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2jersey

Is it common to play at someone's Home?

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We are meeting a new couple on Saturday evening and based on what we know about them from online and phone conversations, there is a good chance that we will play. :claps:

 

We have agreed to meet them at a restaurant that is (apparently) less than a mile from their home. They have suggested to us that they can "host" if the mood and chemistry is right. We interpet their 'hosting' reference as meaning that they may invite us back to their home to play.

 

We have never played at anyone’s home in the past (only hotels). Is this commonly done? Are their any particular issues we need to consider?

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We interpet their 'hosting' reference as meaning that they may invite us back to their home to play.
Yep. :claps:

 

 

 

We have never played at anyone’s home in the past (only hotels). Is this commonly done? Are their any particular issues we need to consider?
Something to consider- stretch out before you arrive. You wouldn’t want to pull a hammy. ::P:

 

Seriously, we have only played at a hotel once. We are usually either at their house or ours. Can’t really think of any specific issues. If we trust someone enough to have sex with them, we will trust them enough to do it in their home. We probably wouldn't stay the night there, but we would certainly stay long enough to make sure everyone has a smile on their face. facelick

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We have only played at a hotel once. I'm sure as we get older and the kids get older it will be more common for us, but right now we would much rather be in a home (plus its free).

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Followup questions on the same topic:

 

Do people usually 'host' in their (master) bedroom? Or are other arrangements more common?

 

How do you feel about playing (behind closed/locked doors) if there are children sleeping in the house?

 

Thanks.

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Followup questions on the same topic:

 

Do people usually 'host' in their (master) bedroom? Or are other arrangements more common?

 

We don't bring people into our bedroom but we have been in others.

 

How do you feel about playing (behind closed/locked doors) if there are children sleeping in the house?

 

Thanks.

 

With our oldest friends we do this, but the kids are very young. As they get older we will stop. We were REALLY freaked out by a couple, who we went back to their house and their 12 year old (and 8) were still up and after they went upstairs to bed they wanted to play. They said 'she locks her door and never leaves until morning' but it was too much for us and we didn't play. Turned out they were into BSDM as well which is NOT our thing, so all for the best heh.

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Do people usually 'host' in their (master) bedroom? Or are other arrangements more common?

 

How do you feel about playing (behind closed/locked doors) if there are children sleeping in the house?

 

Thanks.

 

We've had a couple here once (we share a multi-family house with family and everyone was gone for the night so there was no fear of noise) and it started out in the living room, ended up on the back deck for a while and then finally in our bedroom b/c our bed is just so comfortable.

 

We've actually never played in a hotel, always someone's home.

 

And no, it's never a good idea to play when there are children sleeping. Those little buggers can be extremely quiet when they want to be and all you need is to have some kid walk up to you and ask you why you're doing such and such with his mom/dad.

 

It's bad enough when our own 4 year old is so quiet and walks in on just us.

 

E

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Do people usually 'host' in their (master) bedroom? Or are other arrangements more common?
We typically end up either in the master BR or in the living room. Sometimes we start in the hot tub out back but like to bring it inside when things really heat up.

 

 

 

How do you feel about playing (behind closed/locked doors) if there are children sleeping in the house?
Ahhh, this one is controversial. We have had sex with each other, while our kids are at home, since they were born so we didn’t stop when we started swinging.

 

We have no problem playing when the kids are asleep. Once we put our kids to bed, they don’t get up. Also, our master BR is on the other side of our house from the other BR’s. If the kids are home though, we always take it to the BR (vs. playing in the living room or elsewhere). As they get older, we will probably have to rethink our stance on this.

 

There are many couples who would never play when their, or the other couple’s, kids are in the same house.

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Most of the time, we've played in someone's home or they've played at ours. Since we have no children, we end up hosting fairly often. We usually end up in the den (we've got a huge sectional couch....microfiber is da bomb!) or in our spare bedroom. Rarely have we played in our bed. As for kids, we've never played with anyone's kids in the house, and I doubt we ever would. I would feel like we'd have to be too quiet.

 

For us, a house is always more comfortable than a hotel....and the price doesn't hurt either. :lol:

 

Pepper

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Most of the time, we've played in someone's home or they've played at ours. Since we have no children, we end up hosting fairly often. We usually end up in the den (we've got a huge sectional couch....microfiber is da bomb!) or in our spare bedroom. Rarely have we played in our bed. As for kids, we've never played with anyone's kids in the house, and I doubt we ever would. I would feel like we'd have to be too quiet.

