Advice for a single woman interested in swingers club

I have looked at adultfriendfinder.com etc., but am more interested in meeting groups at a club. Not really interested in making friends and developing a relationship. Are there any women here that have gone to the swinger clubs by themselves that could offer me some advice?

As a guy, and a single one at that, I'll hazard a comment on the much desired single female at swing clubs....

My experience has been that a single female can make friends easily, but do be cautious and wait until you're comfortable with the people you've met. Many of them go with the idea of making friends as opposed to just having sex, and I get the idea you're more interested in the sex than the friendships. I'm the same way, and they get offended if you don't want to idly chat back and forth.

If you're really interested in group sex, many clubs do have areas where groups and orgies can happen as opposed to quiet little areas for couples to neck etc.

Maybe some of the gals can offer more????

Go, and have fun!

Oh, and as a long-time AFFer, it's not the best way to go, but there are real folks there, though not always looking like they say they do!

leo

Can direct you to some clubs in your area. Just click the link above title Club listings. You'll get two looks if depending on the club you go to:

or both of which are a good thing. The eek being the excitement of finding a single female.

Also consider Yahoo groups. There are TONS of groups for local areas that cover the gambit that is the swinging lifestyle. Good luck.

Use alot of common sense.

Appreciate the input , no pun intended!!

EroticAndTasty,

Is inputs you want? Pun intented LOL

....um, I'm in the same situation as Erotic and Tasty. This is new to me, and..... I'm a little intimidated about showing up alone at a club.---But I'm willing to do so! How does one discreetly find out where to go to find the 'action'? I checked the local ads for places here in San Diego...and found Thad's website. It mentions that the 'upstairs rooms' are only for couples who arrive together. What's that about?

---Give me some tips, fellas...is it best to just go, walk in, check it out, and wait for a man to approach?

--It's true, then, that a single female is unusual to find at these gatherings?

nah, lots of single females attend clubs. By far the majority are couples and single guys, but most parties have some single females too.

If I were a single female personally, I would go with a couple or a friend that I felt comfortable with for my first visit. It always pays to have someone familiar for the sake of not being the subject of unwanted attention just because you happen to be standing alone.

Fear not though, if its attention you want its attention you will get regardless if you go alone or with someone.

If you want to be a fly on the wall you may be uncomfortable on your first visit so that is why I'd recommend a couple or any other person, maybe a girlfriend or a guy that you trust.

John.

Problem is I don't have a friend or couple to go with. That seems harder to find than a club. I'm fairly gregarious and know how to handle uncomfortable situations nicely, so that doesn't worry me,.I just don't want to be the only single woman. So, if couples do bring single friends, then it probably wouldn't be too bad. Want to have fun with this, but really don't want to develop long-term friendships. This is just for fun

---Thanks, floi_DAMAN,

Those are some very thoughtful suggestions. I need to just get over it and venture out there. I can't strike out if I don't swing!

NightGoddess

--A life without love is like a year without summer--swedish proverb

Too bad we are on different coasts; we could venture forth together on our first time out. Good luck

----Thanks, EroticAndTasty! Likewise! ....Tell ya what. I'll keep you posted. Please do the same Hugs, NightGoddess

will do, NG. I'm thinking of going to Leisure Times in Hartford, CT in a few weeks. Will let you know how it turns out. A few people have given it good reviews. I'm warming up to the idea of going alone as it allows me the freedom to just leave without hurting anyone's feelings if I don't find it to my liking

I'm a single male interested in a relationship with an upscale, educated, single bi-female. I like mfm, ffm, couples, group,..

Is the only way trial and error?

I'm not pro at swinging, but have had some very fulfilling experiences

Adding a few more thoughts on the matter....

Some couples clubs are really into the couples bit, other's are not. A friend of mine thought it kind of weird that we were "sceened" to determine if we were a couple outside of the club.

If you are an attractive woman, be prepared for some possible upset spouses if you have too much fun with their husbands while they aren't having so much fun or if you look a lot better than they do. Remember, you're single and free....

And.....some guys love to play and play, but the woman who plays best isn't always the one they want to be with outside of the club.

hth,

leo

"I'm a single male interested in a relationship with an upscale, educated, single bi-female. I like mfm, ffm, couples, group,..

Is the only way trial and error?

I'm not pro at swinging, but have had some very fulfilling experiences" --funloverm

---Funloverm,

Your status says 'couple'...but your post says 'single'. What am I missing here?

NightGoddess

All great points, Leo, thank you. However, I'm not looking to find a relationship through these activities, or to meet a man to see outside of said activities . I always endeavor to take everyone's feelings into concern and try not to make anyone feel badly about themselves or their partner/spouse....that's in all aspects of my life. I would certainly be sensitive to the reactions of a man's female partner...I am a woman and care deeply for other women's feelings.

The best advice (credit to Julie) I have heard on this board pertaining to first time club visit is to ask some probing questions to the club hosts for the answers you are looking for. I am sure that they would be more than happy to introduce you to some couples to get you started. (Some off-premise clubs accept single women openly and not single men)

My wife and I just started meeting people at an off-premise party we go to. Haven't been bitten yet! It could have been a hell of alot easier had we known about this board before attending.

It appears to me that a single woman (no offense dudes) is easily accepted and more wanted at these parties. If you are bi, you should have *zero* problems. Just make sure you ask the couples you talk to what their limits are and take it from there. Some are cool with singles, while others are not. Single women.....typically a non issue.

BTW: There is a single woman that attends the parties we have been to. She is an H-O-DOUBLE-T! commodity.

Good luck and have too much fun......

