How has swinging changed you?

Mrs.CC asks -

Although swinging is an erotic fantasy, When fantasy becomes reality does it change your whole reality and who you are or is it just play? I suppose it is just a mind set that you have to keep for yourself. I am just wondering to what degree it changed you, and your relationship with the person you have pledged your faith love and life to. We have just started thinking about this and, I would be very sad if something were to change to the love and respect I have for him.

Originally posted by CantonCouple

Mrs.CC asks -

 

Although swinging is an erotic fantasy, When fantasy becomes reality does it change your whole reality and who you are or is it just play? I suppose it is just a mind set that you have to keep for yourself. I am just wondering to what degree it changed you, and your relationship with the person you have pledged your faith love and life to. We have just started thinking about this and, I would be very sad if something were to change to the love and respect I have for him.

You are on the right track.

It does indeed change your reality. Most of us are conditioned to be faithful and that having sex with someone outside of marriage is a breach of the vow.

The vow consists of what you make it though. IF you promise to be true and honest, then swinging doesn't compromise the vow.

If you are religious then you need to address between you if that is a factor.

If there is jealousy in the relationship then don't do it. PERIOD.

If you want an extra bang for the buck then its all fun. Its tremendously intense having sex with other people while your loved one is there.

It is up to you to decide if you want to go there, cuz there will in fact be a change.

I would say that for the half of the people the change is good.

For one quarter only one partner is happy.

And for one quarter both wonder why the hell they didn't do it a long time ago. These people are true swingers. They are happy with their relationship and just know that it can't be threatened by sexual play.

If you don't have marital problems and both agree that it sounds like fun then try it.

If you have marital problems stay away from it.

Everyone has marital problems, I mean serious ones btw.

Sometimes swinging can be the spark that re-unites a couple that has been in a rut.

Talk about the entire situation in great detail with your partner. I mean talk about the act itself, how you think you will react and what not only excites you but scares you.

If you can get through that discussion then you are probably ready to try.

Give it a long time. Do not expect to find someone to swing with right away. Go through the thousands of threads in this forum and decide what piques you and what turns either of you off.

Communicate earnestly about this before you do anything.

Then come to Florida and find me. OH I DID IT AGAIN >shit

I can see your worries and fully understand them. BOTH I and Dragon were worried about many different aspects of what we were entering into. jealousy was one of them, respect was a high fact but worrying how it would alter our relationship was the highest worry.

We have only just had our first proper swing, and up to now not only do we still feel the same about each other, our sex life the night we got back was incredible. WE have started to discuss how we feel about the whole experience and up to now, neither of us has expressed negative feelings or thoughts. (expect for one performance problems, which we are dealing with *not him me lol*). All I can say is find the right people and everything falls into place, don't just jump into bed with the first couple you meet, just to try, the wait is well worth it.

We discussed and discussed making the change...ad we were BOTH very sure it would not effect our personal relationship. To this point we have had only one experience, but it really did not change our feelings towards each other...at all. Nor did it effect our "personal lovemaking" (or our fuckin' either).

We both approach this decision with open adult minds...and both know what we seek to gain from our activities is uh...well...sex and thrills lol.

This doesn't mean we don't enjoy each other...hell if we didn't enjoy each other we wouldn't do this together...and we would plain old split up. It's just an extension of our raunchy fantasies is all...lust

Long story short, it made us a lot closer.

I had a little jealousy with our first full swap, but being with a couple my mind rationalized it as being 'equal' with the other guy. But that was my only negative feeling with swinging.

No regrets.

When the fantasy became a reality our relationship with each other did change, for the better.

We got into swinging to enhance our sexual relationship. I guess you could have put us in the "stale" category...lol. This may seem weird but for me (female half) it has actually made me feel more secure about our marriage.

Even though we enjoy being with other couples, it doesn't compare to being with each other.

I would like to say Thank You for responses to my question. I am still not sure if this is something I would like to do. However your advice has made me feel a lot more comfortable. I am also exercising and eating better as I do want to be HWP before I would do this. Once again Thank You!

Geesh, somehow I missed this question on the first go round and I think you bring up some very valid questions.

For us swinging did change our personal relationship tremendously. The thing is having done so it did not negatively effect us.

