Who to choose? How to choose?

So the hubby & I have been discussing swinging and both actively & passively seeking another male or couple to have our first experience with for going on 2 years now. Needless to say, we're sick of talking and ready for action! We've gone to a local on-premise club that we love several times, but have never found anyone there that truly sparked our interest.

Suddenly, within the past week we have been contacted by a couple and a single male that might just work. But of course, there's a catch with both options. The first thing about the couple & single male is that they're all roughly 20 yrs older than we are... we don't think that should be a problem, but since we're completely inexperienced (even after all this time), is the age difference something we should take into consideration? Here's the info on them...

The Couple:

The couple seems genuinely nice, experienced, respectful, and from what we've seen in our 2 years of research they'd be the PERFECT couple to lose our swinging "virginity" to... yet neither of us finds either of them physically attractive! Now they aren't unattractive by any means... they're decent lookin' folks! Just physically they're not exactly what we were seeking, and honestly had no idea they'd be attracted to us! However, personality wise, they are exactly the kind of couple we have been searching for... and we just don't know what to do! The hubby is concerned b/c he doesn't want to "settle"... yet I am torn b/c we're both also firm believers that personality is the most important factor that can make or break the situation.

The Single Male:

He was married, but is currently single & claims to have had & shared mfm fantasies with his wife, but they never took it beyond that. (Please let us know if that's a red-flag issue! We don't have experience with single males!) All our email interaction has been positive. He's been very polite and respectful, and is eager to know what our fantasy-come-true looks like, and what all we'd like to have happen should we choose him for our first MFM encounter. I am definitely attracted to him physically, and wasn't sure I would be since the emails started before we ever exchanged pics. I'm trying to figure out what kinds of specifics I need to give him, questions I need to ask him to see how things progress, so help there would be appreciated as well.

So... who do we choose? How do we choose? If it helps, there are other couples out there we'd probably like to play with eventually, but we've been really picky about our *first* encounter, since we want it to be memorable in a positive light, hopefully the first of many Though I must admit I haven't really come across any other single males that I've been too interested in at all. And we mainly started all this b/c we both have a MFM fantasy lol. Decisions... decisions... HELP!!! LOL

The decision will ultimately be your's.

Don't put the horse before the cart here...Have you met either the couple or the single male? I ask because, e-mails, chats and pictures are great for getting a general feel of the person but, until you meet face-to-face, you will never really know if there is enough attraction (either physical or personality wise) to take things further.

As to the age difference...again, that's up to you. If you have no problems with the age difference then it's really not a factor in your decision.

I will say that even though personality is a big factor in deciding if you want to swing with someone, unless there is something that you're also physically attracted to, it could make for an awkward playtime.

Teresa

I would meet with them both seperately in a vanilla atmosphere and see who clicks. In the end, if they both click the only real choice is which one to go with first, in that case the one that clicks the best.

Along the lines of what Teresa said, as well, if you are not at all attracted to someone physically in the end it is going to make it a little difficult to have sex with them. That said, two things... don't base lack of physical attraction completely on a picture. Some people just don't take good pictures and second, sometimes when you meet people their personality may be so great that it may overcome in deficit they have in the looks dept.

So get out there and meet them, until you do that, you'll never know!

I'd look at this as positive...you have two people you are eager to meet!

Rather than focus on whether the couple or single will be your first - or who will make the best first experience - I think you should focus on first finding out if you are interested enough to play. You need to meet both of them before you'll ever know that.

Don't put too much pressure on yourselves to find the "perfect first" experience. You have to start somewhere and even if the first experience isn't ideal, you'll learn a great deal.

Let things happen naturally and set up a date to meet both without concern as to who will end up being your first, neither may be once you meet them.

As has been said, pictures can be misleading and people who don't look the hottest in pictures can charm the pants of you once you meet them! It's amazing how that can happen. It is also not surprising to find the the real looker in the pic doesn't do a thing for you in person.

LM

Here are just some random thoughts.

- a single male will be a simpler process since all that needs to take place is for you and him to have an attraction and for your husband to be comfortable enough with the situation to follow through. When you add another female into the mix now you have to have four people with an attraction and comfort level. The more people that are added the complexity increases exponentially and the chances of actually playing to any degree decreases.

