Is Porn-Style Sex the Swinging Norm?

Hello,

We've been in the lifestyle for about a year. We've really enjoyed it, and it's changed our lives for the better in countless ways. However, we're having some issues with the style of sex that lifestylers seem to want and expect from us. Perhaps we're a little vanilla in our own right, but neither of us have experienced the type of techniques as we have with the couples we've met in the lifestyle.

After talking about it this morning, we thought that we would post this question to the swingersboard community and see if what we're experiencing is typical of swingers in general, typical of swingers in our area, or just a run of bad luck on our parts.

Let me start by saying we're not judging anyone's style or technique. We fully understand that everyone has their way of doing things and that they do what they enjoy. It could be that lifestylers tend like it one way, and it's just not our thing. Please understand, we're also not saying EVERYONE does what I'm going to be describing, but it has been the most common technique.

I'll get to the meat of things: We've been with about 15 couples in the past 11 months. It seems that the vast majority of the people we've been with like a faster style of sex. The best way to describe it is to compare it to what you would see in pornos. Go fast, go hard, and pound her until she's sore.

We're both 40 and have both been with our share of partners. We both think we were good lovers and neither of us ever had any complaints. At the same time, neither of us had really experienced anything like this in the vanilla world. We both tend to prefer slower and sensual style of sex -- not that there's not a place for going faster on occasion, but it was never like it is in the lifestyle -- where I've had women pace me (moving my hips) at a quick clip from literally the first thrust.

Mrs. O'swinger always felt she gave a good BJ, but the guys she's run into in the LS seem to want to (as she describes it) "f*** her face" -- thrusting quickly in and out of her mouth. She doesn't really care for that.

It's all just a little too much for us. It's too fast and not very sensual. We find it animalistic and impersonal. We both feel a little out of our element.

So, here's what we want to know: Is this the norm? Do you find that this is what most LS'ers want as well? Is this what you enjoy?

We are NOT looking for advice on finding compatible couples. This is the first step in doing exactly that. We just want to get a handle on how common this is so we know how to approach getting what we want. If we hear that this is the preferred style of sex in the LS, we'll handle things one way; if we find it's just been a run of bad luck on our part, we'll handle it another.

Thanks for the input!

We've been in the L/S for a year, and have been with about 12 couples (some house party experiences make it hard to really count couples), so a similar number. I would say the majority of our experiences have been slower, longer times. We prefer to more sensual experiences. But if my swap partner want's it fast and hard I'll go with what she likes.

Regarding the face pounding, if your wife is not into that it should not occur.

So from our experience porn-style sex is not the norm for us.

Not what we have experienced. Just one vote so let's see what other say.

WELCOME, by the way, to the Swingersboard.

~Michael

 

So, here's what we want to know: Is this the norm? Do you find that this is what most LS'ers want as well? Is this what you enjoy?

 

Thanks for the input!

to the Swingersboard!!

Swinging has been our hobby for a little over 3 years, and we've never encountered this, either. Our partners, if they've thought about it, have never said a thing that this is what they desire.

Susan here-- I tend to find that men respond to the vibe I'm giving off. I also communicate my needs and respond to their needs. Problems can occur when little communication is going on and people miscue. If a man is being more physical than normal a simple,"Oh, slower, is better for tonight," and they'll respond appropriately.

I am glad you posted this question! I have been wondering the same thing. In my experiences more often than not it is how you described it.

It seems that the vast majority of the people we've been with like a faster style of sex. The best way to describe it is to compare it to what you would see in pornos. Go fast, go hard, and pound her until she's sore.

I can only think of three playmates that were sensual and slow , the rest... you get the picture. I find this most unappealing, yes there are times when fast is good, but I have to agree with the impersonal feeling when thats all they can or are willing to do. I will not have an orgasm being pounded like a porn star, and unless there was some oral thown in there at some point, I will end up leaving sore and dissapointed...