The best way that I can describe this is that if you only ever participated once and decided it wasn't for you, I would have to think that it would still make for very interesting pillow talk between the two of you. Even if the experience wasn't what you hoped for it opens a door of communicating with each other in how you would have changed things or highlighted what you enjoyed while you are being intimate with your partner.

It changes even the subtle things like peering over at a table of two or more couples having dinner and wondering...hmmm could they be swingers? It changes how you view things on a daily basis when you see what you used to think as a subtle touch between people looks more like something more than a casual flirtation. I am not saying that non-swingers don't do this, it is just the difference in how we view others around us now which has added to the erotic times and definitely has made for some highly erotic pillow talk and activity in our own personal lives.

We are in whatever percentage that it did not effect us negatively. Everything even with the bumps in the road has been positive for us. Again though like the others have said, your own relationship must be in check in order to not risk it becoming a negative influence for yourselves.

It has made a definite difference in my life. A positive difference.

Mr LM and I are enjoying each other more, not only sexually but in every aspect of how we communicate and take pleasure in living.

I take better care of myself. I am sexually more confident. I have made special friends.

Mrs Spoomonkey and I have always been very open with each other - we were best friends before we were married. But there is something about that added depth, the fun flirting because we have "secrets"... Those have been the biggest positive changes.

If there is a negative (and it isn't much of one) it is probably the death of the fantasy, if that makes sense. In fantasy, the couple we meet are always perfect and passionate; the experiences always mind blowing. But - the trade off for that has been an even hotter "marriage bed" at Spoomonkey Ranch.

I wouldn't change it for the world.

For us I think it has made us a more social couple. We go out more and have a lot more fun. Before we started to swing I think we had fallen into a circle of friends that were older then us and made us act and think older then we were. Now we are a wild couple. Since we discovered swing clubs we are out and away almost 3 weekends a month.

That's just the social aspect. Our sex life with each other which was great before is now fantastic. For me I enjoy watching my Bu do things he never thought he would. I grew up here in the 80's remember that we were wild. He grew up in India then went on to the Middle East. Need I say more...LOL he never got to experiment or have all the sex we did here.

So watching him grow and explore is a huge turn on for me and being able to be part of it is just mind blowing. When we are out he is like a little kid so excited and happy. It makes the whole even hotter for me.

It's changed my life in many ways. Some good, some actually not as good. I'll start with the not as good. We don't hang out with our vanilla friends nearly as often and I feel bad for that. Also I was very close with my mom and we talked about everything but now I don't feel as close to her because I can't tell her everything. She'll ask how I met these new friends we're going to see and I feel so bad about not being honest. This is something I'm working on because it's really important to me that mom and I remain close.

In my marriage it's changed things. I think swinging tests the strength of love, trust, commitment and knowing our marriage is so strong we can comfortably pursue this lifestyle has elated us. Our marriage was like a well built race car that was kept in the garage and never taken out. We'll we're taking it out for a drive and taking some of those corners very fast but it's sticking to the road well and just purrs along the way. Knowing that our marriage was that solid in the beginning and now further knowing we can drive it around making it even more fun has really strengthened us even more. Now I think we exude this confidence between us and we just can't get enough of each other.

So it's changed my life for the better as a whole, but there has been some glitches along the way that will be smoothed out over time.

I definitely feel swinging has changed our life as well. My hubby and I were also very good friends before we got married, and kept that same mentality after we got married. We have always shared thoughts and feelings with one another...better than some couples we know that have been married for years and years. We apply this level of openness to swinging as well...sometimes that has been a great thing, and well other times not sooo good when issues come up. But we work them out and keep all lines of communication open.

As far as sexually speaking, it's been great for us, like someone else said though, some of the fantasy aspect of this has died for us, but well we try to keep some sort of fantasy going for just each other and it makes for hot times between just the two of us later on!

It has changed our lives positively, our sex life is better, we are more open minded and open to new things, and has brought us closer to each other.

Positively, we're much closer on a relationship level than ever before. And of course the variety of partners is always a plus...

It has changed our lives for the better. We are getting out of the house more, going out and having fun together. That alone has helped our relationship. It has also initiated a very open line of communication between us. We talk about our feelings to each other more (a very big step for me since I am the one in the relationship that bottles it all up inside). It really defined why we are together.

