Is your spouse the best lover you've ever had?

Is your spouse the best lover you have ever had?

My wife and I are not in the lifestyle so this actual situation has not come up. We are in our early 50's and married about 3 1/2 years. We have never had the "am I the best" conversation as we each have had previous spouses and many lovers before we met. But to answer the question, my wife is not even close to being the best lover I ever had. But, she IS the best person that I ever met.

I can easily answer 'yes'. We have a great sex life (as do most of the couples on this board) but aside from the quantity, the quality is fantastic. This is not to say I haven't had great sex from partners, but the emotional connection that I have with my hubby makes it 'over the top'.

I answered yes, because my spouse is the one I love and am in love with, thus fitting the technical definition of lover. Besides, he seems to get me, and I get along well with him, etc., and that all comes into play in our sex life. We have a great sex life, and coupled with the other relationship goodies, it makes him my best lover.

That being said, he's a far better lover than my previous relationships, but I've had some great sex with a person or two since trying out the alternative lifestyles. Since it isn't in the "lover" realm, it's just a matter of "was it good sex or not?", not better or worse than my spouse.

I don't have the direct link any more. Western Swing wrote something one time that was so profound on this I saved it to a file.

So with due credit to them I will post it here.

"I think a lot of people confuse love and sex, or at least sex when you're in love and just sex. Sex with our playmates leaves me with the same kind of feeling as one night stands when I was single. It was a good time, but that's it. Nothing more. It did nothing for my soul.

There is not a woman out there that could fuck me well enough to even make me think about leaving my wife, or for that matter seeing them outside my marriage. And I like to believe my wife feels the same way about other men. The present seems to always be the same, just the wrapping is different. And I guess that's the fun of it all. When it comes down to it, it was fun, it was different, it was erotic, it was an orgasm, and that's it.

It's not like my wife and I didn't have lovers or spouses before we met. It's not like we didn't have orgasms with those lovers and spouses. So if that is what it is all about, why aren't we still with our ex's? I had great sex with my ex-wife, and lovers too. But can I even remember what it was like now? No. There might be experiences that stand out in my mind, but that is it. And my wife has said the same about those in her past. The sex between us has always been great, but it wasn't what made her want to introduce her at-the-time 3-year old daughter to me, or her friends, or her father.

I think many people put too much emphasis on the role of sex in a relationship. It's not the glue that keeps the relationship together, at least not in a good relationship. We've all heard "I should have left them sooner, but the sex was just so good." What a crock! Sex is an ingredient in the relationship. The glue is the trust, the knowing things about the other that nobody will ever know. Loving them as much when they're being grumpy or mean as when they are smiling and lovey. Loving them for who they are. Sex is the icing on the cake in a relationship.

Playmates are playmates. They won't be there when you get old. Many of them don't even show up to your birthday parties. Most wouldn't even send a get well card if you were sick or injured. Yet you always know that your spouse will be there for all of that, and more.

We believe that sex between us is "soul sex". The kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because it's as much an emotional release as a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside of them, and you still wouldn't be close enough to them. Nobody could replace that for me, or for her.

And that my friends is why although we may have good experiences with others, nobody will ever be better, or replace each other in our hearts, or our bed." WesternSwing

I think that sums it up better than anything I've ever read or heard. Swing/single sex is like porn sex sort of. A lot of the excitement is newness of someone, the group sex, the fact that it's JUST sex, etc. No matter how good it is, it's not love sex and nothig is better than that.

My spouse is the best for a very simple reason:

He is willing to learn.

When we find a technique someone else does that either of us like, we try it out together.

Not everything others do can he do, nor can I do. But it sure is great being with someone who is open to doing new and different things!

I voted yes ....for a couple of reasons.

The main reason being I have never had an orgasm with someone other than Ted that shook me to the core....probably never will because there just isn't that emotional connection with others that I have with Ted.

I like what Curiousagain posted from WesternSwing.....

We believe that sex between us is "soul sex". The kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because it's as much an emotional release as a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside of them, and you still wouldn't be close enough to them.

Technique wise...Ted's still the best. After all these years of having sex with each other we know exactly what each other likes. We feel we're just an excellent match for the "making love to each other" and the "down and dirty, animalistic fucking each other"...an explosive combination

For me, there is one playmate that does stick out in my mind quite a bit that the sex and orgasm was damn fuckintastic...the man is very talanted and one of the reasons I think he sticks out so much in my mind, is that his technique was/is a lot like Ted's. I also know of one lady that sticks out in Ted's mind as being extremely talanted. When we reminisce about our past experiences, these two peoples names will always come up and we both will say that was just damn good, some of the best I've ever had.

Neither of us are threatened by the possibility of one of us having better sex with someone else...IF it happens, it happens. It wouldn't mean that what we have with each other is any less meaningful.

