She used to be a prostitute....

I saw this comment in another thread:

Not that we'd swing with them, but it'd be awesome to be chatting with a couple and get a story about how she used to be a prostitute lol. Not only would it make a fun story to tell on a swingers message board, it'd be an interesting conversation I bet!

And I thought it interesting. If you found out that half of a couple you had been talking with used to be a prostitute/escort and you were interested in the couple (prior to this) would that bit of information be enough to make you not want to play with them? If so, why? If not, why?

Knowing enough women who are/were in the business, I can say there is really nothing bad about them, they just do a job, and it is not an easy one

So if you are interrested in such a couple/woman and then refuse to play with them just because of a job she once did you should have to hand in your "sexually openminded" card and get a "hypocryt* (Spelling? My translation program has bitten the dust this morning) card in exchange

This might get me in trouble, but I've met enough girls who do escorting/stripping, for the most part they've got issues. It's a stereotype, but one that I've found to be very true. I've met and spent time with them away from stripping and escorting and very, very few haven't had some kind of issues. So, I doubt that we would swing with someone who said they were an escort previously, but there is always a chance we would. It would have to be a call we made at the time based on our sense of the people sitting in front of us. Call us closed minded or not, that's ok

I get all the sex I can handle at home or at clubs. However, I like massage, but the legit massage people can't/won't go where I like it most: high on the thigh and all over the butt. Beside, they insist on draping me with a sheet, which I find very annoying. So I started to go to sensal massage places, not so much for any sex, but rather so that I can be completely uncovered and get massaged where I like it most. Sometimes the girls are nude, which is nice. Sometimes I get a hand job at the end, which is nice. But, without exception the girls are friendly and competent. I know that almost all of them will screw for a price. So I infer that, since they are sexually free, quite attractive and personable, they would make really good swing partners. What else could you ask for?

Maybe they have "issues" as one writer above noted. I suspect there is some underlying issue with all sex providers, but I have never sensed that any of them are any more odd than the oddest of the swing partners I have had who are not pros.

I would be delighted to swing with a pro so long as she seemed to be as normal as any other swinger.

We are actually dealing with this issue in reverse right now. I have met a man online who says he used to be in porn films and an escort for several years.

Who knows if he's telling the truth? Judging from the size of his equipment :drool:and the knowledge he has about the business I tend to believe him. We have emailed back and forth a bit, and he seems pretty straightforward and honest.

He's been out of the business for several years, but still tests regularly for STDs and claims he's clean.

Our main hangup is the STD issue. We always use condoms while playing, but there is still a risk. I know we never know how many partners any of our potential playmates have been exposed to, but we have to catergorize this guy as high risk.

I'd hate to pass up an opportunity to play with him over this issue, because he is pretty yummy looking, but it is certainly a red flag. It's also a bit intimidating, knowing that he is soooo much more experienced than we are, sexually. (admittedly, that is somewhat exciting too!)

Mr. WL and I have agreed that we will meet him in person, and then decide, based on how comfortable we feel at that point.

This is one of those topics I tend to take a little issue with. If you don't know this, for several years I was a webgirl. There is a difference between a webgirl and a prostitute. I didn't have sex for money, people just paid me to watch/see the sex I had. I put webgirls pretty much in a category similar too (but still not quite the same as) strippers. I've known many of BOTH, and yes some of them have had issues. Some of them (just like some swingers I've met) were doing it only to please their partners. Some were doing it just for the money (typically strippers), but I've known some who just outright love what they do. When I was doing it, that was why I did it, and when I stopped that was why I stopped.

I did have some people who looked at my pictures of what I did and while they enjoyed looking at the pictures, their attitude was that they would not want to have sex with me because I was "too experienced" or because they put me in the category (in their mind) of a prostitute. Others enjoyed what I did and wanted to be a part of it (whether on camera or not). I am what I am. This tidbit about me, is not something you are likely to find out in an initial general conversation, but I am honest about it. If the topic comes up I will share, just as I will honestly share about other experiences I have had, if the topic comes up. However, I'm not one to just go saying "hey well you know I've......" (fill in the blank). I assume if you are talking to me or if you want to have sex with me, then it's because you like me. If finding out what I've done in my past (or even if it's what I still do) affects your desire to have sex with me, then you have an interesting means in judging me. I'm still the same person whether you know that information about me or not. If you talk to me and deem me to have issues that would turn you off, then by all means walk away.

