Cumulative frustration with swinging...

We've been actively swinging for 3+ years now and last night all of the frustrations of the past 3 years hit me all at once...

You know the drill...people who don't show...people who contact you, agree to meet and then change at the last minute and then don't show for the new deal...music at clubs and parties that is just too loud...$8.00 drinks in a 10 oz. cup...people you know who kindly invite your wife to their room but don't mention you...parties that start moving at 1:00 am...the cost of swingin'...pushy people...emailing someone with a "no, thank you" and getting back a "fuck you"...meeting a new couple and finding the wife being dragged along by the husband...missing an email for one reason or another and getting a diatribe from them on my need to take classes for manners...saying "no, thank you" to a black male who emails back to flip the race card...pic collectors...fakes...freaks...FUCK!!!!

So we left the party at 11:00 pm...came home and had sex...it was great but I couldn't get off...too distracted I guess.

Mrs. Ekies is typically the one who lets the frustration show...but it just washed over me last night. I usually take the BS with a grain of salt and promise to NEVER act that way but last night I found myself getting angry.

The best I can figure it must be me...

I've had my rant, right or wrong...feel free to add something, trash me or email me and tell me to get my head out of my ass and quit feeling sorry for myself.

Carry on...

Trace and Mrs. Ekies

I'm sorry. Wow...that is rough...great place to vent. So I wonder know after this all comes out, what's your next move?

While we've not hit all of the issues you have, I feel as you do on occasion. As long as the good outweights the bad, I'm ok with it. We've been swinging for 1.5 years and are still learning. We've have a good level of activity, made a number of new friends and continue to have fun. But we are still learning, just adapt as we go along.

As far as dealing with others, swingings are people and they are not all fun and polite..I just try to deal with it and move on.

Interesting question Learning...Mrs. Ekies said that'd be the first question I'd get...

I have no intention of quitting...enjoy it too much.

So I'll go back to my old ways of taking it with a grain of salt and probably author another rant in here in 3 years.

Thanks for reading...

Trace

Perfect reaction and very normal. It's like who can you vent this to?

I guess what's working for DH and I is that our mind set before was going in and "meeting" people. Now our mindset for when we hit events is chat with more people/work on social skills. It's flowing for me better and less pressure. Every couple has to hit their fit and keep on striving to do better. Giving up is not an option but finding a good fit in this lifestyle is absolutely necessary.

The OP's concerns were experienced by us as well. The only one I recall that he didn't mention was the phone calls my wife would get when I was at work suggesting that she play with them without me.

My swinging has now been reduced to lurking at this site which, believe it or not, is another way to indulge.

Actually thanks for the rant. Even though we are clear across the country I could have just written that word for word. Guess we are the only ones:kissface:

If it wasn't so fun when things do work out, it would be easy to get p'd off.

Susan here-- I really do not know your situation, just a couple of thoughts.

I find men that listen more than they talk (just a bit) work better for me. All too often the guy who talks a lot is talking too much. He ends up displaying insecurities. Or worse, too much self deprecation. In my case, if I'm talking WITH you, I'm interested on some level IN you

You have to pan through a lot of sand to find gold. We have accepted that premise. I admit, I do not suffer fools for long and have very good 'radar'. We tend to meet people in a situation where if they don't show up, we still have a good time. Whenever we are meeting someone, we do exchange cell phone numbers that are confirmed and confirm everything an hour or two beforehand. We love a good webcam not for sexual things, but to be able to see a couple together. If its via phone, both members of the couple need to be present.

Regardless, we never take anything personally. Ed took a bit longer to achieve this. We have had amazingly good results in the Lifestyle because we do not leave too much to luck or chance. Anyway....

LOL I enjoyed the rant also, many things we've also experienced. Swingers are pretty tenacious, this too shall pass

Mrs.

Wow I could have written that, another one is the so called single male that we have been looking for, which we say we aren't and to which he informs us we didn't know yet, but he could make all her dreams come true. When we decline they follow you around different sites commenting on anything you may post. Making up different profiles just to harrass you, you would figure his wife would check to see what he's up to on the computer all that time.

I'm pretty sure that everyone here has come across all the things you list! It's not really particular to the lifestyle.. but to humans. haha!

Nothing wrong with venting.. It all gets to us at one time or another.

In regards to the couples who do not show up.. We have figured the best way to deal with this, and not to have a wasted evening, is to always meet new couples at a meet and greet or a club.. or somewhere we may already be going anyway. We never make plans around a new couple that we have never met.

This way, if they do not show, it's no big deal. We were already going to go there anyway, and are going to have a good time if they show or don't. It doesn't ruin our evening.

Mr. Discreet's biggest frustrations are usually towards the male half of the couples when they will chat me up all day, but won't even say hi to him. Some will even go as far as coming up to us in a club and giving me a hug and won't even shake his hand or acknowledge him at all. This really puts a sour taste in his mouth, and we usually write them off fairly quick. That is just plain disrespectful!

Sounds like it's time to give it a break or quit altogether. It seems like most of your posts have expressed a similar feeling. Maybe we aren't getting the whole story and maybe you just come here to vent. But if the reality of your swinging adventures suck as much as your posts seem to make them sound I'd quit altogether.

