Painful experiences while swinging (funny)

So, we went to one of our local clubs last night and met a really nice couple, visited for a while and then adjourned to the playroom. All four of us are on this collection of furniture that is pushed together to resemble something like a bed made up of four foot square ottoman type things. We had a great time but towards the end while I was applying my tongue to the woman’s sensitive spot and the other male was changing positions and he somehow kneed me in the right eye, ouch! The other problem was that the cushions seemed to part at the worst times and let our body parts rest on the underlying hard wood frame. So, after a good time is had by all, we adjourn for home.

Once home we go to bed and Mrs. GT and I proceed to have our after play sex and fall fast asleep. We wake up this morning and the first thing Mrs. GT says is "hey, you have a black eye". I jump up and run to the nearest mirror and sure enough I am sporting a major shiner. While fixing breakfast Mrs. GT says "Look at my back, it hurts in a couple of spots". You guessed it; she has bruises on her back shaped suspiciously like the furniture we were playing on last night.

So has anyone else ever had any painful but humorous in retrospect experiences while swinging? Or are we just exceptionally accident-prone? And does anybody have any idea of how I can explain my black eye to my friends in the vanilla world? I don't think "You wouldn't believe me if I told you" will cut it. And if I were to say something like "Well, I was having sex with this guys wife and he accidentally kneed me in the eye" I don’t think that would work out to my benefit either.

Ouch is right. We only have suffered a few rug burns. Didn't have to explain to anyone

Maybe you could just make up some really big hero story? Saved some girl scouts from a gang of bikers  Hope the pleasure was worth the pain

Sorry to hear your all bruised up...hopefully it was all worth it.

Well the good ole stand by for the black eye is my "wife was having a bad dream and flung her arm in her sleep and hit me in the eye" It's either that or as fun4D's suggested you got into it with 4 bikers The choice is yours.

Sorry you got hurt.....any story your coworkers won't question is a good story to tell.

As for getting hurt...I got stepped on with a spike heel and wondered if a bone was broken for about 2 days. When the bruise started to fade and I could put weight on it, I knew it wasn't broken. Scared me tho...I walk at work a lot!

Wow They don't teach this in Sex Ed.

Good luck with the black eye.

Sorry about the eye...Just tell everyone that you were at an Easter Egg Hunt and got kneed in the eye while going for the Prize Egg and by goodness you got the egg.

Teresa

The worst I have it a bruise on the jaw bone...I can't remember what I was doing when I got that one....and a bite mark on my neck. The bite mark I could blame on hubby, but the bruise was a little hard to pass off.

Sorry about the eye. I like Teresa's explaination

We were at the club this weekend, and we were the host couple for 1 night. As the host couple we give tours and start the "Get to know you" dance. Well, I have 2 sore toes from that dance! Some guys (including Bear) just don't know how to keep from stepping on toes! And I have a very sore shoulder. I was giving a guy a blowjob and instead of getting comfortable to do the task, I was holding myself up on 1 arm while using the other hand to help get him off. I must have twisted wrong because I am really sore! Oh but what a fun time we had!

Sorry to hear about the black eye. I was also going to say use the "wife was having a bad dream" excuse. I have really done that to Bear.

good times said:

So has anyone else ever had any painful but humorous in retrospect experiences while swinging?

Houseboat weekend, Lake Cumberland, KY, 4 couples. We're tied up in one of the many private coves throughout the lake. The first night, everybody gets liquored-up and jumps in the hot tub, which, in addition to introducing some spilled strawberry Margarita's into the water, displaces much of the rest of it over the side of the tub.

"No problem" says the city-boy. "We have 100 bazillion gallons of water around us in this lake...we'll get a 5-gallon bucket and heft some back into the tub until it's full again." Which we do the next morning, then put the cover back on so it will be up to temperature that evening.

Then, a couple of the couples go ashore to take some nude photos of the girls on the rocks in the early morning light. Except that one of the guys slips on some moss and takes a header down the rocks, busting his forehead wide-fucking-open in the process. I have just enough First-aid training to know that he's looking at an immediate trip to the ER for some stitches, and maybe a plastic surgeon. We compress the wound, get him into the speedboat with his wife and one of the other couples, and off he goes...

He gets back later that afternoon with his head wrapped up like some east-Indy motel manager, so loaded up on pain-killers that he's effectively out of action for the evening. After dinner, the rest of us join up topside and remove the cover from the hot tub, the water in which, having "steeped" all afternoon, looks a wee-bit cloudy.

