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bjersr

Swinging has brought us closer

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As I've stated in previous posts we are fairly new to the lifestyle. We started by going to clubs and my wife realized how much she enjoyed having sex in front of other people. She dosen't think so but she is beautiful with an incredible ass. She is the reason we get invited to parties and meetings. I'm OK but the pictures of me aren't all that good I'm much better in person. Anyone that wants can see our profile on SLS and if asked nicely I always open our private pics. When we decided to start swaping we talked alot about it and did alot of research. See we are really stepping out of the norm. We are both Christians and southern Baptist at that. We laugh all the time about how we don't have any long time friends that we could even take to a topless resort much less to a swing club. I can't think of just a few that wouldn't completely disown us if they found out we were swingers.

 

With all that being said it had truely brought us closer. We talk more we are having a good time with our new freinds, we haven't fussed or argued since the first of the year. We both look at each other with love and appreciation that we allow the other the enjoyment of this new part of our life together. When we talk after being with others. We both agree that we enjoy watching the other recive plesure as much as we are enjoying the sex with our new partner. Society tells us that what we are doing is wrong, and it will drive us apart, and we were worried about this in the beginning. Sofar we have found the opposite is true, at least for us.

 

I want to say thanks to the one that have offered advice on the Board. It is greatly appreciated. Also thanks to the creator of this board that gives people information on swinging before during (well maybe not during) and after. This is a invaluable resource.

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Again, wishing I had a "like" button. I believe it's the communication that is required to swing that brings us closer. When you can talk openly about sex and all the things involved in swinging, there is really nothing you can't talk about.

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As I've stated in previous posts we are fairly new to the lifestyle... I can't think of just a few that wouldn't completely disown us if they found out we were swingers.

 

With all that being said it had truely brought us closer. We talk more we are having a good time with our new freinds, we haven't fussed or argued since the first of the year. We both look at each other with love and appreciation that we allow the other the enjoyment of this new part of our life together. When we talk after being with others. We both agree that we enjoy watching the other recive plesure as much as we are enjoying the sex with our new partner. Society tells us that what we are doing is wrong, and it will drive us apart, and we were worried about this in the beginning. Sofar we have found the opposite is true, at least for us.

 

 

Thank you for your post. I agree with you that opening a marriage up sexually, if done in an unselfish way, can make a husband and wife appreciate each other more and the bonds tighter. And it shows how wrong society's general thnking can be.

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What's so odd is that we keep looking at each other in almost shock at how easy it's been for us. We both thought we would feel really odd or strange, but it just hasn't happened we have enioyed ourselves very much. We both agree that one of the best things is watching the other receive pleasure.

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Isn't it weird to have this kind of relationship? Really, compared to several years ago when we couldn't even talk about our sex lives, we're talking about our sex lives with others. :)

 

This is a good thing!! Heck, several years ago, I woulda clawed out they eyes of any woman who thought they'd have sex with Dave. Now, it's just totally fun to watch. We mature in our feelings and in our acceptance of our personal relationship with each other. Love it!! Just love it!!

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I agree with all the above - It's much more pleasant to laugh and talk openly and honestly with my wife about sex with other people, than when both of us were sneaky and suspicious of whatever we imagine the other partner is doing when you're out doing whatever you are to get even, or at the very least, stay even......My wife and I would have been better of to have begun much earlier in life, and must of the stress and rollercoaster ride would have been avoided. Sneaky sex almost ruined us, open sex saved us for sure. I've heard it said many times that only couples with very close and honest relationships already should ever consider swinging, but I have to say that for us, trust and openess came as a result of swinging, not a prelude to it.

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Okay, I don't want to T/J bjersr's thread, but I have a pertinent question. All of you who have said that swinging has brought you closer, did you need to swing to have that closeness? I've always viewed swinging as NSA fun and casual sex, that has no bearing on the relationship, per se. I've heard from many, many people that swinging will not help a bad marriage, so did your marriages lack closeness and openess? And there also seems to be a viewpoint that if you didn't swing, then there might be fidelity problems in the marriage. Before you entered the LS did you have jealousy issues? I misspoke, thats three questions.:rolleyes:

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Maybe I should have started a new thread. Is it possible to take my post and make a new thread out of it?

