AFF and SLS

We are new to the lifestyle and moving slowly to make our first connection. We both are interested in 3some, however are not sure to start with a MFM or FFM. I read a lot about people being duped on AFF and SLS as there are a lot of phonies. Has anyone had experiences with meeting single guys? Are they a pain in the ass or just as phony as the single women?

We have no experience with meeting single men online but we certainly get enough emails from them. A surefire way to get emails from them is to put in your profile, "Not interested in single men".

Seriously though, I don't think you'd have a problem finding single men. If there are any local meet and greets in your area, that would probably be a great way to start.

E

If you can find a local house party, or any lifestyle club, you can have more than your fill of single men. There's no guarantee you'll like what you find, though. It won't take you long to understand why people are negative about them, either. You'll find more real people on SLS than AFF, though. At least that has been our experience. Good luck.

richdon....

why are people negative about them? Mrs. Ben is alright with doing a young stud, but is concerned they'll be disrespectful or clingy. What is your take?

In some cases, disrespectful, yes, in others... sometimes they suck up all the air (available women) in the room if not in the right proportions.

If all you are looking for is someone with a pulse then either website may or may not work. If you read a lot of the threads here and on other lifestyle forums you will see a couple recurrent themes. One is from single males bitching that noone is screwing them and the other is from couples that single males are standing them up when they arrainge to meet or show up and are nothing like what they represented online. So one could be lead to believe that hooking up via the internet has it's share of issues.

If you are wanting some form of interaction where there is some kind of attraction and chemistry there is no substitute for meeting face to face. I would recommend finding some kind of lifestyle club and attending that. When you meet people face to face you will know in a matter of seconds if you are attracted to them or not and you will know in a reasonable amount of time if there is any chemistry or not. Probably the biggest advantage to going to a club is if someone is there in the flesh it is a good chance they actually exist and that they are interested at that time. When you are chatting on a website you have no idea what is on the other end and often times when you say alright lets meet at this place and at this time, you never hear from them again.

We have had or currently have profiles on AFF, SLS, LL, and SDC. While we have had only two experiences to date, both of those have been with couples met through AFF. Lifestyle Lounge seems pretty good as well, but we haven't been as pleased with SLS as others on the board seem to be. There are fakes and experimenters on AFF to be sure, but I think that's equally true with the other sites. Since our experience has been only with couples, I can't comment on single men, but they seem to be somewhat like cockroaches in their ability to thrive in any environment and shouldn't be tough to find. We have certainly been approached by them on all of the sites mentioned above, and we aren't even looking for them.

Just my two cents worth...

We are members of AFF, and the results have been INCREDIBLE.

We signed up at the beginning of the summer... wrote a LONG and INTELLIGENT profile... put up some hot (lingerie/not genitals) non-face pics...

..and We've had about 75 quality responses. Got together with many of them.. MSNed most of the them...

It's really exceeded all our expectations.

We have heard all the horror stories, but quite frankly, we haven't experienced any.

I guess this is due to the two reasons stated above:

1 - Our great profile pictures

2 - Our intelligent profile.

(And when I say intelligent.. I just mean as well-written as any of the posts here)

We left the Lifestyle for a year or two... and coming back this summer was a total breeze thanks to AFF...

YMMV

We are new to the lifestyle and moving slowly to make our first connection. We both are interested in 3some, however are not sure to start with a MFM or FFM.

This all depends on what you two decide you want to do first...there is no right or wrong way to start.

I read a lot about people being duped on AFF and SLS as there are a lot of phonies.

No matter what site you have an ad on you're going to find those who are not for real. We've had more luck with SLS than any other ad site as it seems to be the most popular one in our area...others have better luck on other sites.

Has anyone had experiences with meeting single guys? Are they a pain in the ass or just as phonie as the single women?

Yep , lots of experience. We don't find that single men are any more or any less a "pain in the ass" than some couples or single women. Marital status has nothing to do with whether or not you are/aren't an asshole.

If single men are what you are looking for, they are out there. It does take time to find a good one but then, it also takes time to find couples/single women that you are comfortable with as well.

