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Whole family get-togethers a bad idea?

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we are still on a baby break. I have about 20 pounds to lose before hitting the lifestyle again but we have a vanilla date next week planned. The couple is looking for others that are too parents of young children. We all are bringing the kidos and just going to meet, have dinner, etc. Is this a sleazy thing to do? I wouldn't ever bring baby learning on a regular date but since they have kids, we have kids we thought might as well which saves on the sitter.

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We did this more than once, and never had a problem. We found that the best places to go for dinner were pizza restaurants where they had games for the kids. The kids were kept busy, giving the adults a chance to talk and get to know each other.

 

Alura

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We have LS friends that have met our kids on vanilla dates. Pizza is usually the food of choice, lol. We already knew them and had become friends. Our kids just look at them like any of our other friends, as far as they are concerned there is no difference. I don't think I would be comfortable bring the kids along early in a relationship, certainly not first date.

 

We have some other friends who we have not played with YET, both the other couple and us want to me for drinks and dinner to get to know each other a bit better without the kids first. We have known them for a while but have only met at socials. She is school teacher with kids around the age of ours and we have discussed the families getting together for regular vanilla stuff. And we probably will.

 

I think it is a bad idea if:

 

1) You do not know the couple very well, particularly first M&G

2) If they other couple is too out of the closet and their kids know and yours don't

3) The other couple cannot keep the conversation away from swinging, and I mean even innuendo and flirting too much.

4) The other couple is strictly a play couple, you nothing in common in a vanilla setting or have never met in a vanilla setting.

5) If you have ANY concerns what soever, even unfounded concerns, I would not bring my kids near them.

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We've hung out with ls friends and kids before plenty of times. But we haven't done this for a first meeting with anyone that we intend to play with. I'm not saying it couldn't work, just that we haven't done it.

 

I would be concerned about the adults having an actual opportunity to talk, about making sure everyone is discrete enough, and will the kids get along? If you intend to play with them and hit it off, but the kids don't/you don't like their kids, it could quickly put the kibosh on things.

 

But if ya'll have all the boundaries mapped out, then why not? Best of luck to you!

 

=)

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It wouldn't work for us, but that's us.

When we meet a new couple, we try to give them 100% of our attention. With a kid in tow, we wouldn't be able to do that.

 

Secondarily, it just doesn't give us the right vibe, or allow us to be in the right frame of mind.

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I think since your baby has no idea what you're up to it's probably fine. Like others have said, depending on how old their kids are depends on how openly you can talk. I met someone from an online swinger site for the first time with their kids and mine at a local playground and it was very fun. Our kids were the same age so they played together. We did talk about swinging discretely and flirted a bit.

 

Keep up your good work on the baby wt!

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Thanks all. I essentially think this will probably be the only time we do this on a first date. Baby learning is only 3 months old. Their children are 1 and 4. I never thought of being frazzled by three kids under 5 lol. It's just a meeting to see if the personalities click. By no means is any adult stuff going to occur because I'm not confident in myself yet and besides it's too early for us post partnum. We are still reconnecting post baby.

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If you have to ask, its probably not a good idea.

 

We made a coffee date with a couple and they showed up with a 2 year old on a backpack leash. Spent little time chatting. Most of their focus was on keeping up with the kid and little time getting acquainted.

 

For us we prefer to keep our "lifestyle" completely seperate (even sequestered) from our regular lives. It is a huge turn off to include kids in anything to do with these adult activities.

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Since infidelsgonewiild and myself have no children, we do not allow kids to come to meetings/dates/whatever. We have been asked to allow kids before. We have no problem waiting for a day someone can get a sitter, but we just don't see a good way around it. If your kid is young enough to still be a baby there's a lot of distractions involved, and if they're old enough to be aware of what's going on then they have no business listening to sex talk between the adults.

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All this talk about meeting at a Pizza place might explain why every time I find myself trapped into going to Chucky Cheese's my "swingdar" is going off the charts.

 

We did have to bring our child along with to a BBQ witha couple we were seeing but they didn't have young children. He actually made it impossible to mingle since we spent so much time trying to keep a handle on him. No playing of course that day but it was impossible to even talk and I think that day was the begining of the end for our little group.

 

I think if we were shooting for a couple that was more akin to FWB's than anything bringing the kids wouldn't be a problem if they had some too. There is still that fantasy of finding a couple that is in the same place as us in their lives, with kids, that we would find attractive and would like us, who would love to be friends as well as lovers...everyone has their own dreams, our's just might be a bit more mudane. :rolleyes:

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I think it is a bad idea if:

 

1) You do not know the couple very well, particularly first M&G

2) If they other couple is too out of the closet and their kids know and yours don't

3) The other couple cannot keep the conversation away from swinging, and I mean even innuendo and flirting too much.

4) The other couple is strictly a play couple, you nothing in common in a vanilla setting or have never met in a vanilla setting.

5) If you have ANY concerns what soever, even unfounded concerns, I would not bring my kids near them.

 

After reading a few replies I realized a made a few assumptions in the above, so I will elaborate:

1) We would never bring our kids along unless the other couple knew in advance AND had no problems with it. In fact we don't bring it up having them along unless the other couple does.

2) If the other couple does not have kids near our kids ages we would not do this unless our relationship had progressed to where we were REALLY good friends with them outside the LS.

3) Any meeting that kids might come too would strictly be vanilla and everyone would know that up front. Zero chance of anything more than a hug hello/good bye and a peck on the cheek (which we do with vanilla friends).

4) It is not so much about not finding a sitter or one canceling, as much as it is about a friendship that extends beyond the LS. During these meetings it is strictly vanilla, like any other friends. If the meet has anything to do with the LS then we would not have our kids anywhere near such a meeting.

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Date update: they were really nice people :) you all were right that the conversation was completely limited due to wrangling in the kids. They nicely invited us back to their place so we could chat. The kids went to bed and we got to chat. Though in the future, we won't do this for a first meet again. It worked out this time for us. We are going to meet up at a party next month :)

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In my first marriage, we met with several couples who had kids and who would have their kids around when we got together. For me it was always awkward (maybe it was because we didn't have kids and I feel awkward hanging out with anyone's kids...). The main thing that comes to my mind is keep it vanilla all the way. Kids to pick up on things. Some of our friends were just too "open" IMO around their kids, making comments, touching, etc

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