Two experiences, and lessons learned...

Yep, I'm back...

So, last month (February), the wife and I decided to give another go at visiting a local club. We went for Valentine's Day. Now anyone here who has read my past postings knows, we've been the quintessential "cowardly newbs," often bailing on going to the club at the last minute. We went this time, with little hesitation. We planned the day out, so that we would have no reason to talk ourselves out of going. We went for a couples massage early, had lunch, went home and took a nap. After the nap, we eventually got ready, and went to the club. After an uneventful border crossing into Canada, we arrived. We did a little floating around the clubs' main floor, and I chatted a bit with a woman from another couple. My wife spent a good bit of the time in one of the other rooms, watching pics from the clubs recent trip to Hedonism II.

Now, this club has (well, in two weeks, had) an interesting tradition. Around 11-11:30 or so, one of the hosts will ring a bell, at which time people are to "get their sexy on," or change into lingerie.

Well, at this time, my wife and I were discussing going up to the playrooms, on the 2nd floor. My wife begins to have what could only be described as a panic attack. The hostess notices this, asking her what was wrong, and walking her to the front of the club to try to calm her down. While the wife later confided in me that the direction the hostess was coming from was incorrect (the hostess thought it was the thought of being nude, when the wife told me later it was the thought of seeing and being seen having sex,) she still settled my wife down.

We went to the locker area in the basement, my wife put on a satin robe, I threw on a pair of red satin boxers (hey, it was Valentine's) and we went up to the play areas. The wife quickly pulled me into the private room, and we shut the door. Long story short, her and I had passionate sex in the private room. Once done, we went back to the lockers, and took a shower. On exiting the shower, the hostess was going around checking supplies, and we chatted for a few moments. At this time, the wife requested we leave. I was OK with this, as I was feeling rather hungry, as was she, due to skipping dinner.

Overall, a nice night.

The second experience will be in the next post...

Jason

So, the second experience. Depending on how you want to handle daylight savings time, it was either about 3 hours, or 4 hours ago...

We went back to the club for Steak & BJ night yesterday. Remember the previous trips uneventful border crossing? This time we were randomly selected to have our car screened. Talk about a bit of a nerve-wracking experience. Thankfully, there was nothing in the car, although I do have to wonder what the guard who opened and looked in our play bag thought...

We had planned this weekend similar to the last, with a couples massage early, a nap, and the club. Dinner was to be steak at the club. We got to the club, checked in, and again went to the main floor to float a bit. I again got into a conversation with a woman. My wife this time, stayed nearby, occasionally interjecting in the conversation. After a bit, the wife pulled me into another room for a talk. She was feeling uncomfortable. She felt like we didn't fit in. I told her, if she wanted to leave, right then, we would, it would be OK. About this time, they brought out the steak, the wife and I took time to each have one (after all, we'd paid to have dinner )

Remember the bell? It was that time again...

We decided to go up to the play areas, so we both changed into a pair of robes. After a brief turn around the (nearly) empty play areas, we settled into a semi-private bed*, as the private room was in use. I got the BJ part of the night!

We went back to the lockers, and changed into our lingerie. We got some water, I scarfed down some fruit that was laid out for guests. We went back up to the play areas, to the private room (which had opened up shortly before.) After some discussion, we again decided to call it a night.

Lessons learned, next post...

Jason

*This club has a trio of beds pushed together, with sheer curtains between them. You can see through the curtains, and the club rule is, if the curtain is open, people can ask to join, if the curtain is closed, treat it like a closed door that you can watch through.

Phew, now I now why I opted to split this in three...

Easier reading...

Some lessons I learned, mostly about myself, and some about my wife.

1. I was surprisingly comfortable being nude, or nearly, around people. I had thought I might be a bit more "uptight," yet when the hostess stopped by after we had gotten out of the shower, I wasn't.

2. I was less uncomfortable than I would have expected seeing others having sex. I think a large part of my being uncomfortable, was I didn't want to be "the creepy guy watching."

3. I was OK with receiving a blowjob from the wife where we could be seen, and was OK as well when she cowgirled me in the semi-private. I wasn't sure how comfortable I would be having sex "in the open," as it were...

Now, some things I also learned about the wife.

1. She's very not an exhibitionist. She told me tonight that she was OK in the semi-private until another couple took the bed farthest from us (leaving a bed between us) I had tried to get her to use a Liberator shape in one room, but it was a public room, and she couldn't.

2. She's less comfortable being nude around others than I am. This may impact (although not negatively) something I want to do on an upcoming vacation (nude beach in Jamaica)

So, we went, finally. But, what with this club closing in two weeks, and the wifes'

Hmm. Problems is definitely the wrong word, as would be issues. OK, let's try that sentence again.