 

For us, a house is always more comfortable than a hotel....and the price doesn't hurt either. :lol:

 

Pepper

 

Thanks Pepper,

 

Let's assume, for arguments sake, that we have a big house. The children are young (between age 5 and 10) and that each child has a separate bedroom far away from the master bedroom. Further assume, that we have a very sturdy (key entry) lock on our bedroom door, and the children have learned to respect our privacy. They sleep soundly on a regular schedule (with very rare exceptions), they politely knock when they need our attention, and we have sufficient 'hiding spaces' in the master suite, should the worse case scenario result (i.e. a child needs our immediate attention in the middle of play). Finally, we are accustomed to having mommy-daddy sex in our bedroom, and the noise has never attracted their attention in the past.

 

Under these circumstances, should we avoid hosting in our home?

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Finally, we are accustomed to having mommy-daddy sex in our bedroom, and the noise has never attracted their attention in the past.

 

Under these circumstances, should we avoid hosting in our home?

 

Are you two loud lovemakers? Unfortunately you don't know until you are into it if the other two are loud ;)

 

We could never host in our home if the kids are around, simply because the place is incredibly small. Thankfully Grandma and Grandpa enjoy having them overnight, so we will be able to host when we play again.

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We are uncomfortable playing with children in the house no matter how old they are. We have had the oppurtunity presented to us but decided we wouldn't go there.

 

We entertain at our house quite often, usually in our bedroom. We use our bed because after breaking a bed with four of us on it, we have decided that our bed which has an almost indestructable freme is the better play bed.

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we play at others houses and its been mostly in thier master bedroom. no kids were present and i dont think id want to play if kids were home there.

 

I like to take a good long look around the room for any video cameras that might be on. You cant find ALL of them but it makes sense to me to scan the room good first in case.

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We've actually never played at a hotel - it has always been at a house/apartment. We don't mind being the "visiting team"; sometimes that's better, so the other pair feels more comfortable in their own digs.

 

Little Funky (our child) loves sleepovers at her friends' houses and the grandparents' and the uncles'/aunts' and so on. It's not a problem to get her out so we can have some alone time, which means fun time! :) Why anyone would want to have that worry hanging over their head, I just don't know. We don't, that's for sure. If you can host without the kid(s) present, I highly recommend it.

 

Mr. Funk

Lining up sleepover locales as we speak.

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We're not sure if we understand the aversion to having children in the house during play. Naturally, we 'play' with one another with our children in our house. Our children have absolutely no knowledge of what transpires behind closed/locked doors. Yes, there may be some noise involved, but rarely enough to startle sleeping children - and certainly not enough noise for them to become alarmed. If they knock on the door (an extremely rare occurrence after bedtime), we regroup (put on a robe) and calmly attend to their needs - no big deal. And having a another couple present would not change this dynamic, in our opinion. The other couple would remain hidden from the children's view.

 

Put these facts together: 1) Most swingers are accustomed to playing in a home environment (unless they are club-goers). 2) We have small children. 3) We do not have family members who can take the children for overnight visits. 4) Most swingers will not play in a home where children are present.

 

Where does this leave us? Unable to 'host'. :(

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Thanks Pepper,

 

Let's assume, for arguments sake, that we have a big house. The children are young (between age 5 and 10) and that each child has a separate bedroom far away from the master bedroom. Further assume, that we have a very sturdy (key entry) lock on our bedroom door, and the children have learned to respect our privacy. They sleep soundly on a regular schedule (with very rare exceptions), they politely knock when they need our attention, and we have sufficient 'hiding spaces' in the master suite, should the worse case scenario result (i.e. a child needs our immediate attention in the middle of play). Finally, we are accustomed to having mommy-daddy sex in our bedroom, and the noise has never attracted their attention in the past.

 

Under these circumstances, should we avoid hosting in our home?

 

Well, whether I'd avoid hosting would depend on the other couple. I'd definitely mention it early on, because a lot of people aren't okay with playing with children at home, no matter how far away your rooms are. I'm sure I'd like having to worry about not being loud (because I'm pretty loud) or the younger one having a bad dream, etc. I think I'd play somewhere else, and then find out if they'd be willing for you to host on later "playdates".

 

Pepper

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We're not sure if we understand the aversion to having children in the house during play. Naturally, we 'play' with one another with our children in our house. Our children have absolutely no knowledge of what transpires behind closed/locked doors. Yes, there may be some noise involved, but rarely enough to startle sleeping children - and certainly not enough noise for them to become alarmed. If they knock on the door (an extremely rare occurrence after bedtime), we regroup (put on a robe) and calmly attend to their needs - no big deal. And having a another couple present would not change this dynamic, in our opinion. The other couple would remain hidden from the children's view.

 

 

Yes, but the difference is not whether it'd change the dynamic for you, it's whether it would change the dynamic of the playdate. The other couple, if they're at your house either 1) don't have children at home or 2) found a babysitter so they don't have to worry about being interrupted (at least not that night) by children or having to hide if a child wakes up during the night.