 

 

And I thought it interesting. If you found out that half of a couple you had been talking with used to be a prostitute/escort and you were interested in the couple (prior to this) would that bit of information be enough to make you not want to play with them? If so, why? If not, why?

Wouldn't make a damn bit of difference to us.

It's funny how people judge others by what they do and not who they are. If you like the person what difference does it make?

Is it somehow different if a prostitute has had sex with 100 men and got paid for it versus a woman who has had sex with 100 men and didn't?

Teresa

This is one of those topics I tend to take a little issue with. If you don't know this, for several years I was a webgirl. There is a difference between a webgirl and a prostitute. I didn't have sex for money, people just paid me to watch/see the sex I had.

I think there is a marked difference between a girl doing webcam shows with partners she chooses and an escort having sex for money with clients (can argue they choose who they sleep with, but its not the same really).

For me it's not the fact that someone had sex for money that would make me think twice about playing with them. It's that I've had the opportunity to spend a fair bit of time with quite a number of different strippers and escorts (away from their worklife) and with very few exceptions they had a lot of personal issues. Lots of drama always followed them around and drama is something we're just not interested in. With the, sometimes, limited time to get to know someone if that piece of info came up in conversation it would be something that helped to shape my perception of them. If we'd already gotten to know them well and didn't feel that they had that drama, well then it may not impact our decision to play with them. Hard to say until faced with the situation. If we didn't know them well, it would probably colour my perception based on my previous experience.

Don't believe I would be put off by this information. I believe I have a talent for reading people quickly that has served me well. I watch how they act and look into their eyes. Any other place their life's journey has taken them is just an interesting topic for conversation.

~M

It wouldn't bother me at all.

Actually, if presented with this information, I would probably bug the hell out of the person with 100 questions (What's the weirdest customer you had? Where do pimps buy their clothes? etc etc.). So, I'd cause us to strike out because of my curiosity.

I doubt it would bother us in the least bit. While in the Navy I used the services of the "ladies of the evening" while I was overseas. Never did use one stateside. Many of the women that I knew (not all of them in the biblical sense) overseas got into the business to escape extreme poverty and even a few married some sailors and lived happily ever after.

I can't speak from any first hand knowledge that American women who are strippers or prostitutes have "issues" but I do know many American woman who aren't strippers, web girls or prostitutes who have plenty of "issues".

The only issue that I might take issue with is if the woman was hired by the john to be a "ticket" to a swinging event and they are stating under false pretenses to be something else.

I agree with what TNT and two4youinswva have to say. We have found that many people don't care to talk about their professions and we wouldn't know if they were telling us the truth anyway. We aren't here to judge others, and we don't pry unless you want us to. We're here for the sex and possibillities of friendship (if that happens). If we ever meet up with someone who has or does work in the sex trade, I'll probably have a multitude of questions out of curiosity, but not to determine whether or not we'll want to play.

As someone in the sex industry....

I am a stripper, have been for a bit over 4 years now.

Now, hold on to your hats...

I'm also a 2nd year law student, and have less drama following me around than most of the non sex industry single women I know.

Be careful about judging someone based on their current or former job. You might miss some pretty cool people.

As for me, I don't care if they were a prostitute, stripper, webgirl, or what have you. If they are nice and have minimal drama, I'll play.

Interestingly enough, a large percentage of sex industry workers thinks swingers are nasty and "messed up". So, it goes both ways.

Interestingly enough, a large percentage of sex industry workers thinks swingers are nasty and "messed up". So, it goes both ways.

So I'm a little nasty and messed up

You say it like its a bad thing......

Be careful about judging someone based on their current or former job. You might miss some pretty cool people.

I've spent significant social time with a fairly high number of escorts and strippers in a social (non-sexual, non-business) capacity. Yes there are a few who are great girls with no/low drama. They are few and far between; if you've been a stripper for any length of time I think you know that you are a rarity and most girls dancing have lots of drama in their lives.