- I don't see any unusual red flags with a single male just because he is divorced and had some experiences with his ex. That is quite common actually. Just keep in mind that the vast vast majority of single males on websites are wierdos, losers, wannabes, dreamers, cheaters etc and a huge percentage of them are really just fantasizing and talking big and will promise you the world and tell you what you want to hear and then never show up when you set a date.

- don't underestimate or downplay the importance of physical attraction. The fact that your husband is concerned with "settling" is a big red flag. Usually it's the male half of a couple that is chomping at the bit to get together and make it happen and they have a huge strike zone as far as physical attraction goes. If he is having reservations based on attraction that is a big warning that this may not be the right couple. Do not do something just to be doing it and to "get 'er done." If things aren't right don't do it just because you are getting inpatient for something to happen. You are doing both them and yourself a huge disservice if you go through with it just to get your cherry popped rather than because there is a sincere interest and attraction.

- Honestly I think your best chances are in either sticking with the club or if it is a small club with a small clientele then maybe looking for another club. If there is a club that allows single males then finding an mfm opportunity would be like finding sand at the beach.

Thanks so much for the replies so far! Everything each of you said has made absolute sense... but that's also where so much frustration comes from. We've been to our local club several times throughout the past couple years and have seriously never found a couple we're actually attracted to. The people who frequent the club are amazing... and while they are attractive, none of them have really piqued our sexual interest. Neither of us is going to "take one for the team" but seriously, I am beginning to think perhaps we're being too particular about what we're looking for?

That feels strange to say though because there are plenty of physically attractive couples locally, but they're just not what we're sexually attracted to... In fact, at our local club I've seen one man that I actually wanted sexually, and the hubby & I were both mutually attracted to one female, but that's it.. two people in nearly two years! And in both cases, they were *VERY* occupied and not in a position to really have an actual conversation with us at the time lol (which we totally didn't mind, of course... just watching in appreciation has proven to be tons of fun). But I guess my patience is wearing a bit thin because we want to be one of the couples actually playing too, so hence the trying to jump the gun...

You are all right about the physical attraction thing though, I just hadn't thought about it in perspective: through the club we've met many interesting, genuine people... but the sex just hasn't happened b/c there hasn't really been a "spark". Maybe we should just talk to some of the people we've already met a bit more? I don't know. I think now I'm at even more of a loss than before LOL. But yes, maybe we need to keep trying at our local club, or venture to a different club a little farther away and see what they have to offer. In the mean time, I'll try not to start pulling out my hair LOL!!!

 

In fact, at our local club I've seen one man that I actually wanted sexually, and the hubby & I were both mutually attracted to one female, but that's it.. two people in nearly two years! And in both cases, they were *VERY* occupied and not in a position to really have an actual conversation with us at the time lol...

LM

This is sex wright ! Who is holding who back here ?

You both said you found THE ONES and also found a reason not to.

Just our experience. The first couple we played with were not the one and only almighty sparks of life. I'm not cutting them down by any means, they were compatible. We liked them. We felt comfortable and safe. We played and never will we forget any moment of that evening. The sparks that flew were between Mrs Fun and I. We were very happy with our choice. Honestly, I don't think we were the one and only for them either.... We all still had a great time. We wanted to see how we felt after having sex with different people. They gave us the opportunity to feel that. We will never forget them for that night. The truth is who we thought were going to be the best of our choice, weren't.

Are you sure you not missing the ones you should be with, waiting on the impossible one ? Take your time by all means, as anyone should. But if your both ready to experience something like this together..... compatibility and convenience also play a big part. Then when you know and feel comfortable doing this... let the sparks fly when it may.... and it will.

As far as who to chose ? We did both... We went with a couple first then a single male. It worked for us. That was how convience played into it for us

Ultimately, the decision is yours. But since you asked, here's what I/we'd do. We'd set up dates at vanilla locations to meet both the couple and the single male (not at the same time, of course). See what happens. You may find that the pics didn't do the couple justice, and the sparks just FLY. You may find that this hot SM isn't as great as his pics, or is a no-show. Either way, you won't know for sure until you meet them in person.

