Ladies - Do you lose respect if your man has sex with a man?

We're a couple who for the past couple of years have included a third (a long-time male friend) for MFM fun on occasion.

He has met a lady and told her he swings. We've all met (socially) and are attracted to her and she to us.

We've all agreed we want to meet up next month for a weekend. Sex is most definitely on the menu with the girls even discussing what lingerie to wear etc.

Trouble is, both girls keep teasing us guys that if we want the girls to play orally together, then us boys should do likewise.

We're convinced it's just tongue-in-cheek nervous banter as neither girl has experienced another girl before, although both are eager to explore this aspect of our relationship.

I was shocked when my friend who I've known as a buddy all my life said that if the girls were OK with it then he was too.

Being a died in the wool heterosexual, I was initially repulsed.

However, now I keep getting flashbacks of when I watched Su while she was sucking him and it makes me horny. In fact the thought of performing fellatio on him occupies my mind almost 24/7.

I know he's serious because I have asked him straight out and he can't see a problem with us performing BJ's with each other at all.

Not only do I not object to the idea, now. I'm almost obsessed with the idea of fellating him.

For some reason I've managed to mentally compartmentalize such an act with him as not being "gay" and not even being "bi". Maybe because I can't imagine doing it to any other guy but him.

The one thing that dampens my ardor is that if the girls are (as I suspect) teasing and/or covering their own embarrassment at having agreed they want to perform orally with each other, will the girls be shocked, disappointed or whatever if me and J do this in their presence?

In spite of my own clouded observations, will we be considered as closet gays?

Ask her/them if they were serious? And if they weren't, would they mind? That's definitely up to all four of you.

Me, personally, I wouldn't lose respect for my man if that's something he wanted to try. There have been several blindly-drunken nights when he has admitted that's something he's curious about. Granted, I don't think he'd admit it in the sober day-light, but my momma didn't raise no fool. What people say when they're drunk, you can probably bet is damn close to the truth. I actually think I'd probably be a bit turned on.

You're not a closeted gay man. I, personally, like the saying "I am not heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual...I am simply sexual". Do what feels right.

While it isn't something I have ever experienced first hand, and my fiancée swears it isn't something he wants to do, if he ever did, I would be supportive, and it would turn me on A LOT. :-)

Think that is something a lot of men think about but don't admit...because it's not socially acceptable. We have never been in a situation that presented itself for such activity, but would be open to consider it like anything else sexual. I know the thought of it turns my wife on, but can't say it's something I would do unless I wanted too. I think the same goes for your situation. If it's good for you and your wife enjoys then that's all the better for the both of you!

Thanks for the input.

Notice it's all pretty positive so far. Effectively, it mite not be everyone's cup of tea (never thought it would be mine), but "If it's OK with you - Go for it" type replies.

Are there no ladies with a negative view?

Would none feel threatened by their man's homosexual play, for instance?

In common with many guy's I've spoken to over the years (usually in light, tongue-in-cheek, fashion), I've heard that guys give better BJ's much in the same way that many ladies insist that girls perform the best cunnilingus. Each sex knowing instinctively where the "rite-spots" are, when to apply pressure and when to ease off etc.

I firmly believe I would be more comfortable with my skills with and correct responses to the needs of a dick than a pussy.

Maybe I'm just thinking too hard

There must be some ladies on the board who would be uncomfortable. Please don't be shy. I'll not take offense.

More encouragement wouldn't go amiss, either

Dude,

While it is not my cup of tea, as long as you are all consenting adults I do not think you should worry about it. If it sucks (heh) you can decide to not do it in the future.

In the words of one of the more brilliant writers of our age;

I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them; if I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. - Robert A. Heinlein

Truthfully, I don't think seeing Mr. Fun take another man in his mouth would be a turn-on for me. But I think I'm in the minority. And I definitely understand the curiosity -- Hell, I was curious once ;-).

Lose respect? Not in this lifetime. And I like how ohash01 says "it's about being sexual." I don't like labels either, and feel like I'm a highly sexual person. I don't think I'm "gay" because I enjoy women on occasion either.

Have fun and PLAY!! If the girls are even teasing about it, they must find it erotic as hell to even bring it up. You could very well be fulfilling fantasies for them. Lucky girls!!

I can't see an issue with it either. I have not had thoughts of Dog being with another man, nor I am certain has he. But it is about you. Well of course you guy friend as well. Even if it turns out to be something you will never do again. Hell where's the harm in giving it a go?

That is NOT something to lose respect over. Woman do it all the time. We as a whole respect and encourage women to try what ever makes them feel good. Then why the heck not you.

Make sure it is ok with everyone. Then have a good time.