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Big Rock that is a very good question. My wife and I had a great marrage. We are going on 24 years and it's both of our 1st marrage. My wife was a virgin when we married so I was the only man she had "BEEN" with. We felt close and talked about alot of thing. My wife has always held her emotions and feeling to herself. Swing has done a couple of things. She loves sex, unless she or I was really sick she has never said no to sex with me. Being with others that enjoy sex has helped her realize it OK to love sex. But she would never really talk about sex with me, unless I asked direct ques. After we started swinging she saw others have fun with sex, and realized it was OK. She talks about it more and she is more vocal while having sex. What we had was great and it has gotten better. We talked before but it was about the normal stuff kids, work , the house, stuff like that. Now we talk about our sex and the sex with others. The biggest thing I guess is that we appreciate each other more. When you realize that your spouse is allowing you to have sexual pleasure with another, and is happy about it. That is a special gift that one spouse can only give to another. Some how that makes us closer and appreciate each other more.

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Big Rock that is a very good question. My wife and I had a great marrage. We are going on 24 years and it's both of our 1st marrage. My wife was a virgin when we married so I was the only man she had "BEEN" with. We felt close and talked about alot of thing. My wife has always held her emotions and feeling to herself. Swing has done a couple of things. She loves sex, unless she or I was really sick she has never said no to sex with me. Being with others that enjoy sex has helped her realize it OK to love sex. But she would never really talk about sex with me, unless I asked direct ques. After we started swinging she saw others have fun with sex, and realized it was OK. She talks about it more and she is more vocal while having sex. What we had was great and it has gotten better. We talked before but it was about the normal stuff kids, work , the house, stuff like that. Now we talk about our sex and the sex with others. The biggest thing I guess is that we appreciate each other more. When you realize that your spouse is allowing you to have sexual pleasure with another, and is happy about it. That is a special gift that one spouse can only give to another. Some how that makes us closer and appreciate each other more.
Thanks, bjersr, that's a really good answer, and sorry for the T/J. I can easily see that swinging can be a "marriage enhancer", I think that the trouble is when people try to use it to "save", an already shitty marriage. Like when people say that having kids, or changing jobs or moving will somehow fix their marriage. Most of the posters here, however, recommend that you work on the marriage first, THEN swing, if possible.

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I totally agree that if you try to use swinging to "fix" a marrage you most likely will distroy it. A marrage has to be strong and each one has to have confidence in the marrage. We both told the other that there is no way anyone would ever replace the other. That the bond we had could never be replaced by anyone we were have recreational sex with.

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Okay, I don't want to T/J bjersr's thread, but I have a pertinent question. All of you who have said that swinging has brought you closer, did you need to swing to have that closeness? I've always viewed swinging as NSA fun and casual sex, that has no bearing on the relationship, per se. I've heard from many, many people that swinging will not help a bad marriage, so did your marriages lack closeness and openess? And there also seems to be a viewpoint that if you didn't swing, then there might be fidelity problems in the marriage. Before you entered the LS did you have jealousy issues? I misspoke, thats three questions.:rolleyes:

 

Swinging has brought us closer together, but maybe not in a way I can explain. Maybe it's more emotional. I know we have better communication skills now. That's helped a LOT!! Swinging to us is NSA, fun, casual sex.

 

Now, imagine if you can, putting a magnifying glass on your marriage or relationship.

 

Now, mix in swinging. Stir well.

 

If your marriage is already in trouble, it's only going to magnify that trouble and it's surely to go south. If you have a good stable, strong, respectable, honest, communicative marriage, putting a magnifying glass on that relationship is something you'll see as strong, stable and loving. We don't feel our marriage lacked a thing before we started swinging.

