Bad experience at private party

I guess my question is what would you do in this case? Here is what happened and how we handled it. We had been chatting for some time with another couple online. We had talked about getting together with them but as of yet hadn’t. One night while chatting online they inform us that they are going to have a party at their home and wondered if we would like to attend. They told us that they have some friends in the lifestyle they like to get together every so often an have a party at their house.

Well the long and short of it is that we agreed that it might be fun and told them we would love to attend. Figuring that at the very least it would be a great chance to at least meet the couple that we had been chatting with and find out if there was any chemistry between us.

I guess you could say we might be a little shy when we first meet another couple. We like to get to know the people we are going to be playing with before we play. We are into more than just the number of people we have been to bed with. Don’t get me wrong we like to play as much as anybody else we just like to know who we are playing with. Also we don’t like to barge into anything that we are not invited into. I may be wrong but feel like if your going to join somebody that is playing there should be some kind of indication that they want you there.

When we arrived at the party the host and hostess whom we had been chatting with greeted us and were very warm hosts. There were about four or five other couples at the party and the host introduced us to all of them. Prior to this we had not meet or known any of the people at the party but they seemed like fun people. We were all in the kitchen and living room area chatting for the first hour or so that we were there. We were told that other couples were coming but were running a little late. It was apparent that all except for maybe one other couple everybody knew each other and had partied together in the past.

After a period of time couples started moving into another room. We were approached by the host who informed us that most of the couples were moving on to the party room if we would like to join them there. We were comfortable with the people there and moved on to join the rest of the party in the party room.

When we entered the other room, a din that was being used as a play room we found that a few of the other couples had already started playing. As we walked in about four of the couples were either naked or in the process of getting that way. Two guys were standing just off the entry way with a lady bent over between them engaged in a 3-some with her. Another guy was standing with two ladies in front of him taking turns giving him head. Another couple was removing each others clothes in the same area.

Everybody there seemed to have already grouped up into his or her own party. We weren’t sure who was with whom at that point so we took a seat on the couch and decided to take it slow and see where it lead. Another couple was sitting on another couch as well not involved in any activities yet. The host and hostess came in and arranged some blankets and pillows on the floor and were sitting things up. There were also still a few couples downstares that hadn't came in yet. I was playing with the wife a little bit and had unbuttoned a couple buttons on her blouse. We were planning on playing we were just figuring out when, where and with whom at that point. We hadn’t been in the room for more than about 5 minutes.

One of the ladies that had been giving head to the guy standing over on the other side of the room walked over to where the wife and I were seated on the couch. She was topless when she approached us and my first thoughts were she was there to issue an invitation of sorts to join them, but like the song says “wrong”.

She walked up to us and introduced herself. She then proceeded to inform us that she works very hard all week and disserves some play time. I was still thinking that this was leading up to an invitation to join them. Then she let go with, it’s not right that you guys come in here as voyeurs and watch us if your not going to play. We had not been in the room for more than 5 minutes at this point and there were at least 3 couples there who had not started any type of playing yet. I thought she was joking but was wrong she was serious. She continued that if we were not going to use that couch to play on we should not be taking up space on it and leave. I was speechless, I didn’t know what to say we didn’t know these people, we didn’t know if they were just into their own group or if everybody was expected to join them we just didn’t know. The wife however wasn’t speechless, she looked this lady in the eye and said, you bitch, your right we shouldn’t be here there is no way I would stay in the same room with a classless bitch like you. Then turned and walked out of the room.

I went over to the hostess and told her we were leaving and what had taken place. In the living room both the host and hostess apologized for the action of this one lady. Evidently she was a member of there group and turned into a bitch from time to time and this action was tolerated by the group. They both requested that we stay in touch and get together in the future.

What would you have done? Were we in the wrong somehow?

Welcome acple4fun!

You weren't in the wrong to be offended by this person's actions. What she did was just plain rude. Telling the host and hostess and excusing yourself from the party was okay. It sent the message that her actions were not acceptable and she ruined someone's good time. Running you off like that probably made several others mad at her too. I'd be surprised if she keeps getting invited to many parties in the future.

Sorry you ran into such a person. I'm sure she's like that in every aspect of her life, not just swinging.

Mr. WS

The wife however wasn’t speechless, she looked this lady in the eye and said, you bitch, your right we shouldn’t be here there is no way I would stay in the same room with a classless bitch like you. Then turned and walked out of the room.

