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oddcouple2841

Couples swinging individually

Would you consider letting your SO participate in a sexual relationship without you?  

304 members have voted

  1. 1. Would you consider letting your SO participate in a sexual relationship without you?

    • No
      58
    • Not likely
      35
    • Maybe
      82
    • Probably
      137


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This is K (the male)

 

This question is really only for the couples out there. A reply I made to the question by justlookinbuddy put this question in my head.

 

This is what I wrote

I would not rule out couples with a bi female. I would let S go with alone with a girl but would first want to chat together with the couple and meet somewhere safe as couples like a bar or restaraunt just to make sure the others were real and determine whether she would be safe meeting alone. There are too many single males or cheaters out there pretending to be a couple, S has already had this experience and luckly he did not physically force himself on her. So you can see while we would be less trusting about just the ladies meeting.

 

After we both had judged the others as real and the safety issue had been taken care of if S wanted to go alone for meetings with just the lady I would not have a problem with that. Acutally with our schedules and the lack of "bi" males in couples or ladies that just have too many rules for the male half this type of relationship might work out better for us. It is awful hard to get all four people to click even if two of them do real well.

 

How many of you think that letting one member of a couple carry on a relationship that the other really did not participate in or did not participate as often in? My motto is "what is good for the goose is good for the gander" so you might want to keep this in mind when considering the question.

 

I was just wondering and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts on this matter. What would be the potential problems or issues that everyone can think of.

 

P.S. I voted probably

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I voted maybe, but the question doesn't really fit what we'd do if the situation was right for it.

 

We're a swing-together couple, but we're both open to the idea of me having a friendship with a woman/women in which we could have sex alone, sometimes. We see this as happening with a couple we're already with as a couple, and have become friends with - so the "relationship" part would be all of us as friends. Letting the girls be alone sometimes for sex, would be just an extension of that friendship. It wouldn't be me out forging separate relationships, so to speak. Make sense? :) By the way, my husband's the one that brought it up, that he'd like for me to have a friend like that.

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Perhaps I should have been a little clearer. Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us. We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

 

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

 

We will really have to discuss this between ourselves before we make any decisions but I would like everyone's input because someone might just point out something that we would not have considered otherwise.

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Our vote is 'no'. Pure and simple - No.

 

We are in this together and we like it that way. We don't even like separate rooms when we play. In fact we prefer same bed!!

 

I'd say that a good portion of our enjoyment is seeing each other during the swap.

 

Sarah

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I chose "no". The situation has never been presented to us, but we are a "swing-together" couple and even though I doubt Mr. LFM would have a problem with me having sex with a woman, I would have a problem with this, because I want him included in everything I do. :) I hope that made sense! :)

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Perhaps I should have been a little clearer. Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us. We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

 

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

 

We will really have to discuss this between ourselves before we make any decisions but I would like everyone's input because someone might just point out something that we would not have considered otherwise.

 

I understand your logic and reasoning on this, since you have babysitter issues, schedule conflicts, etc. Whether this could work out well for you two just really depends on the two of you. This definitely wouldn't work for everybody. It would take a lot more work and more communicating between you to make sure that an open marriage didn't detract from your relationship with each other.

 

A primary concern is that since you're already busy people with busy lives, raising kids (who seem to take every spare minute you thought you had), you probably have little enough time for your own intimate lives together - right? I mean, quality time for the two of you to spend connecting and keeping your passion burning for each other, in and out of the bedroom. Good relationships require time and effort. So when you have additional relationships, sometimes it becomes a challenge to keep up with so much and still have any energy and time for each other. Going for separate "relationships" means more opportunity for more complicated feelings to be added to the mix. Spending time intimately and separately with others is not as easy as having just plain old recreational sex as a couple, in this sense. You'd have to examine carefully if you and your wife, and your marriage, can really handle that.

 

Sometimes, something that sounds so logical and sensible on paper can turn out to be far more complicated in real life.

 

We really have not had time to discuss this issue but I would like to think she would do the same for me.

 

It would take a whole lot of discussion with her, to see if this could work out.

 

You might want to start making that time to talk. ;)

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Nope not even a chance. We play together only. That is the whole enjoyment for us. If one of us is missing then there is no purpose and the whole thing would be a turnoff.

 

Blessings

Mrs. PL

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Highly unlikely BUT....we have met couples who when one partner became ill and unable to play or unwilling to play, they DID sent the healthy one out to socialize with friends from many years, at parties, where they did have sex with others.

 

So I won't say No cuz I dunno the future.