It makes me wonder of the guys think this is the "how your supposed to do it". Its fine that a partner likes certian positions but mix it up some for Pete's sake! This could easily turn into a rant, so I will spare everyone that

In over 30 years we have experienced both types.

We have found that MOST of the time it will turn into what we let it turn into.

If we want it hard and fast, they respond the same way. MOST of the time partners seem to respond to what is asked for or allowed.

You may find things more to your liking if you take a bit of the control and let others know what you like and dislike. No one reads minds.

Many times at clubs where time can be limited people tend to get it on and get it off rather then go the slow route. Express that is not your thing and I am betting you find more people that are into your style.

We have found over the years that those that tend to be the most dissatisfied with the sex in the Lifestyle are the ones that go along to get along.

We figure we were about 60% passionate and slow going.

30% porno.

The porno, being at my request

I should add that anyone we had a little porno sex with, everything was pre discussed. I couldnt have imagined it any other way....

Mrs. Alura and I were married for twenty-nine years and played with other couples for (I'm gonna guess...) 18 of it including years taken off to get pregnant and have two children, times with no playmates, and the years spent fighting breast cancer.

In thinking over the couples we played with (never in a club situation) I can't think of any who preferred "sexual athletics" over "sensual encounters." Mind you, there were times when things got heated and the pace quickened, but "pounding until the lady was sore" and "fucking faces" were not a part of our experiences.

We always communicated with our partners and wouldn't let things go where we didn't want them. Laura was particularly good at letting her partner know exactly what she wanted. She wasn't a "hot talker" (which we both found to be phony) but she was never hesitant to say things like "Slow down a bit ... take it easy." or "UMMMM! That's nice!" or "Swirl your tongue over my clit, please. Yeah... that's it! Ummmm." or "C'mon, quit holding back... give me a mouthful of that hot stuff!"

It's interesting that communication is almost always the answer to problems that arise in swinging.

Mr. Alura

If we want it hard and fast, they respond the same way. MOST of the time partners seem to respond to what is asked for or allowed.

Very true, but sometimes they dont have a clue as they are thinking of themselves and are not really in tuned with their partner. Maybe they just were not truely compatable play patners to begin with, but when you try and direct them and they keep reverting back to "their" way tells me they were not. What do you do? It kinda kills the moment when you have to keep saying "slow down, not so fast, easy, dont do that, not so hard....etc". I like it certian ways and other playmates like it another way, is there room for compromise? There should be...

Porn-style sex is definitely not the norm in our experience. More or less what we experience is "normal" sex, with a good blend of slow and sensual and more athletic and intense periods. Anyone who f*cks my face gets set straight pretty quickly. I love giving blow jobs but that just won't do. Sometimes I wonder if a guy *wants* my dinner in his lap .

I think Vegas Lee said it the best... what you allow to happen, will happen. Definitely let a new partner know what you like, both in words and in actions. It is really best if you let them know beforehand -- and can also be part of the seduction.

Okay, I'm getting excited now.

I am happy to say that we have not come across this yet. We have come across men who tend to be very aggressive, not abusive, just aggressive but it has a lot to do with the excitement.

Mrs. Diggs is originally from NJ so she has no problem with taking control of the situation very fast if she is unhappy with what is happening. I often worried when we got into the lifestyle if we were going to run into a lot of things we saw in porns. Thankfully, we have not encountered anything that we didn't want yet. I think a lot of that has to do with how well you screen your perspective partners and then there is no guarantee.

First off Welcome to the board!

Second, to echo the others, Yes there are those that are way to aggresive.. However, No one said you cant have it your way.. Be clear, and spell it out to whomever you are playing with BEFORE the clothes come off..

Remember the story of the young bull and the old bull?

Spell it out, you can have a evening that last an hour, or hours...

When I read "porno style sex" I thought you were going to tell us your partners thus far had wanted crazy positions... I've run into a couple of those but they are rare. What you described, however, is more common.

I can tell you it's not what this LSer enjoys... I do at times like it hard and fast, but one thing I can't stand is a guy fucking my face. I'm in control when my gag reflex is involved and I set the page. Trying to control it on your end is the fastest way to end a bj.

