Post-coital: What do husbands think of wives cuddling the other guy?

Sorry about the long title. Still confused? Somewhere below there’s a question for the male of the couple in connection with an MFM. And I am providing the following information from the standpoint of a single male in an MFM.

Frankly, I love the body-to-body contact with a woman after intercourse. I could never understand how guys could just disengage, roll over, and go to sleep after cumming. (Maybe it’s because I’ve never been married!). Yeah, since I usually use a condom I take care of that and clean up, but I have no problem jumping back into the sack and wrapping my arms around my object of recent affection and doing a little nuzzling, deep-deep-kissing, and international exploration (Roman hands and Russian fingers.) (And a side note: I must have a slightly higher body temperature, because I’ve had many women tell me how much warmer I am than they are…unfortunately, NOT how "hot" I am. )

Anyway, from the male of the couple there can be a variety of responses to my post-coital grappling. One husband left us alone and fired up the grill to prepare dinner. Another almost pushed me out of the way because it was “his turn.” Another did the “sandwich” thing and plopped himself on the other side and we both warmed and entertained “her” with only incidental contact between the males. So, it varies. As far as I am concerned, all are valid outcomes, but I would like at least a few minutes of “cuddle” time...alone...with her...before I hand her back to her honey.

I know there is no "right" answer, but I’m curious to know, husbands or male SO's, how do you feel about this? How do you handle it? And ladies, what are your thoughts?

Thrax

I guess this would depend on whether this was a first encounter, a third, a sixth or a tenth. It would depend on the comfort level of all involved.

I wouldn't like being left alone with the single male after sex unless we knew him very well. Then again, I also wouldn't want to kick him out of bed. I would prefer some cuddling/touching etc from both my men, at least for a little while.

Interesting topic...something I'll have to discuss further with my boyfriend.

~SS

I haven't ever been in a MFM situation, only in a 2 couples - same room, but I think a little cuddle time would be nice as long as I was in the same frame of mind. If I was still waiting and wanting, then I would probably prefer being taken care of by my spouse, presuming he was able to do so. Of course, part of me would still be available to cuddle. I just wouldn't want to lose my momentum, facelick if you know what I mean.

I do love me a good cuddle boy! It's nice to hear that guys can appreciate it too and not just do it cuz it's the thing to do...

I, very much, enjoyed seeing my wife being cuddled after she had sex with the man. It made me know that she enjoyed him and was happy with what had occurred.

And, if I were waiting for my turn but not joining in, it'd make it even more pleasurable for me later on when we were alone, talked about him and her experience with him, got turned on again and enjoyed each other alone!

Like Lovedoctor, we have never been with just a single male, only other couples. Both Mrs. P and I love to cuddle after some mind blowing sex with whoever we were with. But of course, like SexyShelby said, it depends on our comfort level with the other couple. We have one couple that we are fairly close to. We often spend the entire night with the others spouse and, not only do we have great sex, but we cuddle and even fall asleep in each others arms only to awake and continue our sexcapades.

It does just depend on everyone's comfort level.

We have a firm no cuddling rule! This is just a personal preference but to me cuddling is an intimate thing (yeah MJ like the sex wasn't intimate ) and an emotional thing.

I have no problem watching my husband have sex with a woman...hey it's hot, but when I see him holding her and cuddling it hurts me because that is just too close for my taste. I do the same thing even though I know it wouldn't bother him to see me cuddling with another man. He just respects the fact that it bothers me and doesn't do it.

Generally in a MFM we don't cuddle, we just do the sandwich thing and relax, maybe joke or talk, occasional touch. I suppose everyone is different on this one.

We have a firm no cuddling rule!

Same here...

Also like Evil, we will lay around and make small talk, but the cuddling thing doesn't work for us.

I am co-opting your post, Evil...

Spoomonkey

 

Frankly, I love the body-to-body contact with a woman after intercourse. I could never understand how guys could just disengage, roll over, and go to sleep after cumming.

We are swingers who like to take time after hot, rollicking, intense sex to hold onto our lovers, relax, let our heart rate drop. If two of us finish before the other couple, we may lay there quietly and watch them continue, or we may kiss softly, or we may talk about whatever is on our minds.