As others here have heard me say before, after you've had sex with other people and your spouse still loves you so much their heart is about to explode, it exposes and emphasizes the emotional, and companionship reasons you are together. The real reasons. The role of sex between you is not diminished in the least bit, and the other aspects of the relationship are greatly accentuated. There is no doubt in your mind that your spouse is with you because they really, really, really want to be.

I feel bad about talking about how bad swinging has been for me, but...

For now swinging isn't working for me. I wanted to try swinging, but my S/O wasn't interested at first. Now after about 6 months, several house and hotel parties. What we learned is that we are on different pages even after much talk after.

In the beginning I thought we agreed that we would swing as a couple, with other couples, try soft swap and gently roll into it. That didn't happen after our second hotel party. My S/O has taken to being with other men very easily now while I've had some of those pesky issues with performance, anxiety and comfort level. What I discovered is that my S/O was a bit selfish in her pursuit of happiness while I was primarily regulated to the sidelines. As of yet, I haven't had intercourse with another female after 6 months.

Even though we would talk about my comfort level, what we liked, didn’t like, her and my actions, she’s tried to understand and she’s said she would try to be more understanding. But I feel she really isn’t understanding where I’ve been coming from. I just started being okay with her being with other men, but I don’t know if I’m just feeling left out of things while she’s having fun. Some of her actions have been like staying involved with several guys for extended periods of time before taking a break and leaving me isolated on a couple of occasions where she left me to go with someone without me knowing about it. Even after we've talk and she said she wouldn't do it again, something always happens that we don't think about. Like this one time were we were away for the weekend with a group of other couples, at night while a couple of us were down stairs watching tv, she and I were together. I decided to go upstairs to talk to one of her friends who was having issues with her boy friend. After about 15 minutes one of the wives of a couple we knew wanted me to come down stairs because my S/O wanted me. Next thing I knew we were walking back to the their room and she and the wife's husband were in the bed naked and getting it on. I must say that I was a bit thrown off and unprepared for the situation.

Like this one time were we were away for the weekend with a group of other couples, at night while a couple of us were down stairs watching tv, she and I were together. I decided to go upstairs to talk to one of her friends who was having issues with her boy friend. After about 15 minutes one of the wives of a couple we knew wanted me to come down stairs because my S/O wanted me. Next thing I knew we were walking back to their room and she and the wife's husband were in the bed naked and getting it on. I must say that I was a bit thrown off and unprepared for the situation. This is just another example what she may do without thinking. I felt she could have waited for me. Later that evening when we decided we were going to leave, I almost had my clothes on when I noticed she rolled back in the bed to give the guy one more roll in the sack. She said they guy wouldn't stop playing with her, so she just gave in. To me that was very selfish and inconsiderate. These are just several examples of situations that occurred that has make if difficult for me get pass what I call "her selfish" actions. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of everything.

I think now, my patience is running thin now. I’ve tried talking with her about things numerous times about me not being comfortable with the house/hotel type parties and her response is now like, I’m just jealousy that she’s having fun and I’m not. I wanted us to sort of pull back to a level that would help me (like soft swap or 3-some with another female), but she feels that I should catch up to her. It’s sort of too hard for her to go back to mild now. She feels that she has tried to not make me feel insecure, but she really doesn’t know what will make me feel better about things. I tried to explain that it’s very difficult for a male to function without an erection. I have not had intercourse with a another female since we started swinging.

I’m wondering if I’m being like the female and being too emotional about things. I want her to have fun and I’ve put my situation aside and told her to have her fun. But it’s clear I’m putting a damper on her fun and I can see that she doesn’t want to stop swinging. The other night when trying to talk again (she feels I’m picking on her), we got into a heated talk and she told me maybe we should just swing separately. I’m wondering if we need to be in separate rooms or just stop swinging. I hate to stop without resolving our problems. I actually don’t think she feels she’s doing anything that should effect me other than it being jealousy

Any words of advice? I know this is sort of one sided.

WOW justus_n_md2!

I personally don't think you are being too emotional. It sounds as if your wife is being on the selfish side of things. Swinging only goes as fast as the slowest partner and she doesn't seem to want to comprehend that. You guys need to stop/slow down until you reach your comfort level or it is going to have a negative effect on your marriage.