Yes, without a doubt. We're soulmates too.

He lets me be me, accepts me unconditionally, and lets the wild girl out.

In the bedroom, he knows how to please whether it's slow, romantic or just shut up and f*ck me.

What more could I ask for?

Mr. Fun is the best lover I have ever had. And not just because of all the things posted by Western Swing via couriousagain, but because he is so generous. And he's that way with his playpartners, too ... he's very skilled. So in the raw sex category, he's the best. And of course in the emotional category, there's no chance he can't be.

The night after the first time he kissed me I was talking to a couple of girlfriends of mine. I told them that day that if he kissed and paid as much attention to my pussy as he did the lips on my face, I was in serious trouble. And here I sit and type

I know Mr. Fun has had other fun lovers ... at this stage in the game, it would be truly sad if he had not. But I enjoy showing him every opportunity I have a very good time.

Is your spouse the best lover you have ever had?

In one word, a resounding YES! He knows all the right buttons to push. He knows what I like and I know what he enjoys and we just mesh so well together.

Being married for close to 25 years, our relationship closely resembles what Curiousagain posted from WS. What he said is so eloquent, that there isn't any way to write it better. I can also understand why Curiousagain would save that.

As far as questioning a lover -- I guess I wouldn't ask the question if I didn't want to hear the answer. Same as, "Honey, do these pants make my ass look too big?" He's always diplomatic, but very honest with me.

I am not married, however I can admit that the guy I am seeing now isn't the best lover I have ever had. In the lifestyle I met a man who could keep up with me in the bedroom and during our 2+ years together I can barely count a moment when I didn't have an orgasm.

As far as my relationship goes, it is a good one, but as far as sex is concerned I find that he doesn't have the stamina that I do and that can be a problem for me. The good thing about my boyfriend is that he has previous experience in the lifestyle and he is willing to do what it takes to make me happy and of course I do the same for him. So at some point, I hope that he will become the best lover I have ever had.

I don't think that your wife should be jealous. Did you tell her who your best lover was and was that person in the lifestyle? If so, then I can see where her not being your best could cause a problem.

She sure is the best. Without a doubt. Not even close. No question. Really! I'm not lying. She knows it too! Love you babe

I have been with women that could or would do things that Mrs. Cpl can't or won't do. But, she is still the best lover (by any definition) that I have ever had because she does things with me for pleasure. Not because she is expected to, or because she has to, or because she is scared what I might say in teh locker room. Everything that she does with and to me is out of the desire to bring pleasure to me and us. That makes her the best lover in the world.

We both answered yes. Mr. Cpl does anything that I ask of him. He may not have the best technique in the world, but he has the best technique in me. And that is what matters. After 17 years together he has learned every button and just when and how to push them. I take that back, he is the best in the world, at least for me.

I voted no, but this may change in the future... She's not the best but very rapidly becoming the best (she used to not-like blow jobs but loving it now and she's really an expert at it)!

Yes, Yes, and Damn Yes! He loves me enough to make me feel dirty and naughty during sex while realizing that I am truly his soul mate.

a loaded question that most people would have to lie about, what good does it do to ask this type of question? My spouse, is a very hot lady, whom I have had some great sex with, both alone and with others. Is she the very best, she is great but I have had a few who were better. Not in every way and not every time, and maybe because there was no commitment it lent itself to being a bit more loose and wild. But I always leave the party with my spouse.

This has been interesting reading! Some comments have got me curious about something. Do men often rate their lovers or sex experiences according to how loose and wild it gets? By what things the woman will do or can do (which some other women don't do)? Is "best lover" status something that is bestowed on someone for how kinky or different they were, compared to others? I'm very curious about this. If anyone has any thoughts on this or experiences to share, I'd love to hear it.

There is no 'best'. The least memorable I ever had was fantastic.

I voted no.

I've been married for 35 years and I've been with lots of women.

My wife isn't the best at intercourse.

My wife isn't the best at giving head.

My wife isn't the best I've ever eaten.

But, she's a close second in all of the categories and the 'best' of each isn't even in the top ten of the other's.

But, come to think of it, my wife has the best tasting anus of any woman I've ever been with. Now, number two is sure close to her though! In fact, I wouldn't mind have number two and my wife side by side for a real 'taste' comparison!

Laurie and I have been married 19 years now. She is undoubtedly the best lover I have ever had. She knows EXACTLY where to touch me and how. She also just keeps getting better because every time we find a playmate who has some trick she doesn't know we work on it till she figures it out.

...But, come to think of it, my wife has the best tasting anus of any woman I've ever been with. Now, number two is sure close to her though! In fact, I wouldn't mind have number two and my wife side by side for a real 'taste' comparison!

Just a tip...sniff your arm between sampling(s)...it'll reset your palate. (Beer Judge Trick) You're killin' me!

