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cracker60479
08-24-2006, 11:05 PM
My question is about the way a woman feels about the importance she places on her giving of sex, her charitability or her absolute insistance on certain types of men. My question is for the wives of couples who often go to on-premisis clubs and your style is to swing independant of one another. Suppose you, the wife, talks to a male at several parties. He seems nice, meets all your physical requirements, not to fat, not to tall or short, etc. but just does'nt turn you on. Maybe a little to old, not great looking, yet seems nice enough a guy. You would not initiate sex with him, he is just not what you like in men. But you know he wants you, bad. Maybe he is a little older and it would make his year to bed a young sexy looker like you. Or he may not be handsome, not ugly but not handsome and he would give a weeks pay to charity for sex with you. Would you, because he is acceptable and he wants you so much, would you have sex with him just because you know he is a nice guy and he really wants you?

WesternSwing
08-25-2006, 05:38 AM
Wow, although I am the husband I still know my wife pretty well and can say no, she will not have sex with a guy just to have sex with him. Mrs. WS has to have some kind of chemistry with him and really be turned-on by him to get naked with him.

I will say though that chemistry goes pretty far. She has not been attracted to some men I thought for sure was her type (and physically they were but they just didn't click) and she has been all over other men I would have never thought in a million years she would be attracted to.

So although she would never go for the "mercy fuck", she has surprised me over and over when I try to second-guess her on who turns her on.

Mr. WS

Spoomonkey
08-25-2006, 06:06 AM
No doubt how Mrs Spoo would/will answer...

Having had bad experiences, we both insist on chemistry. If there is no chemistry, there is no sex. And fucking some guy to "make his day" isn't why we got into the lifestyle (though, I have no doubt she has made many days for many men ;) They just happened to make her day as well).

Spoomonkey

rpu3
08-25-2006, 07:45 AM
Would you, because he is acceptable and he wants you so much, would you have sex with him just because you know he is a nice guy and he really wants you?

Been there, done that in one swing situation and with a former fiance - and would never do that again. Mutual chemistry/attraction is required, in more than just swinging.

Rebecca
Still on the learning curve...

Mr&MrsSwing
08-25-2006, 09:26 AM
I have done the charity sex thing and TRUST ME its a bad idea. I guess it wasn't so much charity sex, as much as it was lack of options at the club. But afterwards I felt disgusting because I really wasn't attracted to the man all that much, he was much older, and once the clothes were off..... :( Anyhow, I completely discourage it.

prettylady
08-25-2006, 09:33 AM
I gave at the office.
No I would not have charity sex. It seems to be a matter of self respect.
If he is not someone I would like to have sex with no matter how sweet he is I am not giving it up. It seems to me by the ones who did give in and had sex that I am right in holding out for someone who is a good match as far as chemisty goes.
With me it is not age, or looks that attract or deture me it is weather or not they care enough about themselves to take care of themselves and not be putting themselves in a situation where a women will take pity on him and have sex.
Show some pride in yourself and the sex will be because the women respects you enough to be wanting to have sex with you.
Your friend,
Prettylady :kissface:

JustAskJulie
08-25-2006, 12:26 PM
Um... no to pity sex. I hate it when situations like this come up and they have. I feel bad in a way because I do like the guy as a person but there are a lot of people I like as a person and I'm not going to go having sex with every person who wants to have sex with me just because I think they are a great person.

Chip_n_Muffy
08-25-2006, 01:19 PM
Hell, no wonder I can't laid! Time for plan B, the Visa Platinum card ...... ;)

:hahaha:

Chip

good times
08-25-2006, 01:21 PM
I can confidentely say that Mrs. GT would not do charity sex. You limited your question to women, but I have to say, I wouldn't give a woman charity sex either. If a woman does not turn me on sexually, it isn't going to happen.

Lumina
08-25-2006, 02:11 PM
I've given charity sex to a guy I was dating. He was a great guy, I was totally attracted to him intellectually, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with him physically. Somehow for some reason the chemistry wasn't there. I regret it to this day.

Concupiscence
08-25-2006, 02:13 PM
...Would you, because he is acceptable and he wants you so much, would you have sex with him just because you know he is a nice guy and he really wants you?

Not no but HELL NO. There is no such thing as "Charity" sex, that is just whoring yourself out. You either WANT to have sex with a person regardless of what your reasons are or you do NOT want to have sex with a person, also regardless of the reasons. It's just insulting to both parties.

Pepper & Drew
08-25-2006, 07:50 PM
Looking pitiful is not sexy and sex with no attraction sucks. It REALLY sucks. If he'd give a week's pay to have sex with a hot chick, he needs to look in the phonebook. Some good-looking "professional" would be glad to take his money.

