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alittleconfused

So what does she actually want?

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Kinda strange situation here but Ill give you the highlights.Weve been playing with this other couple for months now.The first time was a disaster as Ive already posted with her going much further than we had discussed.We have pretty much moved past that and continued.Its been fun, and I posted about me having sex alone with the other wife a few weeks ago.Other than those two occasions and one time we swapped partners and got blowjobs everything else has been done in threesomes.Thats been great to.But after our disagreement the first time she never had sex with the guy again, lotta stuff with the wife, some oral and stuff with the husband but no fucking.

 

I finally asked her awhile back what the deal was and she said she didnt want to move to fast and piss me off again.I assured her she wasnt going to and we felt comfortable when we left the conversation off.The next time she went down the guy started having sex with her and she made him stop and finish with his wife.I asked what she wanted when she told me this and she said she wants to fuck him but didnt feel comfortable that time.

 

Its happened several times now and Ive quit asking about it thinking she will move at her own pace.Tonight we had it set up for her to go down there and the other wife texted earlier asking if one on one with her husband would be allright.I read the text and handed my wife the phone, without any conversation she replied no it had to be a 3way.

 

The other wife asked why and my wife replied " I didnt want her to".

 

This caught my attention pretty fast so I asked why she hadnt even asked since shes told me in the past she would like a one on one with him again.She kinda changed the subject and I asked again, she said she wasnt sure how I would react.We talked it out and finally I told her Id talk to the other wife, I asked her why the change of plans and she said just for something different.I couldnt see a problem so I told my wife if she wanted to go ahead, I had no problem with it.She texted them back and said it was ok and I thought great she can do it, get it over with, and we can move forward.Problem is by the time she left she had changed her mind again and told them it had to be a 3some, they had no problem with it either way but it left me very confused.

 

Ive given her the ok for a couple months now, Ive done everything in my power to convince her Im ok with it and every time the occasion comes up she says she wants to but doesnt follow through at the last minute.Im begining to think its not me holding her back but Im actually very confused as to what she wants right now.I dont want to seem like Im pushing her into it by constantly bringing it up but if shes got a problem with something Id like to help her work through it.Any thoughts??

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Actions speak louder then words.

 

She tried it once and all did not go well with you.

 

It appears she is a bit gun shy now and it may take time to get over it.

 

Go at her speed, let he be the one that says when she is ready without you pushing it any further.

 

The more you push, the less comfortable she may become.

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What Lee said. It's going to take a while of you not reacting badly to things actually moving foward slowly before she's really going to be comfortable doing something without fear that you may react badly. You can tell her over and over again that you won't, that it's all ok, but until she actually sees it it's going to be hard for her to get over those early situations. Just remember that she's doing this because you are the most important thing to her and she doesn't want to do anything to hurt you or risk your relationship (or even have you guys at odds).

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Have you considered a foursome? If she sees you having intercourse with the other wife while she's playing with the other husband then she'd know you'd be OK with her having intercourse too.

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Give it time and don't push her. The feelings she has isn't something she is going to get over quickly. I can relate to how she feels. Hubby and I had a not so pleasant experience once early on. He was uncomfortable with something I was doing and it made me question myself during future play dates. While we did work it out rather quickly, the feelings and the wondering if he is really ok with things never has gone away. I know that everything is ok but I still get the feeling sometimes. I know it's only in my head but honestly I can't shake it. Just like Julie said, she doesn't want to hurt you or the relationship. It's the "fear of" that causes us to feel that way.

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Have you considered a foursome? If she sees you having intercourse with the other wife while she's playing with the other husband then she'd know you'd be OK with her having intercourse too.

 

Weve discussed it but the other husband doesnt seem interested, and actually Im not sure how well it would go.I had some problems early on in the erection department when we started doing threesomes, I tend to get sidetracked in group situations and lose track of what Im supposed to be doing I guesse LOL.

 

On the other hand after she got home last night we had awesome sex then she told me the kids were going to stay at her moms tonight so the house would be empty.Her and the other wife discussed it and thought it would be a good oppurtunity for me to get to play as well but werent sure what I wanted to do.The other wifes made no secret she wants to hook up with me again alone but I still wasnt sure what my wife wanted.