Without a doubt, YES. Mr. is amazing at EVERYTHING and no man I play with, past, present or future will ever compare. Ever. He is number one, my soulmate, my forever.

I'd have to say that even if I found someone who was better at sex, that is all it will ever be with the other person is just sex. Intimacy and all the other things that go along with it (the sharing of our lives, our history, our future, etc) is part of what makes sex with the one I love so great. Just my thoughts and not everyone may feel the same.

My wife is the best lover I've ever had!

I had many lovers before I met my wife and I always had great sex with all of them. But being that more open and honest (from both sides) with my wife it has taken our sex life to a whole other level which is deeper and more meaningful. Thus making both of us much better lovers for each other.

You all have heard the song "dangerously in love with you" That is the way i feel about my fiance. He makes me feel whole and there would never be another like him. YES! YES! YES! best lover i have ever had.

Yes, Yes, YES! He is incredible and makes me feel like no other has ever, or likely will ever make me feel.

My husband on the other hand has been honest with me and, that as incredible as our sex is, there was one before me that blew his mind. It doesn't bother me much as I have her to thank for teaching him so many of the skills that drive me wild. That and I know for an absolute fact that he loves me more than he's ever loved another and that makes the sex between us the best either of us has ever had.

No my husband is not the best. After 12 years of being together and having teach him much, he still isn't quite there. Don't get me wrong we have great sex, but it could go so much further. Even with suggestions it doesn't come close. I don't know if he feels I am or not, but I don't think it would bother me either way.

Absolutely, Mr. Sweet is the best lover I've ever had. That I haven't had a lot of others is irrelevant, because there is a level of intimacy between us that no one else could touch.

As for the best sex I've ever had, he was involved there, too. If someday, I should ever be lucky enough to have an encounter to top that one, I'd still be going home w/him at the end of the night/next morning. And as far as I'm concerned, that's all that matters.

nope, but she still makes me cum so that's fine with me.

From the sexual standpoint, my husband David, and my lover, Red, please me in wonderfully complementary ways. David is mechanical in his approach (he says he loves me a hundred times a day, but never says it during sex), can go on forever, has a thick dick, and likes to do it from behind. I can fantasize or talk about anything with him, including the good sex I get from Red. Red is romantic during sex, has a long, slender dick (so we occasionally go anal), and likes me on top. But Red doesn't like to hear anything of me or him being with anyone else. Both will lick me as much as I want, David prefers my clit, Red likes to put his tongue in my vagina.

What would hubby say about me? I'm a competitive girl and would like the challenge of trying to top a "better" sex partner he had. The only thing he said was "It's all good, but I like the variety." Bummer! I can always be better, but I can't be variety.

I would have to say that my wife is the best that I have ever had. There is that love factor that I don't have with any other playmates. I think that everyone's wife or husband is the best lover for there partner. When I a having sex with them, I just try to be the second best lover.

We have never had the "am I best" conversation but I can tell you that hubby will always be the best to me. I don't know if it is because of our emotional connection or because we know each other so well we really know how to please one another but none of the people we have been with have been anywhere close to him.

It would hurt my feelings if he said I wasn't the best but I would want to know the truth and I would appreciate him being truthful

Depending on what you mean by best lover, this question may be too complicated for a yes or no answer. Compared to my wife, two of my partners have nicer breasts, one has a nicer ass, etc. Of all the body parts, my wife has the best legs of any woman alive (equal to Gabriella Sabatini, the tennis player).

Some give better blow jobs, others like anal more, etc.

The feeling of my penis in a couple of other vaginas has been better than anything I have felt with my wife.

That said, my wife is much more than a good sex partner, which no other woman can be.

So if best lover means a few sex acts, no she isn't. I prefer to think that a lover is very much more than a good playmate. Then the vote would be yes.

Mr and Mrs both answering the same way on this one. We both KNOW how good we have it. She really is by far the best I have ever had. She said I am her best too. I love validation. And I love her too!!

Don't feel too bad... this question made me (hubby) think a minute. What is it that makes someone a great lover? I mean, my wife can't do handstands during sex, or deep throat without gagging. So does that mean the gals who could do those things were better lovers? I did think about that kind of thing.

But I like kisses from my wife almost as much as blow jobs from other women I've been with; I'm just so comfortable around her. She's open, and willing, and can be aggressive, too. And she thinks I'm handsome and studly! Not many women seemed to think that! She's also generous and giving in bed, not selfish, and allows me to take breaks which I can do because with her, I've got nothing to prove.

So while a friend of mine in Massachusets might be the most knowledgable lover I've been with, and a girl I "dated" (using the term loosely!) when I was 19 and 20 might have had the best technique, the best overall lover has to be my sweetie. I'd rather be with her than anyone. Except, of course, for bringing a friend to bed now and again! But overall: Wife best.