Many will tell you the dynamics of meeting a SM are simpler, since really only two of you need to "click", and your Dh just needs to feel comfortable with the guy. While I can see the logic in that, Mr. Sweet and I tend to prefer couples. But that's just us.

Good luck in your quest, and please keep us posted on what happens.

=)

It took us two years to find our first playcouple. We had a good time (especially Mrs. Alura) and have never been sorry we did it. Unfortunately, the other wife had some jealousy issues and the resultant drama assured the friendship wouldn't continue.

Not only was the sex fun, it gave us some experience that assured us we'd have no issues between the two of us if we continued. As an experienced couple it took us only a couple of weeks to find our next playcouple. A good friendship developed and we played with them for several years.

Perhaps y'all are over thinking the situation by trying to find the perfect couple to begin with. You'll never know if they're perfect until y'all've had sex with them. Even if it turns out to be a less-than-perfect evening, it's not likely to be something you can't leave behind.

We can't offer advice on single males. They're not our cup of tea. We prefer to take turns with our usual playcouple having MFMs... FMFs, etc. There are so many more and so much better possibilities, in my opinion.

Mr. Alura

well i'd say the cpl would be better for the reasons that you like there personalities and such like that. you can't always tell what a person will look like really online and heck... i meet a single guy this last week that i though wasn't all that great, hot looking guy and when he walked into the house party i was floored at how attractive i found him. so don't judge by just pics. age .... hell i love my older playmates, i'm 29 and i have a guy or two that's almost or 20 yrs older and i love the playtime with them.. so don't go by age. the single guy.... you don't know and can't always tell if they are single or cheating on a spouse. i try my best to find out if they are doing just that and won't see them. it's just a desaster waiting to happen... so i'd stay away from that as well. singles are fun if you can trust they are single. so my vote is to meet the cpl for dinner and see if it turns into a night cap and playtime... make sure they know it can be just dinner or that if your comfortable with them it can be more. any good swinging cpl understands that and will respect that. if nothing else you might have new friends not to play with but more friends is always good.

This is sex wright ! Who is holding who back here ?

 

You both said you found THE ONES and also found a reason not to.

 

Just our experience. The first couple we played with were not the one and only almighty sparks of life. I'm not cutting them down by any means, they were compatible. We liked them. We felt comfortable and safe. We played and never will we forget any moment of that evening. The sparks that flew were between Mrs Fun and I. We were very happy with our choice. Honestly, I don't think we were the one and only for them either.... We all still had a great time. We wanted to see how we felt after having sex with different people. They gave us the opportunity to feel that. We will never forget them for that night. The truth is who we thought were going to be the best of our choice, weren't.

 

Are you sure you not missing the ones you should be with, waiting on the impossible one ? Take your time by all means, as anyone should. But if your both ready to experience something like this together..... compatibility and convenience also play a big part. Then when you know and feel comfortable doing this... let the sparks fly when it may.... and it will.

 

As far as who to chose ? We did both... We went with a couple first then a single male. It worked for us. That was how convience played into it for us

Take a good look at the above post and really let it sink in. I think there is some great merit and wisdom here.

If you have spent two years going to clubs and actively seeking playmates on websites and have been coming up empty handed the issue is probably more with your requirements or with your relationship or your level of readiness to take this step in your marriage.

The real issue in all of this is are you and your marriage ready for this and not who is the perfect couple/single. I have some news for you, you are NEVER going to find a "perfect" couple but you may have countless "compatable" people right under your nose but you don't see them because you are looking for perfection.

Don't get me wrong I am not recommending that you "settle" and I agree with an above post that said you aren't doing anyone any favors if you do it just to do it. However the real key here is what the swinging experience does to add to your own primary relationship and it is not about hand picking the most perfect couple out of the basket the first time out.

Truth be known, you really don't even know what traits and characteristics are right for you at this point. That comes with experience and at this point you don't have any experience because you have spent two years looking for rock stars.