Pushing boundaries is scary, but a hell of a lot of fun.

Your friend,

Prettylady

Our society has hangups when it comes to male-male relationships. I am sure other societies and times have looked at homosexual relationships differently. I'm not an expert in this area, but have seen it discussed.

On the other hand our society and lifestyle does look at bi-women differently than bi-men. When a couple of women flirt with each other to find out their level of comfort it is normally cool. I have seen a couple of times when a bi-man tried to flirt with another guy and it almost caused a fight in a lifestyle club.

My wife and I have talked about being bi and neither one of us are. But on the same note if one of us wanted to try it the other would let us explore it and see. With just a couple of exceptions we agree on almost everything in life in general and swinging. That works for us.

I guess another society thing about homosexuality is you can hold hands with your mother but not as easily with your father as an adult child.

Everyone is different in how they look at these issues and whether they can tell the truth about it.

Just a couple of thoughts and opinions. Hope it helps that you are not alone in thinking about these kind of things.

NO. I would NOT lose respect for my man if he decided he wanted to experience MM play. I DOUBT he ever would, but if he chose to, that's okay by me. And it'd actually make me feel a little better, since even though he was nervous about it, he allowed me to explore the side of me that enjoys women. I appreciate him for that and there's no way to "payback" someone who helps you figure out who you are.

Hi Bud,

I really understand your concerns and why you'd be asking these questions. It's a BIG step, going in a direction you've never gone before (if you go there). As with anything in life, changes and new directions can have repercussions. Male bi activity isn't as readily accepted as female bi activity often is. You're being thoughtful about it all.

In common with many guy's I've spoken to over the years (usually in light, tongue-in-cheek, fashion), I've heard that guys give better BJ's much in the same way that many ladies insist that girls perform the best cunnilingus. Each sex knowing instinctively where the "rite-spots" are, when to apply pressure and when to ease off etc.

 

I firmly believe I would be more comfortable with my skills with and correct responses to the needs of a dick than a pussy.

The first time I was with a woman, I was single and had a FMF with a couple. With no experience whatsoever (I'd never even kissed a woman "that way" before), I just followed my instincts. As I went along with touching, oral, etc., I was envisioning the way I like receiving it, and doing it that way. I watched for cues from her, to see what was working best (we're all wired differently as individuals). It worked out well.

Personally, the "girls know how to do girls better" theory hasn't proven true for me. While it's been nice receiving during girl-girl play, it's never been as good as the way my husband does me. Maybe I haven't been with enough women yet.

We've all agreed we want to meet up next month for a weekend. Sex is most definitely on the menu with the girls even discussing what lingerie to wear etc.

 

Trouble is, both girls keep teasing us guys that if we want the girls to play orally together, then us boys should do likewise.

 

We're convinced it's just tongue-in-cheek nervous banter as neither girl has experienced another girl before, although both are eager to explore this aspect of our relationship.

...

The one thing that dampens my ardor is that if the girls are (as I suspect) teasing &/or covering their own embarrassment at having agreed they want to perform orally with each other, will the girls be shocked, disappointed or whatever if me and J do this in their presence?

...

In spite of my own clouded observations, will we be considered as closet gays?

I understand your fears in the last three statements, above. Mr. Tybee and I were married before I told him I had bi thoughts and a past bi experience. I was concerned about the same things you are. Yes, it's a common male fantasy (bi wife), but the reality is often different. My husband had said "yuck" when something like that was on TV, etc. He even fast-forwarded through those scenes when we watched porn. So, it took real guts for me to tell him. I had a feeling that it would open doors of honesty, deeper intimacy, and sharing between us if I told him (I was right). He was kind of stunned at first, for a few moments. Then, he started asking lots of questions and getting very turned-on about the idea of me being bi. I'd only had that one experience (described above), but I told him it was fun, mostly because it was so different from being with a man. At first he seemed to think I "needed" that, and he wanted me to be free to have that kind of sex. The fact is, I didn't need it, I could easily go the whole rest of my life without it, but I was just sharing with him. Over time, he came to understand much better what it is for me. It's fun, I enjoy it with another woman who's into it, but I enjoy it with him, as part of our swinging experience sometimes. I'm not a closet lesbian, I'm not looking to have a deep relationship with a woman. It's just sex, something we enjoy together sometimes (he enjoys watching, or being part of FFM). Like me, you may only enjoy the fellatio MM experience with Su there, as part of your swinging experience.

(Quick side note: Mr. Tybee had said "ick" and fast-forwarded FF scenes because he was conditioned that way by his ex-wife. It was a knee-jerk reaction for him. I learned this after we opened up the talking.)

