Thoughts on our evolution to full swap swinging

Having gotten lots of great advice and information from others on this board, we wanted to share some of our own recent experience as we recently transition from soft swap to full swap in case others are considering the same.

For those who have read our previous posts, you know that we have been one of those couples who dipped our toe in the water and slowly waded into the pool from the shallow in. It's been an incredible four year journey filled with some incredibly erotic play experiences (as well as a few bumps in the road) while seeing our own marriage grow stronger and more sexual along the way.

After much talking (and I mean much talking), we finally decided to try full swap. It was an interesting period where we both had to take time to make sure we were solid as a couple to take what we felt was a pretty big step. What was interesting was that during our conversations we continued to learn and understand more about our personal interactions within our own marriage. It is amazing that after knowing each other for 20+ years and married for nearly 12, we are still learning each other!!

Why the leap? For one, we were both curious. Before me, my mrs. had very limited sexual experience. This would be a chance for her to explore. As for me, while I was more experienced, it was back when I was younger and certainly didn't appreciate sex the way I do now. Additionally, my mrs. finds it incredible difficult to orgasm. Except for with me, no other man has been able to bring her to orgasm through soft swap experiences. She loves sex, and so moving to full swap was a way to add to her sexual enjoyment as part of our lifestyle play.

We chose a couple we had played with before and were very comfortable with. All in all the night was wonderful, and except for a few little details here and there, wouldn't change a thing. We also timed this to happen right before our trip to Desire where we knew we could continue with our "experiment". As always, Desire was a wonderful week of great friends where we had the chance to try full swap and soft swap with different couples.

During our post-Desire "debrief" the funny thing is that we determined that full swap wasn't the "be all, end all" experience that perhaps we thought it would be. If we were to rank our most erotic nights from the week, we had one that was only soft swap that would be right at the top of the list!!

So much depends on the couple we are playing with, the mood, the setting, etc. Now certainly there was a learning curve that comes with new partners, and we found the full swap experience better on the second try with one particular couple as we got to know each others preferences better.

As for me, the condom issue was a real one. Not so much in terms of keeping erect, but the sensation difference and issues with climaxing (the quest for the world's thinnest condom has begun, lol).

We are both very satisfied with our choice to try full swap, and it's definitely something that we'll continue to explore in the future. It has lead to a bit of a "grey area" that we are figuring out. With soft swap, it was pretty clear, we knew our boundaries and stuck with them. With full swap, its very situational and so we need figure when and how we integrate it into our play.

But ultimately, we both agree, it's not so much the act, but rather the experience that defines how enjoyable our night is. And that includes the dinner, dancing, foreplay, etc as part of the build up.

We hope our own experience helps others determine whether it is right for them or not! And feel free to ask us any follow up questions!!

My opinion is similar in that soft swap play can be very hot! I really enjoy pleasuring a woman in a multitude of ways. My wife though really enjoys penetration much more than receiving oral so that's what keeps us from actively pursuing soft swap only encounters.

........to the deep side of the pool

When we first ventured into the lifestyle, soft play only wasn't an option, as Tammy doesn't cum orally (maybe 4-5 times in our 25 yrs together). But she cums pretty easily during intercourse, so jumping into the deep end to start with wasn't much of a decision for us

As for me, the condom issue was a real one. Not so much in terms of keeping erect, but the sensation difference and issues with climaxing (the quest for the world's thinnest condom has begun, lol).

Good luck on that one. I think it is a never ending search....but I'm not complaining

The Crown Skinless skin condoms get good reviews. All the rage in Japan. Of course, any condom is still a condom... But from my experiences these are very good. Also, I have a play partner that has a latex allergy but for some reason these don't bother her! Bonus! Be aware though, they ARE still latex, so if you have someone super sensitive to them they will still react.

We jumping into the deep end kind of quickly and spontaneously, but it worked out very well.

I'm still getting used to condoms again, though.

Congrats to you both! Glad to hear that you did what's right for you. We are in a babybreak right now but after we come out, it's kind of lonely being a soft swapper. All of our friends who were soft are now full which leaves us out in an odd spot but that's where we belong Good luck on your journey!

Thanks Learning. We know all about the "babybreak" issue as we took a couple of long ones ourselves. In each case, yes, we "lost" friends who moved on and decided not to go out with us anymore. No real reason given, but we assumed it was because they were full and we were not. What we've since learned is that real lifestyle friends don't care whether you are soft or full. Indeed, one couple we've been playing with was full from day one, but hung with us because we had a good connection (their long term investment paid off, lol). We've also played in group situations where we were the only soft swap couple, but because we had such good relationships with the others, it didn't matter that they would transition to full swap while my wife and either played alone or "helped" out in fun ways.