My question to you is, is it really this important to you that you find exactly what it is that is etched into your heads of what someone "should be"? or is this two year quest because you don't feel that you or your relationship is actually ready for this step and you are using this quest for perfection as an excuse to keep putting it off?

It seems to me that you have a very specific scenario and idea of these perfect people should look like and be like in your heads and people don't come "made to order". People are what they are and either they have a basic compatability or they don't.

Could it be possible that you haven't met that "perfect" couple because you're not ready to go that far? Are you using it as a stall tactic? Just a thought here, but for whatever reason, subconsciously you may not be ready and that could maybe why you haven't found THE couple. Maybe you should reanalyze what it is you hope to get out of this. Are you looking for a "porn" experience or are you looking for enlightenment, so to say, in your own relationship? If you're looking for a "porn" experience, then yeah I'd say 9 times out of 10 you're going to end up leaving without it. I am in no way saying you should "settle" but remember, there is no such thing as "perfect". There is only "perfect for that moment in time".

As for the couple that you don't necessarily find fully attractive; remember that meeting with them is not a guarantee of sex. Meet with them, see what clicks and what doesn't click. You may find that they are more attractive physically in person than they are in pictures. You also may find that they are less attractive personality wise. But you will never quite know until you meet them in person. My honey recently told me something that really struck home as far as physical looks go. He said "beauty grows on you." When I asked him what he meant he pointed out an adult film star that at first he did not find attractive at all, then many months later he realized that she was in fact very attractive. This outlook has kind of held true for our pursuit of other people. We have met and known a lot of people in this lifestyle over the years, some we would not have played with at first sight, but as time went by and we've developed friendships with them, they have become more attractive to us and we have ended up having some great experiences with them.

My point is, good personalities and great relationships/friendships can create physical attraction just as much as bad personalities can dissuade physical attraction.

=iapr;333998]

If you have spent two years going to clubs and actively seeking playmates on websites and have been coming up empty handed the issue is probably more with your requirements or with your relationship or your level of readiness to take this step in your marriage.

 

Don't get me wrong I am not recommending that you "settle" and I agree with an above post that said you aren't doing anyone any favors if you do it just to do it. However the real key here is what the swinging experience does to add to your own primary relationship and it is not about hand picking the most perfect couple out of the basket the first time out.

 

 

My question to you is, is it really this important to you that you find exactly what it is that is etched into your heads of what someone "should be"? or is this two year quest because you don't feel that you or your relationship is actually ready for this step and you are using this quest for perfection as an excuse to keep putting it off?

I completely agree. You are not looking for a marriage partner, you're looking for people to swing with. And while you're trying to lose your "swing virginity" it's not like losing your virginity.

I think it's important to consider options and go into swinging with a lot of thought, but really, after 2 years, I suspect you all are overthinking this. Invite the couple and the single guy to the club you attend. Make it clear it's a meeting...not a sure thing. Meet them both. Then decide to go further with one, or the other, or neither.

Everyone has to decide what is going to constitute a good time for them, but in my experience, I've had a great time with people that I may not have originally chosen as a playmate. Open your mind to the possibilities.

Now, if the two of you aren't really ready and this has been a stall tactic, disregard all the advice in the paragraphs above.

Pepper

Oh wow... I didn't expect so many detailed responses. Thanks again!

Alright. I guess now's as good a time as any for some background info on us & our relationship. We've been married for 7 yrs, together for 12... but we're 26 & 27yrs old (so yes, we're high school sweethearts). If it were just about looks or quick sex for us, the whole thing could've happened a long time ago. There's nothing wrong with either of those... but it's not quite what we want, we just honestly haven't really found *it* yet (not-so-casual, casual sex). We *aren't* looking for a porn re-enactment. We *are* looking for new meaningful, passionate experiences to share with each other. But it's good to know that another couple went through a 2 year period before finally having their first experience too It's not something we need, as we always have dynamite sex on our own! Just something different we'd like to try out (in years past, we've had sex w/ other people... but we were constantly hundreds/thousands of miles apart for extended periods of time back then and weren't ever able to experience it "together").

