Any guys been intimidated by a woman's sexual past?

Have any of you guys been intimidated when a women talks about her sexual past?

We met a couple recently that we were considering swinging with, they were nice and very attractive. We went to dinner first to get to know each other a little bit. She started talking about swinging and said that they had been in the lifestyle about 5 years. Then she started talking about her college days and how she had orgies and sex parties almost every weekend, how she must have slept with at least 200 guys in college and another hundred or more since they started swinging.

After dinner my hubby told me that he didn't know if he could perform with her, trying to live up to her past and all that. We have been with several couples and a few guys and he never had a problem but just didn't think it would work with her even though she was very attractive (so was the guy). Maybe she exaggerated or maybe not, but she really intimidated him.

If she hadn't talked about it so much I think everything would have been fine.

Has anyone else had this happen?

A couple of times, yes. I used to get very upset when Mrs. Cpl talked about her sexual past. I have since matured, and will even ask her if she "did" this guy or that. Two things:

She may have been trying to make you feel more comfortable by saying that she likes all kinds and is open to anything. The wrong way to go about it? Maybe, but it may just be her way.

Second: Every person that you swing with is going to compare you in some way to someone else. Sometimes it will be good comparison, sometimes not. If she doesn't like the way things went you probably will not play with them again. If she does, you will probably have the opportunity to play again. Does it matter? Nope. There are many more fish in the sea.

Bottom line: This is about fun. If it is uncomfortable, it is not fun. If you think that you can get past what MAY be in here head and just play the physical, go for it, if not, keep looking.

No, can't say I have ever been intimidated by a womans past sexual experiences. I guess that is because I look at it differently. I might be a bit of a bad example because I am a pretty self confident kind of guy. Not just with sex, I just have a self confident personality so the thought of not measuring up just doesn't occur to me when I am considering doing something, (it usually occurs to me in the hospital during my recovery from trying something new ).

Above disclaimer aside, when I have the opportunity to play with a woman with more experience than myself, (not unusual as I had only had 4 sex partners before we started swinging) I look at it as a bonus, in all likelihood I may get to learn something new. I also can't help thinking that with so many satisfied guys in her past she is probably going to be fun to play with. This is not to say that I haven't been with less experienced women that were fun, it is usually just different with someone more experienced. One of the side benefits of playing with a woman who is really fun in bed is that it is much easier for her to get my "A" game than it is when I am playing with someone who is less enthusiastic.

So in the end I guess it is just a matter of how one looks at it. Unfortunately, because of the way I look at it I can't really relate, so I can't really give any direct advice in this case. I only post this with the idea that maybe it will compel your husband to look at the situation from a different perspective.

If you had asked me this question 10 years ago, I would have said yes. I would be very intimidated. But now...not so much. Here's why:

The very first major argument Amy & I got into while we were dating was on this subject. I was the immature, insecure, naive 22 year old who had only been with two other women before her. She was more sexually experienced than I was. You can guess where the argument went.

I felt very insecure, feeling I wasn't going to "stack up" well to the others. She told me I was very good, but let's be honest. Of course you would say that to the person you love. It wasn't until later on that my view started to change. When we had our first FMF, the other girl was a drop-dead gorgeous blonde 22 year old who was quite experienced herself. I had been drinking, and certainly didn't bring my "A" game that night, but what I lacked in stamina that night I more than made up for with my oral talents (Guys, is that not your favorite thing in the world? I swear I could go down on a woman for hours on end if they would let me. I'd rather do that than breathe!). Anyway, after the deed was done, I was, again feeling self-conscious. At that point, the other girl turns to my wife and says, "Damn! You were right. He is good! Can I borrow him every once in a while?"

That little ego stroke was all I needed. Since then, I have been completely at peace with my own prowess. The way I see it is this. There are guys out there bigger than me. There are guys out there more experienced than me. But there is no one on earth who appreciates more than me the awesome gift a woman gives when she gives you her body, and I WILL show her my appreciation in my own way. I may be better than some, not as good as others. But I do things my way, and nobody else does it like me.

That's where I think we have to be mentally. I don't care if my skills are better or worse. They are unique, just like we all are. I'd rather concentrate on enjoying the experience, and let the chips fall where they may.

Trying to anticipate how you stack up to past lovers is like trying to predict the BCS in the preseason. The system is screwed up, so just take it one game at a time and let somebody else worry about where you stand. I can tell you with certainty that regardless of how good or bad a woman was in bed, I'm still damn thankful to get laid.

Sex is like pizza. Even when it's bad, it is still pretty good.

I've never had a woman's sexual past intimidate me at all... however, this woman you describe seemed to not have much in the manner department. What she was doing was bragging... and nobody likes a braggart. THAT would have been the turn-off for me.

That's an interesting question.