It took real conversations between us for him to truly understand where I'm at with this. You need to have real conversations with Su, too. Sit down in a quiet moment together (the sooner the better), and ask her to share her real, deep feelings about the thought of you and your friend together. Ask her point-blank if the thought turns her on. Talk about it in-depth. Tell her that you're concerned that she might think less of you, etc. Let her respond to your concerns.

We don't know Su like you know her. Is she open-minded and adventurous? It's very possible that she views the thought of you being oral with your friend in the same way she views herself being with a woman for the first time...like a new adventure, and very exciting. She will be there with you. Are you two the kind of couple that get very turned on seeing each other engaging in sexual activities with others? I have a feeling that because she's been "teasing" you about wanting you two guys to do it if the girls do it, it's her light way of saying, "I really want to see you with him, it's very hot to me." Su is making this conversation much easier for you by being the one who brought up this MM fantasy in the first place.

Personally, I would be very turned-on by my husband being oral with another guy. I've even told him so. Not to pressure him at all, but just to let him know that if at some point he actually wanted to try that, or we found ourselves in a sexual moment with somebody and the opportunity was there, it was a green light for me if he wanted to proceed. He is straight, but he's thought about it since our conversation. It's very common for many men to have that fantasy about fellatio.

For some reason I've managed to mentally compartmentalize such an act with him as not being "gay" and not even being "bi". Maybe because I can't imagine doing it to any other guy but him.

A person's sexual interests can be very multi-faceted and diverse, regardless of what label one puts on himself. I call myself "bi" just for the sake of convenience. But in reality, I don't feel that I'm gay/lesbian or even really "bi", I just feel sexual and go with it. I liked that quote earlier in this thread...something along the lines of "not heterosexual, not bisexual, just sexual". That's how I feel about the times I participate in same-sex play, and even swinging in general. I feel all-woman, with a very strong preference for men (especially my man). I don't feel technically bi, although I use the term because of the level of FF activity I can enjoy. I guess I just feel comfortable being what I am, and I'm very fortunate to have a loving spouse who is so accepting.

I think that many wives in swinging are naturally open-minded and very curious or interested in the idea of seeing their manly-man engaging in oral with another man. They won't think any less of him as a man, than you men think of your very feminine wives being with another woman. But, we're all individuals, so you really have to have a heart-to-heart with Su and learn how she truly feels. I have a feeling you'll be put at ease with what you hear from her.

Best wishes to you.

I'll answer the question for us (which will be more of the same since it is kind of a normal line of thought). But first I wanted to address this:

I've heard that guys give better BJ's much in the same way that many ladies insist that girls perform the best cunnilingus. Each sex knowing instinctively where the "rite-spots" are, when to apply pressure and when to ease off etc.

I can't imagine how getting a blow job from me would be better than receiving one from a woman - unless you have a thing for crying and gagging men. And I can't imagine how it would be erotic for me to have my twig-n-berries snoggled by someone with five o'clock shadow and a "high and tight" hair cut... Hell - just writing that means I probably won't be able to get wood now for a day or two...

But...

I think Mrs Spoo would loose respect for me if I failed to be true to myself. If I lived my life afraid to communicate with her what I desire and want - what my fantasies are - what is on my "Before I Die" to-do list. We want each other to experience as much of life as we can - regardless of what that is (and to be honest, most of the crazy things on my to-do list have nothing at all to do with sex). It is part of the beauty of marriage - completely exploring, loving and accepting every facet of your soul mate!

Spoomonkey

Ask her/them if they were serious? And if they weren't, would they mind? That's definitely up to all four of you.

 

You're not a closeted gay man. I, personally, like the saying "I am not heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual...I am simply sexual". Do what feels right.

I believe OHASH 01 is spot on.

1. To reiterate ohash, after a while, labels are just labels. They really only have the weight that we give them.

2. I recommend to anyone the movie "Kinsey." Out of his [Kinsey's] research, he statistically determined that a person's sexuality falls on a bell curve between hetero and same sex, and the point can shift up and down at any given point of a person's life. So, if one is in a segment of life where there down at the hetero end, it's okay, and if one swings more into the same sex end, that's pretty normal too. (I bring this up, because I just recently saw the movie for the first time, and it made a lot of things make a lot more sense.) Now, there are people who are pegged out at one end of the other for whatever reason (genetics?), but the majority of people are more in the middle with a floating point.

3. Regarding pleasing your women, #1, it doesn't hurt anything to try responding to their bequest. You may enjoy it; you may not. They may enjoy it or they may not. But either way, on the front end, try to laugh and have fun with it. After all, you are with friends that you like (and/or maybe love--at least at some level). So if you love and trust them, push into it and see what happens. #2 It definitely doesn't mean your coming out of any closet; in fact, only a coward is afraid to experiment with something that's not harmful. (I wouldn't try an Evel Kneival motorcycle stunt but just touching another human is pretty innocuous) .

