First club experience - guess we weren't ready after all

Well first a bit of background. Mrs. Nobody and I have been together for almost 10 years and one night we were talking and started throwing the idea of a threesome around.

Well, one day I ran across this site and started looking around, and expanded research to swinging in general. We seemed like the archetypal swinging type - very solid relationship, *excellent* sex life, and open to new ideas. We are very honest and open about our sexuality. Discretion is a must, since we are both professionals. So, yes there seemed to be a lot of people in the same boat that we were from what I've seen in the forums here. I forwarded the site on to Mrs. Nobody earlier in the week so she could take a look to see if it was something she was interested in and the next thing you know she scheduled us at a club for last night! It was a club that prided itself on a "no pressure" atmosphere and she figured it was a good place to start. The rule we decided to define for that night was simple - Watch/perform only. No point in private rooms since we do that at home all the time, right? That way we could get our feet wet and not walk away with a "we shouldn't have done that" feeling.

I was pretty nervous during the runup to Saturday, though I was armed with a great deal of information from here and other places - A lot of people seemed to really enjoy their first time even though they were nervous, so I figured it was normal.

We arrived last night as planned, and the hosts were very courteous and understanding, and the people we ran into were all friendly. They gave us the grand tour and let us loose.

Well, that's where this story diverges from what I see to be the norm around here. The nervousness didn't go away. All we wanted to do after we stepped through the door was leave. There was just a vibe about the whole thing...I don't know. We couldn't really find any couples we could talk to. We're not conservative by any means - If anything we are left of center. But I guess we couldn't handle the atmosphere. We were definitely not in the mood to get it on.

In any case, we were out of there 15 minutes after we arrived. We thanked the hosts, told them we weren't ready for this, drove home, and tried to forget we went in the first place.

Guess the scene's not for us and we'll have to jettison this idea of involving other people in our sex life. That's the trouble with fantasy...Reality appears in the midst of it when discussing logistics. This event was a catalyst, where we discussed "Well, what if we actually DO get other people involved?". Now, mentally, I can handle the thought of seeing her pleasured by someone else, and she's the same way (as long as it's the same room). After all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Our real hangup is on STDs. We've decided that if one of us caught something it would not only kill our great sex life but also us as a couple. And maybe being turned off by the atmosphere at a swing club is probably a pretty good indicator that we're supposed to be vanilla. Oh, well so much for that.

mrnobody, the important thing is that you went and experienced it. Now you know for sure. Swinging isn't for everyone and there's no shame in that.

-B

Hey nobody .... hey you did what you should have done. Learned more about who you are both as individuals and as a couple. that great.

I kinda got the feeling reading your post that this happened quite quickly. But then you said you read a lot and got a lot of info. Which I'd assume took some time. If it was a short time, you might have gone too fast. Just a thought.

dayhiker

The nervousness didn't go away. All we wanted to do after we stepped through the door was leave. There was just a vibe about the whole thing...I don't know. We couldn't really find any couples we could talk to.

...In any case, we were out of there 15 minutes after we arrived.

Hi Mr. and Mrs. Nobody,

It's always a big step, that first time you step into an on-premise club. The one thing that caught my eye though, is how little time you had to give it a chance. 15 minutes is just such a short time to have already determined that there was nobody there you could talk to. It wouldn't have hurt to hang out for maybe 30 minutes or so longer, just the two of you on a sofa or at a table/at the bar, people-watching, maybe dancing, just to try to relax into it a bit. The hosts and other people you met were friendly, you said. Maybe you just kind of freaked out and ran before you gave it a chance?

Time will tell. If the two of you continue to fantasize about having sex together there, or soft-swinging, or whatever other thoughts turn you on, you might someday find yourself feeling drawn to go back again.

Whatever the future holds, you two sound like a great couple.

Dayhiker -

Well I had casually looked at information on swinging previously, and after Mrs Nobody scheduled the time to show, I went into sponge mode, pretty much soaking up everything on this board. And got a good feel for the pros, cons, and what to expect in general. You're right, it was a bit fast, but I felt I had learned all I was going to learn. You can read about water all you want, but you won't know what wet is until you jump in. If I didn't feel I had enough information, I would have had Mrs Nobody cancel and schedule for another time.

It is indeed possible that we might have gone about it the wrong way...Maybe it was the wrong club, who knows. But I felt it was the right approach to proceed with caution and at least show up and at least check things out.

Tybee Swing -

Thanks! Maybe you're right about not staying long enough, but one of the problems was that there was no one really hanging out anywhere, and just about everyone we saw was probably at least 15 years older than we were. But it was more than that, too - We both had a strong "we don't belong here" feeling aside from the crowd being older. It had nothing to do with the hosts or the people, it was just spidey sense. That brings into play our second rule planned ahead of time - If either of us was uncomfortable, we abort, no questions asked. So that's what we did.

Hi MrNobody, the both of us are big into "spidey sense" and we have the same rule. Our first club experience was aweful, from the ladies room being "out of order" to a woman wrapping her DD lilly whites around the back of my head (later she was throwing up in a garbage can). It was creepy and I couldn't wait to get the heck outta there.

Somehow a few months later the Mr talked me into trying it again at a different club. What a difference. People dressed nicer, our age, friendly and mingly. The place had a great atmosphere and it was nice and clean. I would just recommend that you wait a bit and try a different place, even if you have to travel a short distance

Mrs

It took us 4 tries to find the right club for us.

The first one just felt nasty. There were condom wrappers on the floor, dirty sheets not being tended to, and single guys standing around watching while they jerked off. We were outta there in 30 minutes (I was nude, so I had to dress or it would have been faster. This club had a no clothes past a certain point rule.).

