usually does it for me."

 

Mr. Playmate: "Huh?"

 

Mrs. Alura: "I mean, if you were to kiss me, I think we'd build up enough heat to melt any ice you're feeling."

 

Another time she said, "Y'all wanna choose up sides and make out?"

 

Another time: "We have to pick up the kids in two hours from Grandma. Shall we start?"

 

Another time we met Mr. & Mrs. Playmate in the entry and kissed them as if we didn't plan to stop anytime soon. We didn't. Chilled wine and glasses had been placed in our bedroom.

 

A woman should always start the action, preferably the hostess.

 

You'll all know what's coming. It's nice to get to it before the crack of yawns.

 

Alura

Yes, just let it happen. Dont try to force it, dont worry about if it happens. The nerves are much worse when you are trying to focus on something happening instead of just enjoying what you are doing.

 

Alura's experiences are great ice breakers. We've done similar things, or I've even broken the ice before by giving the gal a back massage. That led the other hubby to start massaging my wife, and then wives says hubbies should be naked too, and it goes from there.

Thanks, Tom. Some of my examples were done with playmates we were experienced with so may not apply in this case. Good luck to Looking!

 

Alura

Big Nikki here.

You'll all know what's coming. It's nice to get to it before the crack of yawns.

 

Just so.

 

I had a friend-with-benefits (this was before marriage) who was something of a buddy as well as a FWB. Oldest person I've ever had sex with -- something like 68-70.

 

One evening we hooked up, and first we sat on her couch catching up on gossip. Then we talked and talked, I guess waiting for the other to make a first move.

 

It was past my normal bedtime before someone (me?) finally said "Shall we?"

 

And this was with no ice to break.

 

So . . . with new partners you do need a little intro time, but don't take too long getting down to business.

 

-- Big Nikki

 

PS: a coupla years later, when John and I were married, he had a hall-pass date with my FWB. What she wanted from him, to my surprise, was to fuck her in the mouth. Not give him oral, but for him to fuck her in the mouth, rather hard. I'd never heard of that. Anybody here can explain the appeal?

I posted the following last night on the general thread:

 

We will lose our swinging virginity tonight. A couple we have been talking to and have met in person is coming over this evening. Since we have never done this before we have no idea how to even start things. They will be coming over late due to work schedules so there will not be time for dinner, drinks and build up. The nerves are working overtime! We are really excited though.

 

B&B

 

 

***ok.....so it happened. I must say hubby and I are not excited with the results. We will take what we learned and move on.

 

B&B

Do you mind sharing a little more? We're meeting with a newbie couple this weekend and really want to make sure we give them a great first experience. What made it a less-than-perfect experience for you?

 

Sorry your first experience wasn't everything you had hoped for.

Was it the experience with the couple that wasn't right and you're moving on to other people? Or was the swinging experience itself not for you and you are moving on from swinging completely?

Can we have details??

 

I think a club is a better place for a first swinging experience, much less pressure. Inviting another couple you've never met over to your house late without any time for dinner or build-up and having it be your first time just sounds like a recipe for disaster if you ask me. But now I'm curious! Mind sharing?

We had met the couple at a cafe the previous weekend. After meeting we decided to set up our first play date. They have been in the lifestyle for several years and of course it was out first time.

 

Due to work schedules the meet had to happen late which was fine with everyone but that meant no dinner, drinks or anything to build up to what would happen. When they came over we chatted for a bit. However, the chatting lasted too long because of course, we had no idea how to start things. After about an hour an a half my hubby finally said, ok, we are all here for a reason. That got things started.

 

The experience my hubby an I were looking for was not what happened at all. We wanted to be able to share the lady for a bit, which she was fine with as discussed previously. However, when things started she tool my hubby to one side of the room and her hubby took me to another side. Instead of it being a group thing where me and hubby could touch and kiss whenever we wanted and make eye contact it was more like we just split up. We were still in the same room though.

 

Well, this was not a turn on for me. I didn't want to just go off with another man like this, especially my first time. I finally said, lets join them so we did. I kissed on her but she did not feel receptive to the kisses. I mean, she did kiss back a little. Nothing like I wanted though.

 

In short, we did end up having sex with them but I feel like I gave in to the situation. I never got aroused like I normally do with just my husband. Afterwards hubby and I talked and I found out that the other lady was way too gentle. This was something we discussed previously also. We are a more rough couple and they said they liked it aggressive also. Not the case with her.

 

Don't get me wrong, they were very nice and wanted to make our first time wonderful. Perhaps we went into it wanting too much, but I honestly don't think we did. Hubby and I learned from it and will make sure we do things a little differently in the future. I just don't think they were the right couple for us.

 

We are going to a house party on Saturday and hope the experience we have there is much better. We do not know anyone there and there isn't going to be so much pressure as there was with someone coming over to be with just us.

