Are you a Newbie?

An introduction I read and some of the responses to it got me to thinking... at what point do you stop being a newbie?

Is it when you've had your first experience? Is it after you've had many experiences? After you've been swinging for several years? After you join your first swing club? Or after you've been regularly attending parties for a certain length of time?

If you consider yourself a newbie, tell us at what point you will no longer feel that you are newbies?

If you don't consider yourselves newbies, at what point did you stop considering yourselves such?

I guess I consider myself a newbie because I am finally coming to terms with my own sexuality and how I feel about things, as well as shedding a lot of societal constraints. I think I will stop feeling like a newbie as I become more comfortable with the fact that this is who I am and there is nothing abnormal about it. Dh is really helping me a lot in this area...not that he's anymore experienced, but I feel so comfortable sharing with him all of my feelings on the matter and exploring new avenues.

I think I stopped being a newbie when I realized the number of horror stories I had were equal to the number of great experiences.

Originally posted by EternallySingle

I think I stopped being a newbie when I realized the number of horror stories I had were equal to the number of great experiences.

Great post and great pic. Glad to see you finally decided to show us who you really are

I really liked kookla's comments:

Quote

I guess I consider myself a newbie because I am finally coming to terms with my own sexuality and how I feel about things

I don't consider myself a newbie although I'm not greatly experienced, but I think those comments sum up exactly why I don't think of myself as a newbie.

Quote

Originally posted by EternallySingle

I think I stopped being a newbie when I realized the number of horror stories I had were equal to the number of great experiences.

LOL! I still consider us Newbies for just this reason. It seems like every time we think we are doing it right...another curve ball gets hurled at us.

Another reason why I say you can't read, read, read and read some more on this board and ask question to the 'no longer newbies'. At least when you get thrown the curve ball you have not only a glove to catch it with, but a mask to protect it from scrambling your brain permanently.

We have been in the lifestyle for almost a year (actively). I think after about 6 months of going to the clubs (about the time everyone there knows your name) is when we stopped thinking of ourselves as newbie,s but we haven't had a lot of encounters, so I wouldn't call us experienced either. So I just don't know how to describe us... lol

Robin

Quote

Originally posted by RnLinohio

We have been in the lifestyle for almost a year (actively). I think after about 6 months of going to the clubs (about the time everyone there knows your name) is when we stopped thinking of ourselves as newbie,s but we haven't had a lot of encounters, so I wouldn't call us experienced either. So I just don't know how to describe us... lol

Good point RnLinohio, there is a difference between being 'new' and being 'experienced'. We have been active in the lifestyle for about 1 1/2 years. When it comes to making poor choices, moving to quickly, not having rules and boundaries in place...we are VERY experienced, which is why we still consider ourselves as still 'new'. We are still learning how to be 'good' experienced swingers!

I still consider myself somewhat of a newbie. Mainly because we search and search and months go by before we even attempt an encounter. We have definately had more searching than actual play. So I would have to say that my actual physical experiences or lack of make me a newbie.

Well, I have only had the pleasure of sharing my wife with other men as of yet. So I would definitely consider myself as a newbie, but I really would have to ask, do we ever really stop being newbies? I mean each and everytime something new is learned and something is done a little differently. I think we are all newbies of some sort. Would you not agree?

We are still newbies with one experience and will be for some time to come. Like OhioCouple said, just when you think you have it figured out, there's another twist in the road. I can't say at what point we'll feel 'experienced', but I hope it happens!

If you consider yourself a newbie, tell us at what point you will no longer feel that you are newbies?

Well Lori,

First, I want to tell you we are newbies, but just got devirginzed for our first soft swing lastnight/this morning. Whoo-Hoo!!! Before I go give the answer to this I must tell you it was very exciting. It was so exciting that when K and I started our sex and I looked over seeing the other cpl having sex I just climaxed and had to tell K to stop moving her hips---too late---lol. It was the first time in my life having sex in front of others. K never got the chance to have fun with me (climax), but 2 hrs later I follow it up with a great session in front of the other cpl. Wow--did K bring down the walls with her orgasm. Now--the other cpl is a full swap cpl, but they knew we were going to do soft first then move to the next stage later. The male was giving K a rub down (she was so WET) and it drove him up the wall for not having the full swap---just look at K at our link below and you could see why---lol. Anyways---I wanted to do the other woman, but it was K's Birthday yesterday and I promise her she would get her b-day sex from me. The poor cpl--they were wanting to F__K us so bad. I did give the other lady a rub down---in matter of fact I gave her an orgasm when rubbing my unit against her clit. Of course we didn't know it at the time until she told us later--lol.

I think we will consider ourselves NOT newbies until we have full swapped at least 3 times. Until now--we will still consider ourself newbies in the soft swing area until we get it down 2 more times in that area too.