Successful swinging is based on communication and love between a couple. The first time we played hubby had the same performance difficulties and felt too overwhelmed, so we decided to slow down and just soft swap until we felt comfortable to move ahead. It worked wonderfully and now we can have fun without any stress at all. Separate rooms will not solve your problem.

Rules are rules...if you have set them then you need to stick with them unless both of you agree to change them. She has to agree that even if the situation is such that she thinks she should be able to step over the line, then she needs to speak to you first and get your agreement and vise versa.

When you start putting the swinging before you SO then there is a serious problem to be addressed!

I voted for the better. It took our already good communication with each other and brought it to a new level. We've always been very open with each other in all aspects of our lives but this has brought us a new awareness of each other and why we think the other is so special to us. Andy being with another woman was great! But it also made us both appreciate each other more in so many ways, and not all of them sexually. Over all even though we've only had one experience, it's been better all around.

* We work out a hell of a lot more, especially when we are intimidated by the latest new potentials.

* I am very shy. I used to be really extremely horrifically shy but now I'm just down to very shy. I used to be kind of a whiney snively bitchy clingy totally dependent type of lover. Came from not much experience with women before marriage. Now I realize fully that I can get laid on my own without her and I have more confidence from all of the practice. That surprisingly (to me anyway) allows me to treat her better since I'm way more laid back about everything on a day-to-day basis.

* Trauma creates bonds. We had some shitty negative times and a lot of pain getting to where we are. Might see some more of that. Having my wife right there in the room with me caring for me while I overcame the pain of her fucking around on me, rather than hearing about it afterward like a normal guy in a normal relationship. Stuff like that. We went through all of the shitty stuff together and we are much stronger for it.

* Success creates bonds. One of the happiest memories of our marriage is the first time I fucked another woman. Sounds odd but I was afraid and she wanted to help me and she did.

* Teamwork creates bonds. I know her type. She knows my type. We are permanently wirelessly bonded 24/7 as a best-friends-slash-lovers pair. If we couldn't be totally open and honest about our sexual desires and chase people together as a team then we wouldn't be able to let each other in so far and open up so much and spend so much time connected at the mind. If I were chasing girls on the side then I would have to block her out and lie to her. I don't, I use my camera phone to send picture messages of girls to her instead. I get pictures messages from her of guys with long hair, sometimes obscured by drool on the lens.

* We are both more giving and understanding with each other. It's hard to get all irritated and resentful that she forgot to take the trash out again when she invites girls over to suck my dick. I have a guy who she likes who I can call any time if I want her to cook my favorite meal as thanks after he's gone.

* We get laid with hot new people on a regular basis. We get bored of the people we're fucking, we go out and find new ones. Nuff said.

Any words of advice? I know this is sort of one sided.

I'm with EvilMJ. The most important person in swinging is your SO. After the playmates are gone, your SO is still there. And they will be the ones that are there loving you even when you're old and don't have any teeth.

Unfortunately we hurt the ones closest to us the most, because we think they'll understand us. We are nice to strangers, but yell at each other. We won't tell a neighbor "no" to helping them with some project, but we'll tell our own kids we'll take them to the zoo another time because you're helping the neighbor. After all, they love you, so they'll understand.

It sounds to me like she is getting carried away with swinging, and is losing sight of what's important in her life: her marriage to you. Once again, when the playmates are gone and forgotten you'll still be there. How many of those playmates would come to the hospital if she was injured in a car accident? But you'd be there with a 24/7 bedside vigil, right? That's what she has to remember.

From what you said, she needs to step back a minute and reassess the whole situation.

Now back to our regularly scheduled post, since this is probably a better matter for another thread altogether.

I was shy at first and Tim helped me find my true sexuality. I believe that most women are capable of having great sex and can be multiple orgasmic.

What we women find hard to accept is accepting ourselves and not feeling guilty about enjoying sex. When you get down to the nitty gritty we women can out-fuck our men and finish off half the men in the room without breaking into a sweat. That is how nature built us.

To cover this we make out we only do it for our men folk. Once you can be honest and say to yourself “I love to fuck!” you are halfway there. Tim has been wonderful in encouraging me and making sure I have always been safe and cared for so we swing together and very seldom on our own and both have absolute trust and love in the other half so we know it enhances our relationship rather than damaging it.

Swinging has definitely enhanced our marriage.