 

The only jealousy issue that came up was me wanting to be the other lady so I could be with my husband. LOL. I just wasn't having a good time with the other man and I really wanted to have fun.

 

That's my story. Hoping future encounters are not like this one was.

 

B&B

Yeah, I feel like the pressure situation of only 1 other couple coming to your place would be too much for a first-time encounter. Me and my lady are new to this as well, and we've enjoyed ourselves at a club a couple of times and are going to our first house party tonight. The first time we went to the club there wasn't any couples we really dug, so we just played together in the group room and enjoyed some light touching from others. The second time we met a couple we "clicked" with, and ended up in the situation it sounds like you wanted--a pile of 4, with lots of action going on between everyone. We loved it!

 

In those environments (club, larger party) there is definitely less pressure due to there being more people and more options. If you don't want to play or aren't "feeling" any of the other couples there, nobody is going to feel awkward or have hurt feelings if you decide to just chill and be with your own partner. In the situation you described, I feel like there's no easy way out. Can more experienced people jump in here? What happens when you have only one couple over and aren't feeling it?

Our first experience was very similar, although it was only a soft swap. We were with an experienced couple and followed their lead. We ended up getting separated--also in the same room, but still separated by too much distance to touch or make eye contact. It wasn't a disaster, and parts of the night were fun, but after it was over we realized we didn't want to repeat it again. In the other couples defense, they had tried to get us to talk to them about what our expectations were, but being total newbies, we didn't even know ourselves yet.

 

Our second experience was with the same couple, but this time we had them follow our lead. We arranged things so that we were side by side all night, always close enough to touch, and we kept things really fluid--switching back and forth whenever we wanted to and with some threesomes and foursomes mixed in. It was a completely different experience and 100X better for us--and I think for them too.

 

I'm sorry things didn't work out the first time. Good luck however you decide to proceed. If you do try again, just remember that you can change things more to your liking.

 

Oh, and we did have out newbie couple over this weekend. We talked to them ahead of time about our preferences and what they were hoping for, and I'm happy to say we had an incredibly hot night. All four of us had a great time. When it's good, it can be REALLY good!

Well, the key I gathered from your post is that you are learning from this experience.

 

For us that is the really big part. If we have an experience that isn't as good as it could have been, we try to learn from it. Figure out why it went that way, what could we have done different, look back at the positives and move on.

 

Heck even good experiences have something to teach us.

. . . What happens when you have only one couple over and aren't feeling it?

A "tryout" two-on-two at a private location sometimes works well, sometimes works not-so-well, sometimes ends badly:

 

Example of worked well: Our "first even" occasion was an invitation to a couples' home. We had met with them two previous times at neutral locations (coffee shops). It was wonderful and memorable; they are still our close friends. They were experienced and knew just what to look for in, what to say to and whet to do with an inexperienced couple.

 

Example of worked not so well: The after-meeting talk, "JoAnn, wow! She is a sex machine. When can we see them again." "Michael, that man is the most awkward, clumsy and inconsiderate lovemaker I have even know -- and I have know some of the greats."

 

Example of "ended badly": JoAnn leads man upstairs. As soon he is out of hearing range, woman crumples at my feet in sobbing tears, "He makes me do this stuff. Please don't tell him I did not want to do it." No forewarning.

 

Yes, for beginners, even for experienced people, clubs and house parties are good.

 

Example of "ended badly": JoAnn leads man upstairs. As soon he is out of hearing range, woman crumples at my feet in sobbing tears, "He makes me do this stuff. Please don't tell him I did not want to do it." No forewarning.

 

Was this a real situation and if so how did you handle it?

Was this a real situation and if so how did you handle it?

I did not have to think very hard or very long. I was pissed about the while situation. There had been discussion of going to the Dairy Queen "after". I took her by the hand and led her upstairs. I announced, "Let's go to Dairy Queen." JoAnn read something in my demeanor that said to her don't ask why. The husband read right away what had happend and said, "no, let's do Dairy Queen some other time." The four of us sat downstair for a while and the conversation went on as if nothing strange had just happened. Never heard from them again. Thir Swing Lifestyle profile is still active so I assume he is still trying to have things his way. I don't care what her reason was -- maybe she really did not like the looks of me, maybe she was making an earnest effort to get over a fear and had failed again, or maybe she is simply a victim of abuse. I was just angry about the whole thing and wanted them out of the house and away from us.

 

This was relatively recent so I don't think this can be blamed on lack of experience or perception on our parts. These people and just very good and hiding true intention -- and they are still out there on-the-loose.

If we were doing a 2v2 meeting in a house and one half of the couple said that, we would definitely bring them to the other half and leave (or send them away).

 

Those specific words are much different than someone who is just nervous or unsure, and would be an instant turn off and would make me a bit angry at the guy.

 

If someone was just nervous, we would talk. But saying "he makes me do it, and dont tell him I dont want to.. " ugly..