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JustAskJulie

The Other Side of the Coin - She Acted Like I Was Invisible

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We've had our share of experiences with meeting couples who turned out to only be interested in me (the female), looking for bi-play or whatever, but last night I experienced what it's like to be on the other side of the coin.

 

We headed to our favorite social last night and before heading out we checked SLS as we always do. Pet noticed we had a new message from a couple who was going saying they hoped to meet us. That's always cool to see, especially when the couple appears to be attractive.

 

Once at the party I was helping out at the front desk and Pet had come by to talk to me for a minute and said he thought he'd seen the couple who'd emailed us but he wasn't sure. Right about that time the girl walks up and looks at Pet and says "I emailed you". I really may as well have not been there at all. At first I gave her the benefit of a doubt, do I not look like my pictures anymore? After a minute Pet introduces me and she continues to go on talking to him like I'm not there. :eek: WTF!?

 

She goes on and I finally make it back into the social and go over to their table where Pet is talking to them. I walk up and comment on the discussion (about a party in another area) and introduce myself to the husband. He seems nice enough but I really had the instant urge to ask him if the cowboy getup was his normal wear or just for the theme (ride a cowboy). At any rate, it seemed that right after I introduced myself the conversation just died. DEAD! I felt like I'd intruded or something. So, I excused myself and went to talk to someone else. It was just weird!

 

So that was something totally new to me, and a good reminder to myself to continue doing what I normally try to do and introduce yourself to the partner first (the one of the same sex as you), include them in the conversation even if you aren't interested in them. Cuz, ignoring the wife is not a good way to get to the husband (or vice versa).

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I am just trying to imagine how I would have reacted had an attractive woman accosted me at the front desk while my wife was distracted with her assigned task of greeting people. Would I have had sufficient presence of mind to realize that my wife had been dismissed? I don't know. A person versed in etiquette from an early age would react instinctively. That person would not be I. I fear that I might have been bowled over by the novelty of the situation. Hopefully, it would only happen once.

 

The flipped coin analogy that you put into the title says that this probably happens more often with men than women and I believe that is correct. Should, of course, not have to happen to either gender.

 

P.S. People are interesting.

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Wow! You have the patience of a saint! I wouldve pulled my man aside and told him its time to leave. But of course I know he never wouldve made it to their table to begin with. Neither of us tolerate anyone disrespecting the other. Im sure your husband hadnt realized right away what the woman had done or he would have made a point of involving you more. Needless to say that woman blew her chances, correct?

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Now you know what we men go through so often as you said, its good to see how the other half lives :)

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I wonder how often this happens, to either sex. And is it an issue of people being clueless and socially inept or is it more just plain rudeness and hoping it pays off?

 

If it is the former, you figure they would learn eventually.

 

If it is the latter, then for it to continue, it must pay off for them at times.

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Julie you are so right in that swinging is a team sport. However, just how much did your husband like being the center of attraction?

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We have both been there where a couple is attracted to one of us and not the other. Julie I think you named this thread correctly though as it is usually the female half that is the one getting the attention and not the male. I do most of the chatting and e-mailing for our events so it isn't rare that I am the one who gets approached first as I am the one that they are more comfortable with. But it is rare that L gets shunned that way.

 

I can see most guys not noticing that their wife/so is being shunned, because it is so rare and honestly us guys have such fragile ego's that when they are being stroked we tend to miss some stuff.

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If it is the latter, then for it to continue, it must pay off for them at times.

 

Just a note, I did not mean this as an endorsement of the bad form, just bewilderment that it may actually work for some people. Personally can't see it. But it would not be the first time I have seen something work when I expected otherwise.

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The funny thing was I wasn't really distracted or working when she walked up, I was standing there talking to HIM! She basically interrupted us and then ignored me - making it all the better. And, no I don't think he realized it at the time, but thought about it more as the night wore on.

 

While we've had the reverse happen where the couples was obviously only interested in me, I can't recall a time where he's ever been so completely ignored, like that...lol.

 

As for him being the center of attention, that's never a problem for him. At the parties he does a good job of going from his usual quiet self to very out-going and sometimes has to literally beat off the ladies (especially a few particular ones...lol). This weekend wasn't much different as he spent half the night dancing between two hotties.