I really like your wife

What would you have done? Were we in the wrong somehow?

I can only hope that either Mrs Spoomonkey or myself would not have been to shocked to say something very similar to what your wife said... Though, I would have told her off but kept the couch out of spite...

You guys were NOT in the wrong. These situations really stink and it sucks that you two had to deal with that. I might keep in touch with the couple, but I would make sure that they are available to meet away from their house parties. If they are who I think they are, they may not be... But that is the total and completely unsubstantiated speculation of someone who is currently drinking...

Just play things by ear - and pat that fiery wife on the back for standing up to that woman.

Man, I really like your wife!

Spoomonkey

I agree, we would not have stayed in that situation either.

Some people have yet to realize that swinging isn't like junior high school and that peer pressure doesn't work. If you weren't comfy with the situation, no one has the right to tell you what you should be doing or where you should be. Fuck 'em....or, actually, don't fuck 'em. You handled the situation a hell of a lot better than we probably would've. We'd probably meet up with the other couple again, but would tell them that they should really grow some balls and stand up to the rudeness.

Pepper

Good for you. You don't have to do what others want, you are there to have fun by your rules.

If we had been the host the "bitch" would have been leaving and you would have been asked to stay. I hate to say we have had guests get stupid like that and I had no problem showing them the door and advising them they are not welcomed back.

You stated this was a house party but there are several house parties in this area where you pay to attend. If that was the case with party the "bitch" may be a regular source of income and that is why she is tolerated.

We attend clubs in Reno and have run into couples that simply want to watch which is generally frowned upon in a playroom but I have never seen anyone be rude to such couples. They may be asked to leave if they indeed are there as voyuers and say so.

In your case I think you did the right thing and I would have probably done the same.

You know, if you get any 10 people together at random, one of them is probably going to be an a**hole. Don't let that woman's rudeness bother you. If the host/hostess invite you to another party, go and have a good time.

I like your wife too. Mine used to be a shy, quiet person. Now she has become a ball of fire. She speaks her mind.

We encourage new couples to play the voyeur role until they are comortable, if thats what they wish to do.

Agree with Spoonmonkey, your lady sounds wonderful, there is no place for rudeness in the lifestyle, and you were absolutely in the right, to answer your original question.

X.

"Oh, we are confussed. We appologize, we didn't knew this was your home and you were the hostess. The friends who invited us didn't told us this, nor your party rule setting... so we're going to tell them we will leave since we're not wellcomed to your party". And do just as told.

At least if such a bitch ruined my night, I wouldn't make hers enjoyable either :-)

I believe you're right, and at least, if within that group this lady is known from being a bitch, a warn about her beforehand from the hosts would have been appreciated.

You stated this was a house party but there are several house parties in this area where you pay to attend. If that was the case with party the "bitch" may be a regular source of income and that is why she is tolerated.

 

We attend clubs in Reno and have run into couples that simply want to watch which is generally frowned upon in a playroom but I have never seen anyone be rude to such couples. They may be asked to leave if they indeed are there as voyuers and say so.

 

In your case I think you did the right thing and I would have probably done the same.

Hello neighbor

No it wasn’t a pay to attend party it was just another couple having a party at their home. Also it wasn’t on this side of the hill it was on the other side. We understand the customs if it would have been like an orgy room or something like that. We would have even understood if we had spent more than 5 minutes in the room we were in. But when the hosts hadn’t even set the room up completely yet and to have her come on like that just turned us off big time.

Thanks for the feed back.

Wow, what great responses we really hadn’t expected this volume of reply. We would like to thank you all for taking the time to respond it is really appreciated. It also is great to hear that we weren’t in the wrong by breaking some unwritten custom that we were unaware of.

Good for your wife! It is so easy to be intimidated when you are in an unfamiliar situation with so much pressure.

Like Vegas Lee said, at any party or club I have attended, that woman would have been asked to leave. There is no rule that you have to particpate at any time, you do what is comfortable for you.

I couldn't have handled it better myself.

Hello neighbor

 

No it wasn’t a pay to attend party it was just another couple having a party at their home. Also it wasn’t on this side of the hill it was on the other side. We understand the customs if it would have been like an orgy room or something like that. We would have even understood if we had spent more than 5 minutes in the room we were in. But when the hosts hadn’t even set the room up completely yet and to have her come on like that just turned us off big time.