As I said (and knew I'd be in the minority here); if we didn't already know them well it might be enough to turn us away. Hard to say, but we'd go with our gut. If we didn't have a gut feel yet it would likely be enough to turn me away given my previous experiences. If we'd already made a decision about them before it came out in conversation, I doubt it would change out minds unless more information came with it that demonstrated a propensity for drama. Will that make us miss out on some cool people? Perhaps, but it will also keep us away from drama and I'm ok with that. The only times we've ended up with drama have been the times we didn't go with our gut.

I guess we wouldn't mind playing with someone who WAS a stripper/escort/prostitute at some point of their lives. However we did go out with a couple recently... she's currently an escort and he's her pimp. They are together and frequent the swinger scenes... I have to say I do have an issue with that. It just feels weird.

It feels like at the end he's gonna take out the calculator and go... ok that'll be a handjob, two bjs.... etc... etc... you get the pic...

So no... we'll pass...

It feels like at the end he's gonna take out the calculator and go... ok that'll be a handjob, two bjs.... etc... etc... you get the pic...

Of course, you could always turn it around and do the same thing to him. Though how that would make your wife feel may not make it worthwhile lol.

This is a little off topic.

But I've wondered how much of the problems strippers and escorts have is a result of how looked down on they are by society. They have to have a second name they only use in the business. Most lie about their line of work and how they get their money to family and many freinds. It seems to me these types of attitudes they have to live with can cause personal problems if they didn't have them before they started in the business.

Anyone else have thoughts about this? Can this carry over into swingers lives? I'd think not as bad as most swingers are making their living daying by swinging!

dayhiker

This is a little off topic.

 

But I've wondered how much of the problems strippers and escorts have is a result of how looked down on they are by society. They have to have a second name they only use in the business. Most lie about their line of work and how they get their money to family and many freinds. It seems to me these types of attitudes they have to live with can cause personal problems if they didn't have them before they started in the business.

 

Anyone else have thoughts about this? Can this carry over into swingers lives? I'd think not as bad as most swingers are making their living daying by swinging!

 

dayhiker

In my experience the issues that come with dancing only serve to highlight problems that girls already had. The stigma of being a dancer doesn't help and neither does the lifestyle that comes with it (and girls get sucked into). There are a lot of drugs going around there, lots of guys constantly trying to see them outside of work (for money or for free), the issues of being seen as nothing more than a sex object (some very ugly things said within earshot of the girls). A girl shows up already with body image issues and all of that is going to help to make it worse, not better. There are those girls who go into it with a good head, no issues and emerge exactly the same (or better). Unfortunately those girls are rare.

So no, I don't think the issues that come with the job cause a girls problems, but they definitely don't help to make those issues better. They end up making those issues worse.

Note, I'm talking specifically about dancers and to a lesser extent escorts. I know absolutely nothing about other sex industry related jobs like porn stars, website girls, chat girls, phone sex etc.

This is a little off topic.

 

They have to have a second name they only use in the business. Most lie about their line of work and how they get their money to family and many freinds.

You know... a lot of swingers also use second names when they first meet couples. It's happened to us countless times. And most of us also lie to our friends and family... most significantly about what we did on Saturday night.

I don't think that's a bad thing. I see it as a society that is not ready to accept certain facts in life. That you can be a dancer, escort or sometimes swinger and still be a decent human being. (I'm especially talking about very conservative societies like where we live).

To us it's more of a safe sex thing. If you're an escort... we'll you don't necessarily get to choose your boyfriends. If you're a swinger, you can choose your partners wisely. Anyway.... we never jump into bed on the first date... I mean we're NOT SLUTS!!

This is a really interesting question. One which I had never thought about. In general we're not very big fans of prostitution. From what we've seen it's a pretty destructive force in a woman's life. People who chooses to have sex with someone (on film, or on the web, or in the lifestyle) is very different (in our minds)from girls who have to have sex with people because that's their job. This isn't anything against the girls, we've known lots of prostitutes, and they were mostly great people but they put themselves in terrible danger and unfortunately a few of them ended up dead. This may be different where it is legalized, but the stuff we've seen is really something pretty horrible and dangerous.