Interesting topic, for us the lifestyle and the swing club environment has helped us over the years develop confidence in meeting and communicating with new people which has carried over into our everyday business life. There is much more to be gained from this 'swing' environment than just sex, as we both found out. Just our 2 cents worth.

After only two months in the lifestyle, I've noticed some rather big changes in myself (Mr. RippleCpl) and in my relationship with my wife. Aside from some of the ones everyone talks about (better sex between us, stronger relationship, etc.) here are some others:

1. LESS MASTURBATION - I used to masturbate 3-4 times a week. In the two months we've been lifestylers, I've only done it once. It's not that I am trying to avoid it, it's just that I haven't really felt like it. Yes, we are having more sex, but not enough to make up the difference. I think I used to masturbate out of sexual frustration. I desired variety, and I couldn't have it, so I'd beat off to help me stop thinking about it. Now that I have fully sanctioned variety, there is no frustration.

2. PORN - Much less/different interest now. Porn doesn't seem as "dirty" or "foreign" to me now. I guess it used to appeal to me because I wanted to do all those things, but couldn't. Now we are doing those things, so porn seems redundant.

3. GIRL WATCHING - There's a street near our house filled with bars that cater to college aged kids. When we'd drive down that street, I used to give myself whiplash going from cute girl to cute girl. Now I hardly notice them. In my mind I'm thinking "They're probably not swingers, so I'm not interested".

I guess all these things point to my sex drive going down, and in a sense it has. I was obsessed by what I couldn't have (other women), so I constantly thought about it, driving myself crazy. Now that Mrs. RippleCpl and I have begun swinging, I'm more relaxed and I know that in time, all my fantasies could come true.

I have found that I'm more confident in myself, inside and out. We didn't have a lot of friends before and now we have a couple couples who are really becoming good friends. It's really helped me loosen up a lot. And also knowing I'm still desirable to others after 3 kiddos.

I'm more relaxed about sex issues. Not that I was uptight before but now nothing really phases me.

As for watching those of the opposite (or same for that matter) sex, I find I do a lot more looking than I did before

Mr. Ripple, I think it's true. When people try to ignore sex or pretend like they don't enjoy it or think about it - when it's taboo and forbidden - it becomes an obsession. It's just human nature to want the very thing one is denied. So... after your spouse says, "Well? Go find out! See if the grass really IS greener on the other side and get back to me about it.", you start to realize sex is basically just a physical act. Pussy is just pussy. Dick is just dick. (Pardon my crudeness) It's not this mystical magical experience we've built it up to be in our restricted minds. It's fun, it feels good, it gets the blood pumping... but in the end, it's not as satisfying as the mind-blowing sex with each other when you get home. THAT's where it's at.

I agree with a lot of what has been said so far as far as I have seen some of the same things.

My self image has probably changed the most, I never considered myself very attractive before we started swinging. While I don't have to fight the women off with a stick or anything I was quite surprised at how many women have said that they find me attractive. I have to confess that I thought I got my wife in large part because she had poor eye sight.

The other thing I've noticed is that if we would go to a vanilla club before we started swinging, I would be oogling all the hot looking women and then when we got home be hornier than a three balled monkey and have to have a marathon sex session with my wife. On new years eve we went to a vanilla function and their were many young scantily clad women there, and while I did notice them, it didn't have the same effect as it used to. I don't know if that is good or bad but we did decide that in the future we will be spending new years eve at the swingers clubs.

Yes... we have changes too. We both have become more relaxed and more free in our thinking, and with the conversations we have with each other.

We are also both a lot more self assured, and willing to do what feels good for us. Like looking at girls.... Before Mr. Indy wasn't sure where to put his eyes, or would look away hoping I wouldn't catch him... Now I point them out and ask him. It is really hot to discuss that with him.

We clean up and party. With kids and all of the responsibilities we have sometimes it was just easier to throw on comfy clothes and stay in to watch movies. Now we are dressing up, having fun with each other shopping for new clothes and we are going out on the town!

I think the biggest change for me is that we now have a social life. Before swinging we worked and stayed home but now we go out almost every weekend and have met some great people.

(Tazzie typing for a change y'all...lol) Truck has definitely become more open minded through all of our experiences. When we married he was more of the "walk the straight and narrow path thing" and I was the "wild one" -still am to his family LOL. With the lifestyle we've certainly had many experiences (most good) and I think our marriage has lasted longer in the sense that we didn't get into a rut as far as sex goes.