Pepper

ShellyM
08-25-2006, 08:08 PM
My question is about the way a woman feels about the importance she places on her giving of sex, her charitability or her absolute insistance on certain types of men. My question is for the wives of couples who often go to on-premisis clubs and your style is to swing independant of one another. Suppose you, the wife, talks to a male at several parties. He seems nice, meets all your physical requirements, not to fat, not to tall or short, etc. but just does'nt turn you on. Maybe a little to old, not great looking, yet seems nice enough a guy. You would not initiate sex with him, he is just not what you like in men. But you know he wants you, bad. Maybe he is a little older and it would make his year to bed a young sexy looker like you. Or he may not be handsome, not ugly but not handsome and he would give a weeks pay to charity for sex with you. Would you, because he is acceptable and he wants you so much, would you have sex with him just because you know he is a nice guy and he really wants you?

I have never been in this situation. But I know me pretty well, and I would say no to this. Although its flattering for a man to want you that much most women just can't lay down and make love to a man they aren't clicking with. This has nothing to do with looks, either. I recently talked to a man who met all of the physical requirements. I spoke with him (via IM), and it just was not there at all. And I wanted it to be there, too lol. It hurt when I came to terms with the fact that we just didn't click. But yeah, it would seem almost degrading to be with a man that you aren't attracted to sexually.

cracker60479
08-26-2006, 12:01 AM
I wrote this thread. I gave you a man with everything you would require except an attraction to him. And everyone said no :nono: . Well, except the guy who figured out thats why he cant get laid :lol: . I agree, I could not get it up for a female I was not attracted to, unless I was intoxicated and really horny :D or it was a party gang bang or group sex. A woman can be ready when she lays down. You said you would'nt do that (or again) just for him even though you would be getting what you were there for, to have sex with another man :kissface: . It is an attraction that is necessary. What is that attraction? You have said it is not looks, liking the guy, or someone you were even attracted to enough to date :rolleyes: . Even husbands think their wife will go for a certain guy and she goes for someone they would never have expected :confused: . What is this attraction? I cant tell you Surrender. It seems like the subject for another thread (by someone else please). But if one of you ladies can tell us how to be attractive beyond the obvious, you can replace Oprah on the money list. :cool:

Spoomonkey
08-26-2006, 02:34 AM
What is this attraction?

It is extremely complex and - at the same time - amazingly simple. It is called chemistry. When it is there - you know it. When it is not - you can try to make it happen, but it won't.

There is nothing you can do to make yourself attractive to a partner. Sure, you can get some cologne, bathe a bit more often, hit the gym regularly - but still chemistry is what chemistry is.

It can be a vengeful bitch...

I think it is something that you experience and accept - or you never perceive it and spend your life trying to "create" it with self-help books and penis pumps. Be yourself - be friendly - be genuine - be patient. And in the end, things work out beautifully.

Spoomonkey

Mike and Jan
08-26-2006, 03:02 AM
OK, now don't everyone take this the wrong way but...,
I could see a lot of married folks saying that they do that all the time with their spouse! LOL!

Amanda69
08-26-2006, 05:53 AM
A woman can be ready when she lays down. Really wow I didn't realize I was making it more complicated that that. Actually while we may be physically capable of having sex it doesn't make us physically ready in any way.

One for me no lubricant is produced and two I am extremely tight and very non responsive....so no fun and definately NOT READY.

As for " Charity Sex" it is hard to define because for me as I get to know someone there is in some way an attraction that forms. No they wouldn't be my chosen physical partner but then again they become good friends and eventually some level of attraction forms. At that time if they make it known they are interested I would have sex with them. Only a one time deal and only with that understanding....

I have also in the past "taken one for the team" slept with an non -attraction person so partner can be with the one he wants. Did that at the start of my swinging years, I no longer take one for the team.....now we have to have a mutual situation or no go.

Attraction is very complicated and works differently for different people. I find there are those I can instantly say WOW, then slowly or very rapidly depending on their personality lose that attraction. There are others I barely notice but after a while their personality starts to grab my attention and then bam one day I look at them and go, hmmm I could have a bit of that. ;)

alphaplaycpl
08-26-2006, 08:06 AM
Funny, but I was just considering this very topic related to a couple we know this week. My answer is NO WAY.

I tried to bring myself to do it; to make the guy's year. But, as much as I love to please others, I just couldn't force it.


It is extremely complex and - at the same time - amazingly simple. It is called chemistry. When it is there - you know it. When it is not - you can try to make it happen, but it won't.

There is nothing you can do to make yourself attractive to a partner. Sure, you can get some cologne, bathe a bit more often, hit the gym regularly - but still chemistry is what chemistry is.

Spoomonkey

You called it!

Just curious - anyone here ever develop chemistry for someone who they thought was entirely not "their type?"

