Is it polite to ask for pics?

Lately we have gotten some email messages on SLS some on our account and some on hers. When we reply we politely ask for a face pic. ,nothing nude. We like to know who we are chatting with online or to see who to look for went and if we meet. Also there has to be some kind of attraction. We have pics open to them and we also wrote in our profile that we would please appreciate that if we show you our pics can we see some of you? I think its only fair. But when we email back asking for a pic we never get a reply back. It doesn't bother us just looking to find some insight into this.

If you have any thoughts of meeting it is not only OK to ask for pics but it is irresponsible and dumb not to. If you don't establish that someone at least meets a minimum level of physical attractiveness then you are just wasting your time and theirs to set up a meeting.

If someone refuses to send a recent authentic face and clothed body pic then do not remain in contact with them. period.

If you have any thoughts of meeting it is not only OK to ask for pics but it is irresponsible and dumb not to. If you don't establish that someone at least meets a minimum level of physical attractiveness then you are just wasting your time and theirs to set up a meeting.

 

If someone refuses to send a recent authentic face and clothed body pic then do not remain in contact with them. period.

Couldn't agree more. We actually had someone email us (for the 2nd time) on Friday asking if we would be at the club on Saturday. For the 2nd time, we asked for pictures. G-rated is fine - we understand not everyone has taken sexy pics. Took us MONTHS after joining sls to do so. And yes, we were going to the club and would've been happy to meet them, if we knew what they looked like! We got no response. Maybe they were there, but how would we know?

We have always asked for pics. We typically do not even look at profiles without pictures - but if they contact us, we want to see who we are talking to.

So it's not only polite, it's a requirement.

It is totally reasonable to ask for pics. Also, if you ask for pics and get no response, then I can safely say that the account is a fake account. Any reasonable person would be more than happy to show their pics to someone that they are going to meet. If they are for real!

S

I don't find it easy telling someone we're are not interested, but it's even worse after some amount of communication via email or chatting. So I always ask for pics and say G-rated are fine. Our profile ask for those contacting us to have pictures or include in the email. Sometimes people read that, other times not.

Before we ever meet, we ask for a full body and face pic. We always specify that G-rated is perfectly acceptable since that is all we would send back. We reciprocate as well. If there is no attraction then either one of us will politely give a "no thank you"

We would never send or request pictures until we have chatted for some time either. I do believe it is impolite to ask for them in a chat room after 2 minutes, and will never send them in that case. That to us screams of fake profiles and pic collectors.

I don't find it easy telling someone we're are not interested, but it's even worse after some amount of communication via email or chatting. So I always ask for pics and say G-rated are fine. Our profile ask for those contacting us to have pictures or include in the email. Sometimes people read that, other times not.

We have posted in both profiles the same as what you ask, but its funny how people don't read thru all the way. But we are with you on what you said above. We have been around long enough that we want to know if their is any attraction before we waste both couples time. It is very akward to get pics later and have to tell them we are not interested that is why we try to stress asking for pics.

I think its fair enough to ask for a recognizable picture if someone wants to meet us.

Sure, why not ?

If someone doesn't want to in return, at least explain why.

We know people who don't have pictures in their profiles. We understand why...

My husband and I have really agonized over this. We completely realize that seeing the couple you are talking with-is well-absolutely essential! I mean, physical attraction is a must. So we completely understand when a couple asks us for a picture of our faces...

But here is the thing-like many other people who are in this lifestyle, my husband and I hold very public jobs-and we are both VERY worried that our pictures or identity might find their way to the wrong hands-and most likely end our careers. So what can we do? We just have to be really careful about who we are talking with-we have to make sure that who we are talking with-is someone we can have some level of trust with, someone who is not a picture collector for instance.

We realize that most people seeking friends need to know that 1. the couple is real, 2. the couple has a female and 3. that the couple is attractive.

If the couple that contacts us has certifications, we are much, much more likely to be willing to possibly share face pictures, but if they aren't certified then we aren't sure at all that we can trust them with our identity. We have bumped into quite a few picture collectors already, UGH:(

So what can we do? well...

I don't know if this is the right answer but here is what we have decided to do. We post pictures of ourselves publically-but we block out our faces. Then we went and bought a webcam-and we openly let everyone know that we are happy to talk via webcam face to face-if they do too, maybe even if they don't. If they don't have a webcam,- then we are happy to talk to them on the phone-or meet in person-to prove that we are real and that there is a female present;). We are also in the process of making a video for swinglifestyle-again, so people can see that we are REAL..

We completely understand that alot of couples without certifications might not be willing to put up with our reservations about revealing our identity online...but all we can do is hope that from reading our profile, from seeing our bodies and from hearing our voices-that they are willing to take the time to get to know us....and build up the trust necessary.

We HATE that we have to be this way. But we don't know what else to do.