Every experience with a new person is just a fun as the first time was. I've become even more open minded, much to the chagrin of other family members...lol! I know I've just become a better person all around I've felt better about myself even though I am a bigger person. That makes Truck happy.

Great post!!

While we had a great relationship before swinging, it is more intense now. And we really seem to be more in tune with each other - this is kind of hard to explain. We really go into this together as a team and as we have gotten more into the Lifestyle, a glance between us can speak volumes.

We have always been pretty open about talking about sex, but now it is even more so. And while our sex life has always been good, it is now on a different level and hard to believe but even better than it was before.

We are more secure about who we are (although there will always be the times of self doubt by me [she] ) but come less often now. Not obsessed with it any more.

Also, many things do not phase me anymore (never phased hubby lol) - previous post examples are good ones. But as I stated in another post, I do find myself having to be careful with what I say recognizing that much of the world is not as open as we now are.

I have found that I'm more confident in myself, inside and out. We didn't have a lot of friends before and now we have a couple couples who are really becoming good friends. It's really helped me loosen up a lot. And also knowing I'm still desirable to others after 3 kiddos.

 

I'm more relaxed about sex issues. Not that I was uptight before but now nothing really phases me.

 

As for watching those of the opposite (or same for that matter) sex, I find I do a lot more looking than I did before

Wifey here- I agree with everything ALilOEverything wrote, except I was more uptight about sex before, lol. Now when hubby and I talk, I don't get embarrassed like I used to.

The increase in self-confidence has been a big boost for me, and it has carried over into all parts of my life, not just at the clubs. I've been a mommy for so long and been in that mindset that it's nice to be reminded by other people that I'm a woman too (hubby's always made me feel pretty womanly).

Great topic by the way, RippleCpl!

1. We talk about sex more. A lot more.

2. Porn. I used to hide it. Now I share it. Sometimes we get it together and talk about it.

3. the sex has always been good. These days we've been more prone to experimenting, including when it's just us.

4. We've noticed the friends we circulate with tend to be fellow swingers more than non-swingers. Even when we don't do anything, the people we have contact with are people we've met in the lifestyle. I think it's a matter of who we feel comfortable with and you've gotta admit when you've been making the beast with two backs with your buddy's wife while he was diddling your own wife, that's a great way to get over uncomfortable feelings.

5. We've been out to a few non-swinging clubs and I find them boring these days. Yeah, there's a lot of dancing and sexually-charged rubbing up against each other, but I keep expecting them to get more graphic. I was watching these two girls dirty-dancing at a straight club a couple months ago, and while most of the crowd was whooping and hollering at the sight, I kept thinking, "come on! Lift up her shirt! Suck her titties! What're you waiting for?"

6. Yes, confidence. Not just in thinking we're attractive to other people, but in SAYING, "You know, X really has the hots for you," or "I'd really like to get Y in bed sometime."

We have only been the lifestyle for several months, but there have been some changes within our marriage. We go out more as a couple just to relax. Our daily sex lives are definitely better. I am no longer the one wanting sex every day, all day. And now I don't feel guilty or self-conscious when I dress sexy to go out.

Nothing like being in the lifestyle to build self confidence .

One of the biggest changes Ted and I both have experienced since starting to swing is that we are both much more open and talkative when meeting strangers. He and I both will strike up conversations with anybody now, no matter where we are at. And...people seem to want to talk to us. Strangers will come up and start conversations with us, which was something that never happened before swinging. I think both of us project a friendly openness that makes people feel comfortable to approach us. Of course, it could be the silly grins we wear all the time and they are just wanting to know what the hell we're grinning about

As with everyone else, we were always very close and the sex was always great but now it's just magnified 1000x. We also appreciate each other more and are much more attentive to each other.

All in all things were great before swinging and they just keep getting better and better.

Hi since we are relatively new to the scene - its good to read all the responses. For us we have experience both emotional and physical differences.

The emotional side is we are a lot more happy and content in our new lifestyle and always look on the bright side of life now.

Physically - I masturbate more by myself now while Dec doesn't - yet it was the other way round. Also after man years of a good sex life I actually didn't orgasm thru penetration alone and needed oral or toys. Now I have been doing so - not only with my new partners but also with Dec - we don't know why - ( perhaps someone could answer this) because nothing physical has changed except I seem to be much more sensitive and feel everything.