Teresa

We own a swingers club, same name as addressee, and we have experience with both AFF & SLS. The AFF sight is much more stuck on themselves. They are more phonie than SLS. To many rules on AFF and not enough action. But both sights do have their faults and a number of them do not answer back. I would also disagree with "RICHDON03" about a HOUSE PARTY. If you are newbies and want to have fun at your OWN pace, consider going to an OFF PREMISE Social. Hall or Hotel. They are much more safe for NEWBIES. But this is my own observation.

For our experience in the lifestyle which is eleven plus years, we're find that picking up singles is easier if you just go to a regular nightclub where adventurous people would want to be. Not some local joint, but somewhere that just exudes excitement. With that being said, you have to have an air about you that separates you from the rest of the crowd, the confidence that comes from swinging between you and your partner can be read by those who have an interest.

AFF to us has always been a rip off, we're on SLS and it's basically free. It takes a lot of work to meet quality online, and then if you find someone, we suggest that you meet initially over dinner and drinks. You’ll know over a dinner conversation if you’re compatible physically and mentally. And for goodness sake, don’t have all those silly ass rules that couples try so hard to keep when they first enter into the lifestyle, if you need a playbook to have fun, it’s not going to be.

We tried Swappernet, Playfulswingeres, Swingers Date Club, LifestyleLounge, and countless others that pop up. For us, the mainstay of meeting people is either through friends or at socials.

As far as telling if someone is a fake, we've been duped some, but usually a dead give away is a overly desire to see explicit pics.

I can give you an opinion from the flip side of the coin. I am a single male that met with couples from AFF. I met with 3 couples over a time span of four years.

The first couple that I met with told me about some of the emails that they received. Supposedly, some messages were so badly written, that finding a male that could write in complete sentences was a plus.

The second couple told me about having a couple of guys back out at the last minute. They also met with one guy that claimed to be someone else, but he could no longer hide his secret in person.

The last couple didn't tell me about any difficulties with meeting people, but they did not have pics on their ad. That may have reduced the amount of guys that messaged them.

The 1st, and 3rd couple that I met with contacted me first.

Well, I know of three couples that met with a single guy from AFF, and were successful. Although, their searches did run across fakes and dreamers.

I would consider AFF again in the future, but I must admit that SLS looks great.

I like MFM, and that is how we began swinging. I was the person most concerned with jealousy when we started out. My husband was much more comfortable with the idea of swinging, and he coaxed me to try the threesome, especially as it was a favorite fantasy of ours. I have had 2 good and 2 negative experiences. The negatives: 1 guy never got an erection, the other guy came twice in half an hour and was done. Both of these guys were nervous and yet afterward clingy and looking to get back together. My husband had to get rid of them as they haunted me on the computer etc. The two good experiences were great starts into swinging. The guys both spent lots of time pleasuring me. We did find, however, that although they claimed the same likes etc., that they were really looking for more 1 on 1 with me than what we consider a 3some. I wanted more of giving oral to both men, giving oral while being penetrated, dp, or dv. None of the guys that we met were into any of this when we actually were in bed.

We are not in any hurry to try another 3 some as we feel that we are less likely to realize some of our fantasies this way. We have had much more luck exploring different groupings with great couples that also would like to fulfill some fantasies. As for which sites we met these men from, one positive was from AFF, the other 3 were from SLS. Hope this helps. Sharon

We own a swingers club, same name as addressee, and we have experience with both AFF & SLS. The AFF sight is much more stuck on themselves. They are more phonie than SLS. To many rules on AFF and not enough action. But both sights do have their faults and a number of them do not answer back. I would also disagree with "RICHDON03" about a HOUSE PARTY. If you are newbies and want to have fun at your OWN pace, consider going to an OFF PREMISE Social. Hall or Hotel. They are much more safe for NEWBIES. But this is my own observation.

You have more experience than we do, granted. For us, however, we have been to several off-premise clubs and several house/hotel parties. Maybe our experience is unique. My wife tends to prefer house parties because of their intimacy and availability of willing/ready participants. For some reason she finds it much easier to talk to people and make connections than any other venue. For what ever reason, she hates meeting people individually from internet profiles, mainly because you rarely know what the men look like and sometimes people are not as advertised. We don't particularly care for many off-premises clubs because they are sometimes quite cliqueish.