Sweet_Candy
08-26-2006, 08:07 AM
I can confidentely say that Mrs. GT would not do charity sex. You limited your question to women, but I have to say, I wouldn't give a woman charity sex either. If a woman does not turn me on sexually, it isn't going to happen.


Dito good times! I'm the same way about women too.

Pepper & Drew
08-26-2006, 10:15 AM
Just curious - anyone here ever develop chemistry for someone who they thought was entirely not "their type?"

All the dang time. With most of our playmates, they guy is not my "type", but through talking to them, etc., chemistry develops. It's taught me that I can't always tell on first sight whether there will be attraction or not. With guys, I've been surprised at who I've had fun with, and who I thought would be fun, but really wasn't.

Pepper

ShellyM
08-26-2006, 12:05 PM
But if one of you ladies can tell us how to be attractive beyond the obvious, you can replace Oprah on the money list. :cool:

You know, its hard! Who can figure women out, anyways lol.
With Jay, I'll be honest with you. The first thing that attracted me to him honestly was 2 things: he was always impecably dressed and clean, and he always smelled GREAT (Eternity for Men is still my favorite). That literally is what made me give him that second look, the fact that he always smelled so damn good! I have to say, sometimes I am attracted to a man who doesn't fit the normal "mold", and even I can't say why. Some men have an unexplainable sexuality about them. Confidence goes a long way. AND GROOMING as well. Please guys, take care of yourself. I'm not talking skinny or fat. I'm talking dress nice, smell nice, keep your hair looking good. That really attracts me alot to a guy. AND of course, personality.

Spoomonkey
08-26-2006, 02:20 PM
Just curious - anyone here ever develop chemistry for someone who they thought was entirely not "their type?"

Absolutely!

Every now and then, something will just spark between me and someone. I thought either I wasn't their type - or they weren't mine. But the next thing you know, there are sparks. I'm convinced that if we'd turned off the lights, you'd have actually seen them ;)

Spoomonkey

cracker60479
08-26-2006, 02:47 PM
I agree Spoo, it is chemestry. But that is a technical word about chemicals. We use "chemestry" as a slang. What does a female see, sense, feel when she talks to a strange male for a few minutes in a sex club, with all the disturbance and distractions going on, that makes her want to go to a back room and let him fuck her ass off? Does she sense it with a glance, does she watch him over some short period of time to detect signs that she responds to, does it take conversation? It is something noticed that she likes, a lot of.
Probably different amoung women. What do you women think it is? And I realize that whatever it is cannot be an act for men to make themselves attractive. With a guy it is simple, she has a decent body, not bad looking, wants to fuck....Woodie! The female determins yes or no, otherwise it would be rape.
What attracts you to a man, understanding that looks play the first part in selecting a man and how he responds to you in conversation, we assume friendly and honest and receptive. What do you see or feel that does the deal?

Pepper & Drew
08-26-2006, 03:03 PM
With a guy it is simple, she has a decent body, not bad looking, wants to fuck....Woodie! The female determins yes or no, otherwise it would be rape.

Not true for Drew. There have been women that have had all of that, and yet....nothing. There's even been women that he thought it would be really hot to be with her, and then said later on that it was really boring. So chemistry goes both ways.



What attracts you to a man, understanding that looks play the first part in selecting a man and how he responds to you in conversation, we assume friendly and honest and receptive. What do you see or feel that does the deal?

That's the thing. It's nothing that can be described or predicted. There have been perfectly nice looking guys that responds to me in conversation, nice, polite, etc. Guys that you'd think I'd be attracted to, but they left me limp (figuratively, that is :rolleyes: ). It's really interesting.

Pepper

curiousagain
08-26-2006, 03:17 PM
We've all been there. You are physically attracted to someone but upon talking with them or maybe even getting naked with them realize there isn't any "chemistry". And, someone apparently isn't your type but after talking to them a little you want to devour them.

How many times have you been attracted to someone and felt chemistry but then after having sex with them you realize it might have been time better spent channel surfing?

We humans are funny creatures and it's sometimes an exercise in futility to explain our actions or feelings.

Spoomonkey
08-26-2006, 05:45 PM
With a guy it is simple, she has a decent body, not bad looking, wants to fuck....Woodie!

Not really. I have been with some incredible women who looked like they stepped right off of a glossy centerfold - and nothing... I mean, men are simply not that... ummm... simple.

Sure - my strike zone is far wider than Mrs Spoo's. I think nature has sort of built us that way. Men's biological imperatives make it easier for us to find a suitable mate. But - still - there are times where no matter how good a woman looks, I just can't go there.

That is as baffling as what you are asking. And there may be a clue. Why do men find some incredibly attractive women uninteresting? Beats me - but it happens.

There is one fellow on the board who has done quite a bit of reading on such things as pheromones (sp?) and hopefully he can give us a bit of insight on them. I actually think there is quite a bit to the sixth sense between men and women. And I think you are asking for something that most women can't explain any more than you can. There is just something - and you can't always put your finger on it.