We are at the point where our experience guides us in choosing our playmates. Like so many of you, we made some poor choices and had some bad experiences sexually when first starting out. When we got to the point where we could usually tell if it's going to work out before hand, we stopped considering outselves newbies.

We still make mistakes in judgment, but happily, they are few and far between.

I know we are...do to the fact we are still searching for our first experince. We have played around alot...a little kissing other people at parties, even the occasinal flashing. We are both getting more cofident with our bodies with other people. I think once we get totally relaxed sharing with others than that Newb will just fade away. Not there just yet.

I'm a newbie myself. And I must admit that I have been with only men so far and want to try more. I know this may sound a little corny, but I don't know how to phrase what I want to say. I want to try a new experience but am a little scared at the same time. I would appreciate any suggestions on what I should do, NinjaBabe.

I stopped considering myself a newbie when other much newer newbies started asking me for advice. (er.. about 3 yrs in or so?)

I still consider myself somewhat of a newbie because I am sort of new to my new hometown and its club, still have to figure out how we fit into this town fully. Every town and club is a little different.

Having experienced much of what the lifestyle has to offer ... now I call my slow pace "selective" rather than new.

Given that we've never gone for a full swap, some would undoubtedly consider us out-and-out newbies, regardless of anything else. That said, we've had a number of successful encounters, we've found a level that we're comfortable with, and we know what we're doing within the boundaries that we've set for ourselves. We still see ourselves as people who have just started out, who have room to experiment and plenty to learn. We're anything but 'hardened'. If that's the definition of 'newbie', then it fits here.

I consider myself a newbie. I've only been swinging for 4 months and I've had a lot of experiences in that time but I'm still not sure of myself. I think I will stop being a newbie when I have the confidence that I can handle any situation that comes my way.

Also, when I quit being ambivalent about being in the lifestyle although that seems to become more sure each day. Still I doubt that if L and I broke up if I would continue without him, though I might look for my new relationship with someone already in the lifestyle.

We've only been in the lifestyle about a year, but we don't consider ourselves newbies anymore. In fact we feel like the mentor to a couple of couples we know. LOL We are still trying figure that out.

Mr. WS

Been doing this a little over a year, I wouldn't call myself a newbie, but I am not sure what stage I am at.

Thanks for bumping this up, Julie... this is a cool thread!

To me, the word experienced does not necessarily mean "EXPERT".. lol... we ARE experienced. As newbies we weren't sure how to even get our clothes off! Now, we throw them... As newbies, we were unsure if the lack of jealousy in other areas of our lives would carry over when we saw each other with someone else... now we watch our partner and get off on it.

We can tell another couple we are experienced in that we know what we are doing, we have done it, and the stage fright is gone. Couples we would meet now would have that as an assurance that, provided there was chemistry, we could jump in without second guessing.

Now experts we are not. Educated, yes to a large degree (and mostly due to this board, thank you!). Prepared? For the most part, I think yes. But an expert? To me an expert must have these two talents:

*They would be someone who has learned their brain is the best sex organ, so that on the first night together they can, within a reasonable amount of time, find all your hot spots and drive you wild.. simply because they know exactly what they are doing.

*They would be someone who has a good understanding of people (generally) and all the major dynamics within the swinging experience... providing them both with security in their own boundaries as well as being able to put out small fires before they become infernos.

Are we there yet? No way! Are we going to be? You bet.. because two of our main goals is to accomplish both of the above. I don't know WHEN we will get to that point, but as long as we are steady searching for "enlightenment" and open to learning from others it should not take us eons to graduate from here. Least I hope not!

I feel like we are still newbies to a certain degree, we do have a few experiences but we've only played once, maybe twice a month and not since November since May so it still feels much like the first time every time.

As I read this thread and the different things people wrote I was thinking yeah that's us, then I'd read another and think no that's when it happened?? I asked Mr Spoo and he had yet another thing that might have been what made us not feel like newbies

I can't come up with one thing. But I did come up with several . . .

- EternallySingle said it well - the number of horror stories I had were equal to the number of great experiences.

- When other couples or singles ask your opinion or advice.

- When you go to the club and you feel at home instead of like a visitor.

- When you loose that feeling (like a kid with a new toy) that you have to play with someone everytime you go to the club and you learn to watch the red flags and that just being there with friends (play or not) is a fantastic evening.

- And this one is the culmination of all for me. The first couple we got involved with contacted us recently after about a year and we agreed to meet for dinner/drinks. Quick back ground - they've been in the lifestyle for 12 + years, they were our first and we were close friends with them and their kids for about 10-11 mths until there was a misunderstanding over an incorrectly sent email (that's a whole other story). Anyway, going to meet them before and after Mr Spoo and I realized that though we have not been in the lifestyle nearly as long as them (only about 2 yrs) we had a much better understanding of the lifestyle and had grown so much in the year away from them. It is kind of a sad relization but one that tells me I'm not really a newbie anymore, but also that in this lifestyle no matter how long your in it there will always be new things to learn.