 

Thanks for the feed back.

I'm glad it wasn't a party in our area. I agree that this woman was out of line making assumptions about you and then treating you like she did. I can't understand why the hosts would put up with someone like that. If it were in our home you would have been encouraged to stay and she would have been shown the door with her clothes being pitched out behind her.

you did good and i am glad your wife told her off... i probably would have taken it a bit further and drag her ass on the floor by the hair LOL

I can't believe the host/hostess continue to put up with that woman's "stuff". In my opinion she should not be reinvited. I can't believe she could be so good as to be worth overlooking her bitchiness.

I would have told her the same thing only probably not quite as nice especially if I had been drinking. Then we would have left and if we where ever invited back I wouldnt go if that lady was gonna be there. My hubby would have been speechless most likely.

KUDOS to your wife... She ROCKS.!!!

The"Classless Bitch" started it... your wife just had the self esteem and the balls to set her straight... evidently something everyone else in the room was lacking.

She made a play to be the Alpha female... and she ran into the one female that didn't cower.

You know who she is now and can always decline invitations based on her participation.

~Cat

Obviously in this situation the "classless bitch" was in the wrong. Everyone pretty much sees that the same way. Since I didn't see anyone offer this variation, I'll offer it:

The way you did it, while not wrong, probably didn't really change anything. Since the hosts already know how she can be, they aren't likely to stop inviting her for this infraction... and the classless bitch probably felt quite pleased with herself for having chased off what she thinks was a pair of voyeurs.

Another way to handle it would have been to calmly tell her that you were new, and very much wanted to play, but weren't sure whether it was appropriate to jump right in or wait to be invited over... so you'd decided to wait... but that after being told off the mood just wasn't there and you'd be on your way.

Doing it that way may not have had any different result... OR... it may have made her stop and think about what an ass she had been... and turn her into a better guest in the future.

Just a thought...

Go BTampa!

That would be the perfect thing to do.

I would never think to say something like that... I'd probably either cry or bitchslap her ....A retort like yours would make even an Ice Queen take pause and check herself.

As usual, I'm seeing this from a little different perspective.

The people at this party are all well-known to one another. It's highly possible that they've become somewhat jaded to each other as well. Any new couple would generate a lot of interest in an established group like that.

They've also been together long enough to establish a social order. Apparently, "Classless Bitch" is at, or very near, the top if it. There's no reason that "CB" couldn't have mentioned, either to the host, or discretely to the new couple, that "the playroom was for play." Instead, she went out of her way to make the new couple feel unwelcome, and she did it in a very public way. She did that to re-assert, both to the "newbies" and to the established members of the group, just where she stood in that social order. A gorilla would have beat his or her chest, while an elephant would have trumpeted loudly, then shit. I'm surprised this woman did neither.

The situation was made even more awkward by the fact that both the host and hostess lacked the fortitude to challenge "CB's" authority to make the rules in their own home. Of course they invite "CB" to their parties. They wouldn't dare NOT invite her.

I believe that when somebody "acts out" like "CB," it's because they feel they're being threatened in some way. Something "acple4fun" said or did brought out the alpha-bitch in "CB." It's not hard to deduce from that, that in addition to being the "newbies," Mrs acpl4fun may also be younger and/or better looking, and more personable overall than "CB." This may turn out to be another case of "Now aren't you glad you DIDN'T play with any of these people?"

There are other groups out there where this kind of behavior wouldn't have been tolerated for one second. Hopefully, the OP has already found some of them.

After reading this thread my SO and I are really beginning to wonder about the lifestyle couples in our area. We are about twenty minutes from acple4fun's town. Between reading this thread and getting responses from "pushy" couples in the Reno/Carson area we may keep our activities limited to out of area only vs. local events.

You were in the right acple4fun, and handled the situation much better than I would have.

Just to make things clear - the initials inn my moniker don't stand for Classless Bitch.....

CB

After reading this thread my SO and I are really beginning to wonder about the lifestyle couples in our area. We are about twenty minutes from acple4fun's town. Between reading this thread and getting responses from "pushy" couples in the Reno/Carson area we may keep our activities limited to out of area only vs. local events.

Actually, they said that it was an "over the hill" event which would be an out of area party, I assume in the Sacromento area. We have been to all the clubs in the Reno area regularly and a few house parties and have never run into anything like this here. Once in a while you run into pushy people but fortunately at the clubs this type of thing isn't tolerated.