We would love to try a club, but we are a bit intimidated by that. We would love to attend a smaller, more intimate house party, but since we are newbies-we aren't exactly sure how to get invited to one-we understand that those are usually for close friends..We realize that all of this takes time...and so we are trying to be patient and understanding...

We are newbies with almost no experience so if anyone has any thoughts about all of this-please let us know...we appreciate honesty..

Getting started in this lifestyle is proving to be hard work;)

S

OP,

I don't think it is unreasonable to ask for pictures. But we also have face pics readily posted on our profile. We have taken the tack of 'if someone finds us, they are ratting on themselves too'. And yes...we ran into someone we both used to work with (for me it was a peripheral contact, for my sweetie it was a former supervisor). Guess what, the world didn't end and things are still 'normal' when/if we see this guy and his wife at company functions.

Erotic Wishes,

Some of what I just said could apply to you as well (as far as pics, etc). You are going to run into people who just want to trade pics, it's the nature of the beast.

One thing you might want to consider as far as certifications go, not every 'legitimate' couple has them. Just do a search here for 'certifications'. Even if they are fairly ambiguous ('this couple is real!'), some people just don't give or accept certs because really...it's no one else's business who you have met up with or played with.

In the end you need to do what is comfortable for you. Check SLS for local events like meet and greets or an off premise club if you don't quite feel up to jumping into an on premise. It is alot of work sometimes. lol

We found a club a great way to slide into the lifestyle. It's a sex charged atmostphere and even if you only wind up with each other at the end of the night, that's great. Regarding house parties, we were invited to one cold, not knowing anyone and met some nice people. And once you meet a few people you then meet their friends and friends of friends...etc. If you can find a local meet & greet that's also a nice pressure free environment.

We post pictures of ourselves publically-but we block out our faces. Then we went and bought a webcam-and we openly let everyone know that we are happy to talk via webcam face to face-if they do too, maybe even if they don't. If they don't have a webcam,- then we are happy to talk to them on the phone-or meet in person-to prove that we are real and that there is a female present;). We are also in the process of making a video for swinglifestyle-again, so people can see that we are REAL..

I think the webcam idea should work well, especially if you are willing in certain cases to show yourselves on cam even if the other couple doesn't. I'd say that if the other couple has shown you face pictures, then perhaps you might want to consider the "maybe even if they don't" scenario. The reason I say this is that much of the time when we are corresponding and deciding whether to meet someone, we are not camera ready. Meaning, we have worked out and haven't showered . But if a couple felt more comfortable saying hello on cam than sending pictures, even though we had shown ours, I would feel like they were being reasonable and accomodating.

We often run across the situation where a couple doesn't want to show their faces, and occasionally we think there are good reasons for it. We have met people a few times who would not show their faces beforehand at all. Except for once, the result was never a match and I would have known that beforehand if we had seen faces. I don't mean to imply that you are unattractive or even that the people we met were unattractive. It's just how it worked out.

One thing I noticed about your profile is that although you implied in your post that you have public pictures of both of you, I only saw pictures of her. It would help if you had at least one shot of him. Great pictures of her, by the way .

Most of the time, folks will share face pictures if we take it to an outside email site. After all, a picture of the two of you out to dinner or in the park, G-rated, shouldn't be grist for any mill. This goes even if you are sending it to someone you don't know. If someone were to get a picture of you, it's just a picture. They could have gotten it from anywhere. Usually we think people are too sensitive about their "public jobs", but there are definitely legitimate cases where someone could take a huge hit in their lives if it was discovered that they were in the lifestyle. Please just be aware that we hear this pretty often, and most of the time we think it is just a way to avoid posting pictures, for whatever reason the people have. Sometimes it is an inflated sense of self-importance, but like I said I completely understand that for certain people, it is very legitimate.

We completely understand that alot of couples without certifications might not be willing to put up with our reservations about revealing our identity online...but all we can do is hope that from reading our profile, from seeing our bodies and from hearing our voices-that they are willing to take the time to get to know us....and build up the trust necessary.

We don't live in your area, but if we did, your profile as written would go a long way toward that end. You come across as real, smart, friendly and sincere. Again, I didn't see any pictures of him, and that would be a deal-breaker for me.

We HATE that we have to be this way. But we don't know what else to do.

We would love to try a club, but we are a bit intimidated by that. We would love to attend a smaller, more intimate house party, but since we are newbies-we aren't exactly sure how to get invited to one-we understand that those are usually for close friends..We realize that all of this takes time...and so we are trying to be patient and understanding...

 

We are newbies with almost no experience so if anyone has any thoughts about all of this-please let us know...we appreciate honesty..