 

S

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I initially put "not likely" but I think it does depend on the situation. At this point in our relationship (where we haven't even actually swung together) the answer would be a definite no. Down the road should we find a couple that we click with and become good friends I may feel differently. That said, I do see a difference between opposite sex swinging and same sex swinging... and my opinion does change when you are talking about a situation where it's two bi girls (or guys) getting together on their own.

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We have found that we act one way when in a group situation and another way when alone with the other person. In the group setting we seem to be more in a porno movie mode. It's mainly about sex. When one on one behind closed doors, it seems to be more of a tender love mode. After 5 years of swinging, everyone in our group has been able to handle the emotions of one on ones. But it can be dangerous, if the spouse should actually fall in love with the other person. I guess then, you just call yourself Poly and keep on swinging.

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I don't think I would, no. I think I would be open to him having sex with another woman with me there, but not like some couples do. I know a couple who call themselves straight swingers, but really they are poly. Seriously, they have sex with the others spouses more than with their own...they do weekends away and shit. Anyways, they are comfortable with it. I don't know about that, I don't think Jay would go for it.

 

I guess never say never. If we were in a relationship with a married couple and we were completely trusting of them that there would be no love involved I think I would consider it. But I would have to be completely trusting of them in all ways.

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We have both soloed at times, mainly due to work schedule. And after the initial thrill of something different, we both concluded we prefer to play together. It is just plain more fun to share... :)

 

Chip

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I would have voted, but "yes" wasn't an option.

 

We both have had separate encounters, although I'm not sure they would be considered relationships, as stated in the poll question. We don't have a problem with it, and it really is just more practical for us.

 

~SS

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We have, we would, and we will.

 

Playing alone introduces an entirely different dynamic than playing together, probably because of the simple fact that you don't know what's going on, if you're not the one involved that time, or if you are, that you are being trusted to play solo. It takes a great deal of trust by both partners, and it's incredibly fun and exciting.

 

I realize playing alone is not for everyone, and many folks consider it something other than swinging. But we consider it just another way of playing, plain and simple. And if you can stomach the fear and trust your partner, trust me, it's gooooood.

 

And hey, now that I think about it, how come no "definitely" option in your survey, hmmm? :lol:

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Well I voted probably, but yes should have been an option. :D

 

We are a couple that plays together and that is our main preference. Now, if MrsVan wanted to meet a lady alone after I got to know her, just personally, not sexually, then that would never be a problem with me. I would not allow MrsVan and I know MrsVan would not want to, meet a single guy alone period. Maybe that's a double standard, but that's just the way it is for us. :D

 

If we were very comfortable with a couple I would allow MrsVan play alone with that couple under the right circumstances. We have done this a couple of times in the past and it can be fun, but this would never be something that we would do on a regular basis and not something that we would do with any person/couple until we had already established a good friendship with them and they understood us very well.

 

-Van

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We voted Probably but Yes would be our answer. I have no problem with her stepping out as long as I know about it. Actually the thought is a little thrilling to me. Only concern is for her safety after that anything goes. :facelick:

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This is S (the female)

 

Since this thread is about me, I should put my .02 in.

 

Now since K put "What's good for the goose is good for the gander" in the signature, I'll try to stay close to that as possible. Of course since we just go into the lifestyle, what I/we want now will change in the future as we experience things, so keep that in mind too.

 

Myself I would consider letting S meet with couple, woman or even a single male if I knew them and trusted them not to hurt her or force her into something she did not want to do or try to come between us.

 

With schedules and such sometimes it is just not possible to meet with people that often. Alone it would really be easier for us. There is also the issue of getting four people to all hit it off so to speak though that would be our preference. I also know she would have a much easier time attracting people without me for an anchor but we could take turns babysitting which would allow the other to get away more. These are the only reasons that I am even considering this.

 

I was thinking about this last night and this is how I stand on the issue. The only way I would be willing to do this is if we both met the couple/single person first, since I didn't have a good experience meeting by myself. I'm lucky that nothing bad happened to me and it's a good life lesson. We wouldn't have to set a play date for the three/four of us, but of course every situation is different, so it just all depends on how well the meeting went.

 

I would have no problem with having him or I playing alone with a couple, because there is three people there at all times and if something happens, there is no he said/she said bullshit to deal with. Of course, the couple would have to agree on this and if they don't, it's a no go. We will always put our foot down on this one. People know where the door is if they don't like it.

