Asked by a couple to bring in an additional single male?

We always read the posting of "eternallysingle" and "curiousagain" for their thoughts on being single in the swinging world. As we are mainly MFM swingers their input has been a great help. Now I have a question specifically for the single men that visit here. Couples, if you have had similar expierences or have something to contribute please do so also.

Scenario:

You are a single male that is expierenced in the lifestyle and have played with (more than once) and are comfortable with a couple. He contacts you and explains that the wife has a fantasy of playing with more than two men at once. He asks if you know someone that would be interested in joining the current MFM "relationship" you now share.

Question:

How would you respond to this request? Would you be offended or honored to be trusted enough to pick a potential playmate? Can you think of a better way to word the request without it sounding so much like he's looking to buy cattle?

I haven't done this yet because everyway I have tried to pharase the request it came out sounding like I was a desperate husband trying to find a hooker in a strange town on a Saturday night.

Mr Spoo and I have discussed this before. Not that I'm into some gangbang or anything but I have had the MMFM fantasy... not sure if I'd ever want more than that but baby steps for now Anyway, since it can be hard to find a single that you can be friends with and repeat play, trying to find two can be even more difficult. Add to that wanting the two singles to connect a bit, so the whole MMFM scenerio plays out to everyone's comfort seems almost impossible. (at least to those of us who haven't done it yet )

Anyway in our discussions this has been our solution (yet to be tested) ask a single guy that we already have a relationship with if he knows someone to add to the MFM. It seems the most logical way to add someone in this situation.

I will be interested to see how the singles feel about this. Great question I'm sure it will be of benefit to couples and singles who might or want to find themselves in a MMFM situation.

I wouldn't feel comfortable introducing another man to a couple I knew. A group, yes. A single woman, maybe. But not a couple. I couldn't trust myself to find someone both of them liked.

A group is easy. I would just be bringing the group a potential new member. Usually, as long as two other people liked him and the rest didn't dislike him, he would be in.

A single woman is a little harder, but it would all boil down to how well she trusted me and how well I trusted him. If I knew he would behave himself and she knew I would pick someone that respected her, things could happen. Figuring out which of the guys I know would be attractive enough to a woman would be as easy as saying "if she wasn't sleeping with me, which guy that I know swings would she sleep with?"

But with a couple, I'd have to find a way to determine how well the husband would like him as an individual, how well the wife would like him as an individual, how well he would like the husband, how well he would like the wife, how well the couple liked him, and how well he liked the couple. Then we'd have to start over and add me to the equation. Of course, no one would do that much thinking in real life. He would just try and say "Hmmm....I know charlie and kevin and Matt swing and they were all cool at the party. Which one would Billy and Sue like?" Because men don't think of each other in sexual compatibility way (usually) we would have a hard time figuring out who would be a good fourth person in a MMFM.

It can be done, but it would be a logistical nightmare (another word that got me a lot of points in scrabble Friday LOL). Figuring out the sexual compatibility between the third man and the wife and the social compatibilty between all four is just a little too much for the generally non-multitaskable male brain.

Besides, most single men don't know as many other single men that swing. Single women and couples probably know more single women and couples that also swing because they have more opportunities to meet them, even if they learn they have no attraction. Most single men that swing are (or claim to be) straight, so they have no reason to get to know each other.

Unless they meet each other at a club or are introduced to each other at a house party. Either way, there would be couples that know both of them and then the couple would choose the participants of a MMFM. Once again, making that something the single man would not have to think about.

Sorry, didn't want to get long winded, but you asked.

Hope I made sense. Still a little disappointed about tonight. I think it was a bird. A lot of hawks have been transplanted to this area and the indentation is rather high on the windshield, but it didn't go through. A rock or treelimb would have gone through the windshield with me traveling 70mph on the highway.

Well, I hope my post can give some insight as well? I wouldn't feel too comfortable doing it b/c only the couple(woman especially) would know what they truly like/want. I WOULD feel somewhat honored that they'd feel comfortable enough with me to ask the question though. And if the one I brought into the equation turned out to be a "dud", then my future meetings with the couple might be altered...at least that's what I'd think....and I'd hate to have that happen.

And like Eternally said, not too many single guys know other single guys that swing...I'm sure i don't.....and the single guys I do know, I know that they wouldn't fit too well into swinging....most being a little "childish" and I see them not appreciating the experience of being with a couple.....I see them(now this is the ones I know) more into just getting to "bang" another guy's wife and leaving....