But, what with this club closing in two weeks, and the things I learned about my wife, it seems likely we won't be going back, nor will we be looking to go further into the lifestyle...

But (finally) I'm OK with that.

Jason.

Jason,

I am still new to all this, but I do know this, you have planted some seeds that may grow in time....in the future when your wife gets in the mood, those images that were "Not her favorite thing" may change in her mind to something better.....

Thanks for your newbie input as to your forays into the lifestyle, I will post ours once it happens.....so far just the thought of entering the lifestyle has made us take more notice of our bodies and has encouraged us to lose weight, eat better, work out and be a bit more vain, but to good ends.....

Our whole conversation of entering the lifestyle came up years ago with similiar "Seeds" that were planted, and are now blooming....Just a thought....take care....

Magic_Hands

But, what with this club closing in two weeks, and the things I learned about my wife, it seems likely we won't be going back, nor will we be looking to go further into the lifestyle...

 

But (finally) I'm OK with that.

Jason.

I'm glad to hear you're OK with that. Based on what you've written over the last couple years, and especially in this thread, I have concerns that she has been doing this to please you. This is not an insinuation that she is being coerced into anything. Only that she wants to please you and let you explore something that you find interesting, even if she has misgivings about it.

I think it's worth a discussion with her, and to let her know it's OK if she isn't into it.

I'm glad to hear you're OK with that. Based on what you've written over the last couple years, and especially in this thread, I have concerns that she has been doing this to please you. This is not an insinuation that she is being coerced into anything. Only that she wants to please you and let you explore something that you find interesting, even if she has misgivings about it.

I think it's worth a discussion with her, and to let her know it's OK if she isn't into it.

Understood on the no coercion point. I showed her your post, as I wasn't sure how to ask her, and asked her about it. She's not sure. Way back when we first started exploring this (geez, almost 3yrs) she was almost as interested as I was. Then our momentum faltered due to other things.

It's entirely possible, what with the club we like closing, that we may drop out of the lifestyle entirely (yes, I know, I've said that before...) as the choices for non-swap around here seem rather limited (we so far prefer on-premise, and of the on-premise clubs, one their site sounds like if you don't swap, don't show; another isn't "officially" a club and is in an area that looks like most people picture Detroit looking {think Robocop})

So, I'm leaving her be, she did throw out a "maybe" to the owner of the closing club, for us attending the last party. All I asked of her on the way home, was to let me know if she decides no; if she decides yes, it needs to be a "hard" yes, not a maybe yes (and even then we would leave registering for the last minute.)

So, I'm going to maybe lurk around some, but probably not much, as I know what I get like when something I (think I) want is "dangled" in front of me and I can't have it.

Again, thank you!

Jason

PS "dangled" in the context above could *really* be taken wrong, couldn't it?

Well I will touch on a few things.

I too was not comfortable AT ALL naked when we started in the lifestyle. We pretty much took to it like a duck to water though (with a few bumps in the road but bumps that were easily smoothed over).

We started out as soft swappers, then full swapped for a year or so and now we are comfortable playing together/seperately/same room/different room.

In two years I have become MUCH more comfortable naked and I am more of an exhibitionist also. It took me time to get used to it and I also had a willingness to be able to let go and be "free" in that way.

If your wife is ONLY doing this to make you happy though.....I doubt very seriously that the issues you mentioned will ever get better. This needs to be something you are both interested in and willing to get comfortable with over time.

Good luck.

Congrats Jason, about time you all had some experiences. What strikes me is that you all need to find out what style of swinging suits you both. Your wife sounds like me and DH in a way. We both hate being nude in the club. I feel much more comfortable enjoying the experience in a private room. We hit two different naked camp grounds last summer, one vanilla & one lifestyle. Looking back, those experienced were horrible. I'm not a nudist, nor do I think anyone would get off from mr. Learning and I having sex. To me, our style of swinging preferred is just connecting with couples more on a private basis.

Dont give up hope u might just need a different approach.ive always been shy and get a bit of anxiety in overstimulating environments.the first meeting we had with the couple we eventually had our first experience with,i almost threw up from nervousness and stress.we ended up not even doing anything that first meeting cuz I felt so crappy.we decided to go soft until I felt more at ease and had a better idea of what it was like.our soft swap was in our own bed which helped me to feel a little like im on my own turf (safer I guess?) And things were slow and simple to start off, next thing i know im making love to my husband in front of another couple and I wasnt even phased by it! after that i quickly became comfortable in my own skin and the shyness faded away.especially when u get to see other naked people and realize how beautiful and unique everyone is.she might just need to find heer comfort zone (which u should ask her what it might be) and she may come around:)