At house or on-premises parties, on the other hand, we have had excellent interaction with other couples, we know what we're getting and there has been no pressure to do anything until she was ready to participate. There have been more than a few single men (and sometimes women) at these parties (usually quite young), and when there was a connection everything just flowed. With two exceptions, the single men were so ubiquitous that they could have been considered a nuisance, but that was the preference of the individual crowd.

For us, the house parties work, and we have felt completely safe at every one, so far.

I was a bit suprised to see quite a few couples on SLS in my area.

You run into phonies in every aspect of life...swinging isn't going to be any different. The trick is to finding a way to get to know them BEFORE you meet. My personal favorite is a video chat session. J. and I have met people from SLS. We've had no luck with AFF. I think all the penis pictures are far too distracting! The people we met from SLS had no issues with video chat and hey - we ended up having a little fun that night anyway.

That method may not screen out people's personalities...but atleast you'll know you're talking to who you're supposed to be talking to.

J. and I have met people from SLS. We've had no luck with AFF.

Our last day of premium membership at Adult Friend Finder is approaching and we are not going to renew. We don't track it using an Excel spreadsheet, but if we had I'm confident that we would be able to count that our introductory messages went unanswered nine out of ten times. Of the half dozen introductory messages we received, only one resulted in an actual meeting. It was reported to us by one rather disappointed advertiser, when I informed him that we are both sensitive to cigarette smoke, that our profile empahatically stated that we were "light social smokers", whatever that might be. The computerized database that AFF uses is apparently not very sophistocated.

Our experience has been much better at SLS. I am begining to believe that this is the only swinger's Web site we will ever need.

Michael

We are on both aff and sls. We have had good luck with both. Yes there are fakes on both and you have to find them for yourself. We feel that sls has less fakes than aff. A lot of couples are on both sites. We have done va friends but have met more people off the site than in person. Patrick Pattie

I just let our AFF membership expire. For the cost of a year of their gold level, you can have a lifetime membership to SLS. Besides, many more couples use SLS around here for their contacts and weekend plans. It's pretty handy to just click on an event you'd like to go to and you're signed up. And you also get to see who else is going that night

Brett

It's pretty handy to just click on an event you'd like to go to and you're signed up. And you also get to see who else is going that night

 

Brett

How do you like the appearance of the new profiles with which the SLS people are experimenting? We think it's great. They just added a compatibility score. I wonder how it is calculated. Looked at our own "new profile" and we are 105% compatible with ourselves. But, of course, we always knew that.

Michael

How do you like the appearance of the new profiles with which the SLS people are experimenting?

I like it as it looks fresher and is easier to check out at a glance. Still getting use to them though.

Brett

I think the compatibility feature needs a little more work because although we are 114% compatible with ourselves, we are 0% compatible with all but two of the couples who have an SLS account that we have 100% compatibility with in person, so it would appear that it is about 98% wrong. In their defense, they do say that it is under development.

I also like the new profile look except for a couple of features that the old style has that the new doesn't seem to have, or at least I haven't found it yet. For example it doesn't tell you if you have given the member access to your private pictures like the old one does.

We've met some nice couples through both AFF and SLS. I really like the in-depth questions at AFF (if people are honest on them), and I do read all the answers. A couple contacted us mainly because we had the same "purity score".

I like the new photo layout at SLS.

So we're keeping both, and dropping the others.

Mrs.D

As some previous posts have mentioned, you are going to have fakes, phonies and game-players on any Lifestyle site. However, I seriously believe that SLS tends to have far fewer. For our tastes, AFF, while it does have some interesting features, is pretty much a waste of money. In the time we were on AFF, we never had a serious contact through that site. One of the strangest things we did notice was that people who were on both sites (SLS and AFF) would contact us via SLS..often leading to a great match. After we got to know them and asked about that, more than one said that they used AFF only as an additional 'screening' or information source. SLS has made some great improvements to the site, and although some will disagree, for our money they are a lot more receptive to input from their members. When we have been asked about AFF by folks new to Lifestyle sites, we tell them go ahead and try AFF...it will make them appreciate SLS better.