Sometimes we get the other a cold drink of water or a washcloth or towel - something that we can see the other needs or would appreciate.

MrLM and I are intimate swingers. We like body-to-body contact after intercourse.

LM

From a female's perspective I believe cuddling afterwards is the respectable thing to do. The experience was an intimate relation with another person, to instantly disregard that after personal satisfaction is disrespectful. If the husband of another woman cannot understand that then maybe he should reconsider his lifestyle. However I am new to the social swingers scene, perhaps I am being naive.

Great question! I've always considered cuddling more like "afterplay". Sure its intimate but so was all the foreplay and sex that just happened. It just seems like a natural thing to do after some intense lovemaking. It's a great way to simply wind down and appreciate both the moment and your partner just a little bit longer.

Thank you for posting.

LM

We also have a "no cuddling" rule. Although we do lie around and maybe touch and tickle our playmates, cuddling, spooning, and the like is reserved for Mrs. WS and I. Somehow I just don't feel right cuddling anybody else.

Mr. WS

"outcomes, but I would like at least a few minutes of “cuddle” time...alone...with her...before I hand her back to her honey" quote from Thrax

Thrax, you must remember, she is: 1. not your wife to want some alone time with, and 2. a possession of yours to be 'handed back'.

With respect, that is not the correct attitude.

Yes I love cuddling, post-coital, and I will cuddle my lover/s, but my husband gets preference. However I never indulge in intimacies behind his back. If a guy asks or demands intimacies, his welcome is very quickly revoked.

"outcomes, but I would like at least a few minutes of “cuddle” time...alone...with her...before I hand her back to her honey" quote from Thrax

 

Thrax, you must remember, she is: 1. not your wife to want some alone time with, and 2. a possession of yours to be 'handed back'.

 

With respect, that is not the correct attitude.

 

Yes I love cuddling, post-coital, and I will cuddle my lovers, but my husband gets preference. However I never indulge in intimacies behind his back. If a guy asks or demands intimacies, his welcome is very quickly revoked.

Good points. Poor phrasing on my part.

We find cuddling after to be a great turn on and another good point about swinging. For us it's a moment in time to savor and a sign of how much pleasure we have given our new partners. It is always a great turn on when we are later on our own and talking about the sex we just had.

Avril

I'm also digging the term "afterplay". I don't fuck people I wouldn't be friends with... and I count myself fortunate that most of my playmates go on to become friends of varying degrees.

If you're in a full swap or group situation, it stands to reason that sometimes you and the one(s) you're playing with will be "done" before others are. What else are you going to do? Cuddling is part of the fun, and often times leads to another round. Can't see anything wrong with that!

Another did the “sandwich” thing and plopped himself on the other side and we both warmed and entertained “her” with only incidental contact between the males.

That's what we normally do, the sandwich. Then after some time, our playmate moves off the bed and it's hubby's turn with me

We usually talk about everything, and talk about what is going to happen. It also depends on who it is. When we had a regular playmate, hubby might sandwich, or might not. When we have a one time thing with someone, it's sandwich time

Nothing wrong with a good sandwich after sex for sure.

Depends on the man, good friends have this option as we know who and what were dealing with. Newcomers are kind of awkward for this. I can surmise that it depends on the person and how well my we know them.

I'm a woman and I love to cuddle after intercourse, whether it is with my lover, my husband or both. If the three of us are together and I've had intercourse with my lover, after he cums I love for him to hold me very close and kiss me my husband doesn't have a problem with it. I'm comfortable enough now with my lover that we don't use condoms and he loves to cum all over me and we don't clean up.

If the husband has already finished, the wife and I may lay in each others arms until our breathing has slowed. If he hasn't, then we don't.

Afterplay? yeah, often the three of us will lay around and talk for a minute or give her a massage, or get up and get drinks etc. It's all situational and you just go with the flow, and it often leads to more play.

Cuddling? I get that with FB and ONS. I don't go to a MFM expecting cuddling. In a foursome things are a bit different. But, we are talking about a MFM.