 

I'm not saying that you can't host, it's just that you really need to discuss it with the other couple before you ask them to come over and play.

 

Pepper

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4) Most swingers will not play in a home where children are present.
This has not been our experince at all. You will find plenty of people that will play in the situation you described and plenty that will not. About half of the couples we have been with, maybe more, are fine with playing while the kids are asleep. Some of them have kids themselves and some do not…doesn’t seem to be a correlation. If a couple makes a statement about never playing with kids in the house, we don’t even ask. We just assume we need to find a sitter in order to play. If they don’t say anything, we verify that it’s ok before enviting them to our house.

 

 

We're not sure if we understand the aversion to having children in the house during play. Naturally, we 'play' with one another with our children in our house. Our children have absolutely no knowledge of what transpires behind closed/locked doors. Yes, there may be some noise involved, but rarely enough to startle sleeping children - and certainly not enough noise for them to become alarmed. If they knock on the door (an extremely rare occurrence after bedtime), we regroup (put on a robe) and calmly attend to their needs - no big deal. And having a another couple present would not change this dynamic, in our opinion. The other couple would remain hidden from the children's view.
We’re with you- if a couple will play together while the kids are asleep, why would they not play with someone else??? I’m sure there are many valid reasons but we have never questioned anyone. We just respect their position on it.

 

Everyone parents differently and I can only imagine that some parents don’t mind their kids getting out of bed and coming into mommy and daddy’s room…so, the kids might be less predictable in their evening pattern. Before we ever thought about swinging, we taught our girls that when it is bedtime, that’s where they need to be…if they need us, they call us. We then hear them on the baby monitor (without it, we can’t hear them from our room) and we comfort them (in their room). This happens every few months and has never happened when we have guests. We're NOT saying that that's “the right way”, just saying that it's our way.

 

We appreciate the difference of opinion and just accept it. If we need to, we just do a little extra planning and come up with a sitter.

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When the kids were really young (3 and 5) we hosted others in our home. We stopped when the oldest turned 7 because it just didn't feel right. We have also been hosted while their kids were there and had no problem. The trick I think is not to even show up until the kids are asleep. One couple had preteens. If we had a play date my wife and I would go out dancing etc then show up at their place around midnight. Even then we did all of our interactions in the bedroom.

 

When we play at home (ours or theirs) we have always used the master bedroom if we use a bed. Living rooms, dens, hot tubs, and pools have worked well also.

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After reading all of the advice in this thread, we have no objection to playing in someone's home, if invited. Personally, we would not be deterred if the 'host's' children were home, so long as the children were young (naive) and asleep - and we are playing out of earshot and behind closed/locked doors.

 

The time will come, we assume, when we will feel some obligation or desire to host. We will, of course, respect whatever views our play partners have about playing in our home (with doors locked and children asleep).

 

Bottom line, we'll probably end up hosting in a local hotel - and in the room next door there will be a group of children who are either making too much noise...or they'll have their little ears pressed up against the wall. :lol:

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2Jersey - it's just one of those things I guess you could say. We've played twice in homes where kids were sleeping. The first time, we didn't have kids of our own yet, so we were oblivious (and I was 19, hubby was 23 lol). The second time was just last month and it felt a little off - that worry of them waking up. They didn't, but I just didn't feel as free as I have in a play session at another home with no kids.

 

In your case, just bring it up to the other potential playmate couple you come across. Some may have no issue and you'll be fine. Others could have an issue and either they host or you go to a hotel.

 

We are lucky that Grandma & Grandpa are close by and love to take them overnight on Saturdays. In fact, they get rather upset (well, Grandma more than Grandpa) when we have no plans on a particular Saturday night!

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When we first started swinging it was exclusively in hotels or at someone's home where the children were not home. As we've become more comfortable in the lifestyle ( and put a hot tub in the back yard :D ) we've welcomed couples into not only our home but our bedroom. Occasionally we'll set up the sex swing in the living room and move to the bedroom from there.

Our children are young (4,5,7) yet and I'm sure when they get older we'll stop and find others who can host.

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At a young age - 5 or younger - I was a very observant child. If something was happening around me that was out of the ordinary, I felt it. People - especially parents - so easily project when they are uncomfortable or are hiding something from children. Children have an ability to sense things way beyond what is verbally communicated.

 

I think risking exposing children to swinging activities in your home, no matter how hard you try to keep them from it, would be a risk I would never want to take.

 

Your 5-8 year old could walk to your bedroom door, in a half-sleep state, and stand there for a moment (that's all it would take) and hear stranger's voices in your bedroom. Then, she knocks on your door or calls out to you, you open the door and no other people are there. That could leave a very confusing and possibly frieghtening message to your child. The little one may never express this to you, but it can be on her mind for years to come.