I think perhaps part of what you are experiencing is that so many people in the LS feel that slow sensuous sex is related to romance and love and people are scared of combining the two. There are plenty out there who'd prefer the slower style tho. I'd suggest making it clear both in your ads and in person that you prefer to go a little slower in your sex, no pounding, no wham bam thank you maam, just slow and enjoyable and see what happens.

My guess (based on your rate of couples) is that you are primarily meeting couples in clubs at this point. Perhaps trying a more one on one approach where it's not all about the sex and moving on would be better for you.

**edit** reading back through the other posts, they are right. Feedback will go a long way in making the play turn out the way you want it. Especially from the female to the male. If he starts going too fast / hard tell him to slow it down and lighten up. I've gone so far as to say "hey slow down jackrabbit this ain't no race" and it usually works pretty well. I think sometimes people in the LS think that is what is expected (because of the reasons I mentioned above) and they don't want to offend someone by having them think they are being "romantic" with their partner. Letting them know what you desire will help ease any tensions they have regarding doing so.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to share experiences. Sorry it took so long to respond but for some reason we were unable to reply until our account was activated despite being able to make the original post.

No disrespect to anyone here, but am I the only one that sees the irony in the fact that some (and I stress SOME) of the people who are talking about how important communication is are the only ones that didn’t actually answer the question we posed? Sorry, I’m not here to make enemies, but that IS kind of ironic, you have to admit.

Anyhow, a lot of this became about communication, so let’s tackle that issue head on. This is NOT about communication; this is about style. When communication was brought up, a number of people seemed to make the assumption that we’re somehow victims of our partners and don’t know how to stop it. That’s not at all the case. N8ture Girl grasped the situation perfectly in her second post. As she so aptly noted, this is a problem of clashing styles and not a right vs. wrong, us vs. them issue. Just as we might walk away saying they were too hard and fast, they might walk away saying we couldn’t give it to them hard enough. There are no “bad guys” here.

The Mrs. has told her partners that she prefers to have it slow (some listened, others listened for a minute and then went back to pounding); but, at the same time, the sex is not just about us. We’re not there to impose our style on anyone any more than we want them to impose theirs on us. We want everyone to have a good time and get what they want. That’s only fair. As for the face fucking, I think the Mrs. was just trying to provide them the BJ experience they liked. It wasn’t so offensive that she wanted it to stop right that second, but it’s not what she likes.

That’s the crux of the issue: we don’t like what our partners seem to like. As we said, if it does tend to be this way, we need to approach how we meet couples differently (we tend to meet the majority of our playmates online). If it’s not the norm, we need to understand why we’re attracting this kind of partner. This is the reason for our post. We need to know if we need to take responsibility for meeting the wrong types of people, or if this style is a fact of life in swinging. Without that information, we can’t know how to proceed.

Thanks to all of you that answered that question. We now understand that this is not the norm. As a result, we’ve gone over the partners we’ve had and we think we understand why we’ve ended up with this type of couple. It’s probably a combination of what’s in our profile, the area we live in, and some of our preferences that may be coming together to create the problem. I don’t want to get into the details because I don’t want to offend anyone -- which is bound to happen if I start naming specifics.

Anyhow, this was very enlightening and we think we may have some real answers. Our thanks to everyone!

My best to y'all, CoupleOswingers! I'm pleased that your first interaction with us was a pleasant one and that you feel you've found some real answers. In my years on this board, I've found that "real answers" are the norm from the wonderful folks we have here.

I hope you'll return to ask more or follow up on this one. We'd all love an update on how you use the thoughts we've shared to solve the challenges y'all have had.