It's really interesting to see the range of responses here! I think it all goes back to communication between all involved.

My spouse is a great guy, but not really a cuddler. We really connect on a mental level very well, but are very different as far as physical needs (I'm more emotional, he is really reserved). With our primary play-couple, he loves to cuddle and I really appreciate that moment in time with someone who's not already asleep, LOL! The four of us all complement each other very well and there's no weirdness about it at all.

~Ms. LD

I don't go to a MFM expecting cuddling.

You know...

If you wanted to cuddle, CA, I could accommodate you Come 'ere big boy

Spoomonkey

Ooooh, Brokeback mountain - let's make a Brokeback sandwich! facelick

Ooooh, Brokeback mountain - let's make a Brokeback sandwich! facelick

Only if he WANTS me to wear my cowboy hat

Spoomonkey

The term "afterplay" really fits here. We think it is part of the full experience. We are comfortable and confident in each other that this is part of it. Yes it is intimate, but then which part of the encounter isn't? On the other side of the coin is the slam bam thank you... Of course, both situations have good results for us, both are fun... just depends on the way we feel, the way we have communicated what we would like that particular evening.

Well, I guess to throw my two cents worth in...

The first mmf encounter my wife and I were involved in was a terrific experience for both of us. Although, I might add, there was a little thing that happened when we were all wore out. The three of us laid there for awhile talking and caressing, and I could tell my wife was fastly falling asleep she was so tired. As she began to doze, I got up to go to the bathroom. When I returned, she was fast asleep in his arms, and he was laying there looking at me with his arms all around her cuddling close. I went on into the kitchen for a drink and went and sat at my computer, thinking he would follow. He didn't. And I must say, I got a little perturbed. Had she of been awake and they were fooling around, it wouldn't have bothered me. But she was asleep. After about an hour she came into my computer room wanting to know what happened to me. I told her about my concern, and she understood, saying she just fell asleep and didn't really know it was him beside her until she awoke again...hehehe. Anyway, I never let him know how much it bothered me, but we did have one more encounter with him a couple of months later, and my wife knew when it was time to get up.

My personal opinion is that when it's obvious that the evening is done, the cuddling should be saved for the couple. But that's just me.

I liked Dynamar's term 'afterplay'. For us the afterplay is as important a part of the whole event as everything that led up to it. And yes I am comfortable with her snuggling up to him and/or nuzzling him a little bit. I know that when she has a really good orgasm she likes to cuddle and be cuddled a bit afterwards, and for us it does sometimes lead to another round. Besides I am completely comfortable with the fact that she loves me, and It's kinda nice when our playmate realizes how good I've got it every day of my life. He only gets to share a few moments when we can schedule him in!

I've always considered cuddling more like "afterplay".

Thanks RC, but I was cribbing from SWPME67.

I don't think that I would want to cuddle with anyone but my husband. Doesn't mean I would kick 'em out of bed but that is a form of affection that is a bit too personal for me. Besides, I get so overheated after sex that it takes me a while to cool down during which time I just lay there boneless. Cuddling is a type of living security blanket for me, something I do to enjoy my husband's strength and the feeling of safety that he gives me. I suppose it is a sort of emotional battery recharging.

We have a firm no cuddling rule! This is just a personal preference but to me cuddling is an intimate thing (yeah MJ like the sex wasn't intimate ) and an emotional thing.

 

I have no problem watching my husband have sex with a woman..hey it's hot, but when I see him holding her and cuddling it hurts me because that is just too close for my taste. I do the same thing even though I know it wouldn't bother him to see me cuddling with another man. He just respects the fact that it bothers me and don't do it.

 

Generally in a MFM we don't cuddle, we just do the sandwich thing and relax, maybe joke or talk, occasional touch. I suppose everyone is different on this one.

We don't have a "firm no cuddling rule" but neither of us like it or want to do it with our playmates.