And, even now when we "roll around" with our couple friends, after we've been apart for a while, we do it orgy style--it might start out with a group massage with lots of massage oil. I really recommend this with the caveat that if you're indoors, you use a lot of plastic tarp to protect the floor and pillows, and have the tarp lead to the shower so you don't drip... stuff... on the way to cleaning up. (In the summer, just find a private place near a hose). That, plus have way too much oil so you don't run out.

I digress... we actually just got back home from our friends and I'm reminiscing a little. The point being, there's a lot of touching all the way round that goes on with this little exercise. And it's extremely enjoyable, and very, very liquid.....--the operational question being, "Lines? What lines?"

If someone responds with "Eeeeewwwww," to them I say, "It's only kinky the first time."

Here is my two cents...

If I had a husband or boyfriend that wanted to play with another guy, I'm afraid I would be turned off. Now this is only my taste and opinion but I see it as if he were losing his masculinity. I guess it's because I enjoy being a feminine counterpart whither it be submissive or dominant. But I can't help but view women as the only ones who can get away with sexual diversion. Were so much more beautiful and alluring. Seeing my man being submissive towards another would lose my attraction to him as a man. I know what I have said is chauvinistic and maybe I view women a little too highly. I know that in order for me to feel feminine at times I need my man to be heterosexual. Does this make sense? I know this is a touchy subject but I think you should be very careful of what you do if there is any doubt or hesitation in going further.

I'll pipe in here. First of all, the girls joking with you (i.e. you wanna watch us do it, so we wanna see you guy do it) reminds me of the scene in American Pie where the two girls they want to see make out tell the two guys to kiss before they will.

My opinion? I think it would be interesting to watch that (the BF being on the giving or receiving end of a BJ). Would I get insanely turned on by it? Don't know, but again, I still think it would be interesting to watch it.

Would it make me insecure? Think he was "less manly"? No and No.

It is much more socially acceptable and even encouraged for FF play. Give the men their shot at it too if it's something they want to try. If it's something you are obsessing over (in a good way apparently ), then go for it. What if the second he has his lips wrapped around you and you don't like it? Then stop. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Jeez, one of the hottest stories I ever read on a newsgroup involved a husband setting up a gang bang for his wife to take place like a "break in" to their home. He was tied to a chair and forced to watch the wife get used by a group of guys. One of them notices him watching so intently and just stood there giving the guy a running commentary (i.e. look how much she likes that, blah blah blah), and then that guy made him clean her come off of his dick. Of course in the story, the wife seeing this (and I believe at one point one of the guys goes down on the husband while he's restrained) gets really turned on.

Ok, there I go rambling again. Sorry. :surrender

Maria

My experience.

I have wondered what the reaction of my mate would be, and when we were in the Life Style, six or eight times I fooled around with men. But no man has ever climaxed while I had his cock between my lips. I wish he had. I am still curious about the taste of a real load of cum. It would be sexy.

If it were not for the AIDS scare, it would be sexy to be reamed too, and to be filled with the creme of another man. But the AIDS risk makes that too great.

Twenty five years ago, I was in analysis with a Psychiatrist, and we discussed bisexual longings, and he pointed out, as in a post above, that all of us are more or less bi sexual, both men and women. It also seems to me that if men get turned on by women on women play, they should not be ashamed or unwilling to try some man on man sex.

When I read an erotic story about a guy trying homosexual portions of the sexual repertoire, I enjoy reading them. There are not nearly as many written as there are about women's bi experiences.

Eileen was supportive, curious and encouraging with all the adventures, but perhaps she is more understanding than most because she has found her own bi-sexual orientation in college.

Otto & Eileen

Re: One for the ladies. Do you lose respect if your man plays with a man?

I wouldn't lose respect for Mister LM. But with my man, it would be weird and I don't think I'd want to watch.

This thread has taken some doozy turns and I'm not going to try to figure out the road it's been on, so I'll just add this:

I would really like to see two men get it on orally IF

1. They are both very masculine hunky straight/bi guys that I would want to play with afterwards.

2. They are both very delicately built gay guys, in which case I have no interest in playing with either of them (and I'm guessing they'd feel the same about me).

LM

Re: One for the ladies. Do you lose respect if your man plays with a man?

 

I wouldn't lose respect for Mister LM. But with my man, it would be weird and I don't think I'd want to watch.