Mr. Alura

(we tend to meet the majority of our playmates online)

I think many of the replies didn't bother to add on with "yeah not our experience either", because a number of people had already provided that information. So instead they offered tangential opinion/advice to try and help. I call that reading between the lines and getting to an area of offering potential solutions, rather than poor communication. Ironic or not

As for the online bit; if you are meeting these couples online then definitely put something in your profile about the style of sex that you both enjoy the most. Make it clear that there is a time for hard and fast, but that slow and steady is mostly what you like. Or however describes what you like. That will likely help you when sorting through the couples. It might be easier to know if we knew the specific situation/preferences that you both seek, but if you're not comfortable sharing that then I understand

I think many of the replies didn't bother to add on with "yeah not our experience either", because a number of people had already provided that information. So instead they offered tangential opinion/advice to try and help. I call that reading between the lines and getting to an area of offering potential solutions, rather than poor communication. Ironic or not

I get what you're saying, but the two responses I'm thinking of were pretty close to the top. And don't get me wrong, I have nothing against what Alura and JustAskJulie did, which was to provide an answer and throw in some additional thoughts. At the same time, I put in our message that we weren't asking for help on finding compatible couples because I know how quickly a post can degenerate into something the OP didn't ask. While I appreciate everyone's experience, we were looking for a very specific set of information.

In fact, JustAskJulie is a perfect example of how a couple of off-target replies can taint the rest of the answers. JustAskJulie responded perfectly -- she answered the question and added some thoughts. Then she read (or reread) the other replies. She didn't even think to bring up communication in her initial response; but, after seeing that everyone else was talking about it, she saw the question in a new light and thought communication was relevant enough to edit her post to discuss it. How many people went through that same process but didn't actually mention it in the post? So now the posts from that point on are suddenly about communication rather than the style of sex everyone has experienced, and the utility of the thread is diminished. This is fine if you're talking about your favorite position, but not so much in this case.

I don't want to make a big deal out of it. I understand that everyone is trying to help. I just found this case to be very funny.

It might be easier to know if we knew the specific situation/preferences that you both seek, but if you're not comfortable sharing that then I understand

It's nothing special, which is exactly why I'm afraid of offending half the board. We're a full-swap in the same room couple. It's not a rule; just a preference. Other than condoms, we don't have any rules other than the typical common sense stuff of be respectful, ask before you start shoving things up butts, no animals, oink means no, etc.

OK, now that I'm sure all but about two people hate me...

I don't think anybody hates you, coupleOswingers. There have been a few who have gained that distinction, but you've not even come close to crossing the line to become the (shall we say?) "not so highly regarded."

You have a strong ability to express your thoughts which is a big asset for this board. I look forward to reading your opinions on other subjects. It seems there is both wisdom and the ability to express yourself in the written word which you will be able to use effectively to help others here.

Please stop by our Welcome New Members (aka introductions) forum and tell us more about yourself. We are glad you've joined us.

Mr. Alura

Okay, I have another thought, and it's really close to addressing the question at hand ... 'magine that!!

Mrs. Alura and I were never clubbers, vanilla or swing. We met our playmates either among friends (I know, that's a no-no to a lot of folks but it worked for us.) or just in our every day life. We might have enjoyed clubs if it hadn't been for the smoke and loud music, but that's another issue.

We always preferred to have sex with our friends rather than strangers. Perhaps that's why our encounters were always more sensual than athletic. We knew each other and had nothing to prove.

Mr. Alura

This is a very interesting topic. We've settled on private house parties as our favorite swinging opportunity and I guess that setting tends to encourage a faster, more energetic style for sex - "party sex". I think most one-on-one sessions last about an hour because at some point, someone else is usually waiting to use the room. Of course, just about any style or pace is possible. I think better chemistry and communication tend to encourage a slower pace and a more satisfying experience.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to share experiences. Sorry it took so long to respond but for some reason we were unable to reply until our account was activated despite being able to make the original post.

It was nothing against you personally, the registration process is set up a certain way in an effort to keep the incidents of spammers to a bare minimum.

No disrespect to anyone here, but am I the only one that sees the irony in the fact that some (and I stress SOME) of the people who are talking about how important communication is are the only ones that didn’t actually answer the question we posed? Sorry, I’m not here to make enemies, but that IS kind of ironic, you have to admit.