 

I don't agree with the fidelity issue. Swinging is in no way, shape or form

even related to cheating. If we didn't swing, we'd still be the happy couple that we are now. Marriages in trouble, on the other hand, I can see where issues of infidelity might occur. There is no reason to cheat. If we stopped swinging tomorrow, there would be no regrets, no bad feelings, no ill will toward the other... It would just be over and we'd love the ride we took.

 

Jealousy? Yeah, years and years ago. When we were first thinking about swinging, I have to admit that the thought of another woman kissing him kinda made me uneasy. Did it in real life? Nope. There is no jealousy between either of us at any time. Swinging to us, is a selfless gift we give to each other. I really want him to enjoy himself with other women. I want him to get jiggy with blonds, redheads, or whatever type of woman he wants. I know he wishes the same for me. It's all good.

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Another thing, well actually two, that has been good for our marriage that came from swinging. The first is how much freer my wife is about her sexuality and enjoying sex. She grew up in a home that was a loving home but very emotionally repressed. She has learned that it is OK to love sex and to enjoy it. Another thing is how good it had been for her self-image. It's one thing to have your SO tell you how beautiful you are, but when perfect strangers tell you how sexy and desirable you are it makes you feel good about yourself. There has been a change in a good way. She is opening up emotionally and sexually, and she has gained confidence and has a better self image.

 

When she feels good then I feel good then we feel good together

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I have to agree with everyone here. After Mrs. and l left the club after our first visit, it was like our relationship just went to a whole other place. She just glows. It's like we're honeymooning all over again.

 

It takes commitment and trust to swing with harboring jealously. I was out of town when my wife semi-inadvertently brought us into the LS (I say semi- because we knew it would happen... we just didn't know it would happen THEN). Your bulletproof relationship just gained a Kevlar vest.

 

Now when we're out we look at people and said "I'd hit that" or "would you hit that?" In fact, it's just shortened to "Yup." It's quite fun.

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A little different take on the chicken/egg what comes first the close relationship or the swinging? Swinging, or at least the same philosophy, is what won me over entirely and caused me to marry my now husband. After we first started dating and began falling in love, David said that if I was still seeing my old boyfriend it was OK, I didn't have to give up what I had to get his love. Coming from a sexually repressed Catholic upbringing, this was unbelieveable, and still is.

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I'm new to swinging and have to say that this thread pretty well described how swinging has changed the relationship I have with my wife. We weren't looking to get into swinging. We were wanting to find something that wasn't out there as in a threesome. And we never thought about being with another couple because we aren't very trusting. We had been friends with a couple for years and they eventually told us that they were swingers and after thinking about it for a while we decided to try it out. We had been married over 10 years and been happy for the most part. Neither of us had cheated and our sex life was very active for being married 10 years. My wife was like the women above, she wasn't talkative about her desires and kinda reserved about her wants. Now that we have been swinging with this couple for going on 3 months now our personal sex life has gotten better. I was also amazed at how little jealousy there was and how easy it was for us to start swinging.

 

As for our friends their relationship was in trouble. And we were actually going to stop swinging with them if they couldn't get a start on working it out. In a sense we've helped them to start to repair their relationship. And their relationship appears to be much better now. I don't think they had the friendship on top of the swinging with their previous swinging couples and we were able to see what was going on once we were able to learn more about their relationship. Not to mention that we are older and have been married longer than them. They both always had loved each other, they just both tried to let things go and conflicts and resentments were building because neither of them wanted to fight or cause problems. They had communication problems.

 

After swinging with them and enjoying it. Even if we had to stop swinging with our friends we still wouldn't go out and find a new couple to replace them. We are probably very unusual for swingers, but it's how we are.

 

 

I think swinging is good for couples who are secure in their relationships and truly love each other. I personally don't think humans are meant to be monogamous. And it's really cool to be with like minded people and be able to play and get your desires out have nobody have their feelings get hurt.

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One of the truly good things I've learned from this site, is that love and sex comes in many shapes and sizes, and blanket statements are usually wrong. It is just as wrong to say that people weren't meant to be monogamous, as is is to say that they are. SOME people are meant for monogamy, some aren't. Different strokes.

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