Otherwise, think back through those three years and try to find the good times that made it worth the effort and made you keep trying over and over again despite the times that suck. We all seem to go through ups and downs with it. We seem to take a break every 4 or 5 months for a couple of months just to regroup and get our breath, not necessarily because things are going bad but because we just find that it helps us enjoy it all the more when we've taken a break for a while.

You're right Julie...the good times far outweigh the bad...I just needed to put my frustrations in one place to "put them to bed" (talk about bad analogies).

We have an awesome trip planned with friends at the end of June that'll be one for the record books...our best friends are people we met in the lifestyle...we're having better sex than we ever had prior to our adventure in swinging (and it was awesome before)...we look for and find time for just the two of us more than we ever have...

Trace

Hey Trace,

Yep, we understand the frustration too. Sounds like it may have all come to a head the other night. Maybe you just need a bit of a break to recharge. We usually take the Summer off from the clubs/dances. Then when Fall rolls around, we're more charged up to go out and meet our swinger friends at the dances.

House parties sound like the thing for you guys. No loud music, inexpensive as you bring your own beverages, and you don't have to worry about no-shows. Bring up the subject at your next club outing and I'm sure you will get an invite. The house parties are a great way to expand your circle of friends

Good luck and feel free to vent anytime

Brett

We all seem to go through ups and downs with it. We seem to take a break every 4 or 5 months for a couple of months just to regroup and get our breath, not necessarily because things are going bad but because we just find that it helps us enjoy it all the more when we've taken a break for a while.

THAT is so true! We've been doing this instinctively. Huh. Yeah, we seen to have play cycles and just us cycles. Hmm. Hmm.

Need to think more about this, and would love feedback.

M.

My personal frustration with LS comes when we set up a meeting,start playing and I(fem) figure out that this handsome,great looking man with six packs is absolutely assexual person and I don't have chemistry with him what so ever.

Or we start playing and he cums in 2 minutes,gets up proudly and says how happy he is that he is finished.

Or he would not even get hard for me and says that he is too stressed out today.

This is just my 2 cents in addition to everything else you have mentioned.

Mrs.I

Wow I could have written that, another one is the so called single male that we have been looking for, which we say we aren't and to which he informs us we didn't know yet, but he could make all her dreams come true. When we decline they follow you around different sites commenting on anything you may post. Making up different profiles just to harrass you, you would figure his wife would check to see what he's up to on the computer all that time.

I have one word for such males: douchebag!

My personal frustration with LS comes when we set up a meeting,start playing and I(fem) figure out that this handsome,great looking man with six packs is absolutely assexual person and I don't have chemistry with him what so ever.

Or we start playing and he cums in 2 minutes,gets up proudly and says how happy he is that he is finished.

Or he would not even get hard for me and says that he is too stressed out today.

This is just my 2 cents in addition to everything else you have mentioned.

Mrs.I

I am curious how often this happens that handsome men you find are asexual? It is not a rhetorical question. I really want to know because it seems to me that many swingers on this forum have stereotypes of men being ridiculously easy. BTW I never got dudes who want to cum in two minutes.

BTW I am sorry you got shot down.

Well,for me sexuality and looking sexy has totally different roots and meanings.

Being fairly young 38. and pretty much polished up I have an advantage of choosing guys in LS.

There were several occasions when I would decide to play with a very good looking man and he turns out to be very plain.

Very basic skills,cums fast,can't pick my my vibes,can't see when to slow down when to speed up.He won't let me know if I am making him happy if I should change my techniques, speed,positions, etc.Can't open his mind to connect with me.Over all can't offer much besides good looking body and face.

It happened couple times and it brings a lot of frustartion on my part.

Couple times we would play MFM and when the guy would see my hubby's package,he is about 8' and thick,he would instantly get down and no matter what I do would not get up.

It brings a lot of frustration as well.

It happened couple times when we played with fairly new to the LS couples when husband would offer very limited foreplay and 2 min f***

Usually their wives become very happy with my hubby because he entertaines them for quite a while,meantime I would have to pull all tricks out of my sleeve to turn a bad ''game to a pretty good'' game".UNFAIR.

Sounds like you need a break. Have you had any positive experiences? I've been through a lot of what you've been through but I always expected the worst. I never trust strangers. The effort is worth it when you find a good, or if you're lucky, awesome!, playmate. I was happy just to find one good man that was interested in my wife, always got hard for her, and always gave her a good fuck. I didn't think she needed a lot of different guys. I was happy that she agreed to try it, that she liked it, and was willing to do it again and again. I never got tired of watching the same guy have sex with her.

Oh,no I didn't mean to sound so negative.I thought this thread was about frustration with swinging.LOL

We did have some good actually great experiences.We do have couple of regular guys for different scenarios.

It just in general how much time is waisted for chatting,setting up a meeting,getting ready,meeting,talking,finally getting a room and realizing that he can't get up or can't keep erection in condom or all of the above I mentioned previously.I would prefer this time spent on my family,kids or just watching a good movie.

That's why I like to have regular ones.Always hard,no money and time waisted and I go home with a big smile on my face.