I personally don't find it in the least bit strange at all. Even though this is the written word, responses will ebb and flow just like in a spoken word conversation.

How many times have you started a conversation on a certain topic and/or asked a specific question and due to bits of information given as background to the topic/question, you've received answers that didn't really pertain to the question and/or the conversation veered off 180 degrees?

That's one of the things I love about this board...you usually get more than you asked for and in the process of the written conversations we have here, someone usually learns something new

It's all just a little too much for us. It's too fast and not very sensual. We find it animalistic and impersonal. We both feel a little out of our element.

 

So, here's what we want to know: Is this the norm? Do you find that this is what most LS'ers want as well? Is this what you enjoy?

 

We are NOT looking for advice on finding compatible couples. This is the first step in doing exactly that. We just want to get a handle on how common this is so we know how to approach getting what we want. If we hear that this is the preferred style of sex in the LS, we'll handle things one way; if we find it's just been a run of bad luck on our part, we'll handle it another.

 

Thanks for the input!

The questions you asked are ones that there will be no definite answer to. Everyone's experience in swinging will be different.

Is this the norm?

For some yes, for others no. For us personally, we've experienced both...not only with different partners but, with the same partners. Just the other night we were watching a video we had made with one of our playmates...it was very soft, very sensual and at times, seemed very loving. However, I have many memories of the three of us being together and it being very hardcore down and dirty.

Do you find that this is what most LS'ers want as well?

Some of our playmates yes, others no. There are those we play with that it's purely just about the sex, the harder, the faster, the better. Others it's a much slower, softer playtime. Nothing wrong with either style.

Is this what you enjoy?

The variety and differences? Oh hell yeah! The porn style sex? At times yes, at other times I want it slower and softer.

There really is no "preferred style of sex" in swinging...there's only personal preferences. Sometimes you luck out and find others who share the same preferences in their style of sex, other times you don't. When you don't, you just keep looking.

Teresa

OK, as the resident jr grump....it is somewhat offputting to be asked advice and then later lectured about the advice not sticking to the topic as the original poster intended....it won't incent people to give requested advise in the future. I found a long time ago that while you may control the question you very rarely control the answers offered.

Anyhow, welcome! And I hope the place becomes useful to you in some form or fashion.

I/we prefer it slow and sensual most times. Sometimes she's in the mood to be fucked and sometimes she's in the mood to be made love to. A regular lover will give it to her both ways when he gets to know us. You never know what to expect from new playmates. The worst are the wannabe porn stars. I'll speak for myself in that in my opinion most commercial porn is about as erotic as rubbing my cock against a rock.

*Snip snip*

So, here's what we want to know: Is this the norm? Do you find that this is what most LS'ers want as well? Is this what you enjoy?

 

Answer No. 1-It depends on the person, to be honest. I will say this: there are a lot of people in the lifestyle on this side of the Atlantic who see swinging as a sexual contact sport (especially among the metropolitan crowd). For them, tender and slow lovemaking is for their SOs and the inevitable "favorite partner(s)", but casual playmates are seen as "emotionless humpables". I wish that I was joking about that idea, but the first couple who I met in this part of the country put me on their "Recommend to others" list because I'm not a big fan of extreme porno-style fucking, and they were looking for an Eric Everhard/Nacho Vidal-type "pussy punisher". Of course, the people who they suggested for me to meet were usually in the 35+ crowd, so everything worked out pretty well.

Answer No. 2-Once again, it depends on the person. And once again, that ideal seems to be American/Asian-centric. The first couple that I met in Europe was shocked that I was putting on my clothes after the first encounter. The wife had to literally grab my sleeve and say, "Is that it? Do you have to go somewhere?" When I told her that I thought that they wanted me to leave, he laughed and gave me a glass of wine and said, "It's Samstag. What else is there to do on a weekend?" OTOH, the last couple that I met on my last trip to New York pulled the yawning and clock-watching trick before an hour had passed. IME, newer swingers seem to be more likely to expect a "Wham, bam, thank you ma'am", style of date, and the more experienced ones are more likely to want to make an evening of it on this side of the world.