While we realize we can't always control it, we'd just really prefer to not have a "bad" first experience with this. I didn't think that was such a bad thing to want? We've worked very hard over the years to have and maintain a committed, open, honest relationship with each other... there are no secrets here. We have kids now too, so we've had tons of scheduling conflicts resulting in things just not working out period (it seems that many people don't have to worry about sitters for the kiddos, but we have to make plans weeks in advance). I know for a fact that the reality almost never lives up to the fantasy, but does that mean it shouldn't even come close? That's the main reason I started this thread... we're really struggling with putting the time/effort into planning two separate evenings out with the couple & single male when we know we only get out one weekend a month LOL. It seems like lots of swingers want to set things up for that night, or that weekend... sometimes we have to set a date that's a month away, and prefer to meet at the on-premise club we go to... yet understandably that's just not cool with some people. So...

What other words of wisdom do you guys have for us? I'm the type that likes to talk it out and hear differing views/opinions before drawing my own conclusions & making a final decision. So please know that everyone's opinion/view is greatly appreciated!

Well, I can say we have had a quite a few great swinging experiences. Unfortunately, those were mixed in with a lot of mediocre experiences. The only thing I can tell you for certain is, not one of those experiences did we know was going to be great, or not so great, before we actually had them. In other words, they were all a surprise, after the fact.

So, I doubt you will ever find "*it*" by looking for it. The only way you will find "*it*" is by taking the plunge. If you get the right couple/single, you will be sitting there in the after glow saying, "wow, that was it".

 

While we realize we can't always control it, we'd just really prefer to not have a "bad" first experience with this. I didn't think that was such a bad thing to want?

 

I know for a fact that the reality almost never lives up to the fantasy, but does that mean it shouldn't even come close? That's the main reason I started this thread...

It's not a bad thing to want at all. But, I think you also need to realize that while this couple may be the perfect ones to play with the first time ON PAPER, the reality may be nowhere near that. Same with the single male.

For example, there was a couple that we flirted with for over a year. Drew was really into her, I was really into him. They were good looking, it seemed like we had a lot in common...a perfect match. Finally, they had a free evening and we planned a play date. Well, when we finally played, it bit. It blew. It sucked. It wasn't our worst swingng experience, but it was certainly memorable, and not in a good way.

I wasn't implying that you guys should start indescriminately grabbing people off the dance floor at the club or that you need to swing. I was telling you that while it's a good idea to move at your own pace, and to make sure you're comfortable, you can neither plan nor predict how an experience is going to turn out. I've learned to have no or low expectations for any play experience. Typically, when we've created these high expectations, it falls way short. When we're not really expecting it, though, we've had some fabulous times.

Of course, you can (and will) do whatever you wish. Good luck in whatever you decide!

Pepper

We recommend that you makes it easy. Have dinner at a convenient restaurant with each prospect, get to know them, and if the chemistry is right, set a play date later. In the invitation to them, let them know the ground rules, that this is just a dinner and meeting. Most experienced swingers understand the need for chemistry, and that chemistry cannot be judged over the Internet, it has to be face to face.

Then, don't agonize over it. You will sense the chemistry if it is there. If it is not, thank them for the nice evening, good conversation, and move on.

We have met swinging couples with whom we became good friends, but never swung because the chemistry was not there for swinging. And, we have met folks with whom we had so much chemistry, that after dinner we decided to throw out the rule and headed for their hotel room for a three hour romp! No body complained in either situation!

 

We *are* looking for new meaningful, passionate experiences to share with each other.

Those are found where they are and they happen when they happen. That is more about what is happening with the two of you than about others. This is a worthy and legitimate goal but it is about you and not about others. If you have your shit together there is no reason it can't happen in even the simplest of circumstances. If you don't have your own shit together it will not happen no matter how perfect the other people are or how perfect the situation is.

 

While we realize we can't always control it, we'd just really prefer to not have a "bad" first experience with this.

As long as you keep the above goal in mind and as long as you use your head and are reasonably responsible and follow your gut instincts and communicate with each other, you should not have a "bad" experience.

"bad" experiences happen when people get drunk or stupid, get careless or irresponsible or get selfish and do things without regard to the feelings or wishes of others.