 

As for meeting singles, this is where it gets complicated. I don't want to come across as a complete bitch for what I'm about to say and I don't want different rules for the both of us. I have no problem with him having a m/m without me if that's what he chooses too. I'm not going to look at him any different and my love isn't going to change for him. He's made it perfectly clear that he has no problem with me having a f/f or a m/f with him not there, but the only way I would consider have a m/f on my part or a m/f on his part is one of us was there for security, but wouldn't have to particapate, but actually going out without the partner being there, no I just couldn't do it. We've both been hurt by our ex's and I just can't take the chance of something happening and breaking us apart. Some people might say it's a trust/jealousy issue on my part and maybe it is. I understand when you agree to be in this lifestyle, you must always trust your partner and you can't be jealous and if there there is any of that, then maybe this isn't for you as a couple.

 

Please understand that I'm not stereotyping all singles as setting out to breake up a couple, but "fatal attraction" does happen in real-life.

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This is K (the male)

 

Actually we are in almost 100% agreement on this. I too have very serious reservations about you meeting anyone alone the first time because of what happend.

 

FYI - Because of time contraints S was just supposed to make contact with a couple and then tell me what she thought of them and tell them about us. I was at work and advised against it but she went ahead anyway. The "he" was the only one of them that showed up and came on real strong and luckily she was not physically assaulted.

 

We discussed the MM or FF solo meetings as being seen as okay by more couples because the other partner does not feel as threatened by or the need to compete with a person of the opposite sex. We would need to both meet this person together for safety reasons. There are obvious reasons in the case of S but true even for me because there are just too many cases in the news of homophobes luring out someone they seen as a "gay" male for a rendevouz and then attacking and beating or killing him. Believe me the area where we live is chock full of homophobes, racists and all manner of hateful people.

 

Solo meetings with couples, while they may offer somewhat more of a "threat factor" do not bother the other partner quite a much as a strictly MF because there is the regulating factor of the opposite sex partner of the other couple. For me it would be the trust that the other woman in the couple to keep S and the "he" from becoming too close or the "he" from becoming phyisically forceful.

 

As for Lone or single MF I could see this one after we both had played with them several times and built trust. For me at least I would feel better if this person was married but swinging solo with their partner's consent. I guess it is about having that regulating factor of the opposite sex partner again. Once more we would need to both meet this person because there are just too many males out there pretending to be a couple.

 

In the end I think this all boils down to a matter of trust. Not just the trust between us because that is there but the need to build some level of trust for the others involved also.

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It's not easy to give a straight answer; it depends on the circumstances...

 

Would I be happy with her running off to a room at a club? Probably, yes. Would I be happy with her meeting separately with someone we know and have swung with? Probably 'yes' again, so long as I get to hear the sexy details in either case. ;)

 

Would I be happy with her meeting someone I don't know? Probably not. That would feel too much like cheating to me and would make me feel insecure about our relationship.

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I chose "probably". This has already actually come up between J. and myself. Long story short, crazy weekend with a group of my best friends, made out with one, came home, being an honest girl I told J, he goes "So what? You didn't fly off to Omaha and leave me, did you?" My face had to have been priceless. I know I walked around the house for the rest of the weekend with a look of utter confusion on my face.

 

Finally when it sank in, we talked about it and it's weird...because we'd definately rather be playing together...but if an interesting sexual situation arose for one of us...we're both okay with the other taking it. Now - we most definately have restrictions on it. It WILL be sex only...it WILL be done as safely as possible...we WILL both know about it and be okay with it. If one is not okay, nothing happens. I think J. has a weird fascination with me hooking up with someone else.

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I chose probably but it should have been yes.

 

We have played separately from time to time. Usually with people we have spent time with in the past and are comfortable with, and generally not singles. For the most part it is a case by case basis and we make sure everyone has spoken and are all on the same page about the ground rules. It works fine for us. In fact I prefer separate room play, i just find I can focus more on what I am doing, rather than get distracted by why my husband is doing, and you don't have that ackward time period when one couple finsihed before the other. But as I said before that is also a case by case basis, depending on the couple we are with and their preferences.

 

Playing separately is definately not for everyone but that's pretty much the way swinging goes, its different for everyone and you do what works for you

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Maybe. It would depend on the circumstances. We have always been a same room couple but I have left her alone with a trusted single friend to play while I was our for a few hours. She has also hooked up with women for solo girl/girl play.

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We would not have sexual relationships alone, that to me is an open marriage.

 

We have both played alone, me much more than she, but only with couples we both know and are already friends we have played with prior to going alone.