 

This morning i read the posts in here and we discussed it again when she woke up.I didnt pressure her, and she already seemed to be thinking it would be a good night for a full swap since the other couple seems very interested in it.Personally I would have preferred a 3some but I told her to set up whatever she felt comfortable with.Right now the plan seems to be for a full swap, which will be another first for us, we get to play a lot but usually not with all 4 people involved.The plan seems to be for her friend to come here and her to go down there for a couple hours.Should be interesting to see if everyone follows through tonight with the original plan or if it gets changed at the last minute.Thanks for the advice, should be interesting to see what happens

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Interesting situation. I replied to this thread when you first posted your discomfort with her getting to involved and enjoying it too much. Now your delima is about her reluctance. I hope you keep us posted on what happened after your last plans for her to go to play alone with him and the other wife coming to your house to play with you.

If it does not go as planned may I suggest she posts a thread, instead of you, about what her (and/or your) problems are. Would like to hear her side.

All replies are good that tell you to communicate with each other. Having done that, perhaps some situational / scererio suggestions might be helpful.

It seems that you are tryning that out for yourselves by a full swap one on one in seperate homes. If successful, maybe a full swap, different bedrooms is next? Follow both by hot reconnect sex back home that night with all the hot revealing details and hopefully how good it was, to arouse your sex intensity with each other and put swinging where it should be in your lives, enjoying hot, even torid sex with another partner as exciting sexually conscenting adults at play. Having sometimes mind blowing sex. Nothing more.

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People listen with their eyes and heart as well as their ears.

She as already experienced a negative reaction from you so she is cautious.

 

But even as you are going forward your may be giving off cues that tell her, that what you say and what you are feeling are different.

 

I read the text and handed my wife the phone, without any conversation she replied no it had to be a 3way.

 

This could easily be seen as passive aggressive. You so you are okay with it, but your silence and demeanor may be saying to her you are not.

 

and I thought great she can do it, get it over with,

 

I am not sure how you communicated this to her. But "getting it over with" is not a real supportive idea. She may have felt you feel this way even if you did not say those words. I understand that you may have just written it that way and believe that is not how you feel, but often our true feelings come out without us even realizing it.

 

It is more than being "okay" or tolerant of our spouses actions, for most of us, we really enjoy the fact that they are having a good time, it is the most rewarding part in many ways.

 

She may well be getting the impression, correctly or not, that you are simply tolerating the situation rather than being happy she is enjoying herself. If that is the case it could be a very long time, if ever, that she completely feels comfortable to move on .

 

It is difficult to realize what vibes we are giving off, another reason communication is so critical. You need to be completely honest with yourself first. If this still bothers you then she probably can sense it. If you can resolve the issues you have with it and she can sense that, then you might be able to move forward.

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It actually went pretty well. The other wife called and my wife went down, picked her up and brought her here and she went back down there.For my part I didnt even wonder about what she was doing and she went ahead with the plan this time.Lotta oral sex, banging, etc... followed by intercourse in both situations.

 

Im begining to wonder if its all me thats making her not want to fuck around one on one with the guy very often.Up here we started and I ate her out and banged her for awhile, then she blew me for awhile and we fucked in the missionary position for probably 10 minutes and then tried another position for awhile.As I said Ive had performance problems before and something about that position wasnt working to well so I started losing my erection.She sucked me off again for a few minutes then we probably fucked for another 20 minutes this time really going to town.We both had a good time.

 

on the other hand my wife went down there and he ate her out, banged her, and she blew him for a minute, he stopped her and went down on her again then she got on top, and he was done in about 60 seconds.Thier entire encounter was over in about 15 minutes and actual sex was only about a minute long.She never came.She had to wait another half hour after they were finished to come back home.

 

She hasnt said it but I think in the threesomes she gets a lot more action as her and the other wife play as well.When she came home we exchanged stories and she sucked me off for awhile then got on top, she came in about 5 minutes and I rolled her over and fucked her hard and we both came again.It was pretty awesome.