The second club was nicer, but still didn't have the right feel.

The third club was just plain tacky and the people were not dancing, but just sitting around at tables looking bored.

The fourth club is now our favorite place to party. There's a great mix of younger and older couples, and the vibe is romantic versus crude.

So, from our experience, it takes time to find the right fit.

Good luck!

Mrs. D

Hello

I REMEMBER OUR FIRST EXPERIENCE AT ON_PREMISE CLUBS.

We were married at 19 ,and when we were in our late 20's Bob and I started talking about maybe inviting other men,couples to maybe join in same room sex ,we did that a few times but soon got into swapping mates. I really enjoyed it ,Bobwas also very excited.He loved watching me with other men and women.

He got so turned on watching me please other men , he started bring other men home, sometimes 3_4 at once (kinda mini gang bang I guess. . I got to the point I wanted more and more men.So he found out about a few swing clubs in our area, and we went to one.it was great, maybe 40-50couples all ages, Bob took me to the group room right away,he knew I was horny. we found aplace and he started eating myn pussy ,and in a few minuets we were joined by two young men, they asked if they could join us bob looked at me and I nodded yes. Bob stopped what he was doing and wanted me to suck his cock, one of the other men took his place, befornthe night was over I must have pleased 20 men many more than once.I became addicted to cocks and cum lol

at 60+ we stil;l see many men on a weekiy basis. some of our friends have been visiting us for over 30 years now swinging has been great for us for all our 50 years of marriage. Luvscum

I can relate. Our first club visit was last Saturday night and I quickly got the feeling that had we not gone there with another couple (met online, went out to eat and drink then the club) I might have paniced and ran in less time than you stayed. It was simply a matter of comfort level but not one good reason to feel uncomfortable, just too many new elements at once I guess and wouldn't have wanted to sit alone worrying somebody would talk to us before we were able to settle down some. The couple we went with introduced us to a lot of people, lightly encouraged us to participate (dancing etc) despite the obvious nervousness, and before they left made sure we had a good time on our first night If you have an online profile that makes it clear you're new and you can patiently hold out for a couple that seems to know how to work with new couples (encouragement without expectation) it could make your next club visit more comfortable. We can't afford to go every weekend but when we get another chance to I don't expect to be as nervous. Hopefully we get to meet our first couple again but we're patiently feeling that out and I suppose that's another thread entirely.

We have never gone to an on premisis club, but:

That may have been the problem in and of itself. For your first foray into a extra-maritial sexual situation being in a situation where you felt that sex with others was "mandatory" was probably not a good course to take. We would suggest baby steps. As you stated, you have been together for a long time, and considered marriage as the "place" for sex. Try an off premesis club or party first. That way you get the feel for the people around you. You will not have the thought in teh back of your mind that you have to do anything. This would greatly increase your comfort level.

However: We do not mean to push you. You may be right at this point and swinging may nto be for you. If that is the case, then you have made a good decision and should stick with it. This is something that most of us have been indoctrinated to believe is wrong, sick and evil. Jumping that barrier rather than crawling over it can be too much all at once. Peek over (you have) and then crawl over. That way you can back down without falling on your face. You will find that most of the people in this board took baby steps instead of just jumping full force into swinging.

Good luck

There are couples who never swap. Not at all. But they go to the clubs and enjoy talking and watching and having sex with each other in front of others.

Maybe you two would still find that exciting?

S

 

Well, that's where this story diverges from what I see to be the norm around here. The nervousness didn't go away. All we wanted to do after we stepped through the door was leave.

Depending on your personality, you may want to start in a club or start the much slower route of meeting people on line. We started on line and it was maybe four years before we felt we were mentally 'ready' for a club. We had some good times at clubs (socially) but we are just not party with strangers people. I'm not talking about sex but the whole overt socializing is just not our thing and we have left early on occasion where we just didn't feel like staying.

There was just a vibe about the whole thing...I don't know. We couldn't really find any couples we could talk to. We're not conservative by any means - If anything we are left of center.

Just a quick note, do not confuse politically conservative and sexually conservative. Politically swingers are going to be all over and many are libertarians which tend to be right of center on a lot of issues.

Our real hangup is on STDs. We've decided that if one of us caught something it would not only kill our great sex life but also us as a couple. And maybe being turned off by the atmosphere at a swing club is probably a pretty good indicator that we're supposed to be vanilla. Oh, well so much for that.

Clubs can be very different and as was already pointed out, just because people are nice and friendly doesn't mean they are the kind of people you would naturally hang out with or be comfortable with .

Now the STD issue is a real one, and it should be on the mind of all swingers. Part of the reason we are so picky with who we swing with is we are trying to minimize it. I'm more concerned on why you think having an STD would kill you as a couple. The great thing about swinging was figuring out that our marriage was not based on sex, and while an STD would stop any swinging in our future, thats all it would do.

OOOOH my first club experience I had my head buried into Dogs chest most of the night. I thanked my lucky stars when I got the heck out of there.

Then there was my second time, my third, my fourth. You get the idea. Each time I was more and more comfortable. Perhaps that particular club wasn't right for you. We went to one that was like a pub atmosphere. You came in jeans, we played pool and joked, sex was not the prevailing topic. It was far from vanilla but not over the top either. We played that night with a great couple, but I was able to be comfortable with the play because the whole night I was being 100% myself. Not a jazzed up version of who I think I should be at a swing club.

I like the idea of making friends online and then going to a club together with perhaps a little fun. If you find your comfort level have a little more fun.

Then again, like the others say, there is no shame in not being a swinger.

I love the idea of golf, but can't do it to save my life. I still try once in awhile though...just to see.

Your friend,

Prettylady