 

We both like the 4somes over the 3somes and we like being together while we swing. Its about us as a couple not me and her as singles.

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I won't go into all of the details, it would take up two pages, but my fiance did go off with a girl alone. The girl was so jumpy because I was there that she could not get into it. So even with them being alone, she was so worried about me, that they spent two hours together doing nothing but her asking about me, wondering if anyone else was coming into the room, and where was her sister and was she alright. Her sister, sister's boyfriend, myself, and another dude ended up in the room with them because they were taking too long. The situation just got worst from there, but she wanted to be with my fiance and asked him for another try, but alone again. :surrender: I ended up telling him that I didn't think that the girl was ready and I felt that the sister talked her into it.

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For us - we decided to try this to enhance "our sex lives together". Mrs wants to see me please and be pleased by another woman and visa versa. As far as we are concerned if we are not together on this, then there is no sense.

 

If we wanted to cheat (which we don't) we feel that would damage our trust, and without trust..... you're always going to be looking over your shoulder, and what fun would that be?

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I voted probably, but would have voted yes if that was an option. We have played seperatly on many occasions, but not with just anyone. We have a close "friendship" with a single lady we've known and played with for a long time. At first, it was mainly threesomes and one on one encounters with us gals. The three of us are so close now, that if I happen to be at work, she'll stop by and keep hubby company till I get home. I'm always asked in advance by both of them, and usually it's my idea. I don't think I'd be comfortable with playing alone with anyone else, though. We're close with this gal and there is trust there that there wouldn't be with anyone new.

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This is a team sport for us - never go out alone, but we respect those that see it differently.

 

We don't have fun with a 'single' part of a couple until we've gotten to know both of them and learned that it is actually OK with both of them.

 

Nova

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I chose probably but it should have been yes.

 

We have played separately from time to time. Usually with people we have spent time with in the past and are comfortable with, and generally not singles. For the most part it is a case by case basis and we make sure everyone has spoken and are all on the same page about the ground rules. It works fine for us. In fact I prefer separate room play, i just find I can focus more on what I am doing, rather than get distracted by why my husband is doing, and you don't have that ackward time period when one couple finsihed before the other. But as I said before that is also a case by case basis, depending on the couple we are with and their preferences.

 

Playing separately is definately not for everyone but that's pretty much the way swinging goes, its different for everyone and you do what works for you

 

 

You know you are right, that time when one couple is done and the other is still going IS awkward! I'm also with you on the separate room play, I prefer that at least for the initial play.

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I'm also with you on the separate room play, I prefer that at least for the initial play.

 

Shelly, I'm curious to know, what do you prefer about separate room play over same room?

 

Hugs, TS

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I chose "maybe". But not right now. We are open to the possibility, but certainly not looking for it. It was considered more seriously when I travelled more for business, and he went to conferences far more often. Business travel for is mostly limited to 4 hours away or less, and he only gets funding to go to one conference a year, so we pick a good one and both of us go. So I don't see much opportunity to consider it further at this time.

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Shelly, I'm curious to know, what do you prefer about separate room play over same room?

 

Hugs, TS

 

Straight up, no shit?

 

Having his fricking attention lol.

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Straight up, no shit?

 

Having his fricking attention lol.

 

Honey, no apologies, I recall what your most recent situation was with your playmate -- and I realize why you'd want his undivided attention, after that! :kissface:

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I don't get playing alone...to me that's just an alien concept. The thrill for us is sharing these experiences together...being part of the fantasy and helping each other fulfill our fantasies.

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I voted maybe, but the question doesn't really fit what we'd do if the situation was right for it.

 

We're a swing-together couple, but we're both open to the idea of me having a friendship with a woman/women in which we could have sex alone, sometimes. We see this as happening with a couple we're already with as a couple, and have become friends with - so the "relationship" part would be all of us as friends. Letting the girls be alone sometimes for sex, would be just an extension of that friendship. It wouldn't be me out forging separate relationships, so to speak. Make sense? :) By the way, my husband's the one that brought it up, that he'd like for me to have a friend like that.

 

So, your husband brought it up, I don't blame him. I've been turned on by the idea of my girlfriend having a girlfriend since I've reached adulthood.

 

I voted probably. I'd certainly be OK with girl/girl going on alone if I got to know the girl personally first. I'd also consider my partner doing m/f alone on some occassions. The male would have to be a trusted friend, and have had sex in front of me a few times first.

 

I would prefer to be present most of the time, but I do understand the thrill of having them come back home to you. I'd love for a creampie to be brought home to me.