So now to the question. Would we have sex with someone who used to be a prostitute. I don't know, maybe, but probably not. The issue that comes to mind is STD's. Seems to me there would be such an increased risk of STD's from having sex with women who have had to have sex with people who don't take care of themselves, or are drug addicts. This wouldn't be about judgment of who they are or who they were, but about worries over self protection. Plus, I'm guessing there is a higher amount of addiction among most prostitutes (at least this was definitely the case among the prostitutes we knew) which is an even greater risk of STD's. I don't think we'd be able to just because we'd be worrying the whole time.

We had the opportunity to swing with a couple where the wife was recovering from a meth addiction. We declined. Not because she was a bad person for having been an addict. But because we were worried about STD's (especially with meth which is often injected), and we were worried that getting involved sexually with them might risk her sobriety which was only about six months. To me a situation with a prostitute would be similar to that.

But having said all that if we met someone, got to know them, knew they had a clean bill of health, and liked them then we probably would. People are people.

I saw this comment in another thread:

 

 

And I thought it interesting. If you found out that half of a couple you had been talking with used to be a prostitute/escort and you were interested in the couple (prior to this) would that bit of information be enough to make you not want to play with them? If so, why? If not, why?

Mr. WS

Dave and I talked this over and we don't believe it would make any difference to us, either. I believe we all have our own issues to deal with. STDs can be hidden in even the "nicest of couples". As a nurse, you'd be surprised at the infections what supposedly conservative people carry.

In a nutshell, it wouldn't matter one bit. If we were comfortable with them, got the vibe that we were all compatible -- we're ready to go.

I have never met a normal hooker. Male hookers LOL most are gay or bi.

I have met many hookers in my job. Not one has ever been normal.

Matter of fact they are pretty messed up.

I have to chime in here and mirror what Slevin says.. I have had an awful lot of exposure to strippers and prostitutes also, in social as well as business settings and most of them carry way more drama in their bags than G-Strings. Most have issues and this is why they turn to stripping or prostituting, not because they want to get through college. A large number of them support loser boyfriends (daddies) that abuse them and milk them for all their hard earned money. Laying around doing drugs or getting drunk and abusive. Stereotypical? Maybe.. but true. There are ALWAYS the exceptions.. smart girls that want to capitalize on their bodies and make a heckuva lot of money to put themselves through school or get ahead. But they truly are the exception. The same can be said of strip club owners. There are those that party, do drugs, mix with the girls and there are those that are in it to sell a product to the masses. They want to Make money and go home at the end of the day. Perhaps they too are the exception. If we could find a level headed stripper/prostitute with no drama we would play without question. The key would be finding one.. as to Swingers being screwed up. My opinion is they as a whole have more of their shit together than most of the so called normal married couples. There is no jealousy, no cheating, no yearning for what they cannot have because they gladly have their cake and eat it too. Heck they even feed the cake to their significant others with a smile on! They love to watch their SO eat someone else's cake. So what's messed up about that? Are there swingers with problems and drama.. sure. There are messed up people in all walks of life. But I sure don't think they are the norm.

Playful1, you go, girl! As a former stripper who paid her way through college with crinkled ones and fives, I applaud you and wish you the best! My bachelors is in Criminal Justice, and I hope you get more mileage out of your degree than I got out of mine. It's nice to meet another normal gal doing what has to be done.

Just to take a minute to touch on the "drama amongst strippers" conversation going on here, as much as I hate to admit it, yes, stereotypes exist for a reason. I would say that about 50% of the girls I worked with were either trailer-park style drama queens or spoiled little plastic Barbies that "just couldn't live off of $400 a night". That's probably just enough of a percentage to justify the stereotype. The other 50% were college girls and and women who either were single moms, or were providing the "luxury" part of their household's income. Unfortunately, the drama 50% are much louder and more noticeable that the drama-free 50%, so, they get noticed more.