"Probably just the lake water" city-boy says, so we all hop in...

A week later, everybody is on the phone to everybody. We ALL have itching and scratching and even blisters on every part of our bodies, including in and around every orifice. For the women, it's like "The Yeast Infection From Hell" For the guys, it's only half as bad, cause we only have half as many orifices.

The Dermatologists...ALL of the Dermatologists...agree that by introducing a little sugar, fruit, and alcohol into a vat full of lake water, then allowing it to heat for 24 hours away from direct sunlight, we've created a near-perfect environment for bacteria to flourish. That evening, when we all climbed into this hellishly-hot "soup" of creepy-crawly things, the pores in our skin opened up and basically allowed them to enter our bodies at will.

The only saving grace was that Jeff was too out of it to get into the tub. I hate to think what might have happened if his head wound had become infected with that awful shit.

Damn JnCC... that makes my butthole pucker.

Okay, here's mine for all Internet posterity:

While playing one night last night fall, my female partner gave me a vigorous handjob. It didn't hurt at the time, but the next day the area around the head of my dick was sore. Wearing boxers was painful because it would rub against the fly of my jeans. So I wore briefs for a few days. But it kept getting worse to the point where it was rubbed to the point of bleeding. Since by now it was the following Sunday and our doctor was not in the office we went to an Instacare.

The doctor that saw me was a woman, openly lesbian, not amused. Of course we didn't tell her the real story of how it happened. She said it was an infection and gave me a prescription for an antibiotic cream. By Tuesday it was even worse, on fire and with open sores.

We made an appointment with our doctor's office, but our doctor was out, so we saw another doctor in the office. Went through the bullshit story of how I got it again with him. He said the other doctor completely misdiagnosed it, said it was a really, really bad skin irritation and gave me a prescription for a steroidal cream, telling me I'd see a marked difference in 24 hours. The antibiotic the other doctor gave me just irritated it more.

Sure enough, I did. Within a week it was healed, but I still have a scar from it that is sensitive and can get irritated if used too hard. Gotta use lots of lube now.

WesternSwing said:

The doctor that saw me was a woman, openly lesbian, not amused. ...the other doctor completely misdiagnosed it, said it was a really, really bad skin irritation and gave me a prescription for a steroidal cream, telling me I'd see a marked difference in 24 hours. The antibiotic the other doctor gave me just irritated it more.

Hmmm...makes ya wonder just how accidental THAT misdiagnosis was...

JnCC said:

Houseboat weekend, Lake Cumberland, KY, 4

 

A week later, everybody is on the phone to everybody. We ALL have itching and scratching and even blisters on every part of our bodies, including in and around every orifice. For the women, it's like "The Yeast Infection From Hell" For the guys, it's only half as bad, cause we only have half as many orifices.

 

The Dermatologists...ALL of the Dermatologists...agree that by introducing a little sugar, fruit, and alcohol into a vat full of lake water, then allowing it to heat for 24 hours away from direct sunlight, we've created a near-perfect environment for bacteria to flourish. That evening, when we all climbed into this hellishly-hot "soup" of creepy-crawly things, the pores in our skin opened up and basically allowed them to enter our bodies at will.

OMG House boat trip from hell!!!

Note to self: Don't drink around hot tubs and no adding lake water

Thanks for the story... I think

WesternSwing said:

The doctor that saw me was a woman, openly lesbian, not amused.

She was probably upset that she had to examine you instead of Mrs WS Thank goodness for our regular doctor's office.

Ok I have another good one for you but this happened to a friend of mine. Her, her husband and another man were having fun with some food. They had the time of their lives until about a week later she had a really bad odor and a horrible itch. She went to the O.B. and got an exam. She was really embarrassed when he found part of a banana that had come off while they were having sex. Apparently he peeled the banana before inserting it and it broke. Her doctor had to do a surgical procedure to remove all of the molding fruit and she had to do two weeks of antibiotics to clear it up. To add insult to injury she had to call in to work and request the whole week off because of the surgery and had to think up several lies to explain why she needed the time off. Then she was told later by the other man that he had noticed it broke off but he was too embarrassed to tell her.

My advice to everyone is DON’T PEEL THE BANANA!!!

Muffy has told me that the light bruises in the pattern of thumb and finger tips on her ankles and wrists have been a source of comment at her work in the past. She says she just gives her co-workers a knowing smile and changes the subject.