Answer No. 3-I'm the type of person who likes to take his time and smell the "roses":hahaha: I'm already down a couple of points by being a single male, I'd rather not compound my deficits by appearing to be a selfish or inconsiderate lover as well. And your post adds credence to my belief that slow and steady wins the race.

OK, as the resident jr grump....it is somewhat offputting to be asked advice and then later lectured about the advice not sticking to the topic as the original poster intended....it won't incent people to give requested advise in the future. I found a long time ago that while you may control the question you very rarely control the answers offered.

 

Anyhow, welcome! And I hope the place becomes useful to you in some form or fashion.

Thanks -- and it has been helpful. The majority of the answers were very helpful and even gave us the information we need to solve our problem.

I get your other point; however, it wasn't that they didn't stick to the topic; it was that we were told we didn't know how to communicate by people who utterly failed to communicate, when communication wasn't the issue. It still amuses me. If it weren't for the fact that they were touting communication as being so important, I wouldn't have brought it up. I mean, if I said that I was telling my mistress that I think monogamy is very important, you might question that statement, right? (if you didn't get what's odd about that sentence, you might want to read it again) If I mentioned my mistress OR I told you I thought monogamy was important, you wouldn't think either were very odd; however, that first sentence is going to get some attention. As it should.

Actually, I'm going to take some of that back. I'm not amused. I was annoyed. I came to this group asking for advice and had two people tell me that I need to communicate better while they themselves jumped to some radical conclusions about us -- and miscommunicated.

We asked for people's experiences and got some unsolicited lectures (speaking of being lectured). I'm not sure where someone gets off "teaching" me that "people are not mind readers" after jumping to the conclusion that we didn't communicate our needs. Don't assume that I'm expecting people to read my mind when having sex with them. That's insulting! I'm not a child in need of a father to teach me the ways of the world. I don't need, and didn't ask for, your "wisdom." It assumes you knows more than I do, that you're a better swinger than I am, and that you've got your shit together more than we do. Just as is being told that we're "going along to get along." You don't know us. Who are you to jump to these WILDLY inaccurate conclusions about us?

Does this poster do this all the time? Does it make him feel smart and important to assume I'm a complete idiot in need of his eduction?

No less unkind was the assumptions made by the person who said, "Problems can occur when little communication is going on and people miscue." Who said "little communication" was going on? We didn't. Please don't assume that we're meek little children that need you to educate us on how the world works. It's not a miscue to assume out of nowhere that we're too stupid to understand that we need to tell people what we want?

How often do these people make assumptions like this? Are they constantly assuming that they know more than the others on this site (particularly the noobs)? Do they go around telling others things like they need to communicate more just to appear wise? I could answer every post with such topics as "communication is important," "know your partners needs," "make sure you're ready for such a big step," and "your partner MUST come first" whether it's a relevant answer or not and appear to be the Wise Swinger too. But it's not helpful, it highjacks the conversation, and it degrades the level of help offered to the victims of this crap. It's tearing people down to elevate yourself. It's wrong.

We didn't deserve a lecture. And the worst part was, after the lecture was given, others joined in, albeit more innocently -- the whole post was taken off course by the first couple of people to lecture us; all while touting the importance of communication! WTF? And you don't see a problem with that?

See, all these assumptions I'm making about these two people aren't very nice, are they? They don't feel very good to them, I'm sure. Well, If they anger you, then THEIR assumptions about US should anger you just as much.

Wow. Okay, NOW I've offended someone. I guess it was bound to happen if this conversation went long enough. I was really trying not to get this specific, but there was no way to express what angered me about the situation without talking about what was actually said.

Maybe you think I'm being too sensitive, but please keep in mind I never intended to actually say all that. I was just expressing my annoyance at the assumptions made about us while we endured a couple of unwelcome lectures by people telling us we don't know how to communicate.

Hey, I may not always be politically correct, but you'll always know exactly what I think. Like that's even remotely helpful, I'm sure.