Neither a woman's nor a guy's sexual past intimidates me in the slightest--why should it? But, on the other hand, the tone or attitude with which something is being said might make me uncomfortable. Or the setting, if inappropriate, might make certain topics repulsive. (Ie. If a person were an MD for instance, no one would want to hear the details of a surgery at the dinner table--even a very successful surgery, with the exception of maybe a colleague and no one else).

Not being there at your dinner party, I can only imagine, that your lady friend may have gotten a little tipsy, and may have been recounting sexual encounters not from a place of fun or reminisce, but rather from a place of pain-covering bravado. If this were the case, it would definitely make for a most uncomfortable evening.

In CA, we were at a party with 2 other couples on the bed, when one of the women orgasmed so we thought the ceiling would fall in--a definite show stopper. Then she started crying inconsolably. Her husband came over and very gently held her, got her dressed, and took her home, clearly just as confused as all the rest of us.

As it turned out, she had some pretty heavy duty baggage that had been repressed (which for some reason, of all the nights, that particular orgasm triggered it)-- and she herself wasn't even aware of it. As it turned out, with a little bit of counseling and the support of a very loving husband, got through it just fine. She was a forthright and honest soul, who had a lot of courage, and wasn't afraid to confront and deal with reality. Interestingly, but not so surprisingly, they stopped swinging.

I say all of that to say, you just may have been hearing the weight of the baggage as she recounted her sexual forays, and that's what made you uncomfortable.

Just a guess, though.

I am not sure if intimidation would be an issue so much as lack of chemistry and interest. I may be a little more old fashioned than I care to think I am but I think if I was placed in that position I may be a little turned off.

My thoughts are if someone is screwing that many people quality must not be a very big issue and you know some of those people would have to be downright gross. Also I would have to assume that many of the expeirences were also pretty shallow and meaningless and that is not what we are looking for in our experiences.

I like to tell myself that I am more enlightened and nonjudmental than to think lesser of someone just because they have had a lot of partners over the years but that is pretty over the top. I could not help but to think that someone must have some kind of issues going in if they are screwing that many people.

I have the feeling that the real concern may not be could I live up to her to expectations but more rather could I live DOWN to them cause obviously her bar is not raised that high.

Perhaps what it boils down to is that we all want to feel somewhat special when we are with someone and the real question is will we feel special with someone that has screwed over 300 people and we know we are number 315 or 316 and not really so much that will we be able to please someone that has been with so many.

I think a real valid concern would be if someone that promiscuous even can be pleased. I can't help but think someone screwing that many people is searching for something they can't find and are not willing to invest any time or energy into any one person for any length of time.

OMG Cubnamy! I am totally turned on by what you said! Way to go!

A woman that has had a lot of experience is a much more attractive lover to me than one with limited experience. In fact, I would be more leery of a partner with no or very limited experience. They wouldn't be as likely to have that sexual self-confidence that is so damned appealing, and the risk of drama seems much higher.

People who recite their scorecard, though, are a bit of a drag.

I have two different sides to this issue. First of all, when the Mrs. and I start having these conversations I realize it is her past. We all have them! Some of the stories she shares I get bummed out but it is because I wasn't there with her at the time, not because I'm jealous or have a problem. Just the opposite, it greatly turns me on. Hell, I have stories too, some of them were pretty wild, but again, they were in the past. If we had met earlier in life who knows where we'd be now. Lucky for us, we met when we did and allow each other to be ourselves.

From the swapping perspective, we feel that learning about the other couples past is important. If the other couple are players and are into "bed notching" then the risk of STDs increases and we need to know so as we are comfortable in knowing what limits need to be in place.

Intimidated? No. Impressed? No. Put off? Maybe.

NEXT!

Envy, not initimidation, is what we would be feeling if we had a conversation with a woman with such a wild past.

I have two different sides to this issue. First of all, when the Mrs. and I start having these conversions I realize it is her past. We all have them! Some of the stories she shares I get bummed out but it is because I wasn't there with her at the time, not because I'm jealous or have a problem. Just the opposite, it greatly turns me on. Hell, I have stories too, some of them were pretty wild, but again, they were in the past. If we had met earlier in life who knows where we'd be now. Lucky for us, we met when we did and allow each other to be ourselves.

 

From the swapping perspective, we feel that learning about the other couples past is important. If the other couple are players and are into "bed notching" then the risk of STDs increases and we need to know so as we are comfortable in knowing what limits need to be in place.

I agree.

The context of the conversation would be a factor in how felt about it. I don't think I would worry about wether I could live up to her past partners. Tells me she likes sex and that's a good thing. Her having that many, I know I wouldn't be the worst anyway.