We were soft swap for about four years and enjoyed every minute of it. Were there times when we could have jumped in to full. Probably. But I'm not sure that would have been the best choice.

Sometimes it may seem that everyone else is having all the fun, but most important thing is to be true to yourselves as a couple and your relationship. Make good friends where your status is not important. With those two piece of the puzzle in place, your journey should be exactly what you want it to be.

Good luck...enjoy your new little one...and definitely enjoy the future adult times that are soon to follow ;-)

Lagniappe, thanks a bundle for your response. I really needed to hear that yesterday Hugs to you and here's to your future adventures!

Having sex with condoms is still soft swap?? Agree maybe.

Great post, thank you for the info. We have had some discussions but are not there yet. Soft swap for about 4 years now and having a great time.

Mrs. Chicup refers to soft swap now as anticlimactic. Soft swap can be great and all but something is missing.

Thanks for sharing your story... my SO and I are newbies to this all, and pretty set in soft swap being the farthest either of us is ready to go at this point. It's nice to be in a place (online) where we don't feel like the outcasts for it!

Mrs. Chicup refers to soft swap now as anticlimactic. Soft swap can be great and all but something is missing.

Just curious Chicup, I hear this all the time about how it's anticlimactic but I have to ask if Mrs. Chicup gets off on regular sex. If it's too personal, please ignore post but I've always wondered/curiosity when fulls say this.

From where I am coming, I essentially have only had about two orgasms for vaginal sex so if we ever went to full, I have no clue on what I would get out of it at all besides watching my husband have sex with another female. Which can totally be erotic but I don't know if it would be enough to throw me over the edge. Maybe I would get off, maybe I wouldn't but it seems like the fulls I know, they spend less time on the oral, thus no orgasm thus I would be a little disappointed and land in the anticlimactic zone.

I find the soft swap/full swap comments very interesting. Dividing lines are interesting. Of course if soft swap does not include oral to orgasm, then it's even softer swap. And if soft swap doesn't include touch to orgasm, then softer still.

For us it's not so much the difference in pleasure between soft and full swap, but the limit to a natural progression which must be kept in mind. My wife doesn't orgasm that often from penetration, but there is enjoyment and intimacy from penetration that is pleasure unto itself. She doesn't cum that often from other men, so it's not so much a difference between oral and penetration. What makes soft swap perhaps less enjoyable is always keeping your mind on not sliding over that dividing line.

What has always surprised me is even in full swap that fucking be thought of as the finish, the orgasm creator, and the end. Many times my wife does not have an orgasm by the time I or another man does. But why should that be the end of it??? I love to go down on her after I cum if she hasn't orgasmed. I'll go down on her after another man cums, if he doesn't...and usually other men don't. I don't understand this fetish about not going down on a woman just because a man has cum. It's just cum and a woman's orgasm is waiting.

Just curious Chicup, I hear this all the time about how it's anticlimactic but I have to ask if Mrs. Chicup gets off on regular sex. If it's too personal, please ignore post but I've always wondered/curiousity when fulls say this.

 

From where I am coming, I essentially have only had about two orgasms for vaginal sex so if we ever went to full, I have no clue on what I would get out of it at all besides watching my husband have sex with another female. Which can totally be erotic but I don't know if it would be enough to throw me over the edge. Maybe I would get off, maybe I wouldn't but it seems like the fulls I know, they spend less time on the oral, thus no orgasm thus I would be a little disappointed and land in the anticlimactic zone.

She generally orgasms from oral or the like, not vaginal, but as I've had a lot of women tell me, sex is just different from the O to a good fucking and she likes both in the same session.

I don't understand this fetish about not going down on a woman just because a man has cum. It's just cum and a woman's orgasm is waiting.

Its not a 'fetish' the fetish would be the cream pie fetish. Its a repulsion. I have no desire to swallow my own semen and even a less desire to do so with another mans. The easy solution is having the woman either O before I finish, or not cumming inside.

Both soft and full swap have been quite fun for us. We prefer full swap, just because we prefer less limitations and we like to have sex. Soft can be fun though, although in our experience it's only when we have a four or moresome.

Condoms reduce the feeling quite a bit for me, but so be it. It still is fun, even if I need to have some oral or hands on me to climax.

Have to say even if we didn't plan on full swapping right then and there with someone, just knowing ahead of time that they had a soft swap limit would dampen the mood a bit and we probably would pass. You said that the boundaries with soft are more defined, but that isn't how we've seen it.

Some people define soft as anything but penetration, some define it as no sexual contact (only outside clothing touching, breasts, kissing... ), and others define it as only hands and no oral sexual contact. Some others label it as more of a voyeur thing, you share the bed but everything is done with your spouse.