 

A full swap in the same house isnt likely any time soon, we both have kids and getting either house empty enough for that never seems to happen.My wife did mention she would like to get fucked by both of us at once, probably not gonna happen right away but I am certainly willing to consider it.So for now things seem to be going well again, next time she doesnt want to fuck the guy Ill have a better understanding of why, she justs more out of the foreplay than the actual sex when down there it seems like.The guys the same way with his wife it sounds like so Ihave nothing to worry about, even makes me feel better about the erection problems I have, Id rather have a little trouble getting it up than cum in the first minute every time.

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alittleconfused ~

 

After reading your last post, my gut tells me your wife probably isn't having much fun with all this.

 

She's doing what she thinks she should be doing.

 

I have to wonder if your wife is needing something more out of sex--not just the mechanics, from you and her playmates, but doesn't know how to express that to you. Maybe she needs something with a softer touch, something different, and she may not yet know what she actually wants.

 

LM

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How about meeting another couple or looking for a single male for threesome ? I think she really wants to enjoy sex with another man. She did go to his house WANTING to be fucked. First you said he really pushed her buttons and she enjoyed it too much, now he doesn't and "petered out". She must be really frustrated ! I think things will get better for both of you with more experiences in the LS with others.

Will she post a thread about this situation and what she wants and what is not going right for her ? We all are interested in your situation, we keep replying to your thread, (my 3rd time). We have heard your thoughts and unknowns. It would be a step forward to hear from her.

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Whoa. I don't know if I could do anything separately without all 4 people being on the same page about everything. I know if my hubs went to play separately away from me, I don't think I'd be too happy in any case. Maybe because I wouldn't know about what went on and what was said etc. I just want to see him, be an arm's length away from him, etc. It really turns me on watching him with other women, so separate play for us would be pointless.

 

Maybe same room, full swap, with all 4 involved? Once everyone can be on the same page...and talking helps too...maybe tensions would ease?

 

Just my opinion of course!

 

Mrs. HR

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alittleconfused ~

 

After reading your last post, my gut tells me your wife probably isn't having much fun with all this.

 

She's doing what she thinks she should be doing.

 

I have to wonder if your wife is needing something more out of sex--not just the mechanics, from you and her playmates, but doesn't know how to express that to you. Maybe she needs something with a softer touch, something different, and she may not yet know what she actually wants.

 

LM

 

Weve talked and you may well be right, she may not know exactly what she wants.She says she wants to fuck but honestly I think she may be more into the other woman then the womans husband.The whole lesbian things new to her and theres much she would like to do but it never seems to happen as the womens husbands so quick to finish, and due to scheduling when we all three fool around up here it always seems rushed.I know one night she even invited the woman up and when she didnt seem interested in a 3way she told the woman she could just do her.I had no problem with it and am now thinking it isnt a bad idea to let the two women have a few playtimes without the men involved to see what happens, theyve only been alone once and both loved it from what theyve told me.

 

On the other hand when she gets home from there she wants nothing with a softer touch, it doesnt matter how slow I try to go shes hot and wants fucked hard and long, our sex life at homes improved drastically in the last 6 months

 

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How about meeting another couple or looking for a single male for threesome ? I think she really wants to enjoy sex with another man. She did go to his house WANTING to be fucked. First you said he really pushed her buttons and she enjoyed it too much, now he doesn't and "petered out". She must be really frustrated ! I think things will get better for both of you with more experiences in the LS with others.

Will she post a thread about this situation and what she wants and what is not going right for her ? We all are interested in your situation, we keep replying to your thread, (my 3rd time). We have heard your thoughts and unknowns. It would be a step forward to hear from her.

 

Another couples not an easy thing to find, its a small town surrounded by smaller towns in the middle of rural nowhere.As you can imagine its hard for anyone to bang anyone else without the entire town knowing.A single males an option, and Im open to a MFM threesome, but again, its hard to find one that can keep his mouth shut around here.She may have better luck if she tried to find one for a one on one type thing but she has never brought it up and Ive learned my lesson about persuing an issue to far from all this.