It's a shame that we wind up stereotyping people. I've probably had more black friends than white in my life, and none of them were "thuggalicious". I've had gay roommates and friends, and none of them were child molesters. I've known lots of swingers, and I never met one who was a sexual predator. I've known and dated, and occasionally been an escort, and none of us were drug users, much less abusers. And in all the adult establishments I worked at, I never worked for an owner who partied and used drugs (some of ya'll are definitely going to some really bad clubs), they always wore nice business clothes, never talked down to us, and advised us not to piss our money away (which is a lot more than I can say for some of my former day-walker employers). I'm still very good friends with the last club owner I worked for, we occasionally go for a meal or to a game together. Heck, for that matter, during my summers off from school, I "day-lighted" as a librarian while stripping at night, so I guess that puts me into the uber-cliche category.

But since we're going to tenatively agree for the moment that there is a high percentage of drama and issues with some strippers and escorts, let me point out that the only ones that I ever saw problems with were the girls who came from a background of poverty and...what's the politically correct way to say it?...hmmm...maybe a family history of social assistance programs. So, it's my theory (based on five years of observation in the field) that the drama isn't really a by-product of being a stripper, but instead is learned from earlier experiences.

And I'm not denying that being a stripper will exacerbate any body/relationship issues that a girl/guy might have had before going into it. It genuinely is the one venue in our society where a a girl who wouldn't give x guy the time of day can be summarily rejected by him (but I'm digressing into the issues of the stereotypical topless bar customer). It's like any other job in life, stripping will either kill you or make you stronger, though I know stockbrokers who say the same thing about what they do.

Anyway, long and short of it, no, it wouldn't affect my decision. I'd still go on whether I was attracted to them or not. There's only one occupation on my no play list, and it's not strippers and escorts.

Anyway, long and short of it, no, it wouldn't affect my decision. I'd still go on whether I was attracted to them or not. There's only one occupation on my no play list, and it's not strippers and escorts.

Ok, now I'm curious; what occupation is on your no play list?

Ok, now I'm curious; what occupation is on your no play list?

Yes, our curiousity is peeked as well. Please do tell!

Knowing enough women who are/were in the business, I can say there is really nothing bad about them, they just do a job, and it is not an easy one

 

So if you are interrested in such a couple/woman and then refuse to play with them just because of a job she once did you should have to hand in your "sexually openminded" card and get a "hypocryt* (Spelling? My translation program has bitten the dust this morning) card in exchange

Well said, I agree with you on that. "Turn in your open minded card and exchange it for a hypocrate card."

Swingers are thought to be open minded about sex, I personally would not think anything of it if she was an ex-escort/prostitue.

My no-play occupation is law enforcement officers. Not because I don't abide by the laws, I'm such a straight-edger when it comes to doing the right thing that I'm positively boring. I signal before changing lanes, I don't talk on the phone and drive, I pay my taxes like a good girl, and I let clerks know when they give me too much change or don't charge enough. But, I come from a small town where Joe Officer is on the local force because he's somebodys inbred cousin who wasn't smart enough to work at Wal-mart, and I've seen and been involved with enough petty power plays by our polyester-clad mini-tyrants that I can't knowingly be in the same room with one without my upper lip curling. It's colored my perceptions enough that even thinking of having one as a playmate makes me want to sew my pretty pink parts shut and don a habit. I make it a rule to never play with mean or stupid people, so, while I know it's unfair and bigoted(?) of me, I just stay away from them as a whole.

In terms of occupations that really f**k a person up, I'd rank them well above strippers. Again, it's an occupation that really seems to exacerbate the worst weaknesses in a persons makeup.

I know they're not all that way, I've met a few that were great, upstanding guys, "Last Boy Scout" types, the kind that you know will always play fair and that you can trust. But here in the south, they seem to be the exception rather than the norm.

My no-play occupation is law enforcement officers. Not because I don't abide by the laws, I'm such a straight-edger when it comes to doing the right thing that I'm positively boring. I signal before changing lanes, I don't talk on the phone and drive, I pay my taxes like a good girl, and I let clerks know when they give me too much change or don't charge enough. But, I come from a small town where Joe Officer is on the local force because he's somebodys inbred cousin who wasn't smart enough to work at Wal-mart, and I've seen and been involved with enough petty power plays by our polyester-clad mini-tyrants that I can't knowingly be in the same room with one without my upper lip curling. It's colored my perceptions enough that even thinking of having one as a playmate makes me want to sew my pretty pink parts shut and don a habit. I make it a rule to never play with mean or stupid people, so, while I know it's unfair and bigoted(?) of me, I just stay away from them as a whole.