Thanks to everyone who have continued to post their experiences. They have been very interesting. It seems more of you are saying that you have run across this a little more than the first people to answer the question.

In any case, it's told us that we need to look for some signs that we hadn't thought about looking for before. Naturally we were looking for red flags that might tell us a couple was a potential problem, but now we're looking a little deeper into what kind of people they are. Perhaps if someone's profile says her fantasy is, "to be fucked until I can't walk" we should think twice? I mean, I guess I want to think of myself as a guy who leaves a woman a (happy) crumpled mess in the corner; yet, maybe that's not exactly who I am.

But seriously, thanks to everyone. Your posts have made a difference for us.

Well I guess we're in the minority here. We both like the pounding and "sport fucking". Not only in our swinging but in our one on one sex. And we're very upfront about that in our profile. We tend to be very cautious going into encounters though. We know we're a bit rough and not in the majority so we don't want to scare anyone. It's not a necessity as much as a desire. We start out just "feeling out" our partners. In more cases than not, though, we've found our partners are just as freaky as us. We like a little choking, hair pulling and ass slapping. I know. We're freaks. As far as the face fucking goes, some like it and some don't. Obviously there are many different techniques and everyone has their own. We were with a couple last week in which the female half had no gag reflex. All I can say is WOW! She loved to be throat fucked forcefully. She could not get enough. Others we've been with want nothing to do with it. We just think it's WAAAY hotter. Again, that's just our preference.

Thanks to everyone who have continued to post their experiences.

In any case, it's told us that we need to look for some signs that we hadn't thought about looking for before. Naturally we were looking for red flags that might tell us a couple was a potential problem, but now we're looking a little deeper into what kind of people they are.

There are as many ways of fucking as there are people. Some like to fuck it hard and rough. Some like to fuck and have intercourse with your partner in a more civil way and bring your partner to a delicious orgasm with gentle strokes and protracted intercourse with your penis playing in her hot and wet pussy. We are in the latter category. We don't particularly like hard and rough fucking.

So, in our experience, what you report is not for us the "norm" when swinging, swapping mates, playing and fucking your swap partner. For some couples it may be. We try to stay away from them in as much as possible and do not ask to have sex with them, play and/or fuck.

I the female hate wasting time on a couple or single that has that oh hum hum sex. You know that sex that is good, but it could have been better kind of sex. We are more into couples or singles that have that mind blowing sex that make you want to cum back for more. There is nothing like findind a couple or single that loves having sex the way you enjoy it. If you are not finding what you like, then keep on searching. That perfect couple or single is out there somewhere.

Argh, being young you find a lot more people that expect porno style sex because of internet porn being so easy to get a hold of. A lot of my experiences started with men expecting it all to go like a porn. Frequent position changes (often very uncomfortable ones), a lot of hard pounding, that kind of crap. I wouldn't say it's the norm, but I would say I see a lot more of it with people around my age (22) than I do with the other men I've been with.

Personally I can't handle that whole "pound her til she screams and make her gag on your man parts" crap. I get tired and irritated and just want to be left alone after all that. I do sometimes like fast paced sex, but usually only with the person I'm seeing at the time. It's something I find sexy if it's a quickie before work because we just have to have each other. If I go through the work of finding another couple to be with, I want to enjoy the experience. Not walk funny for a couple of days.

Hello,

 

I'll get to the meat of things: We've been with about 15 couples in the past 11 months. It seems that the vast majority of the people we've been with like a faster style of sex. The best way to describe it is to compare it to what you would see in pornos. Go fast, go hard, and pound her until she's sore.

I always thought that a gentleman adjusts his style to please the woman. That's certainly what I always try to do. Some playmates like it harder or faster or rougher, while others like it slower, more sensual, with more teasing. I'd say that more than half of my pleasure comes from pleasing my playmate. And I think a lot of guys feel the same way. Now, of course, we swing mostly with folks near our age, which means over 50, so it may be different with callow youth!