For me, a woman's sexual past is a turn-on. As long as they are willing to talk about it with detail. Pretty much for sure any woman will have more experience than myself. At this point The ED is a stress reliever I can't preform with a hard on, but I feel I am not to bad when it comes to oral sex and I absolutely love giving oral sex to a lady. Now next week I go see the doctor about my ED and we will see what happens after that.

Our first experience was at the home of the owners of a (now defunct) club in Florida that specialized in initiating newbies. There were just the four of us there that night. Lord knows how many people they had screwed in their lifetime. Probably thousands.

Anyway, the female owner told me that she was keeping a diary of her experiences. We went in August that year, at which time she had screwed a bit over 300 guys already since New Years. Remember that it was my first time swinging, but instead of being intimidated, I thought of her as a soft, feeling, loving, warm woman who wanted my first experience to be wonderful. She succeeded in that quite admirably. It was a marvelous, magic hour that introduced me to the lifestyle in a way that assured that we would stay in it for years and years.

She wasn't there to compare me to anybody else. Any guy who is playing with a very experienced woman should be so lucky to be with one who just wants to enjoy the guy for who he is and not as an example of "better" or "worse" than some other guy.

I've never really had it happen. I have shared conversations with playmates about what our first sexual experience was, unforgettable past sexual experiences, and so on. But, it was more just pillow talk than anything, no keeping score or bragging aspects to it. If it did happen, I don't think it would really get in my head in terms of worrying if I could live up to that, but if it was coming off as bragging or just big talk, that would probably turn me off some, just like it would on any subject.

The only turnoffs we have are those who think too highly of themselves, thinking gods gift and they’re doing you a favor and bed notchers....especially bragging bed notchers. It’s just a turnoff.

We both look at it as a gift when someone shows interest and wishes to share themselves with you.

We have both had experiences with couples and singles that had very limited experience or limited sexual abilities as well as those who have rocked our world!

We never asked or really discussed their “number”.

I think it is safe to say if you are active in the lifestyle your number is most likely much higher than those who are not.

We were friends and playmates with an older retired couple we met at a nudist resort several years ago. They were life long mates, nudists and swingers since the early sixties and having lived and worked in a number of countries and states before retiring they had decades of activity from key parties to beaches and resorts where sex, swapping and open play was the theme. I can’t imagine the number they might have had.....but never gave it a thought. Their stories were wonderful.

Why is it that sexual experience is equated with number of partners, especially for women? A woman who has had a number of infrequent lackluster one night stands could be far less experienced than a monogamous woman who married as a virgin but has been fucked twice a day every which way.

No woman intimidates me. I'm just extremely picky with the women I choose to have sex with. STD's and false sexual assault allegations are the two main factors I have to always greatly consider when it comes to being sexually active.

... false sexual assault allegations are the two main factors I have to always greatly consider ..

Is that you, Antonio?

Hey, a lot if women are opportunitist????.

Mike is intrigued with my past.

When we were considering what we were doing before we began swinging, I loved hearing of my wife's expeditions. How she dated a guy who had two roommates and one time visited all three bedrooms in a night. How she participated when a guy brought over another girlfriend. It helped us understand who we were, and encouraged our entry to non-monogamy.

We STARTED swinging because Ms Gold told me about her sexual past...and hearing her tell it, it was very hot. Her ex and her tried to save their relationship but trying swinging (and it didn't) with friends (causing even more trouble), but even after a less-than-good experience, she said that she was willing to try it again...so we did...and it was AWESOME.

I like sex positive sexually empowered women a whole bunch so no I am not intimidated by their sexual past! Women that like sex and own it are incredibly sexy.

I never asked. We never talked about our past. Some of her past sexual life has come out now that we have been in the LS. I don’t have a need to know.

Who was it that said, "Men like women with a past because history repeats itself?"

Not at all. I find it very erotic actually.

Whenever I would hear about the Muslim extremists receiving 72 virgins when they get to heaven, I always thought that instead of 72 virgins I would rather have 2 or 3 (or 72) really slutty girls. No training required. Sorry if I offended anyone...

Whenever I would hear about the Muslim extremists receiving 72 virgins when they get to heaven, I always thought that instead of 72 virgins I would rather have 2 or 3 (or 72) really slutty girls. No training required. Sorry if I offended anyone...

Are you afraid of offending extremists?

BTW why do you think they died virgins?

I never asked. We never talked about our past.

Wow, the complete opposite for us - that's what got us going in the lifestyle. While we were still monogamous, as foreplay we used to talk about our exes. It turned us on and didn't make us jealous. My wife thought she had to tell me about how I was "better" than other guys, but I love hearing about the good experiences she's had. Eventually I said that she should go again with the best ones, she did (alone), and we (actually all three of us) loved it. We moved from that to MFMs with the two guys, then swinging with other couples. When we're not together for a session, we usually talk about it afterwards, as foreplay.

... Some of her past sexual life has come out now that we have been in the LS. I don’t have a need to know.