 

Actually he never pushed her buttons much, the other time they were alone was much like this time, it was over fast.It wasnt that she enjoyed it to much, she just got into it deeper and faster than we had talked about.Its not that she doesnt enjoy fucking around with him, its just not what she imagined it might be I guesse.As I said, she enjoys it more when the other wifes present it seems and may want to persue that further, the guy does make her horny but it seems thats about it.

 

Getting her to post probably isnt an option, she doesnt get on any forums of any type that Im aware of and unlike me doesnt like talking about her sex life openly with people shes never met LOL.Hard to believe out of all weve done shes still hung up about talking about sex I know but it is what it is I suppose.

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It could well be that your wife's interest has been captured by the F/F aspect of things. Or it could simply be that this guy just isn't doing it for her. Either way, ya'll need to sort that out and perhaps look for another couple or SM.

 

Either way, things need to travel at a pace with which you're both comfortable.

 

Best of luck to ya'll . . .

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Well guesse we will find out.Apparenty they were talking yesterday and decided themselves that they need more F/F time without the men involved.Only thing was they werent sure when they could do it, last night I told my wife if she wanted to pick the other women for a long lunch beak I could goto the doctor myself today {Thyroid test}.Shes gonna talk to her this morning and see if shes interested.

 

This playdate was all theyre idea all i had to do was be gone, if it dont work out today itll be next week some time.

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What is it about this couple that keeps you/your wife involved? I'm wondering if part of the "loyalty" so to speak is due to while I'll call first time "ohh shiny" in a nod to my inner ferret. ;) Is it just because they were the first that you are both sticking with the arrangement? Is she afraid of hurting their feelings or losing the other lady's friendship if the two of you explore other options or she says look your hubs isn't doing it for me? It is nerve wracking to have to tell someone what they are doing isn't working for you or that what they are doing is fine, but you need more of it...has she been faking orgasms with the other man?

 

Basically, it seems like you or her are afraid to branch out to other potential partners. Look, I'm from Podunk Ohio...a little speck on the map, lots of small towns close together (you can drive through 4 differently named towns/villages/municipalities in 10 minutes driving one of the 2 lane highways), pretty conservative area and yet when I plug in my hometown's zip code on SLS, sorting by couples profiles, wild, with pictures, I come up with over 350 matches in a 50 mile area.

 

And I may have missed this detail in your other posts, but have you actually met the other husband? If I'm understanding correctly the wives just travel back and forth for these meetings. Why not set up a dinner with them? Find a kid friendly place with a play area so the kids can go do their thing while the adults have conversation time.

 

I know finding a babysitter is a pita...but seriously...find one, go on some dates with your wife (with or without this other couple). Besides, depending on the age of the kids, you may not need a sitter for much longer which is a good thing. lol :)

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lets see, first off theres really no loyalty issues or concern about hurting thier feelings.We got into this with the understanding if anyone wanted to stop we all would.More of a convienence thing I suppose, they live about 2 blocks from here so its just close by and handy if someone feels like fooling around.

 

Were not really afraid to branch out with other partners, hell we talk about it all the time.Ill be going back on the road for work soon and weve discussed if were gonna quit all together while Im gone or set some ground rules and give each other the freedom to play while Im gone.Its not something were avoiding, just something that hasnt came up.

 

The other lady knows her husbands not doing it for her, hes not really doing it for his own wife, the girls do wanna play though and I have no trouble in stamina so theres no way to really exclude him either.No she doesnt fake orgasms, but shes much more vocal during sex then the other wife anyway so he may think she cums, I honestly dont know.

 

Ive met the guy, we actually go down there quite a bit, the kids play together, etc...But as far as the sex goes yeah, the women go back and forth.Me and my wife go out quite a bit as well without anyone else along, cant actually remember ever going on a date with them.

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Proximity breeds familiarity. That isn't always a good thing, trust me. We'd become close friends with a couple that lived close by, and all was well for a time. Then something happened to change that, and now things are awkward at best. Since we travel in similar circles, we're friendly and all, but I think if they lived further away, it would be easier.

 

In the end, it's up to you and your wife, but this is supposed to be FUN. Just sayin' . . .

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