 

This thread has taken some doozy turns and I'm not going to try to figure out the road it's been on, so I'll just add this:

 

I would really like to see two men get it on orally IF

 

1. They are both very masculine hunky straight/bi guys that I would want to play with afterwards.

 

2. They are both very delicately built gay guys, in which case I have no interest in playing with either of them (and I'm guessing they'd feel the same about me).

 

LM

In my few bi experiences (just oral) I've only wanted to play with a straight/bi masculine guys. One time I briefly thought about the smooth, fem type guys but had no interest whatsoever. Something about two masculine guys and a woman enjoying each other no matter who it is gets me going....mm...mfm...mf...and of course seeing FF.

And the couples view, at least in my case, has always been fine...the female loved watching us 69 or one of us on our knees before jumping in and playing too. At no point did the females feel or have less respect for their men...it was very comparable to the excitement men get seeing two women.

For the longest time I was scared to pursue my fantasy for several reasons...i.e trusting the couple/not getting in over my head/finding the right people/etc....but it got to the point where I just HAD to try it and it was the best thing I ever did...to this day I haven't had full blown MM sex but during certain horny times it has crossed my mind. One fantasy has been to become comfortable with a bi couple who has a bi oral male and have it so the two guys could play and explore alone if the female wasn't available and was ok with it...and maybe we both could get the guts to go farther....none have really agreed to that for one reason or another.

Here's something you can try. While having sex with your wife, pretend she is having sex with another man and you pretend to pull him out of her and suck him and put him back inside her and see how turned on she gets.

For me it's a big turn-on. No, it doesn't mean you're gay by any means. You are turned on by it because you know your partner is, that's what it is all about. Doing what turns your partner on (for us anyway).

I don't consider myself a lesbian or even bi, but I lick other women and my partner gets turned on, and seeing him turned on, really turns me on (yes, he has sucked another man for me).

Hope I helped some, just make sure that's what she wants.

I used to date a couple and I asked him several times to include a gay guy in our play so that I could watch the guy suck him off. It never happened, but I do find myself turned on by MM or MMF porn. I don't want to see a guy that I am with have intercourse with another man or suck a guy off, but if one were to give him a BJ I would be o.k. with that.

I just caught up on this thread. I misunderstood the intent of your second post in this thread. For that I apologize. It seems to me that the majority of women would not lose respect for their man. As a man who is turned off by it though , I have a hard time believing that so I understand why you would ask, but the tantrums were uncalled for.

We actually had our first MFM threesome and I was shocked as I gave the guy a BJ. She was turned on by it and started to fight for his swollen dick. She won of course but none of us was disappointed. We just continued and all had fun. I agree, that labels are just society's negative influence, we are in fact all "sexual". We talked afterwards and the Mrs. was not bothered in the least by my oral performance. In fact she can't wait to repeat the performance. Perhaps this time she will allow me more time on the stick!

I am one of the women who would be turned on by it... A LOT!

As a bisexual woman, I think I'd be a big, fat, stinkin' hypocrite if I ever gave a boyfriend/male fwb/partner/whatever crap for playing with a guy.

But then again, I had an ex who was really into anal play on him and it didn't bother me. The thought that he was (or could be) bi was way more of a turn-on than a turn-off. Unfortunately, he was really uncomfortable talking about it unless we were having/getting ready to have sex.

Not at all. In fact, I look for opportunities for that to occur >

Though the guy is orally bi, not so much into actually intercourse or kissing.

Just because you engage in oral sex with your male friend does not make you gay or bi it just means you enjoy another form of sexual pleasure. We are swingers because we enjoy sex more important we enjoy exploring different forms of sexual pleasure.

Personally I find it is not worth the time to worry about it and try to categorize the activity. So long as all involved willingly consent (and are obviously adults), have your fun and don't worry about it. What is your kink may not be my kink and vice versa. That seems to be part of the fun-- finding compatible kink mates.

Seriously though I think people worry too much about the labeling. Hopefully you are able to transcend to the point where you accept all forms of consensual sexuality regardless of whether or not you find it appealing. Of course, accepting that it exists does not equate to you having to do it if it does not float your boat but it does mean there is no need to cast any stones.

This question gave me pause. I wouldn't discourage it if it were something my hubby wanted to try. But my initial gut reaction was...."No, thank you."

I know I'm only thinking that way because of my own insecurities. What if he likes it A LOT?! More than me? I don't have a penis? This is not something I could offer him on the regular! But then I come back to reality and realize what we are is SOOO much more than any type of sex.

I would give it a try with an open mind. I wouldn't lose respect for my husband, but there also isn't anything about the visual of him with a mouthful of cock that says "uber-masculine" to me either.