I answered no, although we've been married 27 years, I had a number of relationships prior to meeting my wife, two of which still stand out in my mind.

One of these was a one night stand with a girl who became a good freind but not a long term lover, however it was a memorable night. We were such good freinds that some of our freinds suggested I was responsible for her first pregnancy since we had both been at the same convention shortly before she announced her pregnancy.

The other was a longer term relationship with an older woman who was able to bring a deep sense of intimacy and was willing to take her time with me to ensure we both had a tremendous experience each time we made love.

Were these two ladies better lovers than my wife? I don't know, but I also can't say that my wife is a better lover than they were. However as has been said before, I love my wife deeply, and hope to spend at least 27 more years with her.

We have talked about it, and we both feel the best sex we get is with each other. We know each other's responses without thinking about it.

My wife and I are each other's best ever. The level of intimacy we have with each other is something neither of us had with anyone else, and something swinging--no matter how good--can't compete with. That said, there is a certain atmosphere that can be created when we are with a like-minded couple that is pretty mindblowing. Being with her is still the best part of the night, but having other people on the same wavelength with us is like gasoline on the fire!

That makes me think a bit, too. We're full swap, but are always very much involved with each other throughout any play (always same room, preferably same bed)--so in my mind it's not really even "I was just with someone else," but more like "I was just with my wife, and this couple was with us too."

I have had some great and wonderfull lovers in my past, but none as ever been able to consistantly push my buttons the way Bunny does. Our sex is not always the hottest, but when it does get hot things nearby start to melt. Most important though, is that she is always willing to try new things.

Slystr and I have been together for 27 years, and I feel that we haven't even scratched the surface of the joy and pleasure we can bring to each other.

Yes, yes, yes! You are all that and so much more, sweetheart!

Absolutely - no one knows me better, and knowledge is the key to success:)

Laura is the best Lover to me and that is all that matters......

You can only receive what you are willing to give.

We believe that sex between us is "soul sex". The kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because it's as much an emotional release as a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside of them, and you still wouldn't be close enough to them.

This is the most beautiful and acurate description of our sex life, thank you for writing this. Many nights we have had this discussion and I could never put my finger on why my spouse is the best lover I have ever had and now I have my answer. A million thanks to you

In a nut shell my spouse is the best lover I have ever had. This also is the best part of the lifestyle. I enjoy sharing him and his talents with others.

Absolutely! My gf is the best! By far!

I would have to say that my sex slave is my and has been my best lover hands down, although we have never asked each other that question I know what my answer is and I am sure he also knows. We have had a few swaps and nobody has compared to the orgasms that he brings me to and he knows exactly what I need and like when I have reached an orgasm to feel fully and completely satisfied.

I don't know if I am his best that he has ever had but I don't want him to answer otherwise so I will not ask.

I voted no.

As some other replies have stated it's difficult to separate sex and love when speaking of your spouse or SO. The love enhances the sex so even though it is more enjoyable with her, technically she isn't the best, I know that I am not technically the best she has had. There will always be someone better than you technically but hopefully only one true love.

. . aside from the quantity, the quality is fantastic. . . [Mrs. FLKeys]

You sure know how to make a guy jealous!

Seriously, that's great, and I do wish I could say the same for myself and my wife.

I've had one really super lover, however. It happened in between my marriage, and lasted about 9 months about 25 years ago. I was telling an old friend/client about it. He got a huge smile on his face, and said "Yeah! Know whata mean. I had one of those from about June '41 until March 42, a month after I married [someone else]..."

It seems like if you've ever had one of those, it just can't be forgotten, even though you know any serious relationship with that person would have been doomed from the outset. After I got married, that old partner used to call me on my birthday for about 5 or 6 years. Sometimes, I find myself secretly wishing she'd call now (although I also know we could never replace what we once had). Interestingly, I don't think I was that good of a lover for her!

Enjoy your blessing!

Without a doubt my guy is the best lover I have ever had. He takes great care of me. He'll do anything with and for me and let's me do whatever I want or need. He is AWESOME!!! Sexually he Rocks my World! The other guys in our group are fun to have sex with, suck off, etc. but my hubby is incredible to PLAY with!!! And a Great Kisser to boot!

my wife is the ultimate sex machine and has taught me a lot and is not scared to experiment with all parts of sexuall activity

My lady whom I love very much and is very good at what she does but is not the best lover that I every had. The best lover was a hispanic lady. We was in the same martial Arts class together and then I hired her and she worked for me for a while. She asked me one day how I like playing around with other girls (She knew I was a swinger) and if I ever thought about her. I told her the truth and say yes. She then asked me what I though about her? I told her I can show you or I can tell you, which one do you want? She wanted me to show her and I did and it lasted for hours. She was the best I have been with and lasted the longest with. She wanted to get with both me and my lady but it never did happen (DAMN).