Yes it did take place in the Sacramento area not in the Reno/Carson area. Also it was a private party not one of the pay to attend affairs or established party houses in that area. That is one of the reasons we were so taken back by this ladies conduct we would have understood if we would have been in a group room or orgy room in a party house and had not jumped into the swing of things.

In this case the group of people there (5 or 6 couples) had been in the kitchen and living room area of the house. While in the kitchen and living room area everybody had just been in the mingling stage of the party, enjoying a drink with conversation after the initial introductions were made. This part of the party had been going on for a little over an hour after we arrived. It seemed as though the hosts were waited for some stragglers to arrive. During this time there had been no sexual advances or play among anybody at the party. Up to this point I guess you could compare the party to most any office parties I had ever been to. We had chatted with every couple that was there and had gone through the introductions with all of them. It was very apparent that other than us there was only one other couple that was not shall we say in the group and knew everybody there.

A few minutes after the last couple arrived the group started to migrate into other parts of the house. It was apparent that the party was to take place up stares in the den area. Or, at least that was my impression and that proved to be the case. We weren’t sure though and held back a little bit behind some of the others for clarification of this from the hosts. There were a few people still left in the living room area when the host came up to us and informed us that they were going into the den to play and invited us to join the party there.

It couldn’t have been more than just a few minutes between the time we arrived in the room and the time people first started filtering into that room. Like I said earlier that the party was already in progress and some of the people there were either already nude and engaging in some form of sex or getting undressed when we came into the room. We had just walked into the room and were getting our bearings when this incident took place, well within the first five minutes anyway. We hadn’t been in the room for more that five minutes before we were approached by this lady. In fact the only people that were already naked were the two guys and the lady engaged in the three-some by the door. The guy that was getting head from the two ladies was dressed except for having his pants pulled down around his knees and as for the ladies with him one was still dressed and the other one, the one that approached us only had her top off. So it wasn’t like we were the only ones in the room that were still clothed and watching everybody else having sex.

I guess this is the point of my question. The three by the door engaged in the three-some didn’t acknowledge our entry into the room, it was apparent that they were engaged in their own thing and didn’t want anybody to join them at that time. In fact the host when he walked into the room had walked by them, he greeted them and gave her a little grope on the boob and they didn’t even acknowledge him so he moved on. The two ladies that were playing with the guy looked like they were in the process of getting started and there wasn’t much room for the Mrs. To join them at the time. The other couple who we weren’t sure if they were together or had just paired up were watching the two ladies and the guy they were playing with and hadn’t started to get undressed yet. Nobody in this group of eight people had acknowledged us by making eye contact or in any other way up to this point. There was another couple sitting on another sofa in the room that were not engaged in any type of activity and the host and hostess were laying some blankets and pillows on the floor.

Although we didn’t like the way the lady handled this and her action toward us was unacceptable to us. Our question is what is acceptable protocol in this situation. Is it expected of us to approach this group and for the lack of a better term push our way into their action. Or, should we proceed like we did and wait for some indication of interest before we join them. We haven’t been to many affairs like this before but when we are playing we will give some kind of indication to other people if we are interested in having them join us. I don’t know I guess it’s just the way we were brought up but we find it hard to touch somebody before some kind of indication from that person that they want to be touched. We like to play as much as anybody we are just afraid of breaking some kind of taboo or overstepping some line that we shouldn’t.

Another way to handle it would have been to calmly tell her that you were new, and very much wanted to play, but weren't sure whether it was appropriate to jump right in or wait to be invited over... so you'd decided to wait... but that after being told off the mood just wasn't there and you'd be on your way.

 

Doing it that way may not have had any different result... OR... it may have made her stop and think about what an ass she had been... and turn her into a better guest in the future.

 

Just a thought...

Great way to have handled it, I wish we would have been quick enough to have thought of something like that to have said. We will keep that in mind if this ever happens again. This time though we hadn't given a reply to this kind of action any thought beforehand and when you don't think about a reply before hand most often your replies are in the form of three and four letter words.

Your wife is a BOSS. Kudos to her, and I like the way you said that she looked out right now and called her classless. Man your wife stepped up and protected you because you were in shock and that’s exactly what she is supposed to do and then almost feels like she didn’t even hesitate. Thumbs up to your wife and I bet it surprised you also but at the same time she protected her man