Finally , just talking about our different partners when we swap and comparing notes has made our sex life so horny now - I even smile at work now thinking about what we did the night previous and what we will do the next time.

Another Finally, yes perhaps we may seem boring but its true - as a couple we actually talk more about a lot more.

Been in it over 5 years now, 'graduated' to full swap about 3 years ago. Swinging didn't change our relationship, but we did. We changed our relationship in response to swinging. We had a pretty good sex life before which was amped up with talk of fantasies. We went through some rough patches - and some REALLY rough patches - that were prodded into the open due to swinging. But once we chewed through our problems, we realized exactly how we felt about one another and are living happily ever after. Mrs. Spoo said it very well: swinging really enhances an awareness of each other. You don't take one another for granted the way you often do when you have each other "off the market" so to speak. You gain a real appreciation of, well, everything!

We have been swinging for 20 plus years.

Our relationship seems to get stronger in the sence that we talk about our desires/fantasies between ourselves and the people we swing with. We also talk after the event happens. We both enjoy sex and having sex with other couples. The couples we swing with we know very well and have become close friends.

Our sex life continues to get better as our children get older and more responsible we have more time to spend with each other. LOL I actually think Kieth and I are having more sex now than we did 10 years ago with each other.

We started swinging mostly as a dare and had no clue what was going on. After our first group sex episode WE TALKED ABOUT TOGETHER and we clearly had an understanding of what transpired. My advise, make sure both you and wife have a clear understanding and talk to each other.

How has the lifestyle changed your life? Your personal or professional life?

We have always been tolerant of other people's lifestyle choices and tried to pass it on to our children. They are open minded most of the time. Peer pressure of course gets them when they are around their friends sometimes. But, I also think they would stand up for certain situations.

In our professional life, we "outed" ourselves to our co-workers years ago. It has never been a problem and some of the other workers have come up and asked us questions about the lifestyle. They also know that we will keep this information to ourselves. It's great to be trusted like that.

And what about you?

For me, this lifestyle has done wonders. Before I met MrVan, I was in a very abusive relationship (both mentally and physically). I dated this man during high school and then married him after high school. Because of the abuse I faced during those years, I became a very quiet, reserved person and could not be myself any longer. In high school, I was fun, outgoing, and enjoyed to flirt and have a good time (this was the true me). However, when meeting MrVan, I was very shy and did not feel I could express the true me so I kept that hid from MrVan, as I was afraid that he would react the same way my ex-husband did. As years passed, I became comfortable with MrVan knowing that if I was to tell him my fantasies that he would not push me away. Instead, after long talks at night and learning about each others fantasies, we found out that we truly had more in common than what we thought and decided to give the lifestyle a try.

Well, now I am no longer shy and reserved and I can feel confident about myself again which to me is a huge step. A woman can only take so much abuse before she loses the confidence she once had. Now that I am able to be myself again, has opened me up more than I ever thought. So much that many of our "vanilla" friends will ask what has happened to me to change so much? And I cannot tell them that I am a swinger, therefore I just say "I don't know". But I get many compliments on the person I am now and more and more each day I love who I have become. Thanks to such an amazing husband who has helped me to feel this way about myself again.

I have learned that I need to take better care of myself. And with a schedule each week of working out and watching what I eat, I have also become a healthier person.

So I would say that the lifestyle has made me the woman who I have always been but was not allowed to show until meeting MrVan.

As for relationships, it has definitely made MrVan and I so much more closer than we ever thought possible. To have such a close relationship makes me realize what I never thought could ever happen.

The only real change for me (female) is it allowed me to be open about my sexuality, something I had previously hidden and been somewhat ashamed of (my high sex drive)...basically it opened the dam

For me, this lifestyle has done wonders. Before I met MrVan, I was in a very abusive relationship (both mentally and physically).

I too lived for 13 years in a very abusive marriage, which lead to anorexia and alcoholism, and too damn many marriages! After finally getting out, I spent two years in a spiritual sabbatical and learning about myself, anger and resentment. I am now married to the most wonderful man on earth, that respects who and what I am. He encourages me to be whatever I want to be. I am a professional dancer (Middle Eastern) and I now have a studio and teach and perform. We had no idea that when we started talking of our fantasies (shortly after we met) that we would get to experience any of them.