Mrs Spoomonkey

Spoo's It's Official - We're No Longer Newbies!!! just begs the question.

In your personal view, what is the point that marks someone from being a newbie to that point where they are no longer?

What was your milestone (if you've had it yet)? If you haven't had it yet, what do you feel like will mark that point for you?

I can't think of what my own would have been. I can remember my first swinging experience, I can remember my first swap, I can even remember my first swinger party. But I could not tell at what point I stopped considering myself a newbie - if I ever did...lol.

I think I'll consider us to not be newbies when 2 things happen:

1 - We find a couple or woman with whom Ken is comfortable with doing her.

2 - When Ken asks another guy to do me.

Rachel

I still feel relatively new, certainly not seasoned by any stretch of the imagination. But I started to feel like not so much of a newbie when my heart no longer raced when meeting someone knew and it was just another fun night out. In the beginning I used to feel so anxious that part of me almost felt like I could turn around and go back home, scared to death of making it a reality. I think by the forth couple I was fairly laid back and talked about more than "What if they don't like us. What if I babble like an idiot. What if I have something stuck in my teeth and don't know it".

I don't know what it's going to take for me to feel seasoned. I'm not sure I even want to feel like that. I like a tiny bit of anxiety, keeps me on my toes.

ALilOEverything said:

I still feel relatively new, certainly not seasoned by any stretch of the imagination. But I started to feel like not so much of a newbie when my heart no longer raced when meeting someone knew and it was just another fun night out.

Ditto for us. We've been active for about 1 1/2 years now, and while we're comfortable, we still have that "new car smell"

We've learned a lot, and have helped other couples new to the scene, but we realize that in the swinging kennel, we're still puppies.

We have been in the Lifestyle for 2 years. We started right off the bat with full swap, had been in a exclusive relationship for a few months and we go to a swinger club almost every week. We have done 3somes, 4somes, and moresomes, I (Babe) have done the bi thing and with all of that, sometimes we STILL feel like Newbies!

For us, I hope we continue to feel like Newbies. Feeling like Newbies makes it still feel new to us, and we kind of like that little butterfly nervous feeling we get meeting new people.

Do we have to stop being newbies? We consider the journey down the lifestyle path as a continuation of our journey together.

This is really a great question and I'm not 100% sure of the answer.

We don't think of ourselves as newbies, even if we have not had as many encounters as some, considering how long we have been doing this. We were never 'slow' our soft swap to full swap turn around was 7 days, and we play first date so we can't use that kind of event as a signal.

I guess we were no longer newbies the first time we met a couple for the initial, yes they look like their pictures moment, went back to there place, played and went home without the newbish 'Oh that was so awsome!' talk but instead talked more about what our plans were later that week, what a nice couple they were, and how it would be nice to live in that area, much like we had a good game of scrabble going.

Perhaps being a newbie is more fun

Actually, my post was only half kidding...

We did walk away from last Friday feeling like we'd finally lost our "newbie" status - but it really wasn't because we didn't know their names.

It was the first night that everything clicked and we DIDN'T walk away from the club having "learned something." It was like we finally were able to put everything we'd learned into practice and have a great time.

We didn't over communicate about whether or not we were going to play with this couple - but we didn't under communicate either.

I was "not shy" (which I struggled with for a very long time) but neither was I obnoxious (i.e. I drink too much when I get nervous, and I am no longer nervous).

Mrs Spoomonkey was a social butterfly and for so long she had been a wall flower, trying to get me out of my shell by laying back a bit.

I was aware of the entire room - and when the other hubby petered out, I divided my time between two women so no one was left un-entertained.

We won three pool games in a row...

I sang a song at the request of a group of people who have (unfortunately) heard me sing before...

And we went home and had NOTHING - no pressing lessons - to discuss. It was weird. It was like we finally fit swinging and swinging finally fit us.

And - we have no idea what their names were

I still consider us newbies because there is one hurdle we have yet to jump. Neither of us has been able to "close the deal". We always wait for the other couple to make the proposition because we haven't yet learned how to read the people or the situation to be sure we are making the right move. Still too shy I guess.

I just had to resurrect this thread.

I was asking Mr. LFM tonight, when does a person stop being a newbie, and looking in the search mode, this is the thread that answered my question the most.

So, when does a person stop being a newbie? Granted, we only started the play part of the lifestyle in August. We thought about it for months beforehand. We've been with two couples, and are having "interviews" on a pretty regular basis, I guess. I still consider us newbies.

If we started playing in August, and we'd been with twenty couples, does that make us veterans (sluts and pervs that we are) because we're so experienced or does it still make a newbie because it's only been a few months?