To be honest, Mrs Spoomonkey is just as boggled by the question as I am. But her answer is: First, looks. She has to want to talk to the guy in the first place. She is not saying that a guy has to be perfect - have a perfect body. She is a face person. If a guy has a great/friendly/confident face, that opens a lot of doors.

After that - once the talking happens, it completely depends on how comfortable, playful, flirty things are. But there again, I think she is talking about that foggy, indescribable chemistry that - I get the impression - you want someone to break down to a tangible thing.

I personally don't think that can be done.

Spoomonkey

BiBootie
08-30-2006, 02:58 PM
I've done guys who weren't exactly my "type". But then again, I don't have a "type". LOL

If a guy is polite, nice, has good hygiene, and can lick my pussy like it's his favorite meal, then he's my guy. For that moment in time any way...

Pioneer Swinger
08-30-2006, 07:22 PM
It can work. But it takes more than just chemistry. As my wife later told me, Angie (Girlfriend at the time (September 1978 and a college freshman.)) made love to a mutual friend in his dorm room one evening after telling her about a “Dear Al” letter he’d received from his hometown girlfriend. They had intercourse twice more that evening before Angie went back to her dorm. For both, they were each other’s second sex partner. From what Angie told me, their sex was conservative even by college standards of the era: The first time, she mounted him and they switched to missionary just before Al climaxed in her. The second time was rear-entry only, while the second time was a repeat of the first intercourse. In each instance Angie was able to orgasm with Al inside her, marking the first time she’d climaxed during intercourse. (Angie’s first time with Al was only the third time she’d had intercourse.) The following evening, they only had intercourse once as they both had tests to study for in their Friday classes. However, they made plans to spend the weekend together.

The weekend (and the week) that followed expanded Angie’s sexuality! That Friday evening, Angie not only performed fellatio for the first time, but also gave Al her anal virginity. (She says that “it took awhile to accommodate him in there”!) When their weekend in the motel ended, they went back to having intercourse once a day in Al’s dorm room. But, one week after Al and Angie first had intercourse; their lovemaking was interrupted when Al’s roommate Jason entered the room. The three started talking while Angie was still on top of Al with him inside of her. Since all were friends and agreeable (Jason was unattached at the time, but was not a virgin.) Angie started performing oral on Jason while Al mounted her from behind. After a break, Jason and Angie had intercourse while Al watched. They went on to have threesomes on an occasional basis for the rest of their college careers.

Al and Angie became an exclusive couple for the rest of the semester until two things happened. The first was that two months into the relationship, Angie’s period was late. A couple of weeks after she went to an off-campus doctor who confirmed that Angie was pregnant, she started bleeding terribly and had to spend the night in the college infirmary. The report read simply that Angie had a massive menstrual discharge. The upshot was that Angie and Al went to Planned Parenthood where she got her first prescription for the Pill. The second thing that happened was although the sex between she and Al was great, Angie realized that she still loved me and missed me. Since Al and I had been good friends before and after he and Angie got together, it was easy for us to come to an arrangement for sharing her. Not only with each other, but with others as well! This arrangement not only worked for the rest of our college years, but afterwards as well.

Sorry it’s a bit long. But, I just wanted to show that not only can “charity sex” work, it can also be an introduction into swinging! And, that it’s not new! But, you've got to be careful.

Play safe...

Rick

JustAskJulie
06-06-2008, 04:46 PM
This is a double edged sword really. On the one hand you can look at it as a woman and find some pleasure in just knowing how much you have pleased someone else. On the other hand... unless he turns out to be some amazing lover, all you've really bought yourself is a guy who now thinks you really ARE into him and will want to do him again.

SnowwwWhite
06-08-2008, 02:58 PM
I may be erroneously assuming the person who posted this is the man in question. But here goes....

What immediately occurred to me after his post was that he places an extremely low value on the woman. He makes it sound like he sees sex as more of a "commodity" than a gift, and expects that a woman who swings is inherently cheap and will give it away without a thought. With an attitude like that he'd probably fare better in a "pay" situation.

What he wants is not chemistry and attraction..... he wants a sure thing. Ultimately he wants to ignore the "no means no" rule and find someone who will tolerate his begging until he gets what he wants.

Not the impression I get of the whole point of the lifestyle.

Would I have sex with someone I really didn't want to be with? NO WAY.

deanncat
06-08-2008, 05:53 PM
This is interesting question, at first it sounds like if you have good conversation with man and you know he wants you, that might be enough to say lets fuck, but then maybe not, after reading some of your replys, early years always couldn't get myself interesting in man that totally liked me and we were to far in the friends stage so, I would probably have to say no desire to have sex with them means no sex for him even if I know he wants it.