 

In terms of occupations that really f**k a person up, I'd rank them well above strippers. Again, it's an occupation that really seems to exacerbate the worst weaknesses in a persons makeup.

 

I know they're not all that way, I've met a few that were great, upstanding guys, "Last Boy Scout" types, the kind that you know will always play fair and that you can trust. But here in the south, they seem to be the exception rather than the norm.

I agree with you in that prostitution does have it's fare share of "problem/troubled people", I try not to judge and keep an open optomistic mind set.

I dated a lady that was a stripper in college, granted she was not a prositute, she is now a lawyer. I also new a "working girl" in college and she was not a drug additct or alcoholic type at all. She was very smart and together lady.

... We have played with several couples that the wife had been a stripper in college. .

In this age where people brag about dating a porn star, being, having been, or being married to a stripper is something that passes as merely mildly interesting in even vanilla conversation.

Kind of an interesting thread to bump. Non-issue to me, nor would I see an issue with a woman who worked in professional porn. Mrs. E would probably still be a little scandalized but also mostly curious. She usually bonds well with dancers when we go to strip clubs and has a million questions.

I don't really see there being such a thing as "too experienced" as long as everyone is level-headed and playing safe. If anything, I think as Mrs. E and I both get a little more confident about what we're doing, we strongly prefer knowing that someone understands what "casual" actually means, and that's really our main screening criteria on feeling out prospective playmates at this point, once we're over the basic hurdle of attraction. If she got it into her head that she wanted to fuck a male porn star, I'd have no problem signing off on that. It's the less experienced guy who might talk a big game at the bar but get clingy and awkward because he doesn't understand the idea of sport fucking that I'm wary of, and Mrs. E has more or less grown into the same perspective with female playmates.

I wouldn't get romantically/sexually involved with a current or former prostitute. The social circles I mingle in attracts a constant flow of escorts. I know a good amount of men(married and single) and a few married couples and a few single women who paid for the services of an escort. To each their own.

In my exploratory youth I availed myself of a few prostetutes. Cant really criticize them as a group without being hypocritical. Very recently my FWB & I were getting acquainted with a couple & the wife confessed to having been a Lot Lizard in her youth. Neither Cindy or I took it badly, the lady had a lot more history as a mother & machine tool operator. So it was just a bit from her past.

One of my best friends, whom I met in the lifestyle was an escort while swinging with her long-time significant other. Everyone knew she was an escort and nobody cared. After her S.O. died suddenly and far too early, she continued as an escort and also stayed in the lifestyle for a couple of years. She has since left both the lifestyle and escorting and is now with a man who was once one of her clients when she was escorting.

.. the wife confessed to having been a Lot Lizard in her youth.., the lady had a lot more history as a mother & machine tool operator..

... She has since left both the lifestyle and escorting and is now with a man who was once one of her clients when she was escorting.

May I repeat myself? "Great to hear of a man who isn't intimidated by a woman's past." Maybe women are making progress with men.

On 1/8/2009 at 3:05 PM, JustAskJulie said:

 If you found out that half of a couple you had been talking with used to be a prostitute/escort and you were interested in the couple (prior to this) would that bit of information be enough to make you not want to play with them? If so, why? If not, why?

I'm sure people are at both ends of the spectrum.  I used to be a stripper, I started selling shots at 18 wasn't long before I was getting naked on stage.  Guys would come in all the time offering serious cash for a night for naked fun.  Or private parties, sometimes they were swing parties or bachelor parties or frat parties. Either way the expectation was generally that we get naked and have sex with someone. It was easy money, so I made it.  I stripped till I was 27, now I don't.  Some run, but most don't, the one consistent is the ones that stay think I have a bunch of magic tricks that will make this the greatest fuck of their life.  I mean they are mostly right, I do have a magical vagina ?????????