I'm really interested to read some of your thoughts!

Glad this thread was brought back up, we were talking about this just the other day. The defining moment for us was when we were at an on-premise club and it was 2 AM and noone was doing anything and we were the ones trying to instigate the playing .

Before then we had always seen ourselves as the babes in the woods and most of our discussions were on how we were going to keep ourselves from being pressured or manipulated into doing things we weren't ready for and here we were wishing things would get going along better and we were the ones inviting folks into the orgy room and we were the ones getting naked first and asking folks to join us. That was when we realized maybe we weren't as much the newbies as we had thought.

Perhaps losing ones "newbyinity" isn't so much what you have done or how long you have been doing but rather when you have reached a point you know what it is that you want and know how to go about getting it and have the confidence to pursue it without feeling self consious, embarassed or terrified of rejection.

I asked this question in November, and a few of the regulars did post their opinions in this thread around Post No. 25:

Veteran swingers with newbies?

Hello, my name is Julie and I've been swinging for over 10 years... and I'm a Newbie.

At least that's how I feel lately. I feel as if I'm just starting over again and I am probably the most educated "Newbie" out there when it comes to swinging, but I do feel like I'm going through all the same emotions and questions that every newbie goes through.... all because I'm starting fresh with a new partner. You'd think I'd be fine and he'd be the one with all the questions, but it's an equal thing for us.

I've been asking Mr. Sweet this very question of late. We've "only" been at this five months, and have a lot to learn yet, but:

1) We're comfortable naked and playing with perfect strangers around

2) Had "normal" conversation (kids, recipes, etc.) while the other played

3) Come home not knowing the name of one or more person we played with

4) Made the first move(s) with another couple

5) The local M&G is like home to us now

6) "Broke in" a new couple

7) Given above couple advice on getting started

So do we get our swinger's card yet, or is there a probationary period, lol?

=)

We are still newbies. I guess we will feel this way until we feel 100% comfortable in any situation. May take a while.

I've been asking Mr. Sweet this very question of late. We've "only" been at this five months, and have a lot to learn yet, but:

 

1) We're comfortable naked and playing with perfect strangers around

2) Had "normal" conversation (kids, recipes, etc.) while the other played

3) Come home not knowing the name of one or more person we played with

4) Made the first move(s) with another couple

5) The local M&G is like home to us now

6) "Broke in" a new couple

7) Given above couple advice on getting started

 

So do we get our swinger's card yet, or is there a probationary period, lol?

 

=)

this is a good list....lol. I like it.

Have been active since September 07 and have had a handful of encounters. I consider us just entering the intermediate stage. We won't feel experienced until we are able to stop being so nervous and anxious when meeting new people and when we learn to read people's intentions and desires better. In other words, when this starts to feel natural.

I've been asking Mr. Sweet this very question of late. We've "only" been at this five months, and have a lot to learn yet, but:

 

1) We're comfortable naked and playing with perfect strangers around

2) Had "normal" conversation (kids, recipes, etc.) while the other played

3) Come home not knowing the name of one or more person we played with

4) Made the first move(s) with another couple

5) The local M&G is like home to us now

6) "Broke in" a new couple

7) Given above couple advice on getting started

 

So do we get our swinger's card yet, or is there a probationary period, lol?

 

=)

well we have managed all the way through 5. LOL

We are still newbies. I guess we will feel this way until we feel 100% comfortable in any situation. May take a while.

I don't think we will need to feel 100%, because from what I see in this forum the lifestyle will always throw a few curve balls. But I think we will stop considering ourselves newbies when we reach a certain comfort level. How long that will take I just cant say. But hey as long as we can still have fun as newbies does it really matter?

"somewhat" is the most honest answer I am able to give. I look younger than my real age, which makes it difficult in both swinging & among the general public. I am 46, and am told I appear to be in my 20's. I prefer women & couples nearer my own age .. 40+ that I am not at all in a hurry. This reply is not a ploy for sympathy, to meet me in a public place initially and decide if I am a friend or someone in-passing.

I would have to say, as long as the lifestyle keeps changing and we change within it, we will forever feel like newbies. Yes, we may advise or suggest to others ways to avoid issues, but that does not make us old hands at the lifestyle in any way, shape or form! We have had nearly 3 years under our belts but discover something new aobut ourselves and the lifestyle each time we engage within the activities!

I like knowing that I will learn something new from time to time! It keeps things exciting and new.

We decided we were no longer newbies when we left the hotel room of couple A to have sex with couple B at a swingers club.

Mr. Couple A couldn't get it up. Towards the end of the encounter, we got a text message from couple B inviting us to a club. We were having sex with them within an hour.

At that point we figured we'd earned our swingers' wings.

We have had a few fun play dates. But still feel like newbies.