M

OK, I have a question of great social importance. At the Adult Friends Finder, there are pull-down menus where you can indicate "phyical information". The "Body Type" choices are: Average, Slim/Petite, Athletic, Ample, A Little Extra Padding, and Large -- given in exactly that order. Slim/petite, athletic and average I have no trouble understanding. The question is in what order of body-mass index or "largeness" should I interpret ample, extra padding and large? Is ample larger than large?

OK, I have a question of great social importance. At the Adult Friends Finder, there are pull-down menus where you can indicate "phyical information". The "Body Type" choices are: Average, Slim/Petite, Athletic, Ample, A Little Extra Padding, and Large -- given in exactly that order. Slim/petite, athletic and average I have no trouble understanding. The question is in what order of body-mass index or "largeness" should I interpret ample, extra padding and large? Is ample larger than large?

I would think that for most people who make a choice to define themselves, "ample" and "large" are going to be completely interchangeable and the meaning indistinguishable. The same person might choose either one, depending on their personal taste, I guess! To me, "extra padding" would mean a little extra roll around the middle or some junk in the trunk, on an otherwise "average" sized body. But people of any size might choose to use that term, too. Better just go by the pictures they send you and how they are in person, than to rely on these choices!

I read a lot about people being duped on AFF and SLS as there are a lot of phonies.

We've used both of these sites (and Swappernet). We've met more cool people and had more success with AFF than with SLS or any others. We met a few cool people on Swappernet, but more on AFF. Perhaps it's regional, but there's not much at all on SLS in our area (for us), now or in the past. I don't know why, but most of those who do get on SLS (around here) don't even post a pic. Of the three, SLS is in last place for us. AFF has tons of people in our area with well-written profiles and pictures to share.

Our tip: avoid the free profiles, especially on AFF, where there are so many. On AFF, you can have a paid membership that people with free profiles can't even write to. You'll avoid at least 90% of the phonies of you steer clear of the free profiles.

If you have lifestyle clubs (off or on-premise) or meet-and-greets in your area, that's even better. You can meet multiple "real" couples all in one setting, and see who you may be attracted to in a way you just can't get from a website. Good luck, and welcome to the lifestyle.

Our belief from early expierences was the only way to know if your compatible with a couple is to meet them. Early on we found meeting people in clubs to be the best thing.

Unfortunately, myself included, a lot of people do not take good pictures, and if you read the wild or not wild section on sls you might bypass someone that could be good friends. Ex.-Our best friends from the lifestyle were advirtised as wild, we were newbies, it never would have happened. We met them at Eros and have formed a really good bond.

On the flipside we had some bad sls encounters early on, lately they have been much better. I believe that is due in part to our experience, as you move on you can instinctively pick out the phonies, be it sls or aff. That is my opinion.

Mr.

After a couple of successful meeting rates we would assume that most of our conversation on AFF would be real. BUT last night we were duped, without asking for their photos, we gave ours, but once the person on the other side received them. That person just log-off. Which pisses us off.

On the other hand, we thought it is good to experience both situation (good & bad) so that we could take some preventive measures the next time around.

We have had great success with AFF. I have looked at SLS, and there are only a few locals on. Could just be our area. Our biggest problem with AFF is the price. Also the profile search tool is not very good. We do weed through a LOT of single males, but thats not to bad because we invite single males over often. Of course we weed through lots of 'couples' that appear to be single males as well.

The best way we have found to 'authenticate' profiles is the testomonials. But even those, people appear to fake(you click the testifiers profile and it doesn't exist).

We had our easiest time living in germany with other military couples. In our time there we made friends with about ten 'straight' couples, and ended up in the sack with every single one of them. It would usually start with us eventually letting on we were swingers, and them being curious. Most of them ended up placing there own adds and really getting into the lifestyle.

There are a lot of fakes on aff. There are some couples who just are not paying anymore.. They are the one with certs and the ones that people know in the chat room. It is rare that we are in the aff chat room that someone does not know us personally. From a meet and greet, house party or a couple we have played with. SLS we are lifetime members. It is cost effective and there are plenty of local couples there for us but we do agree it is regional. Patrick pattie