Thanks, ciscosv!! Good advice. Yes, the club I'm considering allows couples and single women. Should be fun if I decide to go ;-D

Hi I am a single women and want to go to a club but feel nervous about it. Are there any single women on this board who can give me their experience on going to the club by themselves for the first time?

Thanks,

I am not a single fem and can't answer your exact question but I have been to a variety of clubs. Most clubs will bend over backwards to accomidate single fems and make them feel comfortable. My suggestion would be to contact whatever clubs you are interested and ask them any quesitons you may have about the club and they will do whatever they can to make you feel comfortable and at home.

I went out twice as a single female (after having been involved in the lifestyle as a couple for many years). The first time was to a local social and I ended up feeling somewhat like a piece of meat....oddly more by the women than the men. "Oh your bi and single, let me grope you!". The most respectful person that I dealt with that whole night was a single guy (go figure).

I also went to a swinger hotel take-over as a single female. I felt more comfortable there, actually, because I had a couple that was also there that I was friends with and who kind of watched out for me. The one downside there was it's kinda lonely in a room by yourself, even if you are surrounded by people the rest of the time.

I would suggest that you find a couple you are comfortable with and tag along with them the first few time or two you visit a new club. This will give you a safety net of sorts. Granted they won't be there to watch out for you the entire night (they are there to have fun and meet people too) but at least it will give you a bit of a buffer and someone to come "rescue you" if needed from uncomfortable situations.

thanks for the help it would be alot easier going to the club with someone else but this is all new to me and i dont know one yet, but i guess taking the first steps are always the hardest.

thanks

Welcome to the Swingers Board jlff

Yes its true the first steps are the hardest sometimes. We didn't start out going to the clubs and felt pretty unsure about it, untill we finally made it.

What are some of the hopes you have ?

What are some of the fears you might have ?

i am 37 and looking to meet people who are looking to having the same kind of fun as me

I guess the scary part is going to the club by my self its always easier with someone

and the unexpeced is also scary!how are the clubs?can you give me some info on how they work? are they like going to a bar? thanks!!

jlff,

I am a single female who only goes to clubs alone, no one in my social circle would, well I wouldn't feel comfortable inviting.

Also, I have not been to a regular bar in 20 years or so except for the rare trip to hear specific music.

So, I don't know how much comparison I can help you do. But, yes, I would imagine it is much like a regular bar. In the club that I visit, there are two floors. The first on could be easily mistaken for a regular bar, albeit a cheesy, poorly decorated bar. Dancing, drinking, small talk etc. Upstairs, there are the party areas and a table area which is quieter than the downstairs so it is easier to talk.

I would suggest you let the employees know it is your first time and they will probably introduce you to some people who can show you around. I guess the biggest difference between a swinger club and a regular club is the sex on-premise and the assumption of availability is different. Plus, I like the group sex possibilities of the swinger clubs.

My social skills usually stink, but I manage to meet people and have a good time. I am sure you will be fine. If you have specific questions, I will be happy to answer. Too bad we don't live closer, I would love to go to a club with someone instead of by myself sometime.

well i am working up the courage to go, I wish you did live closer that would of been great having someone to go with, I to could never ask someone i know to go,let alonethat i am thinking of going, I am not good at meating new people and i kind of want what happens at the clubs stays at the club, I am not looking to bring it ouside the club. if you dont mind can you tell m your one of your best experience at the clubs

well if your ever in this area i would more than happy to go wth you to a club around here

thanks again

I am single also, but I have a couple that I go with. It does make attending parties etc. easier. Perhaps in time I would go alone, but it wouldn't be my first thought.

OP, you're golden! You'll have your pick of couples and single men, you probably won't have to bring your own liquor, and you'll be surrounded by people who understand that "No" means "No".

I'm a single female also and have some of the same concerns about going to a parties (no clubs in our area) as a single female. The first event I went to I went alone. It was a small weekend event and I had met a couple of people attending prior to going. Everyone was great in welcoming me and made me feel very comfortable about being there. I was very new to the LS and scared. I was very lucky to meet a single man there who I formed a good connection with. We live near each other and have met many times for play. We attend parties together and this works for us. We are upfront with those we meet about our relationship, that we are both singles looking for friends & playmates, and that while we do play as a couple we are both very open to playing without the other.

I don't know that I will ever be as comfortable going to a party alone, maybe down the road, but I really enjoy having that safety net so to speak.

OP-maybe try to find a single man who you can get comfortable with and attend some events with him. You may have to sort through a bunch to find that person but it could make you entry into the LS a little easier. Another thing I have found at some parties is a single attending with a couple. I've seen this also and it really seems to work well for some.

From a single male POV. Contact your party hosts. They are usually very good at making you feel at ease and will keep an eye on things.

That can make your first time much easier.

Hope this helps!

From the fem half of a couple: For those of you whom attend with a couple. Please make it clear to us if you're interested that you're available. Whenever I meet the woman who's at a club with a couple, I'm never sure if she's available or on a date with her couple.

Even if I am attending with a couple, I do indicate that I am "available", meaning if the chemistry works with someone or another couple, I am open to discussion

I am a single woman and have gone to alot of clubs, most of the time you feel so welcomed that your nervousness is short lived

hey all im new and i would have to say im a single-fem and my upcoming experience is going to be a little wild, but I am ready to go for it!!!

Just have that Courage ready!

Posters, update us! Did you ever go? And if so, how was it?

i posted what happened in anothjer forum ill psot it here..

Where I have had the MOST problems as a single woman in the lifestyle is opening this resort..........the good old boys club here in Vegas has made it extremly hard for a single woman to fit in