I'm with you Evil...I love watching Spoo having sex with another woman but if I see him holding her or cuddling in an intimate way I do have to deal with some unpleasant feelings

Spoo and I love to cuddle after sex and then just fall asleep wrapped in his arms My total happy place...content, secure, happy

We'll lay around after a foursome me with my playmate and him with the wife and talk and touch, waiting to see if we're all going to go again or call it quits for the night But with a MFM I prefer not to cuddle... I have Spoo for that. It just feels weird to me to have another man want to be intimate that way. We might lay around the three of us like with a foursome and talk a little but never just me wrapped up with a single playmate or even with the male half of a couple.

Mrs Spoomonkey

I know there is no "right" answer, but I’m curious to know, husbands or male SOs, how do you feel about this?

One time after swapping, my wife was on one couch in our living room with other hubby and I was on a couch next to them with other wife. He was the wham-bam-thank-you-maam type but his wife was really super cuddly. I guess because she didn't get it at home. I learned later from my wife that when he saw his wife and I cuddling on the couch after sex that he became very stiff and uncomfortable and he couldn't take his eyes off of us. I had just fucked her silly and that was fine but cuddling crossed the line for him. That incompatibility is one of the reasons we stopped seeing them, because I didn't feel right touching her at all any more after that happened. I can't restrain the affection and unleash the sex at the same time. Or maybe I just don't want to.

We're with Spoo and Evil -- no cuddling. How weird, really, that watching Mr. Fun have sex with another woman is fine, but anything that seems intimate or emotional sends me to a very unhappy place. Mr. Fun could take or leave the cuddling; he knows how I feel, though, and totally respects that. We stopped seeing one couple because of the incompatibility with what I call the "gray" area. She needed cuddling, soft kisses, etc. -- all of that very much; I feel her pain. I love all that too -- with Mr. Fun. I just can't share that part of Mr. Fun with anyone else.

The real answer is that you do what the couple, especially the male partner wants you to do. You are there with his woman because he was willing to let you enjoy her, and to give her pleasure. Every couple is different and you have to learn to go with the flow. We feel that a little cuddling is a good thing during the cooling off period. It is especially important that you let both of the couple know that you really enjoyed being with them and you appreciate them inviting you. That is much better than jumping up and leaving, as we have encountered in some swing clubs.

My wife (Angie) has had an ongoing "relationship" with Al since September 1978, back when we were all in college. Although I was Angie's "first", Al was her second (except in her ass and mouth which he got first), so this is an "issue" that has been a non-issue for us for almost 28 years. (Since our college days.)

At first, we declared specific days on which Angie would be with Al and those when Angie would be with me. For weekends, we eventually broke this down to parts of the day. When the quality of college dining hall food and the expense of eating out three meals a day compelled Al and I to rent a two-bedroom off-campus apartment, we did much the same thing. Except, we also decided that unless it was improbable that whomever was not fucking Angie could accidentally "walk in", all sexual contact with Angie was to be in our individual bedroom. Not to say that there weren't "accidents"!

Today, when Al visits us, if he and Angie are going to fuck (they usually do when he's here), they spend the night at our house, in his room which has an en-suite bathroom, and dressing area. Thus, they have their privacy.

That's the big thing here. Privacy and respect. We need to remember that no matter how many partners we couple with, we are sharing a very personal and intimate act. Some parts of which can be shared. And, some parts of which cannot.

I can't restrain the affection and unleash the sex at the same time. Or maybe I just don't want to.

This is exactly how I feel. We've never done an MFM (except once when the other lady wasn't feeling well, but wanted her husband to have a good time with us). But Mr. Fuse and I both love full body contact before, during and after sex. I can't imagine refusing someone who wanted to cuddle...we've just been so intimate; it's part of the experience of sex for me to cuddle with them. Delicious. But if my partner doesn't want to, I suppose it is all right as long as he doesn't just jump up and put space between us immediately afterwards.

When I see Mr. Fuse cuddling, kissing and talking with the other lady after he and she finish, it makes me proud and happy that he is such a sweet guy and treats his partners with affection.

Being the second male in threesomes, it tends to be that I'm the first to play with the woman, and aside from a few moments of catching breath, the other male tends to move in quickly. But there always seems to be a transitional quality to it. We tend to be moving onto something else or collapsing onto the nearest empty part of the bed. That or removing condoms and cleaning-up a bit.