 

Getting started in this lifestyle is proving to be hard work;)

 

S

Please don't be discouraged; you two sound like a great couple well worth getting to know. However, I am curious about why you would feel comfortable showing up at a club or house party, not knowing who would be there, if you are not comfortable sending a G-rated face picture to someone on a generic email account? If you feel vulnerable, then I would think that a picture sent over email would be less of a problem than showing up to an event. The picture is deniable... "So what? They could have gotten that picture from anywhere!", but if you are at a party, you are there. The others in attendance are there for the same reason you are, but depending on your real situation, that may not matter.

If you do feel comfortable going to a party, then I would suggest keeping an eye of the "Events" section of your Swing Lifestyle page. When a party pops up, write to the coordinator and ask if you can attend. Most of the time, house parties include people who are there for the first time as well as the close friends you indicated. Party hosts are often looking to make new friends; that's why they have parties! Also, this is less efficient, but sometimes people will put something in their profile tag line or text saying they are having a party or that they are going to one. If they have done this, they are inviting contacts from people who are interested in going.

One more thing... anytime you are corresponding with a couple, whether or not you've exchanged pictures, it wouldn't hurt to say that you are interested in club events and parties. Then you may get contacted about those events, regardless of mutual interest. It's also a good way to meet those people who you can't reach an agreement on pictures with, because if you don't like each other, everyone still can talk to other folks there.

Whew, I've said enough. Can't sleep, so I hope some of this made sense. Good luck! I'd love to hear about what develops with you from here on out.

My husband and I have really agonized over this. We completely realize that seeing the couple you are talking with-is well-absolutely essential! I mean, physical attraction is a must. So we completely understand when a couple asks us for a picture of our faces...

 

But here is the thing-like many other people who are in this lifestyle, my husband and I hold very public jobs-and we are both VERY worried that our pictures or identity might find their way to the wrong hands-and most likely end our careers. So what can we do? We just have to be really careful about who we are talking with-we have to make sure that who we are talking with-is someone we can have some level of trust with, someone who is not a picture collector for instance.

 

We realize that most people seeking friends need to know that 1. the couple is real, 2. the couple has a female and 3. that the couple is attractive.

 

If the couple that contacts us has certifications, we are much, much more likely to be willing to possibly share face pictures, but if they aren't certified then we aren't sure at all that we can trust them with our identity. We have bumped into quite a few picture collectors already, UGH:(

 

So what can we do? well...

 

I don't know if this is the right answer but here is what we have decided to do. We post pictures of ourselves publically-but we block out our faces. Then we went and bought a webcam-and we openly let everyone know that we are happy to talk via webcam face to face-if they do too, maybe even if they don't. If they don't have a webcam,- then we are happy to talk to them on the phone-or meet in person-to prove that we are real and that there is a female present;). We are also in the process of making a video for swinglifestyle-again, so people can see that we are REAL..

 

We completely understand that alot of couples without certifications might not be willing to put up with our reservations about revealing our identity online...but all we can do is hope that from reading our profile, from seeing our bodies and from hearing our voices-that they are willing to take the time to get to know us....and build up the trust necessary.

 

We HATE that we have to be this way. But we don't know what else to do.

 

We would love to try a club, but we are a bit intimidated by that. We would love to attend a smaller, more intimate house party, but since we are newbies-we aren't exactly sure how to get invited to one-we understand that those are usually for close friends..We realize that all of this takes time...and so we are trying to be patient and understanding...

 

We are newbies with almost no experience so if anyone has any thoughts about all of this-please let us know...we appreciate honesty..

 

Getting started in this lifestyle is proving to be hard work;)

 

S

Try the club meet some people and the house parties invites will come.. We found our first party on aff ... someone had it as a tag line.. best lifestyle move we ever made... met more people in one night that we had in months... from there we had certs.... and that got you other invites....

But here is the thing-like many other people who are in this lifestyle, my husband and I hold very public jobs-and we are both VERY worried that our pictures or identity might find their way to the wrong hands-and most likely end our careers. So what can we do?

 

We post pictures of ourselves publically-but we block out our faces. Then we went and bought a webcam-and we openly let everyone know that we are happy to talk via webcam face to face-if they do too, maybe even if they don't. If they don't have a webcam,- then we are happy to talk to them on the phone-or meet in person-to prove that we are real and that there is a female present;).

S

We recently chatted with a couple that had similar concerns with their public jobs. They offered to chat via webcam - we don't have one (yet), but on SLS you don't both have to have one - I typed, they talked. It worked fine.

Just be patient. We were also intimidated at first by the club scene - now we absolutely love going. It's a no-pressure, sexy atmosphere. Go with no intentions or expectations of doing anything the first few times - you'll become comfortable. It's all baby steps.

Hello folks..

Interesting topic, and yes, a high concern as is voiced by Erotic Wishes is the whole private life public life, vs the lifestyle and finding playmates..