 

Another thought, children often discuss what's on their mind or what they observed at home with their peers before they'll talk to their parents; your little Bridget tells Susie - her best friend, and Susie tells her parents what Bridget said, hoping to get some explanation of what Bridget experienced.

 

We never play with children in the house.

 

LM

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At a young age - 5 or younger - I was a very observant child. If something was happening around me that was out of the ordinary, I felt it. People - especially parents - so easily project when they are uncomfortable or are hiding something from children. Children have an ability to sense things way beyond what is verbally communicated.

 

I think risking exposing children to swinging activities in your home, no matter how hard you try to keep them from it, would be a risk I would never want to take.

 

Your 5-8 year old could walk to your bedroom door, in a half-sleep state, and stand there for a moment (that's all it would take) and hear stranger's voices in your bedroom. Then, she knocks on your door or calls out to you, you open the door and no other people are there. That could leave a very confusing and possibly frieghtening message to your child. The little one may never express this to you, but it can be on her mind for years to come.

 

Another thought, children often discuss what's on their mind or what they observed at home with their peers before they'll talk to their parents; your little Bridget tells Susie - her best friend, and Susie tells her parents what Bridget said, hoping to get some explanation of what Bridget experienced.

 

We never play with children in the house.

 

LM

 

Thanks LM. We don't mind using hotels, or going to the home of empty-nest couples (once we have met in a public space). In our case, finding babysitters who can accomodate late evenings out can be a bit of a challenge - so hosting at our home would be convenient from time to time. We think some of the risks to small children are being exaggerated, but we're not going to press the issue. The well being of our children is absolutely paramount.

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Thanks LM. We don't mind using hotels, or going to the home of empty-nest couples (once we have met in a public space). In our case, finding babysitters who can accomodate late evenings out can be a bit of a challenge - so hosting at our home would be convenient from time to time. We think some of the risks to small children are being exaggerated, but we're not going to press the issue. The well being of our children is absolutely paramount.

 

I think its the difference between swingers with and without kids. When we started we did'nt have children, and kids in the house would be a major no-no in our book. Now that we have a child we know a bit better and are not put off by children being home PROVIDED they are young enough that it wouldn't matter.

 

Once they start to get older its hotel time.

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Years ago, when I was dating, I dated a woman who had a young boy. It was important to her that her young son didn't see that her mom was doing anything naughty. With that in mind, if I went over for dinner she would require me to leave just before she put her son to bed. I would leave with instructions to come back in a couple of hours after her boy had gone to sleep. I would return around 11 PM and we would very quietly sneek into her bedroom for some very quiet sex. This all worked fine, or seemed to, for several months. Then one night I was saying my goodbyes and goodnight to the boy and his mother happened to not be in the room. He looked me straight in the eye and said "why are you leaving? You will just come back to screw my mom later anyway.". Since that time the only time I have had sex in a house with children is with my wife, and the children were my own. It never ceases to amaze me what very young children know now days. And their parents usually have no idea.

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Years ago, when I was dating, I dated a woman who had a young boy. It was important to her that her young son didn't see that her mom was doing anything naughty. With that in mind, if I went over for dinner she would require me to leave just before she put her son to bed. I would leave with instructions to come back in a couple of hours after her boy had gone to sleep. I would return around 11 PM and we would very quietly sneek into her bedroom for some very quiet sex. This all worked fine, or seemed to, for several months. Then one night I was saying my goodbyes and goodnight to the boy and his mother happened to not be in the room. He looked me straight in the eye and said "why are you leaving? You will just come back to screw my mom later anyway.". Since that time the only time I have had sex in a house with children is with my wife, and the children were my own. It never ceases to amaze me what very young children know now days. And their parents usually have no idea.

 

If my 20 month old does that, I'm in real trouble.

 

I think the issue is deciding how 'young' is young enough.

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It never ceases to amaze me what very young children know now days. And their parents usually have no idea.

 

Yes, our six year old is very advanced. In fact, he pays the bill for our American Express Card. Now, we will need to figure out how to explain those hotel room charges. -Clueless Parents

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If my 20 month old does that, I'm in real trouble.

 

I think the issue is deciding how 'young' is young enough.

True, in this case he was 8, but I'm not taking any chances.

 

Yes, our six year old is very advanced. In fact, he pays the bill for our American Express Card. Now, we will need to figure out how to explain those hotel room charges. -Clueless Parents

:lol:

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2jersey,

we have played in our bedroom many times with our son asleep in the house, we run a fan in his room and ours and leave the tv or music on in our room so that could explain any other voices. You know your children, our son rarely wakes up at night and if he does hes so sleepy you could explain away an elephant in the hall. As a precaution, we make sure all shoes and coats are put away that belong to the other couple and we shut the lights off so if he does wake up it will just look like our friends are gone and we are in bed like any other night.

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