You two have probably been somewhat torturing yourselves looking for the perfect match and situation. At some point you are going to have to accept that you have done all it is that you can do and then you are just going to have to take a leap of faith knowing that you have done your best. If you are inteligent, responsible, respectfull and compassionate people and you have given it your all in good faith things will work out for the best.

Oh I just wanted to add one more thing. It was a about a year from the time we first signed up on a swing site untill we had our first experience and it was about another six months after that before we actually became active in the lifestyle. so I don't think 2 years is necessarily unrealistic or abnormal at all. However like I said in my previous post at some point you are going to have to realise you have done everything in your power and you are just going to have to have some faith in yourselves.

Doing research and asking questions is responsible and wise however there will come a point where more opinions will just confuse the issues and cloud the waters.

I bumped this thread back up because I think it is directly related to your current thread "young and younger"

Did you make any headway with the couple or the single male in question at the beginning of this thread or did you talk yourselves out of any forward progress with either of them and are now concentrating your efforts on the 19 year old in your "Young/Younger" thread?

I bumped this thread back up because I think it is directly related to your current thread "young and younger"

 

Did you make any headway with the couple or the single male in question at the beginning of this thread or did you talk yourselves out of any forward progress with either of them and are now concentrating your efforts on the 19 year old in your "Young/Younger" thread?

Hubby was shipped out again shortly after this thread was created. He is due back today, and understandably, this couple & single male felt strung along (you know, flaky "newbies" who suddenly can't meet). I wouldn't have believed me either if I were them. Anyway, this is why for all intents & purposes it's easier for us to have sex with other people while we're apart. That doesn't change us wanting to share the experience together. It actually makes it worse. We've both gotten over having sex just to do it and would prefer to only have sex with the other involved. I don't see that as a bad thing. Just because we've never had group sex? Or just because we have high expectations? Honestly, I'm just ready to jump the gun and do it. It just sucks for me that it's time for hubby's return, and the "other guy" I want to hook up with is a freaking 19 year old. Trust me, there are SEVERAL undisclosed reasons why I'm not exactly happy about that. It's not about him being young & inexperienced. We don't want to "control" him. I'm so excited about finally being attracted to someone that I can hardly contain myself! But I'm rational... and this is why I started the few threads I've written. People are harsh & judgemental of "newcomers". I thought swingers would be different. What we *have* done may not be "swinging" in the traditional sense, but I didn't think that mattered? Perhaps a board for military couples would have been a better place for our posts? Or maybe I should start a thread that, at the risk of seeming like "elitists", would better explain to everyone why it's been so dang difficult for us to find people who are attracted to us that we are also attracted to.... but I honestly didn't think so much explaining was necessary in a place where people are usually supposed to be nonjudgemental lol.

Hubby was shipped out again shortly after this thread was created. He is due back today, and understandably, this couple & single male felt strung along (you know, flaky "newbies" who suddenly can't meet). I wouldn't have believed me either if I were them. Anyway, this is why for all intents & purposes it's easier for us to have sex with other people while we're apart. That doesn't change us wanting to share the experience together. It actually makes it worse. We've both gotten over having sex just to do it and would prefer to only have sex with the other involved. I don't see that as a bad thing. Just because we've never had group sex? Or just because we have high expectations? Honestly, I'm just ready to jump the gun and do it. It just sucks for me that it's time for hubby's return, and the "other guy" I want to hook up with is a freaking 19 year old. Trust me, there are SEVERAL undisclosed reasons why I'm not exactly happy about that. It's not about him being young & inexperienced. We don't want to "control" him. I'm so excited about finally being attracted to someone that I can hardly contain myself! But I'm rational... and this is why I started the few threads I've written. People are harsh & judgemental of "newcomers". I thought swingers would be different. What we *have* done may not be "swinging" in the traditional sense, but I didn't think that mattered? Perhaps a board for military couples would have been a better place for our posts? Or maybe I should start a thread that, at the risk of seeming like "elitists", would better explain to everyone why it's been so dang difficult for us to find people who are attracted to us that we are also attracted to.... but I honestly didn't think so much explaining was necessary in a place where people are usually supposed to be nonjudgemental lol.