I believe you have to have a strong relationship to live this lifestyle...jealousy and petty crap has to be gone. If you have a strong relationship, this lifestyle can make it even better.

I have been counseling battered women, eating disorders and alcoholics now for many years and I applaud the women that have come through this and have recovered to find their true selves!!!

I've noticed since entering the lifestyle, I've become a more outgoing person. I find myself talking with barmaids and waitresses more. Flirting, I guess. Something I wouldn't have done before. Us engineers tend to be a reserved bunch. In fact just the other day at lunch, a young engineer that works for me was commenting how at ease I was talking and joking with the waitress (she's a hottie his age ) How he could never do that. I laughed to myself and told him I used to be that way too

Mrs.Van.....wonderful story. Glad you two found each other If you could have stayed around for the weekend, we'd have enjoyed hearing it in person. We did enjoy hearing MrsPaganlovers story. I am now enlightened about Pagan and Wicca beliefs too Damn good thing she wasn't telling us dressed in her belly dancing outfit or I wouldn't have heard a word...and it's not because of the jingles

Swinging has been a part of my life for so long that I can't remember what it changed about me vs what may have just been changed with time and maturity. However, I can say that comparing myself to my pre-swinging days I am much more open-minded, much better at communicating, much more honest with myself and others.

I'd say it's changed the communication about our sex life for the better and has deepened the understanding we have about each other's sexuality.

I remembered how much I enjoyed socializing and bullshitting with new people. This has been great.

It's made the Mrs. and I really do some self-analyzation and the payoff has been huge.

Our sex life (between one another and not playmates) has been ramped up.

One of our vanilla friends who is cool with the lifestyle itself is nonplussed that we're not around as much and they're making it into far more of a wedge that it should ever be as we see them nearly every day.

My wife and I are 35 and 31 three kids, married 13 years. We have a regular play couple he 44 she 42. two kids married 22 years.

My wife and I are somewhat "wild" in bed i.e. a gentle night of love making means the neighbors didn't hear us. Our playmates are much more "calm" then we are, The other wife is very passive, her husband is well about half as aggressive as my wife and about a third as me. On the other hand the other wife is very passionate very much into kissing, touching, and sex is at a much slower pace than we are used to.

Over the last few weeks I have found myself being much slower with much longer foreplay with my wife, I feel that the things we have shared, and learned from our playmates have made my wife and i better lovers when we are together. I always knew that foreplay could be very erotic but never knew that it could be so very powerful.

I thought I'd share this with everyone, and if anyone else feels that they too have become better lovers with their spouse or SO, we would love to hear about it.

Thanks for reading this long post.

I like this thread, and I wish there were many more folks who respond.

For us, swinging was almost all positive. (The single exception is that std we contracted from a "friend," i.e., not someone we hadn't known for a long time. I discussed that in the thread on the downside of swinging.) I opened up and became much more sexual, sensual, attentive, appreciative, etc.

For my wife, the fact that I changed so much was reward enough for her since she didn't really care if she had other partners or not. Oh, she enjoyed the flirting and romancing and attention that she got from a lot of guys, but the sex was hardly ever really terrific. She could have given it up any time.

For me, I loved the variety. I loved the taste and feel of other women. I loved the sense of creating a new bond of friendship with several women whom I still adore and/or sleep with. It is a little like poly, but without the other facets besides sex and companionship. Maybe it is open marriage. I'm not sure what the label should be.

After sleeping with another woman, I was always hot for my wife. There was never a hint of betrayal or jealousy. Our bond was strengthened by the swinging. In part, it was because she was so generous in allowing me to do what I wanted. It also demonstrated so clearly that we were so well suited to each other that no other person could threaten our marriage.

For a long time, our best friends were other swingers, and swinging activities were the main "recreational" focus of our lives when children and work allowed some free time.

It is impossible to overestimate how much good the swinging did for us.

It has really changed our life for the better...we are presently caming with another couple and plan to meet soon...I love the fact that my wife is a show off on camera...This I feel is the starting of a great life...and we are meeting with another couple that looks a lot like us...Physically that is....

Absolutely for the better. I (Mrs) am much more outgoing and not as shy as I was when we were first married. He is also...

Swinging is something we will never give up.