 

I'd select play together most of the time, with occassional seperate play with trusted friends. Girl/Girl would be encouraged to be experienced alone.

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This is K

 

 

I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

 

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

 

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

 

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

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I personally think (and this is from a male point of view) that you have a valid point and it sould be taken seriously since its in your ad and profile. We made an agreement from the start that we play together and leave together..

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I read that some are comfortable swinging without their SO/partner/spouse, but I wouldn't be comfortable alone. I like knowing Mr. Lake is there. We swing together.

Mrs. Lake

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This is K

 

 

I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

 

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

 

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

 

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

 

It's come up one time for us, where we met a couple, and they wanted to play with me, but not Mr. Tybee. They went into an explanation before they asked if I'd play alone, saying that Mr. Tybee reminded her of an ex-husband of hers, in appearance only. :rolleyes: They waited to have this conversation with me alone when Mr. Tybee excused himself to go to the men's room. My immediate reaction was to feel pissed off that they tried to "corral" me separately from my husband, because our profile CLEARLY says that we don't play separate, and they knew that. Personally, there was no WAY that I wanted to play separately, especially not under those circumstances. This was a first date, by the way. We really didn't know them.

 

In your situation, I would have been peeved for these reasons: The other man and your wife's daily chats. Personally, that much chatty contact is too much, for our taste (too much intimacy, too friendly). I get a sense that maybe you do, too? You don't say what was said, but things he's said to your wife don't sit right with you. Next, your wife probably knows that you and that other man's wife didn't really click, right? That would mean, for us, not pursuing the couple any longer - we'd have to let that go, just based on that. Next, you felt like this other couple is deliberately trying to leave you out, so they can have S to themselves. (That's what I felt that one time that couple told me away from my husband that they just wanted to play with me.). Yuck. However, it's your job to express all of these things to your wife, sooner than later, if that's how you feel. In marriage, stewing on things that bother you doesn't solve anything, only makes them worse, especially if you're swingers. You've got to be really open and clear about how you feel about everything.

 

On the issue of your wife asking you about separate play, sort of like an inquiry of possibly revising your swinging agreement - personally, I have no problem with this, because hopefully couples do talk about their rules and sometimes do revise them, according to their needs and how things can change over time. I would hope that my husband is comfortable enough to come to me with any thoughts he has about things he might want to try differently, and I hopefully can be comfortable to come to him with thoughts and be open with him, too. We may not move forward on venturing into new territory if we don't both agree it's a good idea after we mull it over, but at least we have the right to talk about the ideas.

 

Of course, these conversations should only happen between the two of us privately, not in front of others. (You two were alone when she was in chat and asked you, right?) The only problem I'd have in your case, is what you said about your vibe about this other guy (things he's said that bothered you), you don't click with the other wife, and the feeling that they're maneuvering to get her to play separately and to leave you out.

 

Although we're a stay-together swing couple, I think that given very special circumstances, with the right people, very trusted friends, we could play separately sometimes. Let's say one husband is traveling for work, and the wife who's alone goes to join the other couple one evening...or vice versa. Situations like that. In other words, I'm saying I'd be open to the idea if the situation felt 100% comfortable all the way around. As Mr. Tybee says, "If the moon is in the 7th house, and Jupiter aligns with Mars.". :rolleyes: LOL

 

Maybe you two just need to have a talk about all of these things: duration/frequency of chats with others (if that concerns you at all), the vibes you get about others, things that bother you about what they say (VERY important to always discuss), openness in being allowed to freely talk about ideas/revisions (or not - however you feel), and when to ditch a couple that you don't both really enjoy.

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We said no to a relationship, however an encounter is not out of the question as long as everything is up front and we're all on the same page.

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We are a probably, but would have been a yes. We have talked about this numerous times. Primarily with me(her), being the play alone. He likes the idea and likes to hear about it. Also, he is out of town alot sometimes, and let's face it, I don't do well without it! We also entertain the idea of me playing alone with couples, however the she in the other couples would need to return the favor to us at times. But yes, we think it's pretty fun!

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Unequivocal YES.

 

Both of us have done this in the past. Usually, it happened when one of us is away on a trip. Then we would burn up the phone lines next time we talked as we describe the meeting in great detail to the poor one who wasn't there. She loved it when I got to do it alone. She did it alone only a couple of times, mostly out of simple disinterest.