Away put your weapons, I mean you no harm.

I'm really on your side and I am trying to help here. I don't mean to come off as harsh or judgemental but I do have a very direct and blunt style and don't sugar coat what is on my mind and what is on my mind is what I am getting from reading your posts. I am working off of the information that you have provided and unfortunately one does need to read between the lines a little bit. Either way you asked for our thoughts and insights so don't attack me when I offer it.

Now then, no one is advising you to screw people you are not attracted to or interested in and noone is advocating that you screw someone just to be screwing someone. That is silly.

I realize fully well how hard it is to find people where you all share an attraction and comfort and never have I or anyone else suggested that you fuck some random stranger just for the hell of it.

If this kid is truly the only person in the world that you are attracted to then work with that. I offered what I thought was reasonable caveats and considerations for you to think about but in the end only you can walk your path. You have to do what you think is right for you regardless of what I or anyone else says.

Away put your weapons, I mean you no harm.

I apologize for being so defensive. I didn't mean to offend you. I wrote that while I was still what we military wives refer to as "sexually deprived for freedom" lol. I'm alllllllllllllll better now

The hubby & I really enjoy trying new things, and we set goals & go in stages. This particular set of "new things" has been years in the making now. I know it's hard for people to know what we're about with the few things I've posted, but we're very sexually open people who have never had group sex or a 3some lol!

Sorry to hear that your plans got derailed by your husband being shipped out, but I'm glad he's coming home in one piece.

Other people have said this, but I just wanted to reiterate--you probably won't find the "perfect" first experience and you can't know going in that it will or won't be perfect. You absolutely can control if you are attracted to the other person/couple, but once you get going, all bets are off!

So my suggestion would be to just go for it when you find a couple or man you are attracted to. Don't overthink it, don't worry about it being the best choice, just have as much fun as you can in the moment!

Our first experience wasn't perfect, by any means (the guy had some troubles staying hard, for example, and my new stockings ripped). However, it was really hot and we had even more amazing sex ourselves afterward.

Hope you have fun soon.

Hubby was shipped out again shortly after this thread was created. He is due back today, and understandably, this couple & single male felt strung along (you know, flaky "newbies" who suddenly can't meet). I wouldn't have believed me either if I were them. Anyway, this is why for all intents & purposes it's easier for us to have sex with other people while we're apart. That doesn't change us wanting to share the experience together. It actually makes it worse. We've both gotten over having sex just to do it and would prefer to only have sex with the other involved. I don't see that as a bad thing. Just because we've never had group sex? Or just because we have high expectations? Honestly, I'm just ready to jump the gun and do it. It just sucks for me that it's time for hubby's return, and the "other guy" I want to hook up with is a freaking 19 year old. Trust me, there are SEVERAL undisclosed reasons why I'm not exactly happy about that. It's not about him being young & inexperienced. We don't want to "control" him. I'm so excited about finally being attracted to someone that I can hardly contain myself! But I'm rational... and this is why I started the few threads I've written. People are harsh & judgemental of "newcomers". I thought swingers would be different. What we *have* done may not be "swinging" in the traditional sense, but I didn't think that mattered? Perhaps a board for military couples would have been a better place for our posts? Or maybe I should start a thread that, at the risk of seeming like "elitists", would better explain to everyone why it's been so dang difficult for us to find people who are attracted to us that we are also attracted to.... but I honestly didn't think so much explaining was necessary in a place where people are usually supposed to be nonjudgemental lol.

Military? Which branch? Because I've noticed that my Army brethren tend to be a bit more accepting of the lifestyle than my fellow airmen. If you're truly interested in becoming an active member (or receiving an active member ), you'll have an easier time of it on an Army institution (in my personal experience).

We're trying to just go with the flow & "go for it!" We're going to be more open to others, it's just hard to let go & not be as picky (we're attracted to what we're attracted to, right?). I do think that a lot of it has to do with the area we live in and we're trying to look a little further away from home to see if that helps or changes anything.

Oh, and Mr. Essex... you are right about your Army brethren