First, lets be clear on two points of internet safety.. After having been involved in this lifestyle for as many years as we have been we have seen plenty to make us both shake our heads in dis-belief, and hang our mouths open in sheer shock..

One, sharing your face pictures, to show WHO you are is fairly easy, take a simple shot or two, and make them FULLY CLOTHED.. a simple outdoor shot with NO landmarks to places you regularly visit.. unless you are secure in the knowledge that the people you are conversing with are on the up and up and BEYOND reproach, then never share anything showing your face and anything you are afraid will come back to bite you in the ass.

Second, never include ANYONE else.. like FAMILY in your pics.. leads to all sorts of other security risks.. I cant tell you how many times we have seen profiles thrown up on sites with people, couples and singles that have thier KIDS in the picture with them.. This also includes the FAMILY PHOTOS that might bein the picture..

Why do I even mention this, Lets suppose, that you post your pic, Share your pic, and it turns out "Ben" of Ben and Jen.. is actually the husband of Mrs Johnson, your son's 3rd grade teacher..

Or Worse, the person on the other end is a person you really dont want to be involved with, but THEY LIKE YOUR KIDS...

Use your head.. an innoccent picture, taken anywhere, showing nothing.. can never be used against you regardless of who may have it because.. the moment they explain where they got it from.. its easily denied, but more importantly, they have OUTTED themselves without really outting YOU

We ask for a G rated face pic in our profiles and ask that they NOT send pics of their manly bits. We like to be able to put a face with the name even if it is an on line user name. There has to be some initial attraction for the Mrs to consider meeting someone. We also understand the reluctance some have about sharing pics and will let it go for awhile, but if we are considering meeting someone we have to see what they look like first or we move on.

As many others have already said, there has to be at least some physical attraction there, and it's nearly impossible to tell if there is any without at least 1 G-rated picture of both members of the couple. And if we're going to meet, how will we recognize someone if we don't know who to look for?

We ask people contacting us to do so with their private pictures open to us, and we'll do the same if there's any attraction there. If we contact someone, we open our private pictures to them when we contact them. If there's no reply within a week, or if they reply that they're not interested, we close their access to our pics. It works for us.

I don't think it's rude or intrusive at all to ask for pictures. I think it's just common sense to want to see who you're talking to. Nobody can be attracted to everyone, and we all know that - knowing whether or not you're attracted to someone before you have a lot of emotion invested in someone makes everything a lot easier for everyone involved.

This is a great topic. My husband and I have discussed this many times. Our first thought is we have bumped into people we both know from our work environments at swing party's or clubs. If we bump into someone from work that is where discretion kicks in. We hope that is enough said.

Photos online even g rated is where he and I have a struggle. We will share photos if we are thinking we would like to meet. But even our first trade photo has the faces somewhat blurred. It is enough to give them a good view of our real sizes and go from there. Because I still don't know whether the person or people I am trading pics with are real swingers or not. If they are not then why would they have a desire to be discreet and why do they want pics?

We enjoy swinging and understand that you need to be attracted to each other but,I am also going to be very careful. There are a lot of crazy people out there, stalkers, photo collectors etc.and we have run into a few posing as swingers. In the past we had been pretty open with pics until we had bad experiences with it. I think the most eye opening moment was when we had gotten our own pics sent to us by another couple we thought we might like to get to know better. We are now much more cautious as to who we share any pics with let alone ones that show our faces.

after intital email contact on SLS we like sharing face pics in the 'display image' part of Yahoo messenger when both of us are at the puter and both of them are at theirs. That way its more like meeting a couple at a club where its easier to establish mutual attraction. Too often online, its the husband who is opening up the emails and screening without the wife's knowledge and/or presence at the puter. Neither or us like sending face pics as email attachments to persons unknown.

There are a lot of online pseudo swingers who will waste your time.

We always ask for a G-rated face pic if they don't have any posted and will send one out in return. If they don't send one, we just usually respond back with something like "we'll be at such-and-such Meet n Greet if you want to meet us". We'll never meet a couple for coffee or drinks without seeing face pics first. As long as the face pic is G-rated, there is no harm and it is not rude, IMHO.

We party with a close group of friends, all of us tend to be monogamous, however we do receive inquiries and YES we will & do ask for pictures even prior to meeting in a public place.

Since we all pretty much know the physical features of both species we tend to ask for g or pg rated pictures.

Jamie

We've never asked anyone for pics but we've had people ask us and never felt like it was rude at all. We've actually never had to ask. If someone has been interested they either send pics or reciprocate when we do. People have a right to know whether they're interested or not, and looks are big a factor for people. So, we've never minded sending a few pics once we knew that they were people we were at least somewhat interested in.

If you think not giving a pic is going to help your cause then you're kidding yourself.

So sure it's polite, at least to us.