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While it was nice to see her in my shoes, it was really odd.

Wow! You have the patience of a saint!

She really does have patience, because I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt that's why I went to the table to try to engage the couple in conversation. I realize first conversations can be odd. Julie was working the front desk or I would've made sure she went with me.

 

But of course I know he never wouldve made it to their table to begin with.

However, trying to engage the couple in a conversation was a big mistake, as I felt like it was pulling teeth to get them to carry any part of the conversation. So when Julie walked up I just let her talk in hopes that they would talk to her, because at that point they weren't really holding up their end of the conversation very well.

 

Needless to say that woman blew her chances, correct?

Yeah ... I like good looks ...(she was cute but not over the top), however I have to have someone that can make small talk, communicate, etc. At this point I realized after they failed to engage my wife in conversation and failed to hold very much of a conversation with me, there was no benefit of the doubt left. It was either a case of their inability to communicate or ignoring my wife. I think it was both. So yeah she blew her chances.

 

It was really weird. I'm a quiet person outside the lifestyle, so getting outside my normal self in the lifestyle and having this sort of oddity often makes me take a step back into my shell for a while.

 

I'm just glad my wife and I communicate openly about these odd moments in time.

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We've also experienced this but only in a side conversation type of way.

 

What we've seen is we would be talking with a couple, and then another couple will come up and act like one of us (either me or my wife) isnt there at all. Really is offputting to be honest, and one couple that did that to us last year actually came to realize this mistake and apologized to us a few weeks ago for it.

 

They said that they were intimidated by my wife (thought she was out of their league) and so they tried ignoring her hoping that would "bring her down". Really was odd to here, but at least they explained what was up. For us we chalked them up to "having issues" and didn't go out of our way at parties to chat with them.

 

We have both been ignored at other times, usually that is by what we call "clingy couples" who are stuck like glue to their future dates for the evening and dont want to talk with anyone else.

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They said that they were intimidated by my wife (thought she was out of their league) and so they tried ignoring her hoping that would "bring her down". Really was odd to here, but at least they explained what was up. For us we chalked them up to "having issues" and didn't go out of our way at parties to chat with them.

 

That kind of approach is a fairly common tactic that is taught to guys who want to learn how to pickup women. So I suspect they got the idea from that kind of source. It's surprisingly effective on many women when a guy is approaching on his own, but it preys on a not so nice side of psychology (preying in her insecurities).

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JustAskJulie said:
We've had our share of experiences with meeting couples who turned out to only be interested in me (the female), looking for bi-play or whatever, but last night I experienced what it's like to be on the other side of the coin.

 

We headed to our favorite social last night and before heading out we checked SLS as we always do. Pet noticed we had a new message from a couple who was going saying they hoped to meet us. That's always cool to see, especially when the couple appears to be attractive.

 

Once at the party I was helping out at the front desk and Pet had come by to talk to me for a minute and said he thought he'd seen the couple who'd emailed us but he wasn't sure. Right about that time the girl walks up and looks at Pet and says "I emailed you". I really may as well have not been there at all. At first I gave her the benefit of a doubt, do I not look like my pictures anymore? After a minute Pet introduces me and she continues to go on talking to him like I'm not there. :eek: WTF!?

 

She goes on and I finally make it back into the social and go over to their table where Pet is talking to them. I walk up and comment on the discussion (about a party in another area) and introduce myself to the husband. He seems nice enough but I really had the instant urge to ask him if the cowboy getup was his normal wear or just for the theme (ride a cowboy). At any rate, it seemed that right after I introduced myself the conversation just died. DEAD! I felt like I'd intruded or something. So, I excused myself and went to talk to someone else. It was just weird!

 

So that was something totally new to me, and a good reminder to myself to continue doing what I normally try to do and introduce yourself to the partner first (the one of the same sex as you), include them in the conversation even if you aren't interested in them. Cuz, ignoring the wife is not a good way to get to the husband (or vice versa).

 

Well.... not saying (in any way, shape, or form) that this is right.... but welcome to "the guy's world." Most guys are acquainted with the "its all about the girls" and just lets it slide...

 

Maybe our grand-children will get it right......

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