We have some very good friends where cuddling isn't an issue. It rarely comes up with others, but if it did it wouldn't bother me.

It's kinda like a no kissing rule when you think about it Sure you can fuck my brains out, but just don't snuggle after, that's too intimate :rollseyes:

This thread is along the lines of a couple recent threads I've seen about making love vs fucking. Cuddling is a little like making love for us - we just don't care to share it with a third. It's ok to be a little cozy and have some group conversation and recovery and perhaps a second round...but no cuddling for us with our guests.

It's all sex to us, including the cuddling afterwards. Sex is an intimate thing, so while i respect that others feel differently, balking at things like kissing or cuddling defies our sense of the logic of it all.

I've also noticed that watching Mr. Doe cuddling frequently segues into watching Mr. Doe eliciting more orgasms from his partner. Plus, I get all gooey about how sweet he is, and that's never a bad thing. ;-)

Anyway, from the male of the couple there can be a variety of responses to my post-coital grappling. One husband left us alone and fired up the grill to prepare dinner. Another almost pushed me out of the way because it was “his turn.” Another did the “sandwich” thing and plopped himself on the other side and we both warmed and entertained “her” with only incidental contact between the males. So, it varies. As far as I am concerned, all are valid outcomes, but I would like at least a few minutes of “cuddle” time...alone...with her...before I hand her back to her honey.

I'm guilty of all three. I'll confess that I hadn't thought that the playmate might want some "cuddle' time with her. When I left the room I wanted to give both of them some privacy to enjoy their post orgasmic experience together without being watched. Sometimes I'm so excited watching her enjoying herself with him that I can't wait to take my turn after he has orgasmed in her. I'm sorry if I seemed to "push" you out of the way. I can never know what it must feel like to have a naked man on both sides of you, with hard cocks, touching and caressing you. This experience is for you sweetheart because I love you. I hope you are enjoying it.

As woman in the Lifestyle I find cuddling and kissing with the man who is into it can be more sensual and erotic than sex. It's the perfect ending to sex after a full swap experience.

I tend not to be a "cuddly" person with anyone other than my hubby, but there have been a few occasions on which that's happened. At the time, it just felt right. And of course, it also depends on the folks involved. I rather like the term "afterplay" that SWPME67 coined, because for me, it's an extension of playtime rather than a romantic gesture.

=)

I guess our situation is a bit different than most couple's since we play only with my best friend Bill, who is also my wife's best friend. We have played with him starting in the mid 80's, and from the very start I have gotten very excited by the two of them cuddling, both before and after sex. Most of the time these days we do threesomes with him, and after I have finished up, I usually get up and let them enjoy the afterglow of having great sex.

In truth, I get almost as excited watching them kiss as I do watching them have sex or even joining in and having sex with the two of them.

The last time the three of us got together, we never got around to intercourse, but instead spent a couple of hours with Bill and I rubbing and playing with my wife. She ended up having more organisms that evening than she had ever had with the two of us. And that is what our threesomes are about - giving my wife as many orgasms as possible.

This is a great question, and I think it applies to both partners view of the other.

With someone new of someone we have seen only a few times before, I feel it is almost a token of respect for a gentlemen to linger and cuddle a little with my wife or partner and they feel the same about ladies who I play with, however there is a line to be careful not to cross, in that at some going it can become too intimate. Common sense is a good guideline

As for certain old and dear friends, the sky is the limit. My wife has fallen asleep in the arms of a friend of nine years after play while his wife and I chatted and watched TV in the living room, I eventually fell asleep in a recliner and she on the love seat...no harm no foul.

After an hour of fun, laughing, talking and fucking with our playcouple, intimate cuddling would have been a bit strange. We were all still giggling.

Alura

I have no problem with Jo cuddling with her partner after intercourse. For both of us lying together and relaxing with our partner while we hold and touch each other is an integral part of the sexual encounter we have just experienced.

Great post and I share that same attitude. It just seems to be too much, though it is a matter of preference.