 

Until recently, none of these meetings were with people that we had an on-going relationship with. Now, I meet with a long-time swinging partner about every two months for a morning of sex. So far, we schedule these mornings when my wife going to be out of the house doing something else while the sex is going on. She has said several times that it would be OK even if she were here. Just keep the bedroom door closed, she says. Sometimes my friend stays for lunch after my wife comes home and the three of us visit while we have a nice meal or go for a boat ride or do something else together. The women know each other well and like each other, so it's working out nicely.

 

The only caveat is that we can't do it more than about a half dozen times a year. I guess that if it were more frequent, my wife would intepret the relationship to be getting too emotionally intimate, as opposed to mainly sex. Although my sex partner and I are fond of each other, there is no possibility that it could develop into anything more than a good time in bed.

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This is K

 

 

I know the thread is getting old but the issue really came up last night and ended up in a very rare fight for us. Of the one couple we have met face to face the "he" chats with S pretty much daily. I had noticed several things he had been saying bothered me a bit but last night S was chatting with "him" and turned to me and asked what I though about just her meeting with them to play. Well, I did not say absolutely no right off the bat but she did make a snide remark and things went down hill from there. The more I thought about it the madder I became. We ended up talking about things for awhile later but it did not get any better (in fact they got worse). We did end up making up last night and things are much better and clearer this morning.

 

On my part, 1) I may be a bit more open to solo but our profile and previous disscussions make it clear that the first time will be with both of us except the possibility of playing solo with a same sex partner after a face to face meeting with both of us. 2) Much of my anger was because S asked me instead of just immediatly repling no and reiterating the statement from our profile. 3) I know from this particuar couple the "she" and I did not really click and I felt a lot like they were trying to "leave me out" or "split" S away so they could enjoy her while not having to be bothered with me.

 

Now I realize I may be somewhat jealous because she receives a lot more attention than I do. I am also not someone who chats much, so often I will turn down her offer to conference. but......

 

What do you all think? Has this issue ever come up for any of you with another couple?

 

Okay, I can see a few areas of concern here. The main one, I think, is that you feel like the other couple is trying to split you apart from S for playtime. Whether or not that is actually the case is (to a point) irrelevant, because it's how you FEEL. You need to make this clear to S. You might also remind her (in case, for some reason she's missed it) that you didn't click with the other wife. Right there is a good enough reason to reconsider playing with this couple. If you're not both enjoying playtime, there's really no point.

 

Now here's where things get tricky. You aren't comfortable with S and the other guy chatting all day. While most would say that's a problem, I'd be hypocritical to do so. I've been known to have frequent chat sessions with one of our (male) playmates. My hubby and I know him and his wife (who I also chat with) outside of the lifestyle, and half the time we talk about kids, work, etc. And I save all my chats, so my hubby can see them for himself--though I tell him everything anyway. BUT my honey is okay with all this, whereas you are not. This is something else that you need to clarify for S.

 

I also cannot really "fault" S for not giving an automatic NO to playing alone when asked. She DID discuss it with you, for which she should be given credit. It's very common for couples to revise their rules as they go. The key is that both parties agree on the changes. That said, a snide remark (whatever it was) isn't the best way to convince someone to change their mind, imo. (Even though I can guess she was frustrated with your response)

 

Lastly, as far as her receiving more attention than you, that seems to be pretty common if the women are bi/bi curious. She has the potential to play with both the hubby and the wife, whereas you only get to play (forgive the assumption) with the wife.

 

So TALK 'till you're blue, and hopefully ya'll will sort this one out.

 

=)

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Too late for me to vote, but I thought I'd chime in with my answer anyway. My honey and I would consider playing alone with the right couple (someone we knew well and felt safe with).

 

=)

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I would say Maybe. I've been in the lifestyle for a few years now however my partner have only been together for a year and she is just becoming comfortable with exploring the lifestyle together. Should we meet another couple where they ask her to be involed in a FMF party I'd be cool with that if that was what she wanted.

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There is a missing option in this poll. "YES"

 

I would and do let Mrs. CXXC play solo. She lets me do as I wish as well. We encourage each other in these pursuits.

 

As our schedules are, at times, polar opposites, we are often without the ability to be together for months at a time. During these times, especially, we take separate and solo play mates to ease the sexual tensions that come from such delayed absences.

 

We understand that each of us are not being replaced emotionally. We know quite well that the individuals we are enjoying are not filling any void save that which is physically impossible.

 

I grant her a hall pass at all times as she give the same, equally to me.

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I would have answered yes also. From the start, I've been fine with either us playing as a couple, or playing seperately; which we have both done.

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