As a single male, I would be most afraid of not meeting the expectations of what the husband want's for his wife. I would be honored if chosen but I feel the process would be somewhat detailed.

If I were the friend asked to bring someone into a mix. I would find the best candidate and introduce them to the couple in the least formal way possible. This way the candidate does not know that they are in a selection process. It allows for the couple to decide whether or not they approve with little worry of letting injuring feelings. I also think that doing it in the least formal way would not deminish what the couple may think of me. I suppose what I am trying to formulate is an audition without the candidates knowing that it is an audition.

I may not be of too much help seeing that I am a divorced, single male, looking to enter the lifestyle via the most difficult means; being single. I would like to hear other thoughts, afterall I am on a quest for knowledge.

Good luck and thanks for reading.

Looks like some great information from you guys so far and a side of things I hadn't thought about.

As a single male, I would be most afraid of not meeting the expectations of what the husband want's for his wife.

This should be what the couple wants......Couples in the lifestyle select together, Mr Spoo can veto a single male for any or no reason but doesn't really choose them or have "expectations" (other than respect, etc.) for what would attract me to a single. This same thing applies in reverse and for couples we are interested in (which is even harder because we both have to like and be comfortable with the M & F).

If I were the friend asked to bring someone into a mix. I would find the best candidate and introduce them to the couple in the least formal way possible. This way the candidate does not know that they are in a selection process. It allows for the couple to decide whether or not they approve with little worry of letting injuring feelings. I also think that doing it in the least formal way would not deminish what the couple may think of me. I suppose what I am trying to formulate is an audition without the candidates knowing that it is an audition.

This is a good idea. It takes the pressure off of the couple and the single male doing the introduction and saves the feelings of the incoming single (as well as the friendship of the two singles). If we did ask a single male friend to intoduce us to another single for MMFM I think I would prefer it this way since it wouldn't obligate us to play with the new single and we wouldn't hurt his feelings (two things that can make the lifestyle not fun...obligation and hurt feelings).

I may not be of too much help seeing that I am a divorced, single male, looking to enter the lifestyle via the most difficult means; being single. I would like to hear other thoughts, afterall I am on a quest for knowledge.

Unless you're into boy-boy-girl sex or your dick needs the rest, I can't see any reason why a single guy of any age would want to "be" in the Lifestyle.

Swinging is what couples do to be like you. The difference is, they do it once or twice a month. You do it 24/7.

Enjoy it while it lasts...

Well, at this point, I kind of feel like an echo to what has already been said. If I were asked to suggest another single male for such an endeavor I would feel a lot of responsibility. It would be like a friend that you work for asking you if you knew anybody that needed a job. You would have to have a lot of confidence inspiring knowledge about them to recommend them.

Plus, it is often difficult for a husband much less any other guy to know which male a female would want. If pressed to suggest someone though, I think the informal meeting would be the best circumstances to introduce them.

I don’t see any harm in asking. I certainly wouldn’t be upset if asked. I would just explain how I felt about it and promise to do my best. But, remember, as has already been stated, a single male that swings is going to know a whole lot more couples and single women than single men who are in the lifestyle or he feels would be appropriate for and comfortable with the lifestyle.

I think single males in the lifestyle do it in addition to , not instead of their regular dating. A 25 year old single male with attractive physical characteristics, manners, social skills and the ability to keep their mouth shut about their activites can do well in the lifestyle provided they see it as something to do in addition to dating.

That's true. It's just not feasible for a single man to swing even a tenth as much as he dates. Even with my non-swinging friends, couples have waaaaaay less time for single men than they do for single women. I have my own ideas about that, but when a couple invites me over for dinner, nine times out of ten they are trying to set me up with a woman one of them knows from work or church or a new neighbor. The rest of the time they are trying to talk me into fixing their big screen TV or VCR or computer.

Seriously, single men may SAY they love swinging, but at best its a diversion from the endless first dates with women from the house of Duras (Trekkies know what I'm talking about LOL).

My apologies to GSU22 and the other singles who’s opinion we value so much.

One part we are having a hard time with is making sure the singles are comfortable with each other. Male performance anxiety is such a big factor in MFM that we figure if both singles are already comfortable with each other things will go much easier.

We also figured that a single male would have a much larger pool of single male friends than we do. When I (husband) was single, way back in the 80's, I knew many guys in my military and early police days that were fit, attractive, and would have no problem being involved in a MMFM. There are still guys I work with that would be interested but I am not comfortable asking any of them because I don't trust them to keep their mouth shut. It seem that our only other MMFM went so well because all the guys involved were comfortable with each other first.

Additional question for the singles...

Same scenario but the husband says that he has contacted another single and would like to arrange a MMFM for some point in the future. How would you like to proceed with this proposal?

We always read the posting of "eternallysingle" and "curiousagain" for their thoughts on being single in the swinging world. As we are mainly MFM swingers their input has been a great help. Now I have a question specifically for the single men that visit here. Couples, if you have had similar expierences or have something to contribute please do so also.

 

Scenario:

You are a single male that is expierenced in the lifestyle and have played with (more than once) and are comfortable with a couple. He contacts you and explains that the wife has a fantasy of playing with more than two men at once. He asks if you know someone that would be interested in joining the current MFM "relationship" you now share.

 

Question:

How would you respond to this request? Would you be offended or honored to be trusted enough to pick a potential playmate? Can you think of a better way to word the request without it sounding so much like he's looking to buy cattle?

 

I haven't done this yet because everyway I have tried to pharase the request it came out sounding like I was a desperate husband trying to find a hooker in a strange town on a Saturday night.

I have been asked that very question, and I do not take offense to it, and yes I am flattered to be asked. I think your "verbage" sounds fine, I do not understand why your "single" male play mate would take offense to the question.

Good luck, I hope your wife has her fantasy fullfilled .

Thats easy. I'd like to meet the guy with the husband and see if I want to rip his throat out. OK, it probably wouldn't be that dramatic, but unless I feel I can trust the guy, I wouldn't be able to have sex with him around. After being introduced to him, I'd need a little time to learn what he is like and if I would enjoy hanging out with him. Attraction isn't an issue. Being able to see him as a friend and knowing I can trust him not to blab to the uninitiated.

Thanks angel...I was kidding about "my insight" thing...lol...no worries

Regarding the 2nd question, I'd have to agree again with Eternally and say that I'd want that comfort level too before proceeding. If it was more than just a MFM I would have to "without a doubt" get comfortable and let not just the couple know what I'm comfortable with but the other males also. I guess being still new and relatively inexperienced might be an intimidation factor for me with at least 2 other males around...the mentality of "not wanting to disappoint".

And just to hit on something Angel had said...in my limited experience, performance anxiety was an issue at first because I didn't allow myself to be completely (100%) comfortable with my surroundings...most likely because of my nerves. Even now, having had some experiences, I still get that "fast heartbeat" or the shaking hands for a minute when I start something new.

Additional question for the singles.....

Same scenario but the husband says that he has contacted another single and would like to arrange a MMFM for some point in the future. How would you like to proceed with this proposal?

Seriously...it depends on where you're looking for the guys. If you're only considering guys with some demonstrated or verifiable experience in group sex, it probably doesn't matter who you get...they're probably well-past the first-time jitters. If you're getting them from internet chat rooms and websites, you're going to find a lot of guys who will bullshit about their extensive "experience" as swingers. Most have never actually had sex in a "plural" enviornment, and would have no idea of what to do or what to expect.

What's the matter with hitting a few gay bars for the extra males? A lot of those dudes are like commuter trains...they can be driven from either end. With them, at least, seeing another man's erection isn't going to make theirs run and hide.

Thats easy. I'd like to meet the guy with the husband and see if I want to rip his throat out. OK, it probably wouldn't be that dramatic, but unless I feel I can trust the guy, I wouldn't be able to have sex with him around. After being introduced to him, I'd need a little time to learn what he is like and if I would enjoy hanging out with him. Attraction isn't an issue. Being able to see him as a friend and knowing I can trust him not to blab to the uninitiated are.

Now this makes sense

As I'm reading this thread I see some concerns come up that I am thinking probably wouldn't really be an issue. First if we were the couple wanting a MMFM then we would start with a single we have already played with more than once in a MFM situation. So our trust and comfort level there would be solid. So the MMFM would only happen if and when we found another single of the same caliber and had some experience with him as well. At that point (as the preference seems to be with our single here) rather than ask you to find a single friend Mr Spoo would approach you with the "we have another single male we'd like you to meet and if your both comfortable with each other we'd like to have a MMFM" I think you can see where this is going. There would be no hunting the internet for a guy just to throw in there. We need to know and trust him just as much as you.

Yeah, if a couple I was comfortable with was comfortable with the other SM, I probably would be too. Just give everybody a few minutes and a drink to get acquainted or maybe have a sort of "meet and greet" with everybody there.

We approached this a little differently. It was the wife's birthday and we happened to be going to a non-swing event where several of our swinging friends were also in attendance, including some single males.

The event was beiing run by a couple we knew well who also swing. We stayed to clean up and then one of our friends invited us over to celebrate the wife's birthday, along with another of our mfm partners and the couple running the event. Well, the wife and the two guys headed up to a bedroom, where I joined them with the husband of the couple. I was nearly an mmfmm, but the wife of the other couple grabbed her husband and when we heard the bedsprings squeaking in the other bedroom, we figured he wouldn't be joining us anytime soon.

Anyway, it turned out to be a great time for all. She loved it and expressed a definite interest in doing more than three in the future. Basically, for us, we have enough partners to do this without having to ask one of the guys to bring anyone new into the situation. For the wife, she finds it much more relaxing to do this with guys with whom she's already been.

We'd feel like we'd be putting unnecessary pressure on the guy and introducing a factor that could possibly ruin the good relationship we already have. Just our two cents.

I am new to the board so I thought I would say hi and give my input.

I have in the past, been involved in both MFM and MMFM and MFF situations

I have to say that all experiences were good except the first and it was not a sex thing it was an unstable couple thing. Many men are uncomfotable with being nude in the same room with another man let alone being near enough that another man might touch them accidentally or otherwise in the heat of the moment, I have seen this firsthand in swinging situations usually first timers. I have to admit that after my first threesome my head was reeling and I wasn't sure what to think but it was all fine (as it usually is) I also have to say that you men who have not had a MFM encounter have no idea what you are missing out on. It is truly amazing to see a woman go from apprehensive to hungry to complete lust , and the lengths she will go to for her lovers pleasure I love that look of complete abandon.

Personally I am not afraid of being naked in front of another man not even afraid of brushing up against them in the heat of the moment and though I thought it would it did not bother me when the situation got sticky for all of us after all in the name of good sex there is no way to avoid the sticky mess..

As far as introducing a friend to a couple I would have no problem with that at all... just a handshake and a smile

Sorry for the long post.

Not a single guy, so I can only hypothetically speak to the question, but what I found really interesting here was how comfort level was a consistent theme from the posters who are single guys and have been successful at swinging. It just goes to reinforce how important feeling comfortable with your partners and comfortable with the surroundings and scenario really is, doesn't matter if your a new couple or a single guy with lots of experience.

The first scenario was similar to what happened to my mmfm experience. Our regular swing partner who's a single guy looked for the guest guy to join us. It was ok for him for everyone's peace of mind (health and comfort level). A week before, I hung out (alone) on his place and he invited the guest guy (a relative of his) for video games. We had time to chat and got comfortable with. After I left, he asked the guy if he found me attractive and if he was interested to join in for some group fun. He readily agreed so it happened. Eventually, he became my bf when it evolved into a poly relationship. As to the 2nd scenario, it never happened yet but Im ready to try again if any one of my men will contact another guy for an mmfm.

Not a single guy, so I can only hypothetically speak to the question, but what I found really interesting here was how comfort level was a consistent theme from the posters who are single guys and have been successful at swinging. It just goes to reinforce how important feeling comfortable with your partners and comfortable with the surroundings and scenario really is, doesn't matter if your a new couple or a single guy with lots of experience.

Comfort is a important, for me, when I first started swinging, the male closeness was hard to get use to. The couple I played with, once we "settled" in to our play dates, my discomfort with "male closeness" subsided.

As a single female I love MFM and prefer the men know each other. I recently put out an ad stating specifically what I was looking for, clear I was only going to meet both at the same time to avoid any bait and switch. We conversed through the app, met in a public place. I am just going to say I got just what I wanted and we discussed meeting again.

Can you think of a better way to word the request without it sounding so much like he's looking to buy cattle?

? That's odd to me. It's just fun. A party. The wording is important. But it should be just an innocent request to expand the party.

I haven't done this yet because everyway I have tried to pharase the request it came out sounding like I was a desperate husband trying to find a hooker in a strange town on a Saturday night.

Just relax and be honest. Let other people form an opinion. Anyone who feels like you are a desperate husband trying to find a hooker in a strange town on a Saturday night might not be someone you want to play with.