Wow, the complete opposite for us - that's what got us going in the lifestyle. While we were still monogamous, as foreplay we used to talk about our exes. It turned us on and didn't make us jealous. My wife thought she had to tell me about how I was "better" than other guys, but I love hearing about the good experiences she's had. Eventually I said that she should go again with the best ones, she did (alone), and we (actually all three of us) loved it. We moved from that to MFMs with the two guys, then swinging with other couples. When we're not together for a session, we usually talk about it afterwards, as foreplay.

 

You may not need to know, but don't you want to know? Or does what you learned bother you? If what she's doing now is OK, why isn't her past. I don't want to be nosy, just understand. Thank you.

Since we have been in the LS we have talked about more things. I have no problem with what she did before we met. Neither of us were virgins when we met. I didn’t have a need to know details. I figured her sexual history was not much different from mine. We had sex on our first date and I figured she did with others.

She has now talked about some past things, mostly blooper funny things. We have shared stories concerning our firsts. She thought she loved her first partner, had sex and then broke up with him. My first was just sex and looking back I am positive my partner may have included it in her blooper stories if she even remembers it.

A little intimidated, more envious & admiring. Is also attractive as a 'growth' experience for me, and a bit of a ego boost when she is satisfied. The exception would be a woman with low self esteem, who is acting a slut & making friends the wrong way. Most of the high experience women I've met were very secure and in control of them selves & I admired them for that.

We weren’t intimidated we were encouraged knowing the woman we only knew as someone who frequented a bar club we went to often knew enough to let us have fun. It excited us thinking and wondering how many others we knew at the club she had been with.

Our reservation came from fear of diseases. A single woman willing to join us had to have a sexual past.

YES I have been intimidated by a women's sexual past on more than one occasion, which might seem odd for an open minded swinger such as me. However what intimidates me is NOT how many men they have slept with / how big their ex partners dick was or anything like that.

What intimidates me is when:

A) The women now describes all her ex boyfriends as been “Just Friends” meaning they are still in weekly contact with her / still on her phone / still on her face book / still on her email / still sending drunk cock pictures once every six months like clockwork.

This intimidates me because if I date this women for the next 5 years then I basically have her last 3 or 4 boyfriends dragged along for the ride. I mean sure I'm happy to swing but no I don't really want the girl I'm dating fucking her ex boyfriends or dragging them into my life, that I don't really want to play happy families or best friends with her ex partners.

B) When a women begins speaking about loads of affairs she has had / the times she has cheated / how she cheated on her ex partner 3 or 4 times / how she had an affair with a married man for several years. This always just screams “This women is going to cheat on me sooner or later” that this women isn't into sharing she is into cheating, taking for herself.

I have dated a few women who have basically been “Addicted to Cheating” which to me seems to defeat the entire idea of swinging or sharing. Like really, is a serial cheater just going to be happy with a complicated threesomes where they have to share?

C) I also feel intimidated if a women expresses me to me that her sexual dream is to sleep with / marry / get pregnant by a black guy. That is just an instant killer for me, not because I have anything against black guys but because I'm not black.

Its kind of like me saying “Yeah I'm dating you, but really I'm going to marry a blonde girl. That yeah I'm dating you but actually my fantasy is a Asian women”

If you LISTEN very carefully a lot of young women these days aged 18 to 30 will actually TELL YOU if the relationship will last in the first 2 to 4 weeks of knowing them. If I just meet a women and she says anything like......

“I'm not sure if this will last forever but I'll give it a try”

“Really my main fantasy is to be with a black man but I'll try dating you”

“Really I like much taller men but I'll give it a go”

“Really I like men who are into a certain subject or dress sense, but I'll try dating you”

Really they would be better just saying.....

“Hey I really like black guys and I'll date you until a cute single black man takes an interest in me”

“Hey I'll date you, until some 6.7ft tall guy fancies a fuck, then I'm his”

Overall

If your looking for someone to date I find it easier to get intimidated and cautious of certain things, however if your just looking for someone to fuck then that's different set of feelings and worries.

I have intimidated men, but not with my sexual past.

Yeppers!  Happened to me a couple times.  I worked as a stripper in college and was considered fairly permiscouis in my twenties.  Im bisexual so I've been with men and women.  I settled down after I married my husband for a couple years till he begged me to be a hotwife.  I resisted at first but when I met a guy I really was attracted to I gave my husband his fantasy.  And once I dipped my toe in I just dove in.  I travel for work a lot and when I'm in hotels a lot it gives me a lot of opportunities to fuck around and since my husband liked it, I did it, literally, a lot.  Now we swap pretty regularly.  So needless to say I've spread my legs for a lot of guys and women.  I don't talk numbers anymore  since some guys find it intimidating.  I like